Is having a really attractive girlfriend worth it?

[guitardude31]

First of all, most men can't even get a woman, let alone, an attractive or *the* most attractive one. Women are the gatekeepers, the choosers to one of life's most important and really life sustaining and changing experiences: relationships, sex, intimacy etc. Men are at an immense profound disadvantage. You will find many virgin or involuntarily celibate males, but it's rare when you find that with a female, if you do, it's often because she chose to. "Confidence" means a million different things to a million different women. It is TRUE, that if you lie and pretend you aren't a flawed human being, and you have a great deal of mastery, be it humor, physical looks, money, all of it, and you portray that in a marketable way, it will attract. Confidence projects security. But of course in the mating game, only men are required to be completely well adjusted, super confident, and having every little thing put together. We have to do the pursuing.

 

We evolved from a tournament mating system where females have choice and few men are the victor, it is our DNA, even sperm from one male will fight the sperm of another male when competing for the egg. A lot of this isn't even conscious. Many men go through there lives not knowing what it's like to even get compliments from the opposite sex.

 

Just a plain jane average female has more opportunity than an equivalent male, and maybe a rough equivalent with a really attractive guy/alpha male. Beautiful, especially if young, but even when not, females essentially for all intents and purposes live in an entire other reality, I doubt they could really even empathize with the alpha male experience let alone the average dude.

 

We do know, as all of this has been studied, that regular women, let alone the hotties, have really profoundly unrealistic standards when it comes to the opposite sex. Take this for example: https://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

 

"Women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve"

 

The men rate the women on a completely healthy, rather generous and fair bell curve. Remember this is sampling millions of people.

 

"Females of OkCupid, we site founders say to you: ouch! Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex."

 

The vast majority of sent messages are from men to women, by far. It is still expect that men take all the risk, and do all the work in pursuing, despite women having all the power, choice, and privilege.

 

But let's say by some unholy miracle you get an *attractive* woman. Unless you are making them big bucks, have high social value, or can keep her ever increasing needs to be entertained, thrilled, surprised, amused, whatever up, you will eventually be dumped or divorced. It might take years, decades even, but it will happen. There have been multiple studies showing women are genetically programmed to cheat, which explains the axiom of how men love idealistically and women, opportunistically. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/story?id=1469078

 

Google "hypergamy". In it's essence, it is the act of women trading "up", or not letting go of one branch till they have there hands firmly grasped onto another (serial monogamy as an example). Women, regardless of where they are at, want a man of equal or greater value in some area of life or multiple. Money, looks, social status, whatever. If you are desired by many women = you have more value to said female you are interested in. When you combine this with the natural female tendency for hypergamy, rationalizing cheating etc, you have a lethal mix, this is all compounded by a woman being young and attractive as well, as men will relentlessly approach her.

 

You will note that men, even successful men are perfectly happy with a cute waitress, especially if she is kind, nurturing, feminine etc, but even if not, but the reverse is never true. The statistics just don't bare it out. Women initiate 70-90% of all divorces with no fault being the most cited. A man's odds for being cheated on, left, or whatever are so ridiculously high, it would be like telling someone to jump out an airplane with a 10-30% chance of their parachute deploying. Would you make that jump?

 

An attractive woman takes all of this and puts it on steroids.

Edited November 15, 2016 by guitardude31

[Dis]

If you're talking very objectively attractive, I say no. I've had the privilege of dating a couple, exactly 2 girls who were noticeably more attractive than myself. Both were some of the most entitled, self absorbed and everything stereotypical.

 

But!!!!

 

You should still do it to experience yourself. We only live once.

 

I'm sorry you had those experiences Jay, and I can only speak for myself but....my looks do NOT in any way give me a hall pass to act [rude]

 

Looks dont have much to do with a person's character....if a girl is [rude] she'll be that way whether shes ugly or gorgeous

 

Although I'm well above average in the looks department, I personally dont have it in me to be mean, entitled, or self absorbed so be careful with that broad brush

Edited November 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[NJ123]

Exactly!

 

I wish more guys thought the way you do

 

Men just need to have more confidence. I dont need an above average looking guy....an average guy with confidence is just as attractive as a hot guy

 

I'm happy to give a guy a chance....he just needs to take it!

 

The problem is most average guys probably feel like they won't have a chance since as someone else said generally attractive people date other attractive people. And the average looking guys don't want to feel like they're being settled for when they know you can easily get a guy that's on your own level of looks. As I said, the guy has to be extremely secure within himself to be okay with being with a really attractive woman or else it's not going to work out. Maybe it's different if the guy is a legit 8 or 9 in looks himself where it won't bother him much that she would get hit on a lot since he knows he can always get with another attractive woman easily since he's really good looking himself. It really sucks but it's just the way life works. Looks matter a lot more than people want to admit.

