lagrange Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 (edited) I've made friends with this girl a while back and I finally asked her out... Problem is, I think she interpreted it as me asking for a romantic date, but I really just want to hang out with her, as friends, get to know her better, see where that goes. I don't want to take her out to a fancy romantic restaurant, end the night with a kiss or whatever. I don't blame her, I did say "like a date" and "i've been meaning to ask you something for a while now" at some point. Honestly I don't remember half the conversation. She seemed pretty insecure and unsure when I asked, but I want to make sure she doesn't think I just want to be in a romantic relationship with her... At this point I want to tell her something to ease the tension, should I? What should I say? Edited October 27, 2016 by lagrange
Sendmewings Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Are you regretting asking her out because she semi rejected you? I'm confused why would you ask her out if you don't want anything romantic? 1
Author lagrange Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 Are you regretting asking her out because she semi rejected you? I'm confused why would you ask her out if you don't want anything romantic? Well obviously I would like that, but I feel like I scared her when I asked her to go on a date. We get along super well outside of class when we study, and I'd like to hang out with her and not have to talk about school all the time. I'm wondering if I should have been more casual and asked "hey we should hang out more outside of class" instead of "want to go on a date sometime?" you know? And honestly I don't mind just hanging out with her without it being a date, I just want to get to know her better... Of course I would like to get involved with her, but I will also be happy if it leads to a solid friendship too. Now i'm just wondering whether I should tell her something like that...
Versacehottie Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 I've made friends with this girl a while back and I finally asked her out... Problem is, I think she interpreted it as me asking for a romantic date, but I really just want to hang out with her, as friends, get to know her better, see where that goes. I don't want to take her out to a fancy romantic restaurant, end the night with a kiss or whatever. I don't blame her, I did say "like a date" and "i've been meaning to ask you something for a while now" at some point. Honestly I don't remember half the conversation. She seemed pretty insecure and unsure when I asked, but I want to make sure she doesn't think I just want to be in a romantic relationship with her... At this point I want to tell her something to ease the tension, should I? What should I say? Wait you don't find anything ironic about the fact that you don't want her to think you mean too much and while you are trying to nitpick the meaning of this hangout/date? Let it go. Just go on the date, have fun and see where it goes. You don't have to make it fancy; you don't have to act overly romantic. But it is a date. If you try to clarify it, you are gonna blow it. Seriously don't do that. Just let your actions speak for how fast (or slow) you want to go. Why are YOU overthinking it so much? 1
Versacehottie Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Wait you don't find anything ironic about the fact that you don't want her to think you mean too much and while you are trying to nitpick the meaning of this hangout/date? Let it go. Just go on the date, have fun and see where it goes. You don't have to make it fancy; you don't have to act overly romantic. But it is a date. If you try to clarify it, you are gonna blow it. Seriously don't do that. Just let your actions speak for how fast (or slow) you want to go. Why are YOU overthinking it so much? If you try to clarify it, you are going to sound like you are backtracking your interest or intent to her and that's rarely a good thing. It's kinda insulting. So just man up, and go. Move slow if you don't know her well enough yet to know what you want. Let's say you do want romantic in a bit, just tell her then that you are a little nervous because you also value your friendship with each other. If she's cool, she will probably agree that she's nervous too or that she values your friendship too and that you can remain friends or whatever. Let's just be honest about the truth of all that: people say this kind of stuff all the time but there's no guarantee of what that will mean if it doesn't work out. It's a promise people would like to keep but the reality might be different. But don't let that stop you as to going after what you want. It would suck to hear about new guys she was dating (you'd likely lose her "friendship" to an extent then too)--so take a chance.
Author lagrange Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 Wait you don't find anything ironic about the fact that you don't want her to think you mean too much and while you are trying to nitpick the meaning of this hangout/date? Let it go. Just go on the date, have fun and see where it goes. You don't have to make it fancy; you don't have to act overly romantic. But it is a date. If you try to clarify it, you are gonna blow it. Seriously don't do that. Just let your actions speak for how fast (or slow) you want to go. Why are YOU overthinking it so much? At this point i'm overthinking it because we are in the same class and I don't want to make things awkward. We've been sitting next to each other since the beginning of the semester and I feel like it's going to be awkward from now on, I want to do something to release the tension...
Versacehottie Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 At this point i'm overthinking it because we are in the same class and I don't want to make things awkward. We've been sitting next to each other since the beginning of the semester and I feel like it's going to be awkward from now on, I want to do something to release the tension... You've done it. You've asked her out/to do something/a date. There's only one way to move: forward. It will be awkward if you try to move "backward". Just go slow--explain that or show with your actions. That's fair. Good luck.
Author lagrange Posted October 27, 2016 Author Posted October 27, 2016 You've done it. You've asked her out/to do something/a date. There's only one way to move: forward. It will be awkward if you try to move "backward". Just go slow--explain that or show with your actions. That's fair. Good luck. Thanks for your answers. One more thing: what should I do now that she basically knows that I like her? How do I go about talking with her in class now? Should I just behave like I always have with her... I feel like bringing it up with other people around will be very uncomfortable... for both of us.
Versacehottie Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 Thanks for your answers. One more thing: what should I do now that she basically knows that I like her? How do I go about talking with her in class now? Should I just behave like I always have with her... I feel like bringing it up with other people around will be very uncomfortable... for both of us. I would keep things like you normally do with her in class. You can flirt some more & maybe be less surface-y with what you talk about. Don't bring it up with other people yet. You guys are still figuring things out yourselves. It's nice to have the bubble of time and space to do that without outside pressure or people messing with it. Having your own little secret with her builds more good tension. You can also (should also) match her for how to behave around others. Do the confident thing. it's no one's business but your own (and hers) if you two are starting to like one another. People will guess--some of those will keep it to themselves or discuss among themselves and not bother you with it; others might say something. You don't owe anyone any explanation until you've figured it out. Good luck!
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