How could two people so alike not be good?

[Parker12]

Hey Loveshack community. Hope you all are doing good. My question is this. My ex broke up with me almost 5 months ago now. We didn't have a very long relationship. Only lasted for about 6 months total, but wow did I fall for her. We were so alike. Shared all the same interests. Had same tv shows that we watched, same favorite movie, same favorite musical artist as well as same musical taste in general, both liked video games and could talk about them forever, both had similar interests in activities we liked to participate in, both had same type of humor. By the book, we were quite a good match. There was only one big difference that seperated us. I can be quite genuine and open about my emotions, when she was completely almost anti-emotional. When I'd do something to show my appreciation and affection towards her, she would "appreciate it", but there'd always be something in the air of "I'm just not sure how to respond to this." I noticed this and she even opened up to me that she was not very good with emotions, but I told her that it was really okay and, honestly, no big deal because I fell for her because of who she was. Not because I was in desperate need of constant approval from her or something. We still broke up, though. I'm thinking maybe I'm just really young and don't fully understand people yet, I'm only in my early twenties. Or maybe I've been overthinking this for too long. I don't know. I know I probably should have moved on by now, but it's left me so confused. How could two people so alike still have one person who, still in the early stages of it all while we're still figuring everything out and learning about each other, come to the unarguable conclusion, at least in their eyes, that we are "simply unsustainable as a couple" (those were her words at least). I probed a little into why she felt the way she did at first, which was a mistake I know, but she'd only come back with that same statement. She would say she's too unemotional for me or something like that. Though, I never tried to pressure her emotionally for anything. I'm just not sure about it and am stuck feeling like I lost someone great and was maybe unintentionally being emotionally pressuring and I just wasn't aware. I'm even at the point of feeling like there's most likely something very wrong with me that I've never noticed before. I'm just a little confused and was hoping maybe someone would have some light on the situation. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.

[Redhead14]

Hey Loveshack community. Hope you all are doing good. My question is this. My ex broke up with me almost 5 months ago now. We didn't have a very long relationship. Only lasted for about 6 months total, but wow did I fall for her. We were so alike. Shared all the same interests. Had same tv shows that we watched, same favorite movie, same favorite musical artist as well as same musical taste in general, both liked video games and could talk about them forever, both had similar interests in activities we liked to participate in, both had same type of humor. By the book, we were quite a good match. There was only one big difference that seperated us. I can be quite genuine and open about my emotions, when she was completely almost anti-emotional. When I'd do something to show my appreciation and affection towards her, she would "appreciate it", but there'd always be something in the air of "I'm just not sure how to respond to this." I noticed this and she even opened up to me that she was not very good with emotions, but I told her that it was really okay and, honestly, no big deal because I fell for her because of who she was. Not because I was in desperate need of constant approval from her or something. We still broke up, though. I'm thinking maybe I'm just really young and don't fully understand people yet, I'm only in my early twenties. Or maybe I've been overthinking this for too long. I don't know. I know I probably should have moved on by now, but it's left me so confused. How could two people so alike still have one person who, still in the early stages of it all while we're still figuring everything out and learning about each other, come to the unarguable conclusion, at least in their eyes, that we are "simply unsustainable as a couple" (those were her words at least). I probed a little into why she felt the way she did at first, which was a mistake I know, but she'd only come back with that same statement. She would say she's too unemotional for me or something like that. Though, I never tried to pressure her emotionally for anything. I'm just not sure about it and am stuck feeling like I lost someone great and was maybe unintentionally being emotionally pressuring and I just wasn't aware. I'm even at the point of feeling like there's most likely something very wrong with me that I've never noticed before. I'm just a little confused and was hoping maybe someone would have some light on the situation. Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far.

 

We were so alike. Shared all the same interests. Had same tv shows that we watched, same favorite movie, same favorite musical artist as well as same musical taste in general, both liked video games and could talk about them forever, both had similar interests in activities we liked to participate in, both had same type of humor. -- All these things are nice, but they are really superficial in terms of "connection".

 

Being able to connect emotionally and mutually, is THE core of a relationship. You two were similar in some ways, but polar opposite in terms of emotional "style". That can't work. In your scenario, you were doing all the work, not getting any real return, and telling her it's OK when, in fact, you weren't OK with it. It did affect you. I think she probably was feeling pressured and/or smothered by your affection. There isn't anything wrong with being affectionate, etc., but if the other person's comfort level is being overloaded, it causes resentment. And, trust me, over time when you're emotional needs are being supported/reciprocated, you will develop resentment as well.

 

You two are young and it's a good idea to date lots of people to find that right combination. She just wasn't right for you and vice versa. There will be a lot more people who aren't right for you than there will be ones who are. That's just the way it is.