I have just started dating a single mom.

[tomtheman1234]

As the title says. I have just started dating a single mom. I met her on an Internet dating site I joined in August and we went on are first date 3 weeks ago. Since then and including are first date we have seen each other 7 times once in the evening a few times in the day once she stayed the night at my place once I stayed the night at her place. I even met her teenage daughter the other day which seemed to go well. When we do not see each other we text each other a lot and even most evenings we video chat each other. It all seems to be going really well. She even said that I can meet her other kids at some point and come to her New Year's Eve party and she will even come with me and see my mates band play in December. I last saw her on Wednesday and now I don't think I will see her again until next Wednesday. Wish I was seeing her sooner than next Wednesday. We are definitely meeting up on Wednesday next week,

She did say that after she split from her husband that she had a boyfriend for 3 years that did not work out. So she probably thinking about her kids and what if we don't work out.

Anyhow if any blokes out there who have dated or are dating a single mom or any single moms who have just started dating again it would be great if you could give me some advice or tips.

Edited October 27, 2016 by tomtheman1234

[IfonlyIknew]

I'm a single mom and have dated single men with out kids. Dating is very different for us. You have to have a lot of patience as we get sitters cancelled, sick kids, in my case their dad is always late for visitation! Be understanding and know the difference of excuses vs out of our hands situations.

[tomtheman1234]

My new girlfriends kids are aged between 8 and 16. So they are old enough to look after themselves and most other weekends they go to there dad's I think it will be much easy when I get to meet her other kids then I can see her more often.

Edited October 27, 2016 by tomtheman1234

[misspond]

I'm a single mom and have dated single men with out kids. Dating is very different for us. You have to have a lot of patience as we get sitters cancelled, sick kids, in my case their dad is always late for visitation! Be understanding and know the difference of excuses vs out of our hands situations.

 

My new girlfriends kids are aged between 8 and 16. So they are old enough to look after themselves and most other weekends they go to there dad's I think it will be much easy when I get to meet her other kids then I can see her more often.

 

As a single parent myself I'm just going to repeat IfonlyIknew's very good advice;

I'm a single mom and have dated single men with out kids. Dating is very different for us. You have to have a lot of patience as we get sitters cancelled, sick kids, in my case their dad is always late for visitation! Be understanding and know the difference of excuses vs out of our hands situations.

[Mrin]

Hey dude. Good on ya for asking this question. I'm a single dad here and have dated almost exclusively single moms (in a two year amazing relationship with one right now). So just a few words of advice. Some of these are applicable now, some later in the relationship.

 

1. Single moms are crazy busy. Like you have no idea how busy their lives are. The busiest you've ever been, ya, that's called the weekend for her.

 

2. Her time is precious. If she give it to you, respect it. That means if you and her make plans, keep those plans. As IfonlyIknew said, she may end up doing the cancelling - and that's okay. But you as a single guy should be rock steady dependable.

 

3. She always needs more sleep. That can be said for most people but for single moms it is a universal constant - operating in some form of sleep debt.

 

4. Single mom's are the poster children for self sacrifice. Seriously, everyone comes first. So making her feel special and appreciated is out of this world wonderful.

 

5. She's probably not looking for a man to "take care of her". That being said, doing "man things" to help out are usually immensely appreciated. So if something needs fixing around the house, fix it. If you can't fix it, get someone who can. Remember, she has very little time so something little like replacing that garage lightbulb (she can't reach it) is a big thing for her. Or figuring out what's wrong with the dishwasher? Golden.

 

6. Single moms spend most of their time just trying to keep their chins above water. So much to do... When they get a free moment, they're trying to make things special for the people they love (their kids). That's how they show affection. So if you make effort to make something special for her, you're speaking her love language. Let me give you an example. If you have her over for dinner, make something you know she likes. Buy some flowers for the table. Use napkins. Remember, it is the effort not the result that is the most important.

 

7. Sometimes single mom's just need a refuge. You know, a moment's respite from the day to day grind. Like not having to think about what to cook tonight for dinner. Or just spending a day vegging out with her without a single thing to worry about. That's spa-like luxury for her. For you that's just called "Tuesday night". But for her that's a delicacy. Feed her with things like that.

