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Broke up and reconciliation and broke up again.. now what ?

Breakingpoint1990

By Breakingpoint1990
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Breakingpoint1990 New Member

Breakingpoint1990

Posted
Posted (edited)

My ex bf , Z and I had been together for a year before he ask for space between us and I couldn't take it and insist a timeline for this then he decided to give our relationship a month off . I agreed and gave him that one month that he wanted. When the time is up , I decided to ask him out for lunch and went over his place for movie . ( in my mind that time I thought he would open up to me first regarding our "break " ) but he didn't . I couldn't help it, and voice out to him, and break down and cried telling me maybe this is for the best , he doesn't know what he wants and he don't see the future with me .

 

I was devasted hearing someone i love so deeply telling me that he don't see the future with me in it . I left his place and a lot mixed emotion, and didn't speak to him. Then I came across "No contact rules" for least 30 days . From then onwards I started NC for 2 weeks and I got so break down and I texted him " why do you fall out of love?" . I had too many emotion baggage in my heart and brain, too many unanswered question . Honestly I can't remember what he told me and I restart my NC again

 

Fast forward to 2 months later, I still missed him deeply and it was during holiday period . So I decided to text him with very positive message that I learnt from exboyfriendrecovery and he replied with very a positive message too. We met up for dinner and had so much fun laughing thru the night.

 

We had been meeting up each other since then for 5 months , like being exclusive to each other . I didn't have the idea to talk to him about our relationship because I do not want to pressure him , I thought when he is ready then we will eventually be together. When we reached 5 months , I decided to talk to him about us , he says he need more time and he's not ready to have "US" , but he really like to be friend and not stranger by not talking to each other , I agreed and continue being friend with him for 2 months and he decided he doesn't want to hurt me anymore by making me wait for him. And during that time he was very close with one of his girl colleague which I always question him why they have to go out together even tho Im not his gf. He also say things like he doesn't mind me dating other guy.

 

He then cried again and told me sorry and hope the next time we talk we can be friend again . I can no longer how to express how I feel anymore , I told him there's nothing left to said . Ever since then I haven't talk to him restarting my NC rule again , it has only been a month . Since then I've been reading article , because I do not know what I can anymore .

 

If I use my brain to think , this guy doesn't want to be with you anymore. He's probably think grass are greener on the other side now. Why do you want to be with him ?

If I use my heart to think , I missed him and I want to wait for us to be together again in the future.

Edited by Breakingpoint1990
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Your best bet would be to start reading articles about detaching and moving on.

 

He isn't coming back, OP. He has been clear that a relationship isn't going to happen between you, so you need to delete his number. If you don't, you'll continue to find reasons to contact him and you stay stuck.

 

He has already moved on. It's time for you to begin that process too.

  • Like 1
Kelley Established Member

Kelley

Posted
Posted

I was in a similar situation, where I stood still for 3 months, being his friend hoping we would get back together and he went into another relationship. He is not coming back, you need to accept that before you can move on and heal. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't need time and he wouldn't be saying see other guys, because he would be too scared he would lose you forever. I know it's painful I'm going through the same, but it's all part of moving on. We will all heal in time and I always believe that the person was removed from your life, to leave room for the right one. Take care.

  • Author
Breakingpoint1990 New Member

Breakingpoint1990

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I was in a similar situation, where I stood still for 3 months, being his friend hoping we would get back together and he went into another relationship. He is not coming back, you need to accept that before you can move on and heal. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't need time and he wouldn't be saying see other guys, because he would be too scared he would lose you forever. I know it's painful I'm going through the same, but it's all part of moving on. We will all heal in time and I always believe that the person was removed from your life, to leave room for the right one. Take care.

 

So since then .. you have not spoke to your ex bf since then ? I'm still slowly recovering .. is like taking one step forward three steps backwards

Kelley Established Member

Kelley

Posted
Posted

I have been NC for almost 4 weeks. I blocked him everywhere, but he did show up at my work for his own selfish reasons not mine, it really put me back but doing better now! The thing is you have to look after you. I have been through hell keeping NC, and other days I have felt peace, it's always up and down.

 

The beauty of NC is that you heal quicker, being in touch gives you hope, false hope. You have been there so have I. You need to accept it and don't be tempted to stay friends so you can hear about his new girlfriend! We always think but if I don't keep in touch he will forget about me. He won't forget about you, he is just moving on because the relationship is not what he wants anymore. We always get the rough end of the deal being dumped, they sometimes check out way before us, so when the time comes it's easier for them to move on. But we can get some self respect back by making them live with their decision by NC and moving on.

 

 

So since then .. you have not spoke to your ex bf since then ? I'm still slowly recovering .. is like taking one step forward three steps backwards
  • Like 1
Chief1970 Member

Chief1970

Posted
Posted
I have been NC for almost 4 weeks. I blocked him everywhere, but he did show up at my work for his own selfish reasons not mine, it really put me back but doing better now! The thing is you have to look after you. I have been through hell keeping NC, and other days I have felt peace, it's always up and down.

 

The beauty of NC is that you heal quicker, being in touch gives you hope, false hope. You have been there so have I. You need to accept it and don't be tempted to stay friends so you can hear about his new girlfriend! We always think but if I don't keep in touch he will forget about me. He won't forget about you, he is just moving on because the relationship is not what he wants anymore. We always get the rough end of the deal being dumped, they sometimes check out way before us, so when the time comes it's easier for them to move on. But we can get some self respect back by making them live with their decision by NC and moving on.[/quote

 

The next time your ex comes to your job, tell them to give you space and go elsewhere. Not sure what kind of job you have, but this could be his way of stringing you along.