Edited November 20, 2016 by NJ123

[NJ123]

If you're talking very objectively attractive, I say no. I've had the privilege of dating a couple, exactly 2 girls who were noticeably more attractive than myself. Both were some of the most entitled, self absorbed and everything stereotypical.

 

But!!!!

 

You should still do it to experience yourself. We only live once.

 

I've heard this a lot myself but I don't think that's necessarily true. There's definitely some genuinely nice really attractive women out there, the issue is most of them get taken off the dating market fairly quick so maybe a lot of the available ones are like what you described but not all.

[Buddhist]

Is it worth having a very physically attractive partner? Yes it is. My last partner was drop dead. I felt happy just being in his presence, but it wasn't really his face that made me happy. He was also one the sweetest guys I ever met and fun to be around.

 

In fact high physical attractiveness carries with it a heap of problems you need to be prepared to face. Other people buzzing around your partner with constant flattery and not very thinly veiled intentions to be with them being the main one. This happened frequently in my presence. If you haven't got nerves of steel and are secure in your relationship with them then it isn't a good idea to date someone who habitually inspires this behaviour in others.

 

The other is opportunity dropping in their laps. People are basic, they will roll out the red carpet for someone who looks good. For no other reason than they look good too. If you're an average and have to work to get opportunity it can start to grate that doors just open with a seemingly halo effect for the genetically gifted. I encouraged by BF at the time to step through those doors but for other reasons he was reluctant to do so.

 

So yeah, it's not all beer and skittles dating a hot one.

[NuevoYorko]

First of all, most men can't even get a woman, let alone, an attractive or *the* most attractive one.

Son, your post starts off poorly: "most" men certainly CAN get a woman, clearly. Every woman who's with a man is ... with a man. Not only devastatingly hot, rich and suave men, but all kinds of men.

 

The post all goes downhill from there. Some of you fellows spend a heck of a lot of time trying to convince the world that it's because of biology and bad women that you are single.

[saz123]

Who cares what other people think, it's what you think that matters the most. Plus if you have a beautiful girlfriend and she gets hit on by other guys, who cares! She is with YOU not them, she chose you and if she goes off with somebody else then... you dodged a massive bullet. It's not all about looks anyway.

[GoodOnPaper]

OP,

 

It sounds like you are heading toward the same road I went down - trying to find someone who turns you on but who no one else would ever want. It won't work - that's looking for an invisible needle in a haystack. You'll end up either settling or having to put up with competition - there is no in-between.

 

I ended up on the settling side. After always being the one who was dumped as my GFs monkeybranched to other guys, it's a relief not to constantly have to worry about competition. But, when you don't think any other guys would want your GF or wife . . . that's not exactly motivating, either.

 

I did have one brief occasion dating someone who got hit on by random men every day, including once or twice in front of me. It was bizarre. It was also kind of an accident. When we met and got to know each other, we were always in work garb - I had no idea she was that attractive. She handled the other guys' flirting very well. We didn't work out because she was very flaky emotionally and the imminent prospect of an LDR cooled things off.

[Wade Lamare]

Well, *scratches head* if you're dating her doesn't that sort of mean you find her really attractive anyway?

 

When I've dated women my first thought wasn't "right, let's find some girl who looks like a bulldog that's been hit upside the head with an ugly stick"

 

I aimed for the most attractive unattached girl I could see. Granted I crashed and burned more times than I succeeded, but hey ho.

[Wade Lamare]

Exactly!

 

I wish more guys thought the way you do

 

Men just need to have more confidence. I dont need an above average looking guy....an average guy with confidence is just as attractive as a hot guy

 

I'm happy to give a guy a chance....he just needs to take it!

 

I get what you're saying Disillusionment but......

 

It can be very difficult to approach with confidence, especially for a young guy when you've been knocked back, laughed at and turned down without a chance time after time.

 

Constant rejection tends to put a dent in your confidence you know.

[thecrucible]

OP, It sounds like you are heading toward the same road I went down - trying to find someone who turns you on but who no one else would ever want. It won't work - that's looking for an invisible needle in a haystack. You'll end up either settling or having to put up with competition - there is no in-between

 

Sometimes attractiveness doesn't even come into it. I'd say most women get hit on from time to time even though it's not every day like the most attractive among us.

