Onlyif Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Hi, I'm new here. Never thought I'd find myself in this situation. I've been married and in relationships that I've been the one cheated on and felt the pain. I've always hated the "other woman" and cheating men. Now her I am today in love with a married man. When we first met our eyes locked and I felt electricity charge through my body. It would be 6 years before we made contact again and that's when it all started. I had just ended a relationship and he was separated for 6 months. She had moved out and they were filing for divorce. The chemistry between the two of us was off the chain. We couldn't wait to be in each other arms from day to day. Hope for true love and happiness was once again a reality or so I thought. That was the beginning and here we are almost 4 years later. Work is calling so more of the story to come.
Author Onlyif Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 So after a blissful 6 months of indescribable passion and soul connection between the two of us I get a message from him. "Your not going to be happy, my wife decided she's moving back in the house with me and the boys". I haven't mentioned yet she left him with two teen sons. He says he can't stop her because the house is half hers and she's their mother but that he has no plans to be with her and it won't impact my relationship with him. I'm needless to say not happy and I let it be known that I've never been the other woman and don't plan to start now. He tells me it temporary until he figured out what to do. A year goes by and I bring it up. Nothing's changed he feels stuck because his teen sons are still in school and need him. I agree he's a great Dad and loves his boys. Another year and our calls slip to after he off work on drive home. Text go all day without being answered. All the sings of me being the other woman. I tell myself I have to end it so I stop answering his text or calls. My heart aches to hear his voice and long for his touch. I don't let myself message him for two months then his text comes and I break. Damn I miss him. We start seeing each other another year goes by. Now to last week I've looked before and never found his wife's Facebook so I stopped looking. Out of the blue something told me to look and there she was pictures and all. She just went to Hawaii... how nice. Oh look at the pretty pictures of the ocean that her hubby took.:confused:what? 9/28th? Just a couple weeks ago? Humm that's the Saturday he couldn't meet me because he had to work! Reality Time! Oh he had a story I am sure! More to come after I sweep my broken heart off the floor :-(
Satu Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 A clip from my journals The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe: What the other woman believes "He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older." This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings. Take care. 7
Forever broken Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Am sorry you are feeling broken hearted. But sadly you must break off things with him. Looks like he wants to eat his cake and have it at the same time. He's always gonna have an excuse why he cannot leave. Unfortunately looking at the spouse's social media is gonna make you feel worse. Please save yourself more heartbreak and let him go. You deserve better and the only way is getting rid of him. 2
Jersey born raised Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 You are the rare woman who becomes involved with a MM yet in the beginning was not the OW. Your first mistake was not demanding a signed divorce settlement first. Your second mistake was not discussing with her why age moved out. Your third was not demanding he acknowledge your relationship before she moved in. Once that occurred you became the other woman. You deserve better for him the start of the affair was limerence, the bane of love. Go NC if he attempts scorch him with his wife. A lot of posters will be glad to help. But in truth she might have known and view you as a sore loser. Perhaps take comfort then that some victories the price was so high as to destroy any value. Count the mistakes as lessons learned with blood never to be repeated. 2
