NJ123 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 It seems like to have an attractive girlfriend the guy has to have no insecurities whatsoever since she's highly likely going to get hit on when he's not around. And he has to trust her enough to not do anything when he's not around. Also, I'm sure some of them get hit on even while with their husband/boyfriend around. A question for men that have/had attractive girlfriends/wives, do other men hit on them in front of you? And how do you deal with that if it did happen?
IWasWrong Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Yes, men hit on them when you are with them. I just about ruined my life over this whole issue. Let my insecurities get the best of me. You may have read my post. 1
SwordofFlame Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I think I'd rather have the average girl who treats me extremely well over the high maintenance pretty girl who doesn't treat me as well. 9
ChickiePops Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Most women get hit on at some point. Get over it or don't date. 18
Author NJ123 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 Yes, men hit on them when you are with them. I just about ruined my life over this whole issue. Let my insecurities get the best of me. You may have read my post. Yeah, I just read your thread now. That's rough, but it's great that you apologized to her. Did she ever respond to your text? 1
Author NJ123 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 I think I'd rather have the average girl who treats me extremely well over the high maintenance pretty girl who doesn't treat me as well. I don't think generalizing pretty girls as high maintenance is fair though. I'm sure a lot of them are due to all the options they have, but there's definitely a lot of down to earth good looking women. Just they'll still get hit on a lot more than average looking women so the guy has to be really secure within himself or else it's not going to work out. 5
IWasWrong Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I don't think generalizing pretty girls as high maintenance is fair though. I'm sure a lot of them are due to all the options they have, but there's definitely a lot of down to earth good looking women. Just they'll still get hit on a lot more than average looking women so the guy has to be really secure within himself or else it's not going to work out. Tell me about it lol and no. She hasn't written me back. Lesson Learned. 3
IfonlyIknew Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 This issue alone can separate the boys from the men. It comes down to trust and security. In my experience the guys I've dated up to around age 35ish seem to still be learning this one. It's inevitable. Take it as a compliment that she's with you. 7
Timshel Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I don't think generalizing pretty girls as high maintenance is fair though. I'm sure a lot of them are due to all the options they have, but there's definitely a lot of down to earth good looking women. Just they'll still get hit on a lot more than average looking women so the guy has to be really secure within himself or else it's not going to work out. Exactly...the brutal truth is that really pretty women are just that; sans spackle, hair dressers, nail salons, spa treatments and plastic surgeons. They really do wake up that way. Now, your concern NJ is to go out with someone who will never get hit on....that would mean you are dating a rock. Every woman gets hit on, especially a woman who is generous/patient enough to date someone who is freaked out all the time. 10
Author NJ123 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 Exactly...the brutal truth is that really pretty women are just that; sans spackle, hair dressers, nail salons, spa treatments and plastic surgeons. They really do wake up that way. Now, your concern NJ is to go out with someone who will never get hit on....that would mean you are dating a rock. Every woman gets hit on, especially a woman who is generous/patient enough to date someone who is freaked out all the time. Pretty women are just what? You're saying they're high maintenance? Maybe I misunderstood what you're trying to say with the beginning part of your message. I know every woman gets hit on, the difference is the really attractive ones are getting hit on way more & are given constant looks from other guys even when the boyfriend/husband is around.
