EGJake Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Ok so I have a dilemma I am going through... So my problem is that on paper, we are perfect. He's hot. He's smart and funny. He's caring and does sweet, cheesy, cute things but at the same time he's cool and fun to be around. Our sex has always been amazing. But now it just feels like something is missing. This guy and I have a lot of history... long story short we started off as coworkers and when we met he had a girlfriend and we were just friends. After a few months I got to know him very well and we became really close, he was one of my best friends and after awhile I developed a crush on him. I knew he had a girlfriend so I never acted on it but being as close as we were he had confided in me several times that he was not completely happy in his relationship. Eventually though, we ended up hooking up and he felt really guilty about it and when I told him I had feelings for him he told me that he didn't have them for me and that we should just be friends (which I later found out was a lie and he did have feelings). A few months later, I ended up making a mistake and slept with a guy I really regret sleeping with. When he found out he was really upset and it was only then that he told me how he really felt. We ended up having an affair and he told me he was going to break up with his girlfriend but it was complicated because they lived together etc. I waited and waited but he took so long to make a move that I didn't believe that he ever would. In all of that time he was with his girlfriend I never thought he'd actually take me seriously and eventually I decided I had to shut down my feelings for him if only to protect myself. I did some really ****ty things behind his back, partially because I was resentful and wanted to pay him back but mostly because I was trying to move on and forget him. I just tried to check out mentally. Eventually he did break up with his girlfriend and moved out of their house and he did it as much for me as for himself but by that point I was so angry and resentful towards him that I shut him out. We did a back and forth thing all summer where we would go weeks without talking and hating each other and then we'd end up reconnecting for a few days and things would be good but I just wasn't able to forgive or trust him so I broke it off and that just repeated itself like 5 or 6 times. So like two months ago, we finally started talking and hanging out again and we got back together and everything was absolutely amazing for the first 2-3 weeks. After a little while though I realized I just don't feel the same way that I used to. Like I love him and I love being around him but I just don't have that romantic feeling for him anymore. On top of that, I've just been extremely busy with work and school and have been dealing with some serious family issues so I've been extremely stressed about that as well. I'm not sure what happened but I've lost my sex drive. We haven't had sex in about a month which is unheard of for us and I know it's frustrating him because he has tried to initiate it with me several times but I just don't feel like it. I don't know. All I've wanted for the longest time is to be with him and now I finally have him and I'm not happy. I've lost the feelings I used to have and I wish I could get them back but I don't know how. I don't want him out of my life but I know that will happen if we break up. He's already said that he can't be just friends with me anymore because our friendship merged with our relationship so it pretty much has to be all or nothing. Neither of us can stand the thought of the other with anyone else but I'm just not happy I still love him obviously and I know deep down I'm still in love with him but I can't keep pretending to feel something and making both of us unhappy.. Basically my question is can you ever regain feelings for someone after you've lost them? And if so, how do I get them back?
Been Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 No. You had to work too hard to be with him. Too much happened in between. He had a girlfriend yet he hooked up with you then tells you your better off as friends. That's a red flag for him and you. Your willing to sleep with someone whose taken and he crosses the line and then jumps back over after he's had his fun. And now that you have him you now doubt the relationship. Keep in mind that he cheated on his gf with you and chances are down the road he will do it to you. And no you won't be friends when you break up. The both of you have done too many things to each other to be friends. Learn from it. Don't put yourself in situations where you have to compromise your morals. You both seem young so both of you can grow from this.
NopeNah Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 You sound a bit like me when I ended it with my ex. I was/am dealing with some major stressors and she was not helping the situation by adding more stress on top..I had to walk away,for myself! However..it's been a few months now and she's started to reach out more and 'tries' to be more understanding. I still love/miss her but, I'm not ready to go back. Still dealing with my personal issues. So, in a sense, my feelings might have gotten overshadowed by my current need to be 'selfish' to deal with and clear up my personal mess.
greenly24 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I'm sorry you're feeling unhappy. It's never fun to feel bad. As for your situation, do you think you just had a crush on him and that's all? From what you said, it seems like you were excited and had feelings for him before y'all were actually a couple. Was getting into a real relationship the thing that made your feelings change? In any case, maybe it'd be a good idea to talk with him about this, like a sit-down, non-argumentative talk. If y'all aren't connecting like y'all did early on, then I'm sure he's already aware that something's up. When you care for someone, you owe it to them to be honest with them.
Recommended Posts