mmx Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I have been dating this guy for about 5ish months. We use to talk everyday via text and we lived a couple of hours away from each other. We only saw each other once every month or two. For the last few months we live a lot closer because of jobs and such. Our work schedules are exact opposite I work during the day he works at night. Since we have lived closer, we don't talk very much during the week. Sometimes we will be having a random conversation and he just stops replying. Then he'll respond in a few days to either make plans or to talk about something else. When we are together in person everything is fine. I have met many of his friends. I just don't understand why the texting changed? Does he not want to talk to me? Is this normal?
Gaeta Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 How often do you see each other now that you live closer? I think it's normal as you start seeing each other more that the texting and calling slows down. Do you get at least 1 communication a day? I much prefer getting 1 phone call at night than a bunch of text during the day. After 5 months I think it's normal to not text constantly. BF and I do not text at all but we see each other daily.
Author mmx Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Mostly once every weekend, but there have been some where we haven't seen each other. No, we don't communicate every day. There will be times when we don't talk for 2-3 days. If he doesn't respond I tend to not reach out.
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I am not sure we can call that dating. I mean if you only see each other a couple of hours a week and sometimes not at all, and he text each 2-3 days, and this since you met 5 months ago!!! it sounds more like you are one of many he dates. He is not escalating this relationship at all. This is going nowhere. Why do you see each other so little? 1
Redhead14 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) I have been dating this guy for about 5ish months. We use to talk everyday via text and we lived a couple of hours away from each other. We only saw each other once every month or two. For the last few months we live a lot closer because of jobs and such. Our work schedules are exact opposite I work during the day he works at night. Since we have lived closer, we don't talk very much during the week. Sometimes we will be having a random conversation and he just stops replying. Then he'll respond in a few days to either make plans or to talk about something else. When we are together in person everything is fine. I have met many of his friends. I just don't understand why the texting changed? Does he not want to talk to me? Is this normal? So talk to him about what you'd like in terms of communication. If he's working at night and texting stops, it's probably because, well, he's working . . . but maybe when he has a break, he can give you call a talk a few minutes. See if he will make that accommodation for you. And, yes, that kind of thing does dwindle after a while. It gets boring too. You guys definitely need to find a way to communicate more and more importantly, in a more "satisfying" way. Texting lacks emotional color and texture. If you had a call for a few minutes that is, for lack of a better word, more substantial, more personal, it might be more satisfying and comforting than a whole bunch of texting. Quality versus Quantity. Edited October 26, 2016 by Redhead14
gorf Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) Its long distance. What kind of miraculous change do you expect to happen: like moving closer to eachother and having a relationship instead of a pen pal arrangement. He's getting bored cause he cant see the woman he is dating and jump in the car for a casual night after work drive, or skip over to the movies, or a stop over at the house to make dinner together and mess it all up. Can you blame him? Edited October 26, 2016 by gorf 1
scooby-philly Posted October 27, 2016 Posted October 27, 2016 So I'm not going to jump down your throat...but you need to clarify a lot for people to help you. Let's begin: #1. How did you meet? Online - through mutual friends - through an activity? I ask because it only helps establish how you made the connection to begin with. #2 - Where do you draw the line between "dating" and being "in a relationship"? I mean, sometimes we use those terms interchangeably, but there is a difference between "dating" - i.e. getting to know each other vs. being "in a relationship". Where do you draw the line at - 10 dates, 20 dates, 3 months, 5 months - etc. #3 - Based on your answer to #2 - have you guys talked about being "exclusive"? I'm not asking b/c I think he's seeing other people as so many people want to always jump to when things get iffy in the first 5 months....but it's important to know if it should be clear to him what your status is (your=the relationship) #4 - Have you talked to him about this? I tell women all the time on this board - good men will listen, but that doesn't mean we are mind readers. If you feel something you have to share it. #5 - based on #4 - When does he stop replying to you mid-conversation? Are you texting during the day when you're working or at night or early morning when he's working. In either case your admitted you have the exact opposite schedule - so you could be interrupting him at work or you could be interrupting him from sleeping (and vice versa). Again - this is something to bring up and discuss. #6 - What kind of personality does he have. Some people will respond to a certain form of communication (or multiple forms) but not be wired to initiate via that same form. I.E. - he could be happy to reply to you, but if you stop initiating, he might just figure you're busy or doing something else. Or, he may just not be a textter. Overall I wouldn't advise you to jump to any conclusions but in the next few weeks you need to 1. Clarify your relationship status with him and get his viewpoint 2. Based on that then communicate how you're feeling about communication and time spent together. 3. Based on that, work on keeping that up. 1
Larryville Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 dating this guy for about 5ish months. We use to talk everyday via text we lived a couple of hours away only saw each other once every month or two. we live a lot closer because of jobs and such. Our work schedules are exact opposite we don't talk very much during the week. having a random conversation and he just stops replying. Then he'll respond in a few days to either make plans or to talk about something else. You know not to poke at OP but so many people on here have similar situations as described above and call it dating. This is NOT freaking dating. This is a “rent a dude” situation. People get lonely engage in a phantom relationship such as this and call it dating so when they explain their current love life status to friends and family they say “oh I’m dating this wonderful guy” when you are doing no such thing. Actions determine a relationship. Commitment, sacrificing, communication, respect, active engagement. I just think that so many people on here and everywhere have such screwed up relationship role models in their lives and settle for marginal “relationships” heck they would not recognize a good dating scenario if it slapped them in the face. Anyone reading OP current status with the quotes above and this sounds familiar to you HELLO! You are NOT dating nor are you in a relationship. Demand better or just stop wasting time. Jacking around with someone who clearly is not interested is simply not good life time management skills. 2
VeveCakes Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 You know not to poke at OP but so many people on here have similar situations as described above and call it dating. This is NOT freaking dating. This is a “rent a dude” situation. People get lonely engage in a phantom relationship such as this and call it dating so when they explain their current love life status to friends and family they say “oh I’m dating this wonderful guy” when you are doing no such thing. Actions determine a relationship. Commitment, sacrificing, communication, respect, active engagement. I just think that so many people on here and everywhere have such screwed up relationship role models in their lives and settle for marginal “relationships” heck they would not recognize a good dating scenario if it slapped them in the face. Anyone reading OP current status with the quotes above and this sounds familiar to you HELLO! You are NOT dating nor are you in a relationship. Demand better or just stop wasting time. Jacking around with someone who clearly is not interested is simply not good life time management skills. Amen brotha! 2
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