SammySammy Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Having an attractive girlfriend is always worth it and no more difficult than having an unattractive girlfriend. The only thing keeping any person faithful to you is their decision to be faithful. A choice. Having more options doesn't mean she's going to act on them. That's a misconception. Pretty girls have been filtering through male attention for a long time. I can't spend a lot of time worrying about stuff like that as long as she chooses me. Heck, when I met my last serious SO she was surrounded by three guys trying to pick her up. She looked past them and held eye contact with me. From that look alone, I knew we were going to be together. And we were. For five years. Until we weren't. When we were together, I would have driven myself crazy if I worried about every guy that showed interest in her. However, as far as I know, she never cheated on me. But, I've had a lot of practice at that sort of thing. My first girlfriend was first runner-up in the Ms. _______ pageant. The state pageant that leads to the Ms. America pageant. She was - and still is - a very pretty woman. Who chose to be with me despite all of the attention and overtures she received from other men. Learned to have ice water in my veins very young. And to not worry about stuff I can't control. 13
Timshel Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Agree with MKD, external beauty has nothing to do with fidelity. It will always be about the inside, the most physically beautiful women do indeed have practice being selective....if you can have any man, why would you be indecisive...what a headache. It may be more dangerous to choose a woman who is easily flattered. NJ, women are people...there is no great mystery. There are fascinating, lovely people...there are jack*ss people and everything in between and in every variation of desirability. There is no great risk dating a truly beautiful person... 4
Author NJ123 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 Agree with MKD, external beauty has nothing to do with fidelity. It will always be about the inside, the most physically beautiful women do indeed have practice being selective....if you can have any man, why would you be indecisive...what a headache. It may be more dangerous to choose a woman who is easily flattered. NJ, women are people...there is no great mystery. There are fascinating, lovely people...there are jack*ss people and everything in between and in every variation of desirability. There is no great risk dating a truly beautiful person... I agree that I think there's a misconception about attractive women being at a higher risk of cheating due to attractive women having so many options & attention. As you said it's all about how she is on the inside. The thing is if the attractive woman is a great person, than it comes down to how secure the guy feels in the relationship in terms of her getting attention from other men even if she turns them all down. If she's the type of person that loves the attention from other guys, than that's a whole different story. 2
Timshel Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I agree that I think there's a misconception about attractive women being at a higher risk of cheating due to attractive women having so many options & attention. As you said it's all about how she is on the inside. The thing is if the attractive woman is a great person, than it comes down to how secure the guy feels in the relationship in terms of her getting attention from other men even if she turns them all down. If she's the type of person that loves the attention from other guys, than that's a whole different story. If she's the kind of person who loves attention from other guys while she's with you either 1. That's where she's at and what she needs, which means you should take a walk or 2. She's still looking and not that into you, which means you should take a walk. Remember NJ, date around and have fun, relax. You only need one person to make a lifetime commitment with. Take your time....she won't be a dime a dozen. 2
SammySammy Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Liking attention is not really a problem either. All attention is not good attention. Appreciating, being flattered or entertained by attention doesn't mean those guys get a chance to be with her. At the end of the day, she's going to go home with the guy she chose. The key is to be the guy she chooses. And that guy is probably not intimidated or threatened by other men. Not suspicious about her every move or insecure. Doesn't give her grief about something she really has no control over. Being self-assured is a large part of being THAT GUY. Anything less is a turnoff. 7
Buddhist Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Aren't you putting the cart before the horse here NJ? It seems like you are either trying to figure dating and relationships out from your position in an armchair or you are looking for the next thing to worry about since you've already worried every other horse to death. You can't get relationships all figured out and then start dating, it just does not work that way. You won't even know how you will feel in certain situations until you are in them. All you are doing here is speculating from a position of zero experience, which isn't useful and is likely to just add to that mountain of barriers to dating you've already created. 15
elaine567 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Very attractive women do tend to get hit on, but so does every women. Even the "ugly" ones get hit on by men who think they are in with a chance as they think she has few other options. I think men in general seem to get very worried by the "Hello, darling!" type of obvious flirting from other men, whereas it is the subtler "I'm going to get a coffee will I bring you back one?", or "What are you reading at the moment?" which is often far more effective and "dangerous". Women when sober anyway, are usually very used to dealing with and rebuffing the "Hello darling" kind of men, the subtler variety can be less easy to fend off and attraction can build, especially in a situation where there is frequent close contact, like at work. Slowly, slowly catchee monkey. Just something more for you to worry about, NJ. 4
