GottaBeBoosted Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 So, I have been dating a guy for about 2 1/2 years now. When we met he flat out told me he didn't want a girlfriend, which I was fine with. However, it didn't take long until we were inseparable and spent every minute of free time together. Fast forward... we live together now & he makes me the happiest I have ever been. I feel like I make him happy but it is so hard to tell! He has always had issues relaying his feelings. I used to think that he would eventually open up, and he has made some progress with it I suppose. He was working out of town for the first year and a half so we only saw each other on the weekends, but we talked every day & every night. He was quick to call me gorgeous or sexy via text message conversations. But I don't think I have ever heard him say any thing to my face. It bothers me.. Maybe I'm wrong for that?? But, I tell him all the time how handsome, sweet, attractive etc.. he is and I never ever get anything back. I talked to a long time friend of his and she said that he has always been very closed off and has never shared much. Which I guess makes me feel a little better, but still... ugh. And a few of his friends actually told me they can tell how happy I make him (They told me this information, unprovoked by me. Just out of the blue. Which naturally made me happy) Last night I decided to try to talk to him about the 5 love languages. He acted very uninterested, yet I proceeded... I explained that the theory is that if you find out your partner's love language you can use that to help make sure you are keeping them happy and so on. He said "what makes you think you don't make me happy?" That seems to always be his type of response to conversations like that. I said "I just think it would be good for us to know". So he agreed and then decided his love language is acts of service. Then he dropped the conversation, never asking what I thought my love language was or even adding anything to why he picked his. I know that guys aren't going to be all into these kinds of things but I tried to make it apparent that it was something I was interested in. I was hoping to use that as an opening to tell him I believe my language is words of affirmation. Burn... To sum it up, I love him very much, I know I do. But he has never told me that he loves me, therefore I have never told him. At this point, I would really like for him to say it first, since I feel like the only time I ever get any information out of him is if I ask for it first. Any kind words of advice are appreciated..
IfonlyIknew Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Ohhh OP I feel your pain. My ex of 8 years was similar. He shied away from the deep connection I longed for. We ended up strangers under one roof with kids. If he ever told me "I'm in love with you" I may have felt different, but he never expressed his love. I longed for a simple touch on my shoulder as we walk, a cuddle on the couch, something, anything to let me know he cared. I shorted myself of the affection that feeds my soul and tortured myself thinking this is how it is. I was so wrong. His girlfriend now complains about the same thing. I don't want an on the surface relationship ever again that's why i came here to ask for advice in my first post, my guy of 7 months hasn't told me he loved me yet, I'm terrified of it going down that path, he's extremely loving which is different than what i had, and i always wait for the man to say it first as they should lead, but it's not a good feeling for us.
Author GottaBeBoosted Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 Ohhh OP I feel your pain. My ex of 8 years was similar. He shied away from the deep connection I longed for. We ended up strangers under one roof with kids. If he ever told me "I'm in love with you" I may have felt different, but he never expressed his love. I longed for a simple touch on my shoulder as we walk, a cuddle on the couch, something, anything to let me know he cared. I shorted myself of the affection that feeds my soul and tortured myself thinking this is how it is. I was so wrong. His girlfriend now complains about the same thing. I don't want an on the surface relationship ever again that's why i came here to ask for advice in my first post, my guy of 7 months hasn't told me he loved me yet, I'm terrified of it going down that path, he's extremely loving which is different than what i had, and i always wait for the man to say it first as they should lead, but it's not a good feeling for us. Wow! To know that there is someone else in the same position as me is interesting. I assumed I was the only one. You mention that he is loving but just wont say how he feels, mine is the exact same way! I also completely agree that the man should say it first, I always felt that if the woman said it first she was pressuring him or too clingy... I wish I knew how to reach him deeply, so that maybe he would say how he feels.
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 So, tell us how he makes you the happiest you've ever been? Second question, I remember your last thread, has he made any improvement since?
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 I have heard this story before many times.....2 1/2 years and he doesn't tell you he loves you? I would have kicked him to the curb by month 3. It is what it is...whatever psychological thing it is (ego/ anxiety/ fear of vulnerability), you can't change it. Learn to live without the "I love you's" or leave.
Author GottaBeBoosted Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 So, tell us how he makes you the happiest you've ever been? Second question, I remember your last thread, has he made any improvement since? As far as being the happiest I have ever been... He is so sweet and always takes my feelings into consideration. He is more than willing to watch a dumb show that I love, take the trash out, work on my car, cuddle on the couch. He is amazing in bed. I have just never had someone who actually tries to make me happy. I don't ask for much but he always goes above and beyond to please me in any way, whether it be where I want to eat, what I want to do or what I like in bed. He's quite thoughtful. Maybe I just feel like I need some confirmation straight from his mouth that he loves me?.. If that makes any sense. Or maybe I'm just asking for too much. And YES he has made huge improvement on having the friend along for everything. I finally broke down & told him that I had felt slightly neglected when we can't ever have a nice day that's just the two of us. He said his usual "I'm just so busy all the time and guess I don't realize that sometimes I stretch myself too thin" But he now makes it a point to make sure we have some quality time where no one can interrupt.
Author GottaBeBoosted Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 I have heard this story before many times.....2 1/2 years and he doesn't tell you he loves you? I would have kicked him to the curb by month 3. It is what it is...whatever psychological thing it is (ego/ anxiety/ fear of vulnerability), you can't change it. Learn to live without the "I love you's" or leave. I am definitely leaning towards the fear of vulnerability. I know he was burned in the past and it has scarred him. As I learned from the old friend, it has always been difficult for him to open up so add getting left/dumped by a longtime girlfriend I can imagine it would be hard to let that wall down again. I try to reassure him that I'm not going anywhere. He doesn't usually seemed very phased by it.
olivetree Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 As far as being the happiest I have ever been... He is so sweet and always takes my feelings into consideration. He is more than willing to watch a dumb show that I love, take the trash out, work on my car, cuddle on the couch. He is amazing in bed. I have just never had someone who actually tries to make me happy. I don't ask for much but he always goes above and beyond to please me in any way, whether it be where I want to eat, what I want to do or what I like in bed. He's quite thoughtful. Maybe I just feel like I need some confirmation straight from his mouth that he loves me?.. If that makes any sense. Or maybe I'm just asking for too much. And YES he has made huge improvement on having the friend along for everything. I finally broke down & told him that I had felt slightly neglected when we can't ever have a nice day that's just the two of us. He said his usual "I'm just so busy all the time and guess I don't realize that sometimes I stretch myself too thin" But he now makes it a point to make sure we have some quality time where no one can interrupt. He said his love language is acts of service, and it sounds like that is how he shows you he loves you too. I would be bothered that he didn't reciprocate and find out what your love language is, but I suppose you'll have to let that go and just tell him you need words of affirmation and see what happens.
Author GottaBeBoosted Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 He said his love language is acts of service, and it sounds like that is how he shows you he loves you too. I would be bothered that he didn't reciprocate and find out what your love language is, but I suppose you'll have to let that go and just tell him you need words of affirmation and see what happens. You are absolutely right. I thought the same thing last night, that he uses acts of service to show he cares. I guess it really did just bum me out that he didn't try to find out what might make me happy also.
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