MidnightMarauder Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Just a heads up, I'm new here. Where to begin? I'm 20 years old and so is she. I was with this girl for a little over a year and a half. We we great. The love felt mutual. We had chemistry and passion. I was the first one she ever got sexual with. We went to high school togther for a year or two. I always thought she was breathtakingly gorgeous. No part of me ever thought we would be togther. And sure enough, about a year after graduation, we got in touch. We clicked so well. At the time we first started speaking I wasn't living in the same state as her. I was doing seasonal work up north. We spoke for about 6 months until I finally went back home to Texas, where she also lives. About a week after, we made plans to see eachother. It went perfect. Let's fast forward to the break up and the events that led up to it. I hit a spot where I started losing my direction in life and my confidence. It started to show in my relationship. I became clingy and insecure and just an idiot. Then a guy at her job started giving her attention. The dude's about 24 and has his own family. He would be nice to her and helpful and my idiot brain started accusing her of have feelings for him. She grew tired of it. So one night I went to go see her, and we spoke into the dead of night. She wanted a break. And for a while I thought she needed space and then we would be fine. I was oblivious to the fact that we were breaking up for good and she was giving it to me gently. I then find out that the guy at her job confessed his feelings for her a few days before. You can imagine how that made me feel. So she started hanging out with him. She told me that they don't do anything together. And I trust that they don't. She tells me he's married and unhappy with his wife and planning to het a divorce. She says she wont do anything with him until that happens. Turns out they have a lot in common. And we're more opposites than anything else. We have common interests but still. She's wild and free and I'm a bit more reserved and cautious. So she tells me that she still loves me and that the guy she's talking to now doesnt have that from her. Last night we went out. I told her that I need to walk away from this situation for good. She starting crying her eyes out, begging me not to walk out of her life. She said that I'm the only one she truly trusts to talk about her issues with. She's had a rough life and I was always there to give her a shoulder to cry on. She said she wants to have me in her life and that it would kill her to lose me. That she still loves me but not in the way that I love her. It hurts like hell seeing her talk to that other guy. I don't want to abonden her. I told her jokingly that I should start ****ing around and again she started crying her eyes out. How do I approach this situation? I just need advice, man. My heart tells me to stick around and maybe she'll realize that she'll be happy with me. She says that when she's with that other guy she's constantly looking over her shoulder but with me she can just relax and forget all her issues. Like WTF!?!? I want to slap her and tell her to open her eyes. She hides him from her family because they would kill her if they knew he was married. I honestly don't know why she's doing what the hell she's doing. And I've changed. The break up made me look into myself as a person and I realized that I have **** to work on and not I BELIEVE I can fix them. I'm miserable at my job so I'm taking steps to get a better one with more opportunities. I'm applying for school as soon as I get the job situation settled. I think I lost myself in our love and that's what caused its downfall.
marky00 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 hey mate, ur right..... its amazing how we get caught in the love and don't keep doing us. Don't believe what she says but. Only rarely does a dumper say they don't love anymore and that usually takes some bad crap to have happened for them to say that. She cares, no doubts likes you... but right now doesn't care enough. Feelings do change but. Your best bet would be to let her do what she wants. That's the only way she will start to see you in a better light and by then if she contacts u, u'll probably tell her to take a hike. 2
sooshi Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 So she started hanging out with him. She told me that they don't do anything together. And I trust that they don't. She tells me he's married and unhappy with his wife and planning to het a divorce. She says she wont do anything with him until that happens. So she's waiting him to get a divorce before she does anything with him. She wants to be with him. She can beg, plead, and cry all she wants, but she's already told you that even though they don't "do anything together" now, she will after the divorce. Listen to that. 3
Kelley Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 She is asking you to stay in her life for her own selfish reasons. She is talking to another guy, if she loved you like you love her, she wouldn't be and she would be with you. My ex told me that he still loved me, they all do to ease their guilt. She no doubt cares about you and misses you, but it's not the same as loving and wanting to be with you. You need to be selfish and go NC, she made her decision, you need to protect yourself so you can heal. Staying friends doesn't work trust me, you hold onto hope and waste your time. You end up right back at square one when they start another relationship. You need to accept it's over and move on as hard as it is. 1
Been Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Your being played. She hasn't committed yet to him so she had you on the line. And they have done things trust me or she wouldn't have to tell you they didn't. The more you talk to her the less likely you will get back-remember the word clingy-that's what your doing right now. Go NC. And don't waiver on it. And why young man would you want a gf who all the sudden starts a relationship with a married co worker?That speaks volumes on her lack of character. And don't think the married man wasn't exploiting this situation-I'm so sure he gave her so much "helpful" advice. She made her bed so let her lie in it. 1
Author MidnightMarauder Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 Just wanted to thank you all for the advice. I've made up my mind. I'm going no contact for a while and cleansing myself of my feelings for her. I will say that I have no hate towards her or the guy and I do plan on being in her life as a friend. I will only do that after my feelings for her are completely gone. She has been through a lot of things in her life and she has had a lot of people turn her back on her and I can't but another one of those people. Maybe my choice will change after I let go, but as of right now, that is my plan. I'm moving on but not abondaning her. Well what if one day she wants to try us again? I will face that situation when, and IF, the moment comes. Right now I need to be selfish and take care of me. Again. Thank you all.
Been Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 For right now you can't be friends. Doesn't work that way. Your not mad yet but you will be. And she'll play on the friendship to get what she wants. Work on yourself for a little bit. You gotta get over her if you want to be friends. Cant have feelings for someone and try to be friends. Doesn't work. 1
Author MidnightMarauder Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 That's the plan. I'm taking some time for myself. Clearing up the emotions I have for her before I can be her friend.
fromheart Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 If you have romantic feelings for a woman but she doesn't feel the same for any reason, you must walk away. She doesn't want to be with you, but she needs someone to talk to while she's waiting for married guy to get divorced so she can hook up with him. Unless you want to be a doormat, I'd get out of that situation. She will not respect you for it, she'll just see you as someone who doesn't have the strength to stand up for himself. She wont feel safe around you, if you don't respect yourself how can you look out for her well being? Men accepting the friend zone when they've been dumped, hoping that will be a path to getting the girl back are dead men walking. Tell her your not interested in a friendship, only romance. She can contact you if she changes her mind. Thats the quickest way to ANYTHING positive. 1
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