Is having a really attractive girlfriend worth it?

[sooshi]

I was asking in a general sense to see how guys feel about dating attractive women & what happens even when they're around.

 

Maybe that's part of it, but I think it goes deeper than that. I believe your question is tied to your anxiety/insecurities/fears, as I believe has been the case for all of your 54 threads on here. This isn't really about having an attractive girlfriend and how to possibly deal with her getting attention. It's about you and your fear of that.

 

This is not intended as a criticism. But you d need to focus on being more secure within yourself, and taking the steps to do so. Your threads seem more designed to set you up to creating more barriers to dating, like Buddhist said.

 

You don't want to date someone who you're not attracted to, because that would be settling. Understandable.

 

You also don't seem to want to date someone who's attractive, because you're worried about her leaving you/cheating you/your inability to cope with the attention she gets.

 

So, whether or not you find a girl attractive, it's not going to work out. At least, not in your current state (fearful, anxious, insecure, etc.). Fear/anxiety/insecurity drive people away, NJ.

 

But your current state can change. Build some security within yourself. And that means getting off of the computer, out of your armchair, and cultivating some independence for yourself. Start with going out, buying your own food, and putting your own meals together. Take your supplements daily. Drive to an area you're unfamiliar with, and get/print out directions beforehand. If you get lost, then ask someone for help.

 

If you're not willing to take steps to become a more confident person, then you're going to continue living your life the way you are, and your life, quite frankly, sounds miserable... and it's staying that way because you're not making any new choices. But fortunately, it doesn't have to stay that way.

 

Show yourself that you can do X, Y, and Z. Show yourself that you can find solutions for yourself. Start with small steps. Build momentum.

 

You said you would try to do something different every day. What are you doing differently today? What are you doing to actually make your overcome an obstacle in your life?

[Rockdad]

My wife is undeniably very Hot with an amazing sweet spirit. Yes she's been hit on with me standing right next to her numerous times by both male and females. Personally I find it humorous. As I type she just went to lunch with one of our female friends that has wanted to have sex with her for the longest time.

 

She is modest about her attractiveness which I find very classy. She has my blessing to do anything that brings happiness to her life what ever it is. I feel privileged she lets me hang around her actually. I don't feel any anxiety however the first 5 years we were together I constantly had the warm fuzzies.

[Moves Like Jagger]

I was asking in a general sense to see how guys feel about dating attractive women & what happens even when they're around.

 

But why is it relevant to your situation? You have a lot of issues that prevent you from being in the same league as average women, let alone above average to elite women.

 

 

Starting a thread about having a really attractive girlfriend in your situation is the same thing as you starting a thread about how it's really hard to get an "A" at an Ivy League school because all the students there are smart and study hard. It's also the same thing as you being concerned about getting a high paying job because you might have to work an excessive amount of hours.

[mikeylo]

Pretty, attractive down to earth women attract most attention. Key word being down to earth. They know they are pretty, they know guys want them , they know their worth. They even attract guys when they are dressed down. They attract even when they don't look at the guys.

 

But if her eyes are on you , then that should be IT. If in the room full of guys who are trying to get her attention, she rejects / ignores all of them and her eyes/ attention is fixed on you , what more does that guy need/ want?

 

Take pride in it and feel lucky.

 

Everyone has their preference in attractiveness. Some like the pretty down to earth while others prefer the ones who are loud,center of attention kind. The former will still have more guys chasing than the loud one wearing revealing clothes. That one in her attempt to not get attention, gets more while the latter, vying for attention , wants what the other gets without doing anything. Lol

 

This can bring out either insecurity in a guy or a sense of pride and protectiveness towards his girl. I guess the latter is better for both. You want her to turn to you when that obnoxious guy hits on her.

 

It's worth having an attractive gf. You just need to bring out your soft side if she is not an attention seeker but gets attention anyway.

[NJ123]

Everytime I start a thread on here it turns into a huge argument. I'm officially done posting on here, or at least for a very long time. It's a waste of my time at this point.

[Just a Guy]

You're right NJ. It is a waste of your time. Also of everyone who deigns to reply to you. Wish you the best though. Hope you can find someone for yourself.

[AMJ]

Everytime I start a thread on here it turns into a huge argument. I'm officially done posting on here, or at least for a very long time. It's a waste of my time at this point.

 

Don't get all bent out of shape. It's an interesting enough subject but everyone who knows your story knows that this sort of fear is premature given your situation. Once again, you're trying to skip steps and get to the finish line without running the race. It does not work that way!

 

And until your anxiety issue is resolved, you really will flip out about anyone you date. Relationships cause anxiety even for people who don't have anxiety. It's handing over all this control to another person. Your feelings and future are tied to this other person's feelings and actions. That kind of trust is really difficult, even for very emotionally secure and stable people.