 

For some women, they seek out male attention even though they are in a relationship because they rely on it to feel good about themselves. Personally if I was dating a guy and another guy hit on me or looked like he was about to, I'd lightly bring my bf into the conversation to make things clear. I would also not take any delight in relating the story to my bf. I'd keep it to myself because I don't gain anything from saying 'such and such a guy hit on me'.

 

I would hope any bf would realise that I am deemed attractive by some men due to my relationship history/experience with men. But sadly some men also need to feel that every guy finds you attractive for him to find you attractive too. They don't feel right finding you attractive unless they know other men are looking at you.

[NJ123]

Confidence is all well and good, but it does not equal success. While I do not have rock solid confidence in hitting on women, most of them think I do because of how I carry myself. Even so, I have been turned down much more often than I saw success. In my old circle of friends, I was the guy they sent out to bring the ladies in. Mostly because I don't particularly care if I am shot down. Which is good, because more often than not, that is what happens.

 

I do agree that men should take more chances, but if you are one of those rare hot girls that will give a more average guy a chance, then you are the exception, not the norm. Fact is, most people pair up with those of like attractiveness, so those hot girls are waiting for hot guys.

 

A buddy of mine is clearly better looking than I am, but his personality is pretty much crap. He is shy, has little to say, few hobbies, and is an alcoholic. Still, when he and I would go out together, I could talk a great game to the ladies, but they would just swarm around him because of his smile.

 

With all of that said, I have dated a few truly exceptionally beautiful women. Mostly because they were ladies like you, who valued a confident guy, or they liked other things about me, whatever. Sometimes it does work. So, I don't think men should be intimidated by any woman, no matter how attractive. If he likes her, unless he is a real creeper, he should make some kind of move.

 

Maybe it is just me, but I would not go out of my way to hit on the hottest women around. I find that to be incredibly shallow. I prefer to get to know someone a little as a person, and not just hit on a girl because she is more visually appealing than the others in a room. Meh.

 

 

 

Jay is not alone here. The hotter the girl, the bigger a PITA she was. It never failed for me. I have the most success with dating average looking women by far. They are generally more down to earth, easier to get along with, and treat their men better. Just my experience.

 

I can't blame beautiful women for their bad attitudes, if they have them. You have idiot men treating them like goddesses and kissing their butts all the time just because they're hot. Everyone is nice to them, trying to do them favors, buying them gifts, ect. The other day, I saw a guy at a convenience store spot a hot girl in the parking lot. She was closer to the door than he was, so he picked up his pace as soon as he saw her, just so that he could get to the door and hold it open for her. Lame. Her arms ain't broken, let her open her own door! Don't jog across the parking lot like an idiot just to open the door for a girl because she is hot. Sigh. I am sure that a lifetime of being treated like a princess can make a girl start to act like one.

 

It sounds like you're an decent chick. Kudos.

 

It's kind of weird that I'm hearing that a lot that the more attractive women have worse attitudes. Whenever I have to interact with an attractive woman at my job they're always really nice the vast majority of the time. Unless behind closed doors & with their boyfriends/husbands they have completely opposite personalities. I just don't think that's the case that more attractive women have awful attitudes. Or at least I'd like to think that's not the case a lot of the time. It likely depends on the individual woman, not based on attractiveness.

[fenix]

How it is that unattractive people do not want to settle with other unattractive people but complain because attractive people do exactly the same?

Attractiveness is not only looks, it is also attitude and how you decide to live your life.

If you love yourself you will find someone who loves you and finds you attractive, if you live your life being jealous of others... well that is definitely not attractive!

[Gr8fuln2020]

Is having a really attractive girlfriend worth it?

 

 

 

Coming into this discussion very late, but the answer for me is YES! I've always dated/married very attractive women b/c that is what I am seeking. Why wouldn't it be worth it???

[NJ123]

It might depend on your location a bit. Around here, even most of your average looking women act like they are all princesses. I'd also like to point out that I am mostly speaking about the single ladies. I know plenty of beautiful women who are smart, nice, and an overall great catch, but they have been caught already.

 

Yep, that's what happens. Most of the great catches are with someone already. And a lot of the time that seems to be the case where if a gorgeous woman is in her 30s & still single a lot of guys would wonder why. Gorgeous women have the most power out of everyone else in dating so I guess that's the reason why they wonder. When I was on online dating I couldn't tell you how many really pretty women with good jobs were on there. It was really weird to see.