 

8. Flowers are great but two loads of folded laundry are even better. Seriously, I can bring tears to my single mom girlfriend's eyes by doing all the laundry and having it folded when she comes home.

 

9. Her children will always come first. Never ever try to get in the way of that.

 

10. Don't try to slip into a dad role. First, you're not a dad so you don't know how to do it. Second, she doesn't want you in a dad role. What she really wants is for you to have her back. Be there to support her. You sound english so this probably won't make sense but in American football, she's the cornerback in man to man coverage. You're the safety over the top.

 

Anyhow, good luck dude. Just be respectful of her time and listen for ways you can make her life easier and more special.

Edited October 27, 2016 by Mrin

[IfonlyIknew]

OMG This ^^^^ needs to be framed. Lol. Great advice. I can't express #5 enough, a little fixing here and there goes a long way. I try to do it all, but sometimes i need 4 hands, or can't lift something heavy. Ask her what you can take off her plate, as our plates are spilling 100% of the time.

[smackie9]

Ya single moms call the shots. Her family, her responsibilities come first.... always.

 

Her priorities are different depending on the ages of the kids...teenagers don't need much support compared to having little ones.

[tomtheman1234]

I have already said to my single mom girlfriend that your kids come first then me after that and I will fit in around that. I have met her oldest kid but not the others. Looks like at the moment we aw meeting Wednesday daytime for a few hours. and the odd weekend when her kids go to there dads. Wish could see her more often. It's alaway all or nothing with me in life. But at the moment I am very happy.

[IfonlyIknew]

Yeah it wont be like that forever, if you two choose to continue on you will blend in on the home life as the time comes.

[tomtheman1234]

She has already said her situations won't be like this for ever. She also seems to be very keen on me she even not fussed I have a very very mild learning difficulty. But I think she quite likes her space and hanging out with her friends and her sister as well.

Edited October 27, 2016 by tomtheman1234

[Mrin]

Yeah it wont be like that forever, if you two choose to continue on you will blend in on the home life as the time comes.

 

Absolutely this. Things start of slow with single moms due to the time and kid constraints. But when you start to blend you really blend. Your lives will become much more intertwined than say you would with a non-mom. You'll find you have a distinct and important role in her life and the lives of her children. That's why single moms are always so hesitant to start the blending process. They know that once blended, removal is so much harder. On everyone.

 

Non-moms can try on men like coats. It doesn't get complicated until you start co-habitating and honestly, that's not all that complicated. But with single moms, when you start to blend, she's weaving you into her fabric of life. That's why for guys who date single moms you should never shoplift the pooty. Doesn't sound like you're doing that at all (good on ya). Actually, speaking of that, go watch Jerry Maguire. That's good stuff right there for dating single moms.

[Miss Peach]

I'm a single mom here.

 

One thing a lot of single, childless men don't seem to get is that I have my kid(s) at least part of the week. I have 50/50 custody so I have more free time than a lot of single moms. But still I get only half the week to myself and to date. I've had a lot of men scoff at getting a date on my calendar 3-5 days away. If I have my kids that day and I already don't see them every day, there's no way I'm giving up that time to go on a date with a man I don't know because he can't bother to be patient and empathetic.

 

The other issue I get is from single men who can't plan ahead. I don't have a ton of kid free time so I like to plan and make the most of it. If I had more custody this would be even more important because there may be sitters or other things to coordinate.

 

Men who don't respect my time or can't plan ahead don't get dates with me. This weeds out about half the guys who ask me out.

 

My new girlfriends kids are aged between 8 and 16. So they are old enough to look after themselves and most other weekends they go to there dad's I think it will be much easy when I get to meet her other kids then I can see her more often.

 

I wouldn't be so sure about that unless she's said this to you. My kid is in this age range and I wouldn't leave the kiddo home alone. Teenagers may help out with babysitting but they aren't always around too.

 

Don't expect to meet the other kids too quickly. Everyone is different here. Some introduce kids early. Others wait a long time. Some wait until engagement. My personal rule is around 6 months once things are established and more serious but not so far in that it would be devastating if the guy can't sign on for me life.

 

9. Her children will always come first. Never ever try to get in the way of that.

 

10. Don't try to slip into a dad role. First, you're not a dad so you don't know how to do it. Second, she doesn't want you in a dad role. What she really wants is for you to have her back. Be there to support her. You sound english so this probably won't make sense but in American football, she's the cornerback in man to man coverage. You're the safety over the top.