  • Author
Breakingpoint1990 New Member

Breakingpoint1990

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Updated :

 

Ex boyfriend texted "good to see you, how have you been" after 1 month of NC.

 

Reason to not reply :

- He says the next time we talk hope we can become friends again.

I do not want to be friends

- he might miss me but doesn't mean he want me back

- I don't want to boost his ego , make him less guilty by telling him I'm ok

 

Reason to reply:

- do not want us to become stranger/ enemy

- I still want him back

 

 

Any thoughts ?

Edited by Breakingpoint1990
None
Kelley Established Member

Kelley

Posted
Posted

You need to keep going forwards and concentrating on your own recovery. Unless you are happy to be his friend, hear about women he may like in the future etc. He wants to be friends for his own selfish reasons, he is not thinking about you. You need to think about you. Don't read into it, it's just a text message took all of 5 seconds to send it!

 

 

Updated :

 

Ex boyfriend texted "good to see you, how have you been" after 1 month of NC.

 

Reason to not reply :

- He says the next time we talk hope we can become friends again.

I do not want to be friends

- he might miss me but doesn't mean he want me back

- I don't want to boost his ego , make him less guilty by telling him I'm ok

 

Reason to reply:

- do not want us to become stranger/ enemy

- I still want him back

 

 

Any thoughts ?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
Updated :

 

Ex boyfriend texted "good to see you, how have you been" after 1 month of NC.

 

Reason to not reply :

- He says the next time we talk hope we can become friends again.

I do not want to be friends

- he might miss me but doesn't mean he want me back

- I don't want to boost his ego , make him less guilty by telling him I'm ok

 

Reason to reply:

- do not want us to become stranger/ enemy

- I still want him back

 

 

Any thoughts ?

 

You need to move on. Based on your initial post, the chances of you both getting back together in a relationship is slim to none.

 

Stay NC. It is to protect yourself and to help you heal.

  • Like 1
Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

Posted
Posted
My ex bf , Z and I had been together for a year before he ask for space between us and I couldn't take it and insist a timeline for this then he decided to give our relationship a month off . I agreed and gave him that one month that he wanted. When the time is up , I decided to ask him out for lunch and went over his place for movie . ( in my mind that time I thought he would open up to me first regarding our "break " ) but he didn't . I couldn't help it, and voice out to him, and break down and cried telling me maybe this is for the best , he doesn't know what he wants and he don't see the future with me .

 

I was devasted hearing someone i love so deeply telling me that he don't see the future with me in it . I left his place and a lot mixed emotion, and didn't speak to him. Then I came across "No contact rules" for least 30 days . From then onwards I started NC for 2 weeks and I got so break down and I texted him " why do you fall out of love?" . I had too many emotion baggage in my heart and brain, too many unanswered question . Honestly I can't remember what he told me and I restart my NC again

 

Fast forward to 2 months later, I still missed him deeply and it was during holiday period . So I decided to text him with very positive message that I learnt from exboyfriendrecovery and he replied with very a positive message too. We met up for dinner and had so much fun laughing thru the night.

 

We had been meeting up each other since then for 5 months , like being exclusive to each other . I didn't have the idea to talk to him about our relationship because I do not want to pressure him , I thought when he is ready then we will eventually be together. When we reached 5 months , I decided to talk to him about us , he says he need more time and he's not ready to have "US" , but he really like to be friend and not stranger by not talking to each other , I agreed and continue being friend with him for 2 months and he decided he doesn't want to hurt me anymore by making me wait for him. And during that time he was very close with one of his girl colleague which I always question him why they have to go out together even tho Im not his gf. He also say things like he doesn't mind me dating other guy.

 

He then cried again and told me sorry and hope the next time we talk we can be friend again . I can no longer how to express how I feel anymore , I told him there's nothing left to said . Ever since then I haven't talk to him restarting my NC rule again , it has only been a month . Since then I've been reading article , because I do not know what I can anymore .

 

If I use my brain to think , this guy doesn't want to be with you anymore. He's probably think grass are greener on the other side now. Why do you want to be with him ?

If I use my heart to think , I missed him and I want to wait for us to be together again in the future.

 

You did NC for 5 months..but what else did you do?

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
Breakingpoint1990 New Member

Breakingpoint1990

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You did NC for 5 months..but what else did you do?

 

I didn't do NC for 5 months , I've been seeing for 5 months before he break things off again

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

Basically you were in a four year relationship and he wasn't feeling it anymore so he broke up with you.

You refused to let go and hooked up with him again.

He then used you as a FWB for 5 months, whilst you were under the illusion you were somehow "getting back together", and when you eventually got round to asking him "Where is this going?", he told you "Nowhere.", but you still stuck around for another 2 months, despite knowing he did not see you as his gf...

Did you ask about exclusivity or did you just assume it?

My guess that whilst you thought you were "getting back together", he was instead "getting to know" his female co-worker" and getting sex from you at the same time.

Win/win for him and a complete waste of time for you.

 

Get tested immediately for STDS and then grieve, heal and move on, he is not worth even one of your tears. This is over and you have to accept that for your own sake..

 

Remember that people who want to break up do so because they want to go out looking for someone else.

People who want to work on relationships stick around and try to work things out, as they want you as their gf and they do not EVER want to lose you to anyone else.

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