Stress and break up

[lovesgf]

Hi all,

 

I'm hoping some of you guys would have some words of wisdom,

 

Here is my story,

 

I know most people say oh we have had the best relationship and blah blah blah, and we were happy, yada yada yada.

 

Well I've been seeing a girl 2 and a half years, there has been alot of stress in her life recently with her parents divorcing, one of her parents seeing someone else, finishing education and starting a new job, and a toxic environment at home where her mother bullies her and she relies heavily on her father. her father recently moved out and she said she cannot live with her mother and left to come to my house.(voluntarily forced out of her family home). She moved to my house and although she would have stayed every weekend for 2.5 years she was upset and felt like she hadn't a home.

 

A few days from living in my house a drunk driver damaged her new car. and a good friend of hers died, and all of this stress happend in september, all in the one go, apart from her parents divorce which has been going a while.

 

Basically stress after stress after stress, i tried to solve her stresses as i love her so much and my bloodpressure went up and i experienced dizzy spells.

 

Anyways her dad moved back home and that morning she said shes moving back and i got a little annoyed, thinking she didnt want to be living with me, even though it was temporary until her parents separated. Anyways she took her stuff and left with no reason other that she cant handle her stresses in life and theyve built up on her. I was a constant in her life and she stayed with me every weekend as a get away but we got on like a house on fire, she didnt use me at all, i was trying to get her away from her house to relieve her stress and spend time with her. she always showed alot more love than me, although i told her i love her every day.

 

 

that night she went out with a friend and said that she wanted to come and stay with me. i should have because if i did we could have reconciled but she didnt want to hassle me. the next day i pleaded and begged for us not to break up but she said she needed to , to sort her stresses. she has been out every weekend since the breakup 1st of october. her friend told me she was miserible the 2 weekends after the break up but now is enjoying herself. the first week after the breakup she was saying she loves me and is heart broken and said this isnt the end of us.

 

i went nc after a few days of pleading, and then contacted her after 9 days. she was cold and said she needed time, she got very annoyed that i kept talking about the relationship, she was saying she wanted time and she said 'people change and i have'

 

it was her birthday the other day and i didnt wish her happy birthday, she isnt talking to her friends about stress and she isnt handling it well.

 

I know the way she is reacting is irrational and her emotional side of the brain has fully switched off and she is running away from her issues. and doesnt want to talk to me as she doesnt want to talk about our relationship

 

everything was perfect, honestly, we had everything going, and then one day i seen the whole thing snap and she hasnt been the same. all my friends were shocked and so were hers and her family. it was a sudden shift and i know if the stresses werent there we would be the same, happy as always, there is an age difference of 4 years. shes 21 and im 25.

 

i know her so well and i know this isnt her

I KNOW and her friends do too, shes not talking to them about it at all and is arguing with them a little too

 

i dont want to leave her behind, ive been in relationships before and this one ticked every box, i knew i was in one before and it didnt tick the boxes but i stayed in it because it suited both of us. a mistake,

 

but i dont want to lose her when i know this isnt her, all her friends are in relationships too. so i know there will be a time where she will go head on with her stresses as so far shes been going out partying 4weeks in a row now. 2 weeks miserable and 2 weeks enjoying herself. i know she hasnt moved on

 

 

i want her back,

[MsJayne]

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it sounds like she's having second thoughts about your relationship. My advice would be to start moving on, or at least act like you are, because it sounds as though you were being taken for granted, and to have any hope of a reconciliation you need to show her that you don't need her.

[Satu]

snip

i know her so well and *i know this isnt her

I KNOW and her friends do too, shes not talking to them about it at all and is arguing with them a little too

 

i dont want to leave her behind, ive been in relationships before and this one ticked every box, i knew i was in one before and it didnt tick the boxes but i stayed in it because it suited both of us. a mistake,

 

but i don't want to lose her when *i know this isnt her, all her friends are in relationships too. so i know there will be a time where she will go head on with her stresses as so far shes been going out partying 4weeks in a row now. 2 weeks miserable and 2 weeks enjoying herself. i know she hasnt moved on

 

 

i want her back,

 

*It is her.

 

It's not the person she was.

 

It's the person she is now.

 

As painful as it is, its best for you to accept that.

 

 

Take care.

[lovesgf]

Yes I know, that's how she is now, her friends said she's not the same and I see it too, not once did she ever say a hurtful thing towards me but now she has to push me away , to avoid the additional stress of talking about the relationship, i know she was so happy, I'm not fooling myself, I know this all wouldn't have happened if those stresses weren't there but I feel so helpless, I can't help her and I was one of the most important people in her life along with her dad, but I'm pushed away so she can think straight, and she's hiding under the sheets avoiding stress and not wanting to acknowledge that she's been in a relationship and can't just walk away like this, it's heartbreaking, and I know she will regret this.. I know first hand that she's not interested in moving on to another guy at the moment.. she still loves me, and is leaving the door half open so if she decides she can take me back.. I feel so bad for not wishing her happy birthday too, :(I'm fed up being hurt but don't want to leave her behind because I too have 'gone off the rails' in the past and realised in time and maybe it's immaturity but I realised in time what I was doing ...