lonely,hurt,heart -broken

[cory334]

hi all -new guy here. NOT really looking for advice , BUT it's welcomed.

i know and see a-lot say go n.c. or strict n.c.

i'll just tell of my situation [ hard as it is ]

Met a woman in 2008 .became friends saw each other,dated went great [ i thought] .about the end of 2013 started having little issues [ nothing major]

if we would have discussed them they would have been put to rest.

got tired of trying to talk things out with no trying from her ,she acted as if she didn't care .left the state for about 8 months to help an ill family member.

the woman i was dating knew my sister through talking via phone [ she was the ill family member ]. so we started talking via phone ,we seemed to start getting along again ,became friends again .sister got better , i was missing the woman so went back .we talked things sounded good .we started dating again .

NOW a little over 2 yrs later things came up .small stuff like making time for each other , keeping plans,communicating etc .

she started acting distant towards me .tried talking with her never got a solid reply on anything.

found out for certain she started seeing someone else. saw her and talked with her i said ''if theirs someone else you want to see ,or spend time with tell me instead of doing something shady behind my back just be honest with me '' she said ''don't be silly theirs noone else'' k left it at that .

a bit later when we saw each other after a while i said '' i know you're spending time with another , you want to talk to me about it ,or us ?''

she said she ''THOUGHT '' we were done the relationship was over ''

i told her '' i didn't think we were done , had some issues but nothing crazy''

asked so what are we then she said the dreaded '' were friends, i care about you ,i love you,i don't want to hate you''

told her not possible for me to be ''friends'' with her cause i had feelings for her which were more than ''friends''

time to time we run into each other ,i don't want to be the a-hole ex so i'm cordial to her hi what's going on etc .

she's dropped by my place time to time also sometimes for advice on something i may know about,sometimes just to say hi,sometimes with the intention to talk [ which never really happens] she has this wall up soon as she sees me and every little thing agitates her that i say.

i'd say hey you want to reconcile,get back together ? she's said ''yes'' but not gonna jump into it needs to take baby steps ,i said fine we work on what went wrong ,tell me what i did so i can know .she said i'm ''bossy'' which i never was .i'd say ''hey want to come by watch this movie it starts at 8 be here like 7 we can order food'' she didn't like if i asked her over or to go out i wanted to nail down a time ,BUT things like movies,bands start certain times PLUS if we had to travel we'd need extra time and i wanted my things done and be ready.on her end things always came up like she'd go shopping with friends didn't drive they weren't ready to stop .i'd call get no answer,leave messages no replies.sometimes not even see her that night cause it was so late ,next day i'd ask did you see i called,get my messages ? get told ''oh i didn't have my phone with me , or i don't look at my phone every few min '' or ''if i would have answered and told you i was still with the girls you'd get up-set '' dum stuff like that.

we still see each other time to time like stores,around the neighborhood ,sometimes talk via phone say hi , or she'll say hey that show you like is on you watching it etc she'll even stop by see if i'm o.k. see how works going tell me someone died etc.we'll talk some [ she never stays long] still has that wall up towards me ,i say i should have the wall up i thought you and me were forever i didn't lie n cheat on you .she don't see it that way just she ''THOUGHT'' we were done .

sure i told her lose my # don't stop by etc but after a few days or so she'll call say hi , stop by YES i answer and open the door ,hopping she'll tell me the truth about things .but she doesn't fully just crumbs .

it's been about 5 months now i grieved the loss ,accepted she's no more but always with me and find it hard to function n sleep at times AND holidays fast approaching ugggg

guess i'm just venting here

[MsJayne]

You need to find someone else, someone who doesn't swing back and forth, one minute treating you like you're a convenience and the next treating you like you're a burden. Sounds like she needs to get over herself and if you flick her off it might help her to do just that.

[cory334]

if i wasn't living this i'd swear i was watching some movie .

 

so out of the blue my girl-friend of 2 plus yrs [ known her for 6/7 yrs] leaves no goodbye just tries to disappear on me 6 months ago .

turns out she's been involved with another as we were together .

