0rangepekoe Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 About 2 months ago I started casually dating an acquaintance of mine who also happens to work at the gym that I go to. I'm not normally one for casual relationships but after nothing working out on the online dating scene, I decided to try something new. Things were amazing at first and he pursued me, showered me with affection, etc. I felt appreciated and happy. Surprise: I ended up catching feelings for this guy. And now, within the past month or so, he's started showing less interest in me - likely due to someone else else being in the picture. He won't say no to my advances, but at the same time he won't commit to long-term plans to hang out. He also doesn't admit that he's no longer interested, despite saying he's the type of guy that'll say no when he's not interested in something. So here I am, sitting on the backburner. Anyway: I really need to get over him, which is hard when I see him multiple times a week while exercising. So I just wanted to ask.. Would it be overdramatic of me to start working out elsewhere to get some distance for myself?What do I tell him when he eventually notices that I'm no longer around? Part of me wants to mention to him how I'm feeling, but he simply isn't making himself as available anymore for me to do so. I'm not sure if this is this something you do when you're casual anyway... do you keep "feelings" to yourself?
stillafool Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Definitely change gyms to work out. If he asks where you've been just tell him you like working out at the other place better. (Who knows, you might meet a new guy at the new gym.) Actually your guy may be relieved that you are going to work out someplace else so he can play around with other women at his gym without feeling guilty. It's pretty obvious that he is over your casual affair by his actions so you need to distance yourself to get over him. 1
Bialy Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 He does not feel the same way about you. Don't tell him how you're feeling because it won't change his mind or change things for the better. At least that is my impression based on what you have written. Change gyms and if you're linked up to him on social media - it might be a good idea to just remove him.
Author 0rangepekoe Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 stillafool: We slept together once. Up until a couple of weeks ago he was still interested in coming over (presumably to hook up again), until his availability started going downhill. Part of me is glad we hadn't slept together more than once or I'd be even more upset by all of this. I figure that he's not into this anymore - I just don't understand why he can't come right out and say it instead of stringing me along.
Bialy Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 You don't owe him an explanation on why you changed gyms. He's not your boyfriend. Just like he doesn't owe you an explanation why he's eyeing and screwing other women. 2
stillafool Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 stillafool: We slept together once. Up until a couple of weeks ago he was still interested in coming over (presumably to hook up again), until his availability started going downhill. Part of me is glad we hadn't slept together more than once or I'd be even more upset by all of this. I figure that he's not into this anymore - I just don't understand why he can't come right out and say it instead of stringing me along. He knows telling you that will hurt you and he doesn't want that. Also he never know when or if he may want another roll in the hay with you. It really does sound kike he is on to someone else. I guess working in a gym he is meeting new women all the time. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 About 2 months ago I started casually dating an acquaintance of mine who also happens to work at the gym that I go to. I'm not normally one for casual relationships but after nothing working out on the online dating scene, I decided to try something new. Things were amazing at first and he pursued me, showered me with affection, etc. I felt appreciated and happy. Surprise: I ended up catching feelings for this guy. And now, within the past month or so, he's started showing less interest in me - likely due to someone else else being in the picture. He won't say no to my advances, but at the same time he won't commit to long-term plans to hang out. He also doesn't admit that he's no longer interested, despite saying he's the type of guy that'll say no when he's not interested in something. So here I am, sitting on the backburner. Anyway: I really need to get over him, which is hard when I see him multiple times a week while exercising. So I just wanted to ask.. Would it be overdramatic of me to start working out elsewhere to get some distance for myself?What do I tell him when he eventually notices that I'm no longer around? Part of me wants to mention to him how I'm feeling, but he simply isn't making himself as available anymore for me to do so. I'm not sure if this is this something you do when you're casual anyway... do you keep "feelings" to yourself? Put on your big girl pants and accept the fact that you two simply weren't right for each other, otherwise, it would be going "your" way. Don't do anything different, i.e. stop going to the gym you always go to. When you see him be friendly but don't question him and don't pursue him. Don't initiate anything with him. You are just two people who go to the same gym now. It isn't as though he is an "ex" that you had a real relationship with.
gorf Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I just don't understand why he can't come right out and say it instead of stringing me along. Cause if he has other options, he can. If you stay.. you stay. If you go.. no big deal, he has other options or backups. Know what Im saying? As for your previous comment, you dont have to bring feelings into it. You dont owe him anything. He has distanced himself to you, so why does he deserve a detailed explanation? He could have gotten one if he were interested, and by your side, and you know... interested and invested. But he isnt. So you don't even have to waste your time to explain what he does not really have the right to know. If he wanted to know, he would have stayed around. Now its too late. So you do you. Go to another gym, see other guys, whatever you want. But Ill say, if you stay at that gym, you are fore example now with another guy, there is still going to be this first guy. He will be there. You will look him in the eye. You were physical with him, and now nomatter what, he will still be in contact distance. Think about that if you want to peruse other guys. Not so much that he will completely change and come round cause you are with another guy.. that would be fake. But cause you have a certain amount of feeling invested in a guy you had sex with. Even once. Even only sorta seeing for only 2 months. If you follow. Best of luck ! 1
Miss Spider Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Speaking firsthand, it's hard. Sure it's not as hard as a serious thing, but you will hurt for good while. I am sorry. I think it's totally ok to share your feelings with the person. You say , I'm starting to have feelings and can't so casual anymore. See how he responds. If you don't like response go NC and say you must for your own well being good luck. 2
gorf Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Speaking firsthand, it's hard. Sure it's not as hard as a serious thing, but you will hurt for good while. I am sorry. I think it's totally ok to share your feelings with the person. You say , I'm starting to have feelings and can't so casual anymore. See how he responds. If you don't like response go NC and say you must for your own well being good luck. I agree. My last comment I was pushing more for the NC only cause it seemed like he was a hit it and quit it guy.. only, he dragged it out 2 months. But Im totally with you. 1
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