Porter56 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 The title of this thread pretty much explains itself. Everybody I've ever met who is in a couple, hates being apart of a couple. Women...they are tired of men not doing housework or being insensitive or being thoughtless and not being romantic in general. They are always complaining to their friends about why can't he do this and why can't he do that. Or they're reading their romance novels or watching Twilight movies or Fifty Shades of Grey wondering "why isn't the man that I'm with a sexy vampire or a handsome billionaire". And in their head they're saying "If only my husband or boyfriend were more like that I would be happier." On the other hand you have men who are admittedly stupider creatures and wonder "why won't she have sex with me more often". And beyond that I don't think men really think much more about anything other than that. Except maybe "why is she always nagging me" and "why am I such a bad person according to her?" Or maybe they're wondering "why doesn't she do all those things that those porn stars do in all those awesome movies I've been watching lately?" The bottom line is that I've never seen a couple...whether they're in a long-term relationship or they are married...that I am jealous of or wish I was a part of. They all seem secretly miserable and they just hide that away and pretend that they're OK to make things work because that's really all we have in this life is pretending that everything is OK when it's not. We wouldn't really want to be too honest with ourselves now would we? 1
Blanco Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I'll agree that there are a lot more neutral or unhappy couples than there are content/happy ones, but not everyone who's partnered up is a walking cliche like you describe the men and women in relationships to be. 5
aurelius99 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I believe relationships don't exist to create happiness; rather they exist to make people savor intense emotional pain. It's about feeling alive through torment and chaos. The only "happy" times are in honeymoon phase which last a few months. 1
Pete2304 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Happiness in a relationship comes from knowing that it doesn't matter if you have a stupid argument about which restaurant to go out to, which one of you left the freezer door open and made it defrost, one of you staying out drinking with friends an hour longer than you said you would.....etc etc. There isn't a couple in the world who won't argue, but it's the couples who can have a silly row but know that they will always be together anyway. It's knowing that whilst you might have your disagreements, when you are old and grey you will still be walking down the street holding hands. 9
basil67 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Most of my friends are happily partnered up. Or at least, they don't complain about the relationship. I'm wondering why you know so many people who are so vocal about their unhappiness. 11
MsJayne Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I have to say I've only ever met one of two couples that I would say were truly happy, the rest just seem to be accepting of the fact that marriage isn't all hearts, roses, and rampant sex. I do know lots of women who moan about their husbands, and I know lots of men who refer to their wives as things like "The Fun Police" etc. Maybe that's actually part of what marriage is, the utter boredom. I will admit, observing married couples has always been enough to make me stay single. 6
SammySammy Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I've noticed the same thing. Many married people seem to be miserable. They just settled for someone and they are tolerating them because ... I guess that's what they think they are supposed to do. When they are able to talk privately and candidly, the men and women rarely have anything nice to say about their marriages. What's funny is seeing my friends talk about how great their wife is on Facebook, but dread going home when we go out. Then there are those guys that golf or fish all the time. Or whatever their hobby is. It's like they do whatever they can to spend as little time as possible around the woman they claim to love. That's why I decided to be honest with myself. I know I'm hard to live with. Know that I get bored easily. Know that I have options. Though I could be married if I wanted to be, FWBs work best for me right now. Why get married for the sake of being married when you don't have to be or want to be married? 5
SammySammy Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 (edited) Listening to married couples is depressing. If what these people say and do is "happiness", then happiness is in bad shape right now. Edited October 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted off-topic quote 3
Woggle Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 My wife and I are a genuinely happy couple but I admit we are rare. 6
kmack513 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I don't stick my nose in other peoples personal lives do I would have no idea if they are happy. When people do talk about their SO it is usually done so in a negative manner.
