halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Long time lurker and First time poster here, Here it goes.. a bit of Background: I am a 25 year old Brown guy, came to North America to study. Totally a noob in "Western Dating Culture". I Dated only brown ladies a while back when i was in my country though.I am a bit needy person, over-thinker and i have chronic stress disorder as well. I studied in a master program from 2015-2016 and graduated. A female student from the new batch of the same program asked me out for a dinner date. She is proper north american, really pretty and charming (way out of my league) Before he 1st date, We used to text each other every day 2/3 texts even more sometimes. And when the day finally arrived (was so excited) i met her after her class, walked 20 minutes to the place where we had dinner and a couple of drinks (She got dead drunk).After dinner she wanted to have some coffee, i got confused whether she wants to go to her/my place and do it. So, we walked randomly for 5 minutes and finally went to starbucks to have coffee. We talked a lot, we couldn't stop talking till i walked her to her place (she took my arm in a loving way) and hugged her tight.she bade me good night and told me to let her know when i arrive home safely We continued texting each other every day or every alternate day, she initiated texting couple times. After a week or two we went for the 2nd date. It was 5 hours long, we walked for couple of hours and talked a lot besides the beach. Then i took her to dinner and finally she invited me to have a smoke together on her apartment. We walked to her apartment (she took my arm) and then we smoked and talked a bit more. Finally when i am about to leave i hugged her and approached for a kiss. she gave me a cheek rejection and after half an hour she told me that she was sick thatch why she didn't let me kiss her finally after 2 or 3 weeks (just after thanksgiving) we meet again on her apartment for the 3rd date. She made a beautiful dinner for me (i helped her a bit). Then we had dinner and watched the presidential debate together. After the debate we sat down and talked for an hour and finally it was time for me to leave. i tried kissing her and setting up the 4th date. She TOLD ME WE SHOULD TAKE THINGS SLOWLY when i approached to kiss her. we hugged after that. i asked her over text where this is going, then she replied " I have no idea where this is going, but I'm not looking for it to go anywhere. I want to focus on school. So if it does go anywhere, I want to make sure it's what I want, and right now I don't know what I want" But after the 3rd date things started to go south, we texted each other 3/4 days even more gap and no smileys and short texts. But after that she once initiated a text not to spoil the next debate for her.I called her once after the 3rd date to ask her i am here right now, will you be able to meet ? got rejected because she was with her sister. but she was nice and cordial with a smiley sign. After this everything went cold texted couple times with cold, no smiley and close ended replies Finally i dont know what to do!! she is really nice. i really like her not for sex but for a relationship.My question is she fading??or she lost all the interest in me? what should i do next? should i try to set up 4th date?? Or should i just give up on her?? Please do help me fellas, in tatters now :/ 1
BluesPower Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Dude, she in not that in to you... Just move on for goodness sake. If you are not laid by the 3rd date, move on from that too. Good grief... 3
Vado Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 never ever watch the presidential debate on a date... (unless you are Donald Trump and want to date Hillary Clinton) 3
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 well she wanted to watch presidential debate!! 1
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Are you sure man?? i still feel that somethings there, and i cant ignore the fact that she asked me out!! 1
IfonlyIknew Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Remove the rose colored glasses.. see it for what it is. "I have no idea where this is going" = I don't see anything happen in the future with us. "I don't know what I want" = I don't want you. Anyone interested would want to connect that next date. 6
RecentChange Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I think she asked you out, and after 3 dates changed her mind about you. Once that switch gets flipped it's near impossible to turn it back. If she wanted to have sex with you, she would have. But she doesn't, and doesn't particularly want to see you, or even text with you. I recommend leaving her alone 3
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 (edited) should i at least try once and ask her out on a date?? I feel like i still have hopes its not about sex only Edited October 25, 2016 by halifaxloner 1
IfonlyIknew Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 ^ You can of course try and see what she says. If she wants to take you up on it, she will, if not.. she will find an excuse. 2
