eddpad Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Anyways, my gf of 4 years broke up with me a little over a month ago on grounds that she wanted to have some alone time to herself. She doesn't want to engage with anybody else in a serious relationship. She told me she just wants to be alone. Now of course, as I have been reading up and down here, we've all been subject to this line before. Some have had success coming back some have posted that it was just a cover up for something else. The night she told me about this she said that she just wanted some time alone and told me to wait for her. A week later I asked if she ever saw us together again and she said "I don't know, we'll see what happens." Then another two weeks went by and we talked again and I asked if she still remembered her telling me to wait for her, to which she replyed yes. I also expressed my fear of her just maybe not giving me the whole truth and that this would end up a few months from now with her talking to some guy and eventually going out with him, to which she said kind of annoyingly, no, that's not it. I've told the story to alot of people around me. All of them have told me that eventually she will come around, 4 years is a long time, and my gf isn't prone to just having a relationship with someone one minute and then another one with someone else. I do believe her that all she wants is some freedom, since she is still fairly young (19). I understand if things are to work out it will take time. I'm just afraid of sticking around, granted I will still go out and date a bit but I'm keeping myself from etnering anything serious with anyone else. I want to wait for her but I don't want to feel like a chucklehead at the end of the line and say that I fell for the same old line. I have two friends that went through break ups and both are back together. One wanted to try out other girls and make sure she was the one, the other cheated on his gf and she eventually took him back. Most have told me to just let her be alone and have her independence but try to stay close to her. But I don't know, she left so many loose ends and I don't know whether to think this will help us and make us stronger or I'm just another idiot falling for the same line. Anybody?
westernxer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 No surprise that she's only 19... you'd almost expect them to do this at that age. It would be a different story if she were 29. You're doing the right thing by dating around, because time will tell if she wants you back. If she's not gonna keep her eggs in one basket, you shouldn't either.
ltomlinson81 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 This is totally normal, and not just for people at a young age. When you have been in a relationship for a long time, it is easy to lose some of your independence and sense of self. That is probably what she wants to re-establish. She may not come back to you, but it is very possible that she will. Give her space. Let her know that you are always there for her. Don't push anything. What is meant to be will be. Let this run its course. I went through a similar thing and am now seeing my ex again. I don't know where it will lead, but it is very good right now.
Author eddpad Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 So she left you for the same reason? Why did she take you back? Could she not find anyone better? Did you have to do alot of changing for her to see how good you were or how good you've come to be? How long were you guys apart and how did you keep the lines of communication open? Did you distance yourself or did you talk to her on a consistent basis(weekly or bi-weekly, whatever it was). Thanks for the response!
Sal Paradise Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 More than likely you will never date each other again. This usually ends with the person asking for the break finding someone else. I would give her the space she needs but let her know YOU WON'T WAIT FOR HER. Let her know you will see other people and find someone else. This will either result in you two not getting back together or she will realize she doesn't have forever. Many times when someone ask for a break is because they take what they have for granted and think they can have it anytime they want. Don't let her think that. Life is too short, we only get one shot at this, asking someone to put their one shot on hold while you sort yourself out is asking too much. Its perfectly reasonable for her to break up to find herself. She just shouldn't expect you to wait around while she does it.
ltomlinson81 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 edd, my ex and I had been together for 4 years and broke up because we both wanted to take a break. I wanted to see what else was out there, and he wanted to be single for a while. I dated other people. He went out and had fun. We were apart for 3 or 4 months and spoke irregularly. Once a week sometimes, and sometimes once a month. I know it wasn't a long break, but neither of us found anyone else we wanted to be with in that time, and it gave us time apart to let the relationship breathe. We recently started seeing each other again. We are not making anything official, but we are seeing each other and things are better than they have been in a long time. I am 24 and he is 25. In the 4 years we were together, we did a lot of changing, and sometimes at this age, it is difficult to go through separate changes together. By going out and experiencing things without one another, we have realized how nice it is to be together, and were reminded of all the things we may have taken for granted within the first 4 years. We also have re-established personal lives which may have gotten lost when we were together before.
Author eddpad Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Aside from giving it a breather, did either of you think the relationship had hit a slump or was it simply just wanting to be alone and independent? Did you ever truly feel like you would end up with him again? I know it's early, but I have a feeling that she will eventually come around. I know she's not looking for anyhting serious. Last time I spoke to her she was telling me how she had gotten a couple of tattoos and was frequently going out till late at night. Not that ther is anything wrong with that, but there is a huge discrepancy in character. I don't how often she's been going out but it's been enough times where her parents are making her pay rent to live at their house, amd also making her pay the phone bill and car insurance. She's always been the shy quiet girl and now with all this freedom she's just letting loose. Which is what makes me believe is why she did what she did.
ltomlinson81 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Our relationship definitely was in a slump when we took a break. That is what prompted both of us to want time off. When my ex and I were apart, I went out and did things I normally wouldn't do, as did he. That was a part of being single and exploring our independence. It was not a permanent change, just a chance to try something different.
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