 

I get the sense that you really don't need a girlfriend right now, you need a dog- or maybe a cat. I'm not saying that to be rude, seriously. I just don't think you're at all ready for a relationship.

[ChickiePops]

Everytime I start a thread on here it turns into a huge argument. I'm officially done posting on here, or at least for a very long time. It's a waste of my time at this point.

 

I think this is a great idea. This place seems to exacerbate your neuroses rather than calming them.

[NJ123]

You're right NJ. It is a waste of your time. Also of everyone who deigns to reply to you. Wish you the best though. Hope you can find someone for yourself.

 

See this is exactly what I mean. I had to respond one last time here. Your reply of saying I'm beneath everyone & AMJ liking my post of not posting on here anymore. I also notice a trend on here that almost every thread in general is always filled with attacks on people usually aimed at the thread starter. Not a good nor healthy place for me.

Edited October 26, 2016 by NJ123

[Haydn]

Yes.

 

To the original question.

 

`Attractive to you`

[SammySammy]

See this is exactly what I mean. I had to respond one last time here. Your reply of saying I'm beneath everyone & AMJ liking my post of not posting on here anymore. I also notice a trend on here that almost every thread in general is always filled with attacks on people usually aimed at the thread starter. Not a good nor healthy place for me.

 

Coddling and enabling you is not healthy either. Nor is quitting and giving up when challenged.

 

You're going to have to face and overcome some things if you really want to achieve success.

 

If all you want to do is mope, then being defensive and quitting is serving you well. Working just fine.

[xxoo]

Having a girlfriend who is loving and loyal is worth it, whether she is attractive or not.

[salparadise]

See this is exactly what I mean. I had to respond one last time here. Your reply of saying I'm beneath everyone & AMJ liking my post of not posting on here anymore. I also notice a trend on here that almost every thread in general is always filled with attacks on people usually aimed at the thread starter. Not a good nor healthy place for me.

 

It's definitely not a support group or feel-good counseling. People are going to be real with you, and they're not going to sugar coat it. If you're just looking for someone to reinforce whatever you already believe and help with rationalizations... you're right, probably not the place. Nobody wishes you any ill will NJ123, they're just being straight up with you. Try and see it for what it is.

[NJ123]

Aren't you putting the cart before the horse here NJ? It seems like you are either trying to figure dating and relationships out from your position in an armchair or you are looking for the next thing to worry about since you've already worried every other horse to death. You can't get relationships all figured out and then start dating, it just does not work that way. You won't even know how you will feel in certain situations until you are in them. All you are doing here is speculating from a position of zero experience, which isn't useful and is likely to just add to that mountain of barriers to dating you've already created.

 

True, what's the point since no one would want me anyway. I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm highly likely going to be single for life. It's just not even a joke anymore, it just is what it is. Women in general don't want me, so I need to stop posting on here & worrying about it. I need to be okay somehow with possibly being single for life or else this is just going to destroy me if I keep giving myself hope. I mean if I never had a relationship at this point the odds aren't in my favor at all.

[Wade Lamare]

True, what's the point since no one would want me anyway. I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm highly likely going to be single for life. It's just not even a joke anymore, it just is what it is. Women in general don't want me, so I need to stop posting on here & worrying about it. I need to be okay somehow with possibly being single for life or else this is just going to destroy me if I keep giving myself hope. I mean if I never had a relationship at this point the odds aren't in my favor at all.

 

Actually, being 'ok with being single' for the rest of your life may be just what you need.

 

If you meet a woman/some women and you aren't worried about whether they've had one too many lovers, are too attractive, might find you too short or whatever manifestation of your insecurities you might imagine, you might just find something magical happening.

 

If you can truly be happy just being yourself, a nice, secure guy who has got his stuff together (without being bitter) I am pretty sure that some ladies will find that attractive. They'll let you know.

 

Ladies, opinions?

[NJ123]

Actually, being 'ok with being single' for the rest of your life may be just what you need.

 

If you meet a woman/some women and you aren't worried about whether they've had one too many lovers, are too attractive, might find you too short or whatever manifestation of your insecurities you might imagine, you might just find something magical happening.

 

If you can truly be happy just being yourself, a nice, secure guy who has got his stuff together (without being bitter) I am pretty sure that some ladies will find that attractive. They'll let you know.

 

Ladies, opinions?