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 So after a blissful 6 months of indescribable passion and soul connection between the two of us I get a message from him. "Your not going to be happy, my wife decided she's moving back in the house with me and the boys". I haven't mentioned yet she left him with two teen sons. He says he can't stop her because the house is half hers and she's their mother but that he has no plans to be with her and it won't impact my relationship with him. I'm needless to say not happy and I let it be known that I've never been the other woman and don't plan to start now. He tells me it temporary until he figured out what to do. A year goes by and I bring it up. Nothing's changed he feels stuck because his teen sons are still in school and need him. I agree he's a great Dad and loves his boys. Another year and our calls slip to after he off work on drive home. Text go all day without being answered. All the sings of me being the other woman. I tell myself I have to end it so I stop answering his text or calls. My heart aches to hear his voice and long for his touch. I don't let myself message him for two months then his text comes and I break. Damn I miss him. We start seeing each other another year goes by. Now to last week I've looked before and never found his wife's Facebook so I stopped looking. Out of the blue something told me to look and there she was pictures and all. She just went to Hawaii... how nice. Oh look at the pretty pictures of the ocean that her hubby took.:confused:what? 9/28th? Just a couple weeks ago? Humm that's the Saturday he couldn't meet me because he had to work! Reality Time! Oh he had a story I am sure! More to come after I sweep my broken heart off the floor :-( You tell him to call you and show you proof when he's actually divorced, though DO go on with your life, don't 'wait' for him. This man can move out at any time. Sorry but it seems like he's not done with his marriage or his wife. It hurts but the best thing you can do for yourself is walk away. Have a bunch of good cry's, eat icecream and surround yourself with your trusted women friends, allow them to help you through this. 1
Author Onlyif Posted October 29, 2016 Author Posted October 29, 2016 Thank you all for the responses and non of you have said anything that hasn't already been said it mind including most of this type relationship being fantasy about what could be. I'm am single and have disabled adult child with with grandchildren that I take care of. If has been my only exscape from a stressful reality for almost 4 years. I fell in love hard and cry at just the thought of not seeing him again. I know what is the right thing to do but I'm fighting with my head and my heart. This was my last communication with him a week ago today after finding out about the vacation. To him: You have a life and it includes a wife that you share it with. She will always come first and that's the reality. You've always told me things were bad between the two of you at home but evidently not bad enough to stop you from spending a week together enjoying life with each other. Im sure you both laughed and smiled and had a good time which is what married people do on vacation. Things I long to do with you.I believe if my existence was known that you would quickly end it with me to save your marriage. Do you even think about how that would hurt me or even how it would hurt her? There's more involved in this than sex or at least for me and I'm sure for your wife and kids. Maybe I'm wrong ... maybe you had no intentions of it going any further than what we share today. I've freely spoken mine from my heart because I have nothing to hide. I want to enjoy the rest of my life with that special person and in my heart I hoped it to be you. It looks like I'm going to get hurt either now or later regardless. His reply was it's not what you think. We need to talk face to face please let me explain. I've not responded but plan to meet him when I'm strong enough and tell him I can't be the other woman. Call me when you move you get a divorce. Now the hard part is to stand my ground and get through the heart ache and loneliness without giving in! I feel sick to my stomach and feel like going far away from people right now but I have responsibilities that hold me here. 3
imperfectangel Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 A clip from my journals The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe: What the other woman believes "He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older." This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings. Take care. That's what I used to think then they had 2 more kids 4
Author Onlyif Posted October 29, 2016 Author Posted October 29, 2016 My "plan" is to walk away.because I truly love him I will not do anything to hurt him or his family. They did nothing to deserve feeling the heart ache I'm feeling. Maybe if I'm out the picture their marriage will survive. 5
Forever broken Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 My "plan" is to walk away.because I truly love him I will not do anything to hurt him or his family. They did nothing to deserve feeling the heart ache I'm feeling. Maybe if I'm out the picture their marriage will survive. I did the exact thing and their marriage did survive. When his wife wanted to know my side of the story I held back. After all hearing I slept with your husband was worse enough. The emotional part of the affair which I know might completely destroy her was left out. I still love him of cos but staying away was the best decision. They are still together now.
