freebird31 Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 I have only had one real relationship which lasted 8 months when I was 20-21. Then after I dated a guy who I met online for a short while maybe 3-4 months. I don't date much. But my friends tell me it's good to date a lot of guys to see what traits you like in someone. Thing is i fall quite hard for guys who i invest my time in if I like them. And I never understood the concept of dating multiple people at the same time. To me, I like to focus and invest my time into one person and see if it works out. I feel like I'm wasting a lot of time doing that as I am now 24. I don't look for men or look to date. The last 1-2 years I kind of just had the attitude of 'if it happens it happens.' The last guy I went on a date with I met from work. And after the course of 2 months, I developed some feelings there. Ultimately it seemed as if he was not interested. So I let it be. I guess my question is are you supposed to date a lot of guys to see what traits you like in someone ? Is it weird that I don't feel comfortable dating multiple people at one time ? In the last 3-4 years since my ex boyfriend, I only liked/crushed on 2 people. And the last was the most recent guy I work with. I guess i must be selective it's rare when someone catches my eye, even as just a small crush. The times that they did, it didn't work out. Does this sound normal
Mumbles Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Bah! Whats normal? Serious question. I guess there is 'common' in your locality and at this time in history ... but 'normal'? I don't know that such a thing exists. I'd go with what feels right for you. Some people are certainly serial daters, others date several people at the same time and yet others date on and off and usually one at a time. A lot, I think, depends on your personality. People I know who are quite gregarious tend to be serial daters, not alone for long. But then, these people tend to actively search out company (whether friends or dates) because its part of who they are. I'm not like that, I have a broad range of interests and other peoples company is pretty low down on the list to be honest. I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with me, I'm just interested in lots of different things. My personality leans heavily towards having only a few friends but they are deep friendships. My wife on the other hand has few strong friendships but is 'the life of the party' type personality and is always making connections and meeting/mingling. If you are comfortable with your life then enjoy. Doesn't mean you cant talk about it with your friends who are different to you, but don't focus too much on it. Do what makes you happy.
basil67 Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Freebird, you have just restored my faith in dating. There's nothing wrong with you - you're just a bit old fashioned - but in a great way. Someone's recent comment said that they were "looking for a boyfriend". I was like WTF? I keep thinking that dating these days is no different to online shopping. You are describing how dating used to date before the advent of online dating. (Well, at least dating in Australia and the UK). If you met someone, great. And you'd only date one person at a time. If you didn't meet someone, you'd spend however long it was single and it was no big deal. It might be a month or two - or it might be a few years. It's all good. I think that if anything, we were more inclined to give someone more a chance back then.....when we didn't have a heap of new options hanging there online waiting to be picked.
SammySammy Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Supposed to? I don't think it's necessary to date at all. You can have social interactions and even find a suitable mate without dating. Much less dating multiple people. It's possible that dating multiple people leads to us having so many throwaway relationships. Meaningless pairings that end for trivial reasons only to get into another meaningless pairing. I rarely worry about being "normal". I do what is right for me. When you get into comparing yourself to other people that can lead to problems. Especially when what they are doing is less than optimal.
Grumpybutfun Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 I don't think a one sized fits all dating scenario works for everyone. I think you have to hold your own counsel on what you find acceptable. Good luck, Grumps
Erik30 Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 No it's not weird, I'm the same. The only downside is you might end up getting too attached to people who frequently date. (and multi date) So the dates mean a lot more to you, than to them.
Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Do what makes you comfortable. Personally when I date I either go on only 1 date w/the person or I start dating them exclusively. For me it just seem unfair, I would rather a guy tell me he wasn't interested from the start, then allow me to develop feelings only for him to tell me he met someone else. Then again I am a semi jealous person. Plus my dating pool isn't that big to begin w/. I usually know if I want to date someone on the 1st date, if I'm not feeling it, I do not accept another date.
Ami1uwant Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 My two cents in this... How much social interaction do you have with guys? If you haven't dated much how will you know you found someone that fits for you ??? Are you someone who has some fantasy or unrealistic expectations on someone you are dating? I understand you are afraid of dating someone when that fantasy guy comes around
Author freebird31 Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 My two cents in this... How much social interaction do you have with guys? If you haven't dated much how will you know you found someone that fits for you ??? Are you someone who has some fantasy or unrealistic expectations on someone you are dating? I understand you are afraid of dating someone when that fantasy guy comes around I only socialize with the guys I meet from school or at work. Ever so often I'll go out with my friends to bars. But I don't actively seek men like I said. I just go to have fun with my friends. I wouldn't know. I usually just base it off of if i like them. Then once I know I like them I try to get to know them. If I know that we share the same values then I know they are a good fit for me. The rest I guess I just have to figure out as I get to know them. Yes a little bit afraid. But not a whole lot. I've gotten my heart broken in the past. But I am not deathly afraid of relationships or anything. I just learned my lesson to take it slower the next time.
Miss Peach Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 OP - You can do whatever you feel works for you. I've ran into a few men who don't want to date much and all I can say is that a lot of the world (at least in the US) doesn't date that way so you'll want to make sure you're both on the same page before getting too invested. Having said that, I like to date a lot. When I find someone I feel is a great potential match I commit and learn more about that person and the relationship. I like the idea of trying on a lot of relationships, even if it's just for a few hours. I learn more about myself and other people from each iteration. I feel differently around different people. Some I have physical attraction, mental attraction, comfortable feelings, etc. Everyone has a different mix and I like to evaluate what I enjoy and what I don't want so I can narrow down my must haves and my deal breakers. That way when I find someone who seems to be a great match for me I can give it my all. It can take months for someones values and their true selves to really come through. So I'm totally with taking it slow and getting to know someone. 1
Toodaloo Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 If you are happy then why change it? We all do things differently. I like to try and get out on dates as much as possible purely because my breasts are sinking into my socks and it would be lovely for a potential partner to meet me before I am grey... But here is my secret and dirty confession... I actually have more fun when I am NOT dating... I am much happier when I am not dating... I am seriously contemplating making the worlds first attempt at making spinsterhood cool... Do your own thing and don't worry about it.
central Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 It can take months for someones values and their true selves to really come through. So I'm totally with taking it slow and getting to know someone. You should do what you're comfortable doing, OP. Beware of staying with someone who turns out to not be a great match, though - just because there's good in him and you've spent months together already, does not mean you should continue. Dating more often, for shorter periods can make you more perceptive of potential issues earlier, and help you recognize good compatibility sooner, so there are benefits to having more dating experience. Of course, if this does not work for you, then at least take your time and be really sure before making a lasting commitment. 1
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