 

True, that's the mentality I'll have to have at this point going forward otherwise it's going to get to me too much. I have to just be okay with being single possibly for my entire life. It sucks, but I feel it's the only way where it won't bother me if I can come to terms with it. And as you said, if I did date I'd just have to take it by an individual basis & see what happens as we go on a date/dates. If I don't like something about them where I feel it's a deal breaker to me I can just move on, since I don't have to force myself to be with someone anyway.

 

I kept saying I won't post anymore, but I kind of wrote that in the heat of the moment but I just don't think this place is good for me since all it does is keep bringing what I don't have to the forefront & reading negative stuff all the time on here. I have to change my mindset about it or else I'm automatically doomed to a life of misery.

[William]

To save everyone a world of grief, let's get back to this content:

A question for men that have/had attractive girlfriends/wives, do other men hit on them in front of you? And how do you deal with that if it did happen?

 

 

This is a general question to men who have girlfriends, attractive ones, and how they deal with attention from other males.

 

Feel free to address any personal interpersonal relationships of the thread starter in threads they've begun on those relationships

 

Thanks!

[gaius]

I can't recall a time where a guy had the balls to blatently hit on her right in front of me but we don't go hang out in bars or anything. She gets hit on all the time when I'm not around though. I don't care, there's no other guy out there that can compete with me. It's like being worried about an ant running off with your girlfriend.

 

On another note, attractive women aren't all the same. Some are trustworthy, others aren't. It helps my girlfriend is both superhot and trustworthy. A great personality too. Smart, funny, warm hearted. Amazing f-ing hair. The total package.

[Shepp]

Aye, guys hit on her. But she comes home with me! So who cares!?

 

At the end of the day why wouldn't they hit on her? She's gorgeous, and charismatic, and funny, and grounded! I'd be hitting on her if I hadn't already married her!!!

 

 

I wouldn't stand for a guy hitting on her blatantly in front of me because what the hell? Does he think I'm a little wimp or something, I'm not like obsessed with being the most macho guy in the room or anything, but I couldn't sit there quiet while a guy gave her his number or something!

But I that's purely a pride thing, I totally trust her!

 

Pretty, attractive down to earth women attract most attention. Key word being down to earth. They know they are pretty, they know guys want them , they know their worth. They even attract guys when they are dressed down. They attract even when they don't look at the guys.

 

But if her eyes are on you , then that should be IT. If in the room full of guys who are trying to get her attention, she rejects / ignores all of them and her eyes/ attention is fixed on you , what more does that guy need/ want?

 

Couldn't say it any better!!

[Shepp]

I think I'd rather have the average girl who treats me extremely well over the high maintenance pretty girl who doesn't treat me as well.

 

Err why do youu think an average girl is going to treat you well? And why do you think an attractive one isn't?

[SwordofFlame]

Err why do youu think an average girl is going to treat you well? And why do you think an attractive one isn't?

 

I'm not even saying that's always true, but if given the choice between the two, I know what I would pick.

[Woggle]

My wife is gorgeous and while she does indeed get hit on she is a faithful woman of good character so I completely trust her. People no matter what they look like can cheat if they want so vett her character before you get involved.

[NuevoYorko]

It seems like to have an attractive girlfriend the guy has to have no insecurities whatsoever since she's highly likely going to get hit on when he's not around. And he has to trust her enough to not do anything when he's not around. Also, I'm sure some of them get hit on even while with their husband/boyfriend around.

 

A question for men that have/had attractive girlfriends/wives, do other men hit on them in front of you? And how do you deal with that if it did happen?

 

A man with a girlfriend, whatever she looks like, isn't even bothering to think about whether she's getting hit on. What does he care, unless he feels flattered to have such an attractive partner? Attractive women are not inherently less trustworthy than ugly women (), and if a woman wants to screw around there will always be opportunities, regardless of her looks. If he doesn't trust her, he should certainly not be in a committed relationship with her.

 

If he worried about this type of thing, he needs to be taking a good hard look at himself and why he is feeling more like a teenage boy than a grown man. Clearly he has some work to do on his insecurities before he is ready to be in a relationship.

[Grumpybutfun]

A woman of integrity, regardless of attractiveness, isn't a slave to other men's opinions. My wife is a beauty but more than that, she is trustworthy so I don't really sweat the small stuff.

Best,

Grumps

[S_A]

A question for men that have/had attractive girlfriends/wives, do other men hit on them in front of you? And how do you deal with that if it did happen?

 

It has happened in front of me. But when this does happen it is because the guy did not know we were together. Typically I would laugh (not hysterically) at guy hitting on my GF. One time a guy did it when I was at the gym with my fiance (she was my GF at the time) and he bombed so hard that I walked away because I just felt embarrassed for him. So in this case, I did not laugh. The fact that he has to look in the mirror and be reminded about how crappy his approach was was enough IMO lol.