 

These two really stood out to me but his whole post was good.

 

As for the dad role, my kid has a dad. I'm looking for a partner to me and a good role model for the kid. Just remember that and you should be fine. The exception here might be a completely absent dad but that's not your situation OP.

 

 

Anyhow, good luck dude. Just be respectful of her time and listen for ways you can make her life easier and more special.

 

Exactly. I am so thankful when a man does things to make my life easier rather than demands things of me. I also look for men who can fit into my life well.

 

One other thing I'll mention is about me time. I still need me time. Often men want so much of my time that between the kids and the guy, I have no time for myself. If she needs some me time or time with the girls, give it to her so she can recharge.

[limited]

I'm a single mom, but I haven't dated much since my divorce. Honestly, I am quite concerned about dating men who have no kids because I'm afraid they won't understand my situation or will be completely judgmental of me being a single mom. All I seem to find are very harsh comments about us like we are trash (the worst won't even be mentioned here), but how single moms are only looking for a father for their kids, someone to take care of them financially, how they won't have any room for anyone in their lives, etc. At least you seem more open-minded.

Edited October 27, 2016 by limited

[Mrin]

Oh, just one other thing. Some time in the not too distant future you should probably talk about a few things and level set as to what each of your expectations are. This is an important thing to do in any relationship but especially so when dating single moms/dads.

 

- Marriage: This isn't about when but rather "if". If you never ever want to get married and she does someday, or vice versa, it is best to surface that up front.

 

- Children: This is probably more important. If having kids is important to you and she's had her tubes tied, ya, that's probably something you should discuss too.

 

Again, this is just good advice for any relationship. But with the blending/weaving being what it is with single moms/dads, it is especially important to get out in front of it.

 

Best of luck man!

 

Mrin

[Mrin]

I'm a single mom, but I haven't dated much since my divorce. Honestly, I am quite concerned about dating men who have no kids because I'm afraid they won't understand my situation or will be completely judgmental of me being a single mom. All I seem to find are very harsh comments about us like we are trash (the worst won't even be mentioned here), but how single moms are only looking for a father for their kids, someone to take care of them financially, how they won't have any room for anyone in their lives, etc. At least you seem more open-minded.

 

Love, single moms are some of the most amazing and precious creatures in the galaxy. Don't listen to guys like that. If anyone ever tells you you're trash or broken goods because you're a single mom, punch them in the junk for me!

[Gaeta]

You had 7 dates in 3 weeks! She doesn't sound like a typical busy single mom to me. How old are her kids? Who takes care of them when she's out with you?

 

To me all this sounds a bit rushed. You've been dating 3 weeks and already you've met her children? and she's already inviting you over Family for holidays? That does not sound like the typical careful single mom to me. It sounds more like someone who's rushing and definitely not prioritizing her children.

[tomtheman1234]

She has already said she dose not want me to slip

In to a dad role as they have s dad. Also I am not expecting to meet her other kids just yet. I have already said I

Would like to meet her other kids but there is not pressure and I will fit in around her. We are in no hurry to rush things. She rushed things with her last long tearm Boyfriend and he got to close to the kids. Then it did not work out. So think she won't to be sure she really likes me and that I am here to stay before that happens.

[tomtheman1234]

I met her older daughter cos she was curious who her mom had started dating and was asking questions. Yes it's all happened a bit quickly so far. But why not if we like each other.

Also when she hangs with me the kids are either at school at a friends house or at there dad's house or being looked after here sister or the older daughter looks after them. But usually Wednesday daytime as we are both free Wednesday or at the weekend when they are at there dads. But next couple of weekends they are at home so I can't see her much.

[Gaeta]

What did she mean by rushing things with her ex? She introduced her kids after 1 date?

 

Between 1 date and 7 dates when does it become not-rushing?

 

This is ALL rushing. She knows NOTHING of you after 3 weeks and 7 dates. You are a stranger and already she is introducing her eldest child. How old are the children?

 

Someone that does not want to rush will get to know someone before introducing children and family. Getting to know someone means a good 3 month dating, not 3 weeks.