RecentChange Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Sure! Ask her out again if you like rejection. Or she may be really bad at saying NO and will string you along. She doesn't text you, you said responses were cold and closed off - is this the level of interest you want? If she was interested she would be impatiently waiting each of your texts - instead I get the impression that they are an annoyance to her. Or maybe she can string you along, hang out when she's bored, maybe some free dinners, she'll give you a cheek to peck while pursuing other men - does that sound appealing? She told you she doesn't see it going anywhere, won't allow you to kiss her. Doesn't seem keen to communicate or even text with you - what other hints do you need? 3
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Can anyone dig out any positive stuff?? Or i just gotta grow some balls and take it as a man? i know i am acting like a total bi**ch but still up for a small ray of hope 1
BluesPower Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 No hope dude. Just move on. Why would you go on 3 dates without so much as a kiss in the first place. Get a book or something, this is not how it is suppose to work at 25... 2
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 thank you. its been an eye opener. just going to get wasted for today. new day tomorrow!!! 2
joseb Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Sounds like the opportunity was there on the first date. And after that are seemed to mentally friend zone you. 1
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 yup, i screwed it up on the 3rd date for sure , i told her stupid questions about her birthplace like this, hey i heard the drug and sex industry there is booming lol. and not that too, i was whining about myself. a clear turn off!!! 1
BluesPower Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Yeah, let's not do that next time. For future reference, let them talk about themselves, and be really interested in EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT SHE SAYS. Agree a lot. Live and learn... 1
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 thanks dude for the advice!! really appreciate it!!! been attracting couple ladys lately, not as good looking and pretty as she is, but its time to forget about her and make a move for them!!! shouldn't have put all the eggs in one basket!! 1
Satu Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 You've been friend zoned. Better luck next time. 2
fromheart Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Attend to your chronic stress first and foremost, before dating anyone else. For your sake as well as theirs. Take sometime to get to know the western culture also, you may or may not find that it is for you, with regards to dating and relationships. 1
Author halifaxloner Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Really appreciate it dude!! thaks a lot!! i will work on it
Author halifaxloner Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 bit of a background, our program has always been filled with 90% chinese and they gossip a lot!!A LOT!!! and her friends are friends with my chinese friends Just learnt from some of her friends that she wants me to chase her. that is why she is showing fake "low interest" on me Like wtf?? Does that change anything?? what do i do?! i smell strong effing desperation from my end for some reason
doyathinkso Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Maybe all these girls are having a little bit of fun at your expense. I mean, doesn't that sound so, like, middle school?
joseb Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) Sounds like BS. Maybe she wants you to pay for some dates. But if she is refusing to even kiss you after 3 dates she's not into you. And even if she does "want to to chase her" do you really want to play into these kind of games? Go find better women to date. Edited October 26, 2016 by joseb 3
BluesPower Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Men at your age should not chase women. Oh, the females here will disagree but between us guys, just don't. If she is jerking you around, and I am saying if, you just don't want to deal with that. First, blow her off and ignore her. Second, find a new girl to go out with, and hopefully screw. If she gets jealous and actually contacts you, be a little cold at first. Say things like, "I don't know, you did not seem that in to me so I have moved on. I mean sweetie, three dates and not even a kiss or a BJ. That is not really for me." Find a reason to get off the phone or walk out somehow, but be polite. Let her stew for a while, and if she comes back around, agree to a date. (by now you have her hooked) Take her somewhere nice, keep your mouth shut except to sound interested in what she has to say. Take her back to your place or a hotel and screw her brains out. And make sure you take your time with that. Make sure that she is completely satisfied in everyway. That way if you do a good job the other girls will find out. Then decide if you want to really be with her. Third, if she is not into getting laid, dump her and never look back. I mean, you have had sex before, right? You have some idea how to please a woman? Good luck... 1
mushroomlol Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 No kiss after third date? It's just not right... 1
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