ReluctantRomeo Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken ?????story???? Hey, what's LS about if not giving advice on the basis of little or no information. OK, my advice would always be to get on with your life. Don't pester the ex. Do self-improvement, exercise, hobbies, friends. This is the best way of moving on. But also the best (but not a certain) chance of getting them back.
Author eddpad Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Anyways, my gf of 4 years broke up with me a little over a month ago on grounds that she wanted to have some alone time to herself. She doesn't want to engage with anybody else in a serious relationship. She told me she just wants to be alone. Now of course, as I have been reading up and down here, we've all been subject to this line before. Some have had success coming back some have posted that it was just a cover up for something else. The night she told me about this she said that she just wanted some time alone and told me to wait for her. A week later I asked if she ever saw us together again and she said "I don't know, we'll see what happens." Then another two weeks went by and we talked again and I asked if she still remembered her telling me to wait for her, to which she replyed yes. I also expressed my fear of her just maybe not giving me the whole truth and that this would end up a few months from now with her talking to some guy and eventually going out with him, to which she said kind of annoyingly, no, that's not it. I've told the story to alot of people around me. All of them have told me that eventually she will come around, 4 years is a long time, and my gf isn't prone to just having a relationship with someone one minute and then another one with someone else. I do believe her that all she wants is some freedom, since she is still fairly young (19). I understand if things are to work out it will take time. I'm just afraid of sticking around, granted I will still go out and date a bit but I'm keeping myself from etnering anything serious with anyone else. I want to wait for her but I don't want to feel like a chucklehead at the end of the line and say that I fell for the same old line. I have two friends that went through break ups and both are back together. One wanted to try out other girls and make sure she was the one, the other cheated on his gf and she eventually took him back. Most have told me to just let her be alone and have her independence but try to stay close to her. But I don't know, she left so many loose ends and I don't know whether to think this will help us and make us stronger or I'm just another idiot falling for the same line. Anybody?
Leah Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 People can and do change their minds after four years. Apparently she has stability of character, and that is a positive attribute. I think you said you've been together for four years, so that's quite a good long time ... since she was 16, so you might almost say that she hasn't experienced any of her adult / pre-adult life without you, so maybe that's what's at work here. (By the way, you haven't experienced much life without her either ) She may very well be sensing a need for some self identity and exploration. I think I would remain calm and give her space, as a matter of fact, she may come to realization much faster if you pressure LESS. The more you pressure the faster she's going to run ... in the other direction. In the mean time, I think you should be concentrating on yourself. I'm not so sure how anxious I'd be to jump right out there and start dating, especially if the primary purpose is to get her off your mind. You'll just end up confusing yourself and hurting someone else and I don't think you want that. Firstly, consider your own interests and perhaps give yourself some time developing those interests. You've spent most of your grown life confined to this one relationship, and while that's not a bad thing, you really need to get to know yourself, define yourself, your own needs (apart from her) and interests. After awhile, I think I'd consider going out with someone ... not just to date, but a girl you feel you could be friends with as well as potential relationship because ultimately, these are the matches that work out for the best. Whatever you do don't rush ANY of these things: her feelings and/or decision, your own self development, or dating. You need time and some distance yourself so you can think rationally. So give her the time she asks for and keep up with her periodically to see how she's feeling, but remember, there's allot in life so maybe best not to define yourself in terms of any one relationship... at least not completely anyway. Good luck.
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