Annie90 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Hello, I have a long story and I do hope you find the time to read this but it may help me anyway to write it all down to try and make sense of it all... So me and my ex partner were together for 2 years. He is in the military so our relationship was long distance (sort of) we saw each other nearly every weekend and when he was on his leave. Anyway around 2 months ago we broke up and I cannot stop having the obsessive thoughts about things I should have done differently and the "why does he not care". Earlier on this year I discovered a text on his phone from a girl in the military which were very flirty. I had just had a miscarriage with his baby which he was highly supportive with. I had a couple of weeks of space from him and he was begging for me back and because I loved him I gave it another shot in hope I would forgive and forget. However he thought trust would be earned back instantly and he began to get annoyed if I questioned who people were. This began arguments. For my birthday weekend he took me away on a surprise trip which was brilliant and we had such a good time. However I felt he was more distant with me; not as intimate/affectionate. When we got back he went back to the army for the week. We had an argument about him being distant and he felt we needed a break. I disagreed and said I would give him some space through the week whilst he was away with his friends which I did. He tried to phone me whilst he was drunk on the Friday which I didn't answer. I then discovered on the Saturday he was using tinder and had started to follow a girl from the city he was visiting on Instagram. I told him I knew he was on tinder and with that he finished things over text saying it wasn't working and I have not seen him face to face since. I was heartbroken. No apology from him and blaming me about not trusting him. He told me he had just spoken to this girl in a nightclub and this is why we will never work because of my trust issues... Couple of weeks later I discover they are seeing each other! Obviously I did not find this out from him. We have not spoken since I found this out. I sent him a text saying I knew about it and would explain his behaviour towards me post breakup, getting angry and frustrated at me for being upset. I also stated I would like my house keys back which he had put off... Will he ever come back? I have no idea why I even want him back after this behaviour. However now the tears have gone I just feel empty and miss him so much. He was like my best friend. I am out having fun with my friends and have had numerous offers of dates. I arrange to go on a date and bail out last minute. I feel like I should be ready to go on the dating scene but I just can't cope with it! A x 1
Satu Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Hi Annie, I'll reply to you with a couple of quotes from my journal: Getting back on the horse "Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before. Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before. By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future. The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. 'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do." NC does two things 1. It protects from any further hurt by your ex. 2. It prevents you being distracted from your healing by your ex. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Get your keys back. Take care. 3
stillafool Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 He is with someone new now and it wouldn't be wise nor healthy to expect him to come back to you. It's been two months and he hasn't reached out to you so he is where he wants to be. Keep hanging out with friends, continue NC and in time it will get better. 2
elaine567 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Anyway around 2 months ago we broke up and I cannot stop having the obsessive thoughts about things I should have done differently and the "why does he not care". Watch this, it may help you. 3
MsJayne Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 He's clearly a liar and a player and your gut feeling was telling you not to trust him. You only miss him because you're in the throes of post-relationship distress and because you feel rejected. Let some other unfortunate woman have him, he will play around behind her back too. You've made it through two months, just keep on going and it will get better. 3
Author Annie90 Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 Thank you everyone for your advice. I think I am going to avoid the dating scene until it feels right. Even if it does take me a long time. I will focus on myself and allow him to continue being unable to do the same on himself! 4
Kelley Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I know exactly how you are feeling, the hurt and betrayal, been there. You need to go NC, it was the best thing I have done. It is really difficult to start with but it gets easier with time. It's the only way to heal and move on. Concentrate on you, I have taken up yoga, more running, getting out for a hike in great places with my dog. It really helps giving yourself some love, it builds up your confidence again. Dating is definitely a no no, it makes you feel worse. Better to be over your ex with your confidence and self worth back holding those solid boundaries. 1
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