 

All this tells me she has a very poor judgment.

[alphamale]

All this tells me she has a very poor judgment.

 

i would tend to agree

[Popsicle]

What, do you want to know how to make a MILF happy? How to keep her? How to get what you want out of her?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Hey dude. Good on ya for asking this question. I'm a single dad here and have dated almost exclusively single moms (in a two year amazing relationship with one right now). So just a few words of advice. Some of these are applicable now, some later in the relationship.

 

1. Single moms are crazy busy. Like you have no idea how busy their lives are. The busiest you've ever been, ya, that's called the weekend for her.

 

2. Her time is precious. If she give it to you, respect it. That means if you and her make plans, keep those plans. As IfonlyIknew said, she may end up doing the cancelling - and that's okay. But you as a single guy should be rock steady dependable.

 

3. She always needs more sleep. That can be said for most people but for single moms it is a universal constant - operating in some form of sleep debt.

 

4. Single mom's are the poster children for self sacrifice. Seriously, everyone comes first. So making her feel special and appreciated is out of this world wonderful.

 

5. She's probably not looking for a man to "take care of her". That being said, doing "man things" to help out are usually immensely appreciated. So if something needs fixing around the house, fix it. If you can't fix it, get someone who can. Remember, she has very little time so something little like replacing that garage lightbulb (she can't reach it) is a big thing for her. Or figuring out what's wrong with the dishwasher? Golden.

 

6. Single moms spend most of their time just trying to keep their chins above water. So much to do... When they get a free moment, they're trying to make things special for the people they love (their kids). That's how they show affection. So if you make effort to make something special for her, you're speaking her love language. Let me give you an example. If you have her over for dinner, make something you know she likes. Buy some flowers for the table. Use napkins. Remember, it is the effort not the result that is the most important.

 

7. Sometimes single mom's just need a refuge. You know, a moment's respite from the day to day grind. Like not having to think about what to cook tonight for dinner. Or just spending a day vegging out with her without a single thing to worry about. That's spa-like luxury for her. For you that's just called "Tuesday night". But for her that's a delicacy. Feed her with things like that.

 

8. Flowers are great but two loads of folded laundry are even better. Seriously, I can bring tears to my single mom girlfriend's eyes by doing all the laundry and having it folded when she comes home.

 

9. Her children will always come first. Never ever try to get in the way of that.

 

10. Don't try to slip into a dad role. First, you're not a dad so you don't know how to do it. Second, she doesn't want you in a dad role. What she really wants is for you to have her back. Be there to support her. You sound english so this probably won't make sense but in American football, she's the cornerback in man to man coverage. You're the safety over the top.

 

Anyhow, good luck dude. Just be respectful of her time and listen for ways you can make her life easier and more special.

 

This applies to truly devoted, single dads as well!!! :-)

 

I've dated single mothers, as a single father, we have more in common. I haven't met one yet that didn't or couldn't find sitters or family to help out when she was really into me. Of course, there were days here or there that plans had to change, but once it gets more serious AND she finds it worth it, you should find that she'll devote more time and energy to finding ways to spend more time with you.

 

Good luck!

[Miss Peach]

Oh, just one other thing. Some time in the not too distant future you should probably talk about a few things and level set as to what each of your expectations are. This is an important thing to do in any relationship but especially so when dating single moms/dads.

 

- Marriage: This isn't about when but rather "if". If you never ever want to get married and she does someday, or vice versa, it is best to surface that up front.

 

- Children: This is probably more important. If having kids is important to you and she's had her tubes tied, ya, that's probably something you should discuss too.

 

Again, this is just good advice for any relationship. But with the blending/weaving being what it is with single moms/dads, it is especially important to get out in front of it.

 

Best of luck man!

 

Mrin

 

Another good point! This has cut so many people out of the dating pool for me. A lot of people who have gone through divorces can be marriage shy. Many people who have already had kids don't want more. Of they want a bit more to complete their family.

[typingrandma]

Hi Tom:

 

Reading through the posts, I would have to totally agree with the advice that you received from Mrin. I do not think I could add anything to his post except to advise you to go slow because of the kids!!!! Very very good advice and full of insight. As a woman, I totally agree with him!!! I hope this works out for the two of you. It sounds like you really like her.