[Dis]

Confidence is all well and good, but it does not equal success. While I do not have rock solid confidence in hitting on women, most of them think I do because of how I carry myself. Even so, I have been turned down much more often than I saw success. In my old circle of friends, I was the guy they sent out to bring the ladies in. Mostly because I don't particularly care if I am shot down. Which is good, because more often than not, that is what happens.

 

I do agree that men should take more chances, but if you are one of those rare hot girls that will give a more average guy a chance, then you are the exception, not the norm. Fact is, most people pair up with those of like attractiveness, so those hot girls are waiting for hot guys.

 

A buddy of mine is clearly better looking than I am, but his personality is pretty much crap. He is shy, has little to say, few hobbies, and is an alcoholic. Still, when he and I would go out together, I could talk a great game to the ladies, but they would just swarm around him because of his smile.

 

With all of that said, I have dated a few truly exceptionally beautiful women. Mostly because they were ladies like you, who valued a confident guy, or they liked other things about me, whatever. Sometimes it does work. So, I don't think men should be intimidated by any woman, no matter how attractive. If he likes her, unless he is a real creeper, he should make some kind of move.

 

Maybe it is just me, but I would not go out of my way to hit on the hottest women around. I find that to be incredibly shallow. I prefer to get to know someone a little as a person, and not just hit on a girl because she is more visually appealing than the others in a room. Meh.

 

 

 

Jay is not alone here. The hotter the girl, the bigger a PITA she was. It never failed for me. I have the most success with dating average looking women by far. They are generally more down to earth, easier to get along with, and treat their men better. Just my experience.

 

I can't blame beautiful women for their bad attitudes, if they have them. You have idiot men treating them like goddesses and kissing their butts all the time just because they're hot. Everyone is nice to them, trying to do them favors, buying them gifts, ect. The other day, I saw a guy at a convenience store spot a hot girl in the parking lot. She was closer to the door than he was, so he picked up his pace as soon as he saw her, just so that he could get to the door and hold it open for her. Lame. Her arms ain't broken, let her open her own door! Don't jog across the parking lot like an idiot just to open the door for a girl because she is hot. Sigh. I am sure that a lifetime of being treated like a princess can make a girl start to act like one.

 

It sounds like you're an decent chick. Kudos.

 

I agree with what you're saying engima

 

Its probably the truth that other hot women act like b*****s and have people treating them like princesses while they treat their bfs like sh**

 

These just havent been my experiences at all

 

Sure I have guys holding doors for people and people letting me go ahead of them in line but thats about it...I dont expect that treatment and I always smile and say thank you

 

All of my bfs have either cheated on me or treated me poorly in other ways while I treated them like kings...I'm a great gf...I cook...clean...I'm supportive and positive...sweet...affectionate....I have a healthy sex drive and always make sure to deliver in the bedroom...and I'm alone lol

 

I dont in any way act like a princess or feel entitled to anything I dont deserve

 

Its a Saturday night and I'm home, alone, on LS after studying for 6 hours for my upcoming nursing exam. I dont have guys blowing up my phone...I dont have guys hitting me up on fb...I'm not out at clubs getting hit on (like I said, I dont even get hit on at the grocery store....what I do get are constant stares everywhere I go...which is kind of uncomfortable) The guys that do message me or hit on me every 9 months are creeps (e.g drug addicts, married men)

 

So...its really not all its cracked up to be....being a 'hot' female...it actually kind of sucks...at least the average woman gets hit on pretty frequently and is thought of as "nice" because shes not hot enough to be a b****

 

I guess this is life though

[Dis]

I get what you're saying Disillusionment but......

 

It can be very difficult to approach with confidence, especially for a young guy when you've been knocked back, laughed at and turned down without a chance time after time.

 

Constant rejection tends to put a dent in your confidence you know.

 

I hear you Wade

 

If I was a guy...I'd have a tough time doing it myself

 

Guys dont have it easy

[Chris2016]

Is having a really attractive girlfriend worth it? Though I've never been in the position ...

 

Yes, if she has a pleasant personality. I think it's also up to the lady to shut guys down, not just the guy having to be confident.

 

HELL NO, if she has an unpleasant personality. I don't care how attractive she is. A friend's wife is more attractive than he his. She talks down to people. Not sure how he can deal with that.

[ltjg45]

If the only thing a woman has going for her is her beauty, then no, it is not worth it.

 

However, if you are not physically attracted to her whatsoever, then that isn't worth it either when it comes to a relationship.

 

I may get ripped for this but you have to first find a woman you are attracted to and then you need to actually like her as a person before you can be truly happy with your partner.

 

However, remember that this cuts both ways. This goes vice versa as well.