Mumbles Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 A fair question and some good answers already. I let this bother me way too much for most of my adult life. I appreciate the poster above who said that the confidence that means you won't worry about this tends to come to men 35+ years old. For mine, it came a bit later even then that. My current wife is an attractive woman, 10+ years younger than me and gets hit on constantly. She's used to it as its been this way her whole life. Its probably reasonable to assume that some of the younger girls in this group can get carried away with so many choices abounding, but after a bit almost all of them will settle down somewhat. The thing is, be confident, but not arrogant. If you got this 'pretty woman' you can easily get others - thats a fait acompli. Likewise, its obvious to all that a truly beautiful woman will wait only so long as -she- wants to get a new beau if things don't work out. So, with opportunities available to both partners, why not just relax a bit and enjoy each other? Theres a reason you are with her and her with you. Everyone has choices. Women don't want to be with insecure men, its a massive turn off. Likewise, most won't want to be with an arrogant man - so, be confident, hold you head high and lead a decent and good life. 2
stillafool Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I agree that I think there's a misconception about attractive women being at a higher risk of cheating due to attractive women having so many options & attention. As you said it's all about how she is on the inside. The thing is if the attractive woman is a great person, than it comes down to how secure the guy feels in the relationship in terms of her getting attention from other men even if she turns them all down. If she's the type of person that loves the attention from other guys, than that's a whole different story. Normally, really goodlooking women aren't looking for attention because they've always had a lot of it. It's usually insecure women who want the type of attention that really pretty women get that seek attention. 4
gorf Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 A question for men that have/had attractive girlfriends/wives, do other men hit on them in front of you? And how do you deal with that if it did happen? Yeah they do sometimes when I am there, also when I am not. I am dealing with a similar but somewhat different situation in my thread by nobody is bothering to reply so I came here XD. I would say you get over it, unless there is more to it than "a guy hitting on her" and thats the opinion I can give at this point 1
Redhead14 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 It's not about how the guy handles it. It's more about how she handles it . . . if she entertains it in any way, then you should be insecure and tell her how that makes you feel. If she respects you and is trustworthy, she will handle it herself. Women don't want men to take care of their problems. If she handles it properly, you shouldn't be feeling insecure. If you have issues with insecurity that stem from other relationships/dating partners, that's your problem and you should learn to manage that for yourself and focus on the current situation and evaluating that on it's own merits or lack thereof. If she is otherwise making you feel good and deterring other men of her own volition, great. 3
gorf Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 It's not about how the guy handles it. It's more about how she handles it . . . if she entertains it in any way, then you should be insecure and tell her how that makes you feel. If she respects you and is trustworthy, she will handle it herself. Women don't want men to take care of their problems. If she handles it properly, you shouldn't be feeling insecure. If you have issues with insecurity that stem from other relationships/dating partners, that's your problem and you should learn to manage that for yourself and focus on the current situation and evaluating that on it's own merits or lack thereof. If she is otherwise making you feel good and deterring other men of her own volition, great. I agree with you. Could you check out my thread? Im dealing with something similar but not sure what to do. Its a little different than this
salparadise Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 It's not about how the guy handles it. It's more about how she handles it . . . if she entertains it in any way, then you should be insecure and tell her how that makes you feel. If she respects you and is trustworthy, she will handle it herself. [...] If she handles it properly, you shouldn't be feeling insecure. ^Exactly. We should all express our gratitude to women who get it. And conversely, a woman who encourages male attention, even subtly, as a means of filling some kind of internal need will make you friggin' crazy. This is usually something that can be seen early but a lot of guys don't understand the dichotomy and what it actually means. We see threads on here all the time where a guy's girlfriend is texting/sexting other men. The guys are asking for advice for how to control it. Pffft. They need to realize that it's just her in her nature, and the solution is to believe that they are worthy of a relationships built on trust and integrity. Which means you kick'em to the curb before they drive you nuts and cheat with your brother or whatever. Life is just too short to suffer this behavior. It takes a certain amount of confidence and self-respect (worthiness) on the guy's part to realize and draw a hard line.
AMJ Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 NJ you're going to have anxiety about any woman you date, regardless of what she looks like or how she acts. It's just in your nature. You search for problems where they don't exist. 5
Author NJ123 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 NJ you're going to have anxiety about any woman you date, regardless of what she looks like or how she acts. It's just in your nature. You search for problems where they don't exist. I was asking in a general sense to see how guys feel about dating attractive women & what happens even when they're around.
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