 

i'm hurt [ big time] heart broken trying to understand it , trying to cope , come to terms with it . reach out to a friend to talk to who's a priest .

he on his own offers me what seems like my ''golden ticket'' he is in another state .he offers me to come their to live be around him and other ''positive'' people. [ i'm no way a religious person BUT i respect priest ] he tells me i'll have work ,his church will set me up with a hotel room until i find a place,volunteers will help me move my belongings all i have to do is pack and go. AWESOME i think.i start packing , we keep talking everything's moving ahead .all my belongings that i wouldn't need daily are in boxes for 4 months now.the move was time sensitive [ which he knew ]my current lease is up in Nov. it's either re sign , or vacate .

i don't hear from him the whole month of Sept. ,i try contacting him maybe something happened etc . the church said he's been ''relocated'' ,i e-mail him nothing,call the number doesn't work .Oct 8 i get an apology letter from his he's extremely sorry he hasn't contacted me sooner ,he will call me later in the week to this day Oct 25 i've heard nothing more from him .

he knew i was depressed and stressed over being dumped , told me the best thing for me ,my health would be to leave here .i agreed .

well had no choice but tore sign my lease for another yr here ,not even un packing .

 

last week on Fri get called into the office they tell me theirs new management and they need to let people go they'll bring in their own team AND i was last guy hired 6 months ago so first guy fired .no other reason .

can't collect unemployment cause i was working off the books .

now after i resigned my lease get told oh your rents going up about $20 more .

 

still see my ex around time to time it's just so nice knowing she's moved on and happy even planning to move [ pro with the new guy] while i'm feeling like crap and miserable and slipping into a dark hole .

[Chief1970]

I know a guy that was let go from a job he really liked. He took it hard. Got offered a new job a few weeks later. Long story short, within a few months his boss moved to a another state. He was then promoted to manger. When a door closes, another opens.

[cory334]

hi

meeting up tonight with my ex .we dated 2 plus yrs.about 5 or so months ago she started lieing to me , and cheated on me .never had any type of ''this isn't working out '' talk or anything .she just tried to disappear on me ,cut me off. we've spoken before but i never got any closure.got the ''i love you , i care about you,we're friends'' comments .

 

tonight we're supposed to meet up at my place for her to return some jewelry [ let her new bf buy her things maybe one day i'll re-gift].

this is what i want to do .see her for a bit get back the jewelry THEN let her know i know of the lies she's told me [ he knows i know she's with someone else BUT she denies it ] i know for act of a bunch of her lies while we were together and not BUT supposedly ''fiends'' .stupid stuff she didn't have to lie about [ guess she just didn't want me to know ] like going to spend time with her mom who lives 3 hrs away ,BUT reality she was in Arizona for 10 days .

i don't think me telling her i know of the lies will matter any to her , just think maybe if i get it out and off my chest it'll make me feel better somehow and maybe heal from feeling miserable quicker ,ALSO be a reason for me to stay clear of her in any form .

 

would you guys call out a lieing,cheatting ex on their lies ,just to show hey i'm not an idiot i know the truths ?

[PinkPampies]

As long as she doesn't turn the tables on you. I'm a big fan of saying what's on my mind to get it off my chest too. "I know what I know" and make it short and quick. People naturally try to cover up their lies and backtrack to make themselves feel better. So if it helps you gain closure, then do so and then move on. Go no contact. It will allow you to heal. Been there done that.

[Nowty V]

I don't think you ever know the truths.

 

They will never be truthful about events.

 

You should be safe in the knowledge that it didn't work out and you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

Dwelling in the past is damaging to your psych.

 

Do you really need the jewellery?

 

I'd let her keep it. Cancel the meeting. Move on.

[cory334]

do i ''need the jewelry '' NO sure don't i aint gonna wear it . she mentioned it so i said ''sure drop it off''..to me the jewelry meant something , like a symbol something i gave her from my heart .in return from her i got lies and cheated on .a relationship we both said would be ''forever'' [ guess forever meant 2 plus yrs. to her .

[Been]

Tell her what you need to tell her AFTER you get the jewelry. When she goes to respond get up a leave-don't even hear her out.

[florecilla88]

hi

meeting up tonight with my ex .we dated 2 plus yrs.about 5 or so months ago she started lieing to me , and cheated on me .never had any type of ''this isn't working out '' talk or anything .she just tried to disappear on me ,cut me off. we've spoken before but i never got any closure.got the ''i love you , i care about you,we're friends'' comments .