Jemima1234 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 My heart breaks for you right now. I understand how you got into this - but what a horrible man he is to do this to you. Please try and see him for what he is. I have been an OW but I (sadly) knew what I was getting myself in to- knew he was married,going holidays etc. Take care of yourself. I probably would meet him face to face once and for all. But make it clear that's it. He chooses his wife or you. And until he does no contact at all Sending you lots of love - be good to yourself and take care
Author Onlyif Posted October 29, 2016 Author Posted October 29, 2016 Forever .. sounds like she already new about you. Are the two of you friends or no communication at all? His wife has no idea I exist and evidently thinks everything is good from here FB post her hubby which all is ladies know is a loving pet name or she would have said husband. There are no pics of them together except one of them when they got married which was enough to put a dagger through my heart. This is going to be hard. I've got to get strong before I meet him because I know all the excuse will come and I'll want to believe him. My guy feelings are usually right about people and I've never felt he was being dishonest until now and even now I keep hearing in my head it's not like I think and I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Then my right mind says it's been four years and nothing has changed. The fight between the heart and the brain goes on! I know what I have to do ... omg have to? No ones making you but yourself! You don't have to do anything! Just take what you can get it's better than nothing and you don't even have time for a real relationship anyways but you know it's wrong!. It wasn't supposed to be this way when this started! Omg I'm going in sane!
Jemima1234 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Forever .. sounds like she already new about you. Are the two of you friends or no communication at all? His wife has no idea I exist and evidently thinks everything is good from here FB post her hubby which all is ladies know is a loving pet name or she would have said husband. There are no pics of them together except one of them when they got married which was enough to put a dagger through my heart. This is going to be hard. I've got to get strong before I meet him because I know all the excuse will come and I'll want to believe him. My guy feelings are usually right about people and I've never felt he was being dishonest until now and even now I keep hearing in my head it's not like I think and I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Then my right mind says it's been four years and nothing has changed. The fight between the heart and the brain goes on! I know what I have to do ... omg have to? No ones making you but yourself! You don't have to do anything! Just take what you can get it's better than nothing and you don't even have time for a real relationship anyways but you know it's wrong!. It wasn't supposed to be this way when this started! Omg I'm going in sane! I know a lot of people say don't speak to him but I think you going to go more insane if you don't. Tell him you will meet, listen to him and then want a few days space to think before you make any decisions. But to be honest - I think he treating you so badly by lying about this for so long! One point tho- I call my husband hubby on Facebook and always have - my xMM pointed that out to me and said was a sign things good between us! And it was anything but!!! Facebook is fake-book. So don't base too much on that! 1
Jemima1234 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Need to stress tho sorry that I still hate what I read- don't let him make a fool of you like this. He has lied. Be angry.
BuddyX Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Odds of you managing NC is 50%. Odds of NC after the meeting is less then 10%. He'll tell you what you want to hear. He'll string you along. But my Q is: "If he's so into you, how come he didn't get his own place? Wife can move back in, but he could've settled in a bachelor pad. I've posted the following quote way too many times. It showcases the power of "cake eating" "They all say its guilt, kids, blah blah. Translation: I don't want everyone to know what a selfish ass I am. I want to keep my money and maintain the status quo. If they felt guilty about their affairs and their kids, why are they spending time away from their kids in bed with an OW?" 2
Author Onlyif Posted October 29, 2016 Author Posted October 29, 2016 Jem I plan to meet face to face to hear him but I have to wait until I've regained control of my emotions or I'll be a total wreck. Who am I kidding I'm going to lose it and cry like a baby right there in front of him but I have to hear him out or I'll always wonder what he was going to say. It has to be in my time and in the right place. Maybe parked somewhere so physical contact is not an option and somewhere non public enough so I don't make a scene with my crying mess of a self. My heart is aching and my tears keep breaking through as much as I'm trying to hide my pain from those around who have no idea what's going on. The opposition side of being the other woman. No one knew it was going on so how can they know your pain now. Buddy I know your right and I've said to him many time if you want something bad enough you make it happen. I've never caught him in a lie before to me but now I have. The date on his wife's picture was the date on his text saying he couldn't see me because he was working. So if you lie about one thing changes are 99.99 % that there's been many more lies. I know the reality and I'm not denying it but it's hard to end it when your in love. I know what I have to do but it's not going to be easy! I've never cheated while in a relationship and I believe in total honesty which I made clear from the start. I've never been with anyone who ever cheated before this and it never would have started had I known she was even considering coming back. It is what it is and I am going to have to deal with it no matter how much it hurts. I'm dreading this meeting and avoiding it right now because I know my emotions are out of control and I'm going to fall to peaces.
