Lying, cheating, and now he's chasing after an 18 y/o girl.

[totallyconfused]

First he lied, then he cheated. So many things to say, where do I start, how do I finish?

 

For the past 3 months, he's been on online dating services, then he begins emailing other girls flirting incessantly, finally finding one he went and met. For the past month, they'd been hanging out and he kissed her. I found out b/c I confronted her on AIM. I found out he'd been cheating on me b/c I checked his emails and....everything else just flooded in. Its like he had another life, a second life I had no idea about.

 

We'd been together FOUR years in LDR, and sure we had our problems. I've been with him through 2 six-month deployments. When I tried breaking it off with him almost a year ago, he just kept badgering me for 4 months, ruining an almost relationship I could've had with someone else. But I stayed with him, even throughout our break, agonizing over it with him on the phone. ALWAYS with open arms to him. And now, its like eye for an eye, this time he barely will talk to me.

 

I flew out to see him this weekend in a daze thinking I could salvage the pieces, but he continued his same lies and stories. I had to pry it out of the girl he's been seeing for him to finally tell me the truth. He's 26 y/o and is trying to get with this 18 y/o girl. She is so young and she has this website thats just like exposing her to a complete nudity. Its like she is just screaming for attention. It makes me so sick that he is acting on his lust for such a young girl. And what makes me even more mad is that we slept together 9x this weekend and every thing else, and the girl knows and she doesnt even care. She was like "I'm like a guy, I don't care about that". Its like shes so young and doesnt even know what she's getting into. He's only been seeing her for 1 month and he's giving up this relationship to try to take chances with her. I can't believe it. He's only been seeing her 1 month and the entire month was based on lies and cheating on her and on me and to like 6 other girls he'd been talking to online. Its so naive of him to think optimism in this relationship based on lies.

 

This girl has no job, no car, lives with her parents. And I complete opposite, car, job, smarter, education, beauty, youth (im 22) SH*T even skinnier than her, and I even make more money than him now! WTF is he thinking? I know that the more I try to get closer to him, the more I just push him towards her, even if he doesnt want her as much. I just dont know what to do. They havent done anything yet, and Im just scared. By giving him time for a break, it gives him the opportunity to mess around. IDK what to do, its like should I try to push like he had done to me flying over, driving 9 hours to see me and whatnot? IDK I'm so broken. I'm so scared, I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare.

 

I'm past crying now, i'm trying hard to take this all in, trying to believe the rotten truth. But its so hard to mix that in with loneliness and hurt. I usually have self-control on this aspect, but my self-control was helped b/c I was with someone to get through it. Now I am just alone. IDK what to do, the wound is so fresh and cut open. Time of NC will feel like an eternity.

[totallyconfused]

IM A FREAKING TRAIN WRECK RIGHT NOW.

[d'Arthez]

I can't offer any words of consolation, so much has happened.

You have been 4 years with him, and you have seen his true colors. No one in her right mind would want to get involved with him. It does not invalidate the 4 years - you simply did not know, what you do know now. It will be hard to overcome, but if he wants to be an idiot, there is no holding him back. From what you told, once you have healed you can do so much better than such an idiot.

 

Stick to NC, and try to delete his IM-details. Otherwise you will only be freaking out on what he is doing now, and if he is cheating again. It is over, and you should remember all the behaviors he has displayed, to completely eradicate the hope or even the thought of the two of you becoming a couple again.

 

You deserve better than that. I wish the best for your healing.

[totallyconfused]

he keeps telling me that he needs to time, space. that he's lost that feeling with us and wants to try to get it back, but needs the "time and space" for it. but i know that time is to only go screw around. its like i want to try to stop this while its only at a kss, but its just a complete train wreck in motion. i cant stop it. and i realize that even a kiss is still cheating, lying is cheating, hiding is cheating. and it aint worth it.

 

he's being so stupid. she's being so stupid. i want to write her an email saying that every time he kisses her, she'll be tasting me and all this horrible stuff. but its like I think this girl is just crazy - she even said she is a manic depressive and on drugs for it. WTF this guy is such a retard! i just need to find the strength to let him go and move on. i just need...

[d'Arthez]

Confusion is not an excuse to act on whatever impulse. It is an explantion, but by no means a justification. By doing things with other girls, cheating on his 18y/o gf, he is not sorting himself out, he is dragging himself down.

 

Honestly, even now he is not your bf, would you want to be around a man, who behaves in the way he has done in the past month? Not only to you, but also to an 18 year old girl. Let alone share your life with such a guy?

You deserve better than that. Admit it!

 

She is just 18 years old. Not as experienced with relationship as you or he. So what signifies a major problem to you, she might not even notice. She will learn, naturally.

He is 26 years old. He should have known better how to handle the situation. I can understand if people claim that they have lost their feelings, but to go through such a roller-coaster ride, and still hope that you would be waiting for him, is plain egocentric stupidity.

[totallyconfused]

If anyone could provide some kind words, as i am feeling restless. Today is the day I am starting the NC. I will post my brains out to stop from calling. please help!

[lamar_84]

Is your bf in the Navy??

[Zaira]

This guy is all wrong. Instead of trying to break them up, try to break your emotions for him. He is NO good for you, and NEVER will be. You deserve so much better than that. You have stood by him for four years, and what has he given you in return? SFA from what I can see. MOVE ON girl. It will hurt for awhile, but in the long run you will realise just how much better off you are without him in your life.

 

I had a LDR for four months with a Marine. He did two stints in Iraq. I found out during the first one that he was chatting to other girls and telling them the same bullsh*t lines he was saying to me. I told him to go jump. During the second time he was there another girl e-mailed me asking about him. I told her the truth, and we became good friends. She decided to stick by him. He came back from Iraq, spent one weekend with her and then dumped her for someone else. That girl put EVERYTHING into making him happy and waiting around for him and he threw it back in her face.

 

Don't join the numbers. Jump ship.

[Jijomo]

What's the matter with you! Get a clue! WAKE UP!!! Don't put yourself through this!!!

 

If she can take him, then you don't need him. If you stay with him now:

 

1. You'll never be able to trust him.

2. You'll never be able to trust him.

3. He'll do it again.

4. You'll never be able to trust him.

5. If he's late getting home from work one day, all this pain will come back...whether he's screwing someone or not.

6. You'll NEVER be able to trust him.

7. You'll always doubt yourself.

8. You'll never be able to trust him.

 

Get a clue! WAKE UP! You are beautiful, smart, and working at a great job. YOU DON'T NEED HIM! YOU CAN DO BETTER!

 

*shakes some sense into totallyconfused*