Gloria25 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Uh, I posted a few weeks ago about an older couple who were holding hands while driving... While I believe that the majority of idiots coupling up now a days make poor choices and couple up for the wrong reasons, there are some people who are actually happy out there. My fav podcaster? Yeah, lots of her calls are complaints cuz that's why she's there...but she does get people who call in who wanna tell how happy they are, and they're genuine about it 1
OpenBook Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I will admit, observing married couples has always been enough to make me stay single. Agreed - most married couples are a walking advertisement for convincing me to stay single! I don't know how they stand it. 5
central Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 OP, you haven't met us! Sadly, though, there aren't that many couples who are truly happy with each other and the relationship. Most are in the early days or years, but over time, few can maintain it. We've been happy for 17 years so far. Statistics based on research into long-term relationships and marriages shows that about 10% of all relationships remain happy. Another 10% or so are content. The rest ... well, you've seen it. 4
xxoo Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Have you heard that birds of a feather flock together? I'm happily married. We don't spend much leisure time around miserable couples, or people who complain about their spouses. And they don't spend much time around us; they gravitate toward people they relate to. I know a lot of happy couples. 11
Els Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 How odd! About half of the couples I know are almost nauseatingly happy... To be fair, the public face of a relationship doesn't necessarily say much about the actual relationship, but I find it REALLY strange that you don't even know a couple that appears happy. Do you go out much? 5
Quiet Storm Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 (edited) My marriage is happy and fulfilling. However, I think expecting it to be happy all of the time is unrealistic. A marriage is a book with many chapters. Some good, some bad. Most marriages have ups and downs. Commitment is what keeps you together through the down times, until the good times come again. In the twenty five years that my husband and I have been together, life happened. We started our marriage in a crappy apartment in a bad neighborhood. Getting together in high school, we had some immaturity issues, like jealousy and drama. We were married and parents by 20. We came from very different families of origin. I had to adjust to normal after being raised in dysfunction. Things were financially tough in the early years. We went through the death of his parents, and the drama of my crazy family members. We can both be stubborn and bossy. We matured, built financial stability, settled into parenthood and learned to compromise. Life is not one big block of happiness. Life is a long string of moments in time. Marriage is about sharing those experiences and moments, side by side. From the altar to the cemetery. Happy, sad, stressful, passionate, loving, funny, annoying, joyful, disappointing, proud, boring, sexy, comfortable, exciting, etc. We experienced it all together, as a team. So although it wasn't always easy, we both have the same goals and never waivered from them. To love each other and be together forever. To raise smart, productive, well balanced kids. To support each other, take care of each other and always have each others back. To respect and protect our marriage. To give our kids great memories. To leave behind a positive legacy. Edited October 28, 2016 by Quiet Storm 11
Giggle Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I haven't seen a single relationship I'd want to have. And these aren't people complaining, just what I see in how they treat each other. I used to be envious of my friend's marriage. Very passionate. But that was before I actually got to know them. 1
Toodaloo Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I'll agree that there are a lot more neutral or unhappy couples than there are content/happy ones, but not everyone who's partnered up is a walking cliche like you describe the men and women in relationships to be. I hardly know any like that... Most of the couples I know tease each other and have fun together and find joy in each other... I don't watch much disney... 1
BaileyB Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 My parents were very happily married for 40 years. It just about killed my father when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. He is now in another, very happy and healthy relationship. I'm in a very happy and healthy relationship. I definitely believe they exist, but I know from experience that it can be difficult to find (and once found, takes commitment from both partners to make it happen). I think sometimes you see what you want to see. If someone is frustrated and feels negative and bitter about life/relationships, it would be fairly obvious for that person to view the world through this filter. 7
Gaeta Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I am surrounded with happily married couples whether they've been married 5 years or 25 years or 50 years like my parents. I believe when children grow up in unhappy households they grow up believing this is the norm and themselves will endure an unhappy marriage and so their siblings. Then they end up like you, surrounded by unhappy couples. 3
xxoo Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 When we were young, we did spend a lot of time with miserably married people. I remember that. We were in our 20s and so in love, and a lot of coworkers in 30s and 40s, who would cling to us possibly because of our youth and joy , were just miserable together. There was a lot of cheating. A LOT. Now that we are a couple in our 40s, I'm sure there are countless couples just as miserable in our age group--but we don't notice them. I'm older and wiser, and I choose my company more selectively. I certainly don't hang out with a bunch of miserable cheaters! Looking back, maybe that's why those couples hung out with us back then. Their happily married peers didn't want much to do with them 4
Weezy1973 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Marriage has nothing to do with happiness. Neither does friendship. Neither does having kids. These things (I.e. People we care about) make our lives fuller and richer which brings with it highs and lows. It's likely that the people that are unhappy in their marriages are the ones that stupidly thought marriage brings happiness...
aileD Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 What you do see is REAL people. People who've made a commitment and who's love is deeper than the annoyances their partner might have. Real people who need to vent a little but aren't wanting to leave. You see people that are comfortable with not liking everything about someone they love...and still loving them. 1
SammySammy Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Marriage has nothing to do with happiness. Neither does friendship. Neither does having kids. These things (I.e. People we care about) make our lives fuller and richer which brings with it highs and lows. It's likely that the people that are unhappy in their marriages are the ones that stupidly thought marriage brings happiness... What is marriage about if not happiness, friendship, and family?
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