sandylee1 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Brace yourself for his explanation "I had to go on the holiday. I had no choice. The boys begged me. I didn't want to go. I thought about you all the time I was there and wished you were with me. I didnt enjoy myself at all. We had seperate bedrooms ..... I love you blah blah blah blah" 6
Author Onlyif Posted October 29, 2016 Author Posted October 29, 2016 Oh Sandy it's worse than that! The kids were NOT with them. Just the two of them in romantic beautiful Hawaii! Can't use kids as excuse but I'm sure the sleeping in separate beds will be used. 1
BuddyX Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Ouch. Are you angry enough to tell his wife? Because no matter what he says it will come off patronizing. I'm Still not sure why you want to meet up with him. The pics in Hawaii, that's your closure. Right there he confirmed your a side piece. 2
Cloudcuckoo Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Oh Sandy it's worse than that! The kids were NOT with them. Just the two of them in romantic beautiful Hawaii! Can't use kids as excuse but I'm sure the sleeping in separate beds will be used. Oh crikey, sounds like a second honeymoon..... That would certainly put the kibosh on it for me.... No meeting. No discussion. No contact. Ever. 4
sandylee1 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Oh Sandy it's worse than that! The kids were NOT with them. Just the two of them in romantic beautiful Hawaii! Can't use kids as excuse but I'm sure the sleeping in separate beds will be used. Oh deary me. Just the two of them. Well you could get "she was going with a friend who pulled out last minute or it was a present for his birthday or she won a competition" Or could it be "She's ill." It really sounds like a normal husband and wife on holiday. Sorry you're in this situation and I hope you reach a place of peace soon. 1
aileD Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Just walk away and ghost him. He's not worth an explanation. Wow. The lies! 2
Poppy47 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 What purpose will meeting with him serve? I am surprised that you would even entertain the idea. He is a first class *******. What you need to do is preserve your dignity and don't ever have any contact with him again. If you do , he will twist you in knots and tell you all the lies you want to hear. You will be back with him again. Even if he were to leave her and move out, would you ever trust him again? What kind of beginning would that be for a future with him? Poppy. 2
imsosad Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I know it hurts. No point in meeting him. What could he possibly tell you that would shed new light? He hasnt owned up or been honest with you from from the get. His wife decided to move back in? Please. My exh and I owned or house together,but once I wanted a divorce, neither of us could just decide anything about it. I think you must accept they are living together,asa reconcilled married coue,leading normal married life. He wants you on the side,so he tells you whatever placates you and keeps you going on and on being his second best side piece. He is lying to.his wife and lying to you, seving only his own selfish needs. And before he tells you, nobody gets dragged against their will to a romantic Hawaii getaway. You will want to believe it,but dont. It is very hard to accept.It is hard to get over an affair. You might find yourself trying to seperate truths from lies. You cant. Assume everything wa sa lie. Best thing to do is cut your losses and walk away. Stick to no contact and eventually,you wi feel better. 1
Poppy47 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I know it hurts. No point in meeting him. What could he possibly tell you that would shed new light? He hasnt owned up or been honest with you from from the get. His wife decided to move back in? Please. My exh and I owned or house together,but once I wanted a divorce, neither of us could just decide anything about it. I think you must accept they are living together,asa reconcilled married coue,leading normal married life. He wants you on the side,so he tells you whatever placates you and keeps you going on and on being his second best side piece. He is lying to.his wife and lying to you, seving only his own selfish needs. And before he tells you, nobody gets dragged against their will to a romantic Hawaii getaway. You will want to believe it,but dont. It is very hard to accept.It is hard to get over an affair. You might find yourself trying to seperate truths from lies. You cant. Assume everything wa sa lie. Best thing to do is cut your losses and walk away. Stick to no contact and eventually,you wi feel better. You know, sometimes it is very difficult to believe that everything was a lie. Poppy. 1
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