 

tonight we're supposed to meet up at my place for her to return some jewelry [ let her new bf buy her things maybe one day i'll re-gift].

this is what i want to do .see her for a bit get back the jewelry THEN let her know i know of the lies she's told me [ he knows i know she's with someone else BUT she denies it ] i know for act of a bunch of her lies while we were together and not BUT supposedly ''fiends'' .stupid stuff she didn't have to lie about [ guess she just didn't want me to know ] like going to spend time with her mom who lives 3 hrs away ,BUT reality she was in Arizona for 10 days .

i don't think me telling her i know of the lies will matter any to her , just think maybe if i get it out and off my chest it'll make me feel better somehow and maybe heal from feeling miserable quicker ,ALSO be a reason for me to stay clear of her in any form .

 

would you guys call out a lieing,cheatting ex on their lies ,just to show hey i'm not an idiot i know the truths ?

 

I would tell her everything... I did and...it is way easier to move on. You have a beautiful life ahead, take everything out your heart, really... what he thinks or not, who cares? you are more important here, your heaing is

[cory334]

well it happened .she came by after work not feeling well [ stomach issues] .

so i told her sit for a few and rest then we can talk .after a few she said i have the jewelry , i said o.k. she put it on the coffee table . saw how i was and said '' what is it , what do yo want to tell me ?'' so i kept in mind she wasn't feeling well and calmly looked at her and said ''you've lied to me , made up stories that i know for a fact right or wrong ?'', ''what do you feel i was un truthful to you about?'' i mentioned some instances . she said ''well they weren't whole truths i guess '' , so they were lies basically ? k yes they were .

 

i don't care about the reasons for lieing to me , don't want to hear excuses or lies to cover lies .a small '' white lie'' or any kind is still a lie not something you should do to your partner .honesty s important good ,bad,or in different .

 

she agreed we talked a bit [ also about her infidelity] between her not feeling well and her just wanting to go home to bed . wanted to digest what i said asked if i would allow her to come , or call in a day or 2 and she'd respond to me . i said that's fine long as you'll be honest i'll listen .

[bubbaganoosh]

 

she agreed we talked a bit [ also about her infidelity] between her not feeling well and her just wanting to go home to bed . wanted to digest what i said asked if i would allow her to come , or call in a day or 2 and she'd respond to me . i said that's fine long as you'll be honest i'll listen .

 

Why? Nothing good is going to come with all the talking. She still lied, still cheated, still hurt you.

 

You got your stuff back and said what you wanted to say, so leave it alone and move on. The longer you keep this up the harder it is to heal.

[Been]

You really don't want to hear the FULL truth. Your going to find out things that you had no idea about. And all it does it reopen wounds. And that's IF she's going to tell you the full truth. The more you drag this out the more time it's going to take you to get over her.

When I left my wife my friends finally told me things that I had no idea were going on and all it ended up doing was making me more depressed then i already was.

[EveryWomanJ2911]

Is it possible to focus on finding a job right now and leaving this woman to her own issues? Do you have a friend or relative you can talk to for encouragement? I can see you're dealing with a lot, so in order not to get bogged down in the blues it could be very helpful to focus on what you can do. And that is prioritize what needs to happen next, so you can get back on your feet. A job to pay the rent is a good distraction from a woman who wronged you. Could you maybe read up on healthy relationships and how to avoid unhealthy ones at the library? Are there any support groups at a local church or community center to help you heal from the toxic relationship you got out of? I find it really helpful to process these major life issues with others who have been in similar situations, and can help me learn from those experiences so I can avoid them in the future. Plus, its nice to have the encouragement to not go back to a bad relationship.

 

Do you like to play sports or exercise at all? It really helps to just go for a walk in a park to clear your head, and get some relief from stifling situations at home since she lives near you. If you can find a sport you like it can help stop you from dwelling on the negative events, and boost you to go towards your next season of life. For example, new job, new hobbies, new people, etc. You can do this! I'm praying for you friend.

 

Blessings!

[umirano]

You need to get this woman out of your life for good. She's feeding on your continued tolerance for her shenanigans. Go NC, no compromises