Melissasha Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 My name is Missy and I'm a 43 year old single female. I have never been married and believe it or not I've never had a serious relationship. I've dated many men. Nothing ever lasts for more than a couple weeks or months. The past few years I kind of put dating on hold to try to have a baby. I was going to use a donor and do the single mom thing since nothing has materialized for me in my love life. Sadly that did not work out so here I am single. Childless. Lonely. Annoyed. trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why guys disappear after a few dates. I work a lot. I don't make a ton but I've been at the same job for 20 years and get great benefits and a ton of time off. I live in a small 2 bedroom condo I own. No major vices except I am tired a lot from workin and not very active or outgoing. My sister constantly criticizes me and my lifestyle I'm beginning to wonder if there's any truth to what she says. My parents told me she said I was a 43 yr old teenager whatever that means. I met a guy a couple months ago at a 4th of July party. He was cute. In his 40s 3 kids. Divorced. We got along and next thing you know he's inviting me to dinner. We went out. Then had 2 more dates. A little kissing. Then bam he disappeared. Stopped calling and texting. I texted him twice no response. Out of the blue a month later he texts me saying sorry and he had some family drama going on. I didn't believe this and asked him flat out to please tell me what it is that scared him off as this seems to be a pattern and I really need some guidance. He said he didn't want to hurt my feelings but that the attraction was not there on his part and he didn't think we had much in common and he wanted to leave it at that and wished me luck. Everyone tells me I'm Attractive. Have aged nicely. Yes I'm a little out of shape and probably need to lose 20 lbs but what is it about me that nobody wants to love? I'm clueless here but there is something about me scaring off guys. Can someone offer some advice to me?
Pete2304 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I think maybe (and this isn't a criticism) you might come across as a little intense a bit too quickly. I'm in the same boat, I'm emotional, have very little patience and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve but I think maybe just relax a little when you first meet someone. That way they can get to know your personality and find out all about you before you let them know that you want a family of your own etc. If I'm way wide of the mark I apologise but just my thoughts having read your post.
neowulf Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I'm sorry to hear you've been experiencing such struggles. It can be deeply frustrating to suffer setback after setback, with little to no feedback on what's happening and why. That said, there's little a bunch of random people on the internet can offer you. We don't and can't know you well enough to provide useful feedback. What I would suggest however, is speaking with a dating coach. Someone who can provide an objective view into your approach to dating, based on first hand observation. There are a million little things that can put people off. We often have blind spots in our own self perceptions. I wish you luck. 1
h0000 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Two of my friends are 30 yr old virgins and one of them is pretty plain looking (people still say she's pretty/cute or whatever. people are just being nice) AND very indoor-sy.. The other one is also plain looking but has lots of friends, but also has too high standards. Standards/leagues are only subjective, but still... So I guess, enhance your look may help you out. And be more out going if you aren't. And have realistic expectations. I don't know about your personality, so cant really judge.
Author Melissasha Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 I never brought up babies at all and realize I'm probably too old to even do that now. He did ask me about past relationships. He seemed a little surprised I was single and hadn't been serious with someone in a while. Talked about various stuff. I thought there was a mutual attraction. Then he was gone. Story of my life that just repeats itself over and over
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I suggest a dating coach. They will be straight forward/blunt as the whys and what needs to change......a more objective point of view will be given. We can't really be of help because we don't know you personally, can't see your mannerisms, body language, etc over the internet. 4
Author Melissasha Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 I find it embarassing I need a dating but she would probably help. A popular one out here is $2300 that includes image consulting. I probably need a makeover and some décor tips on my house but I don't have that kind of money.
IfonlyIknew Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Let's look at your general conversation with men. Are you talking about yourself? Asking questions about them? Giving "too much too soon" about your life? Eye contact? Are you confident? There are so many factors. In general, people tend to feel closer when they are talking to us. Dig into their life a little bit, leave with some mystery. 1
neowulf Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I find it embarassing I need a dating but she would probably help. A popular one out here is $2300 that includes image consulting. I probably need a makeover and some décor tips on my house but I don't have that kind of money. That seems a little extreme. Maybe shop around? I'm sure you can find one that offers an hourly rate more within your budget.
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 It's difficult to say what you are doing wrong or what you could be doing differently rather. As per the last guy you met and dated, he could have just not been super attracted and that happens to all of us. That's not a reflection on you but more so a reflection that you weren't the right match for him (whatever his chemistry criteria is) If you could be fully introspective what things have you noticed looking back happens right before a guy disappears or doesn't call you back. I read somewhere recently that much like dogs can guide themselves on scent, we as humans also expel certain pheromones that others can smell on a subconscious level. Sometimes we expel sexy pheromones that attract others in a very inexplicable way and other times we can expel fear, desperation or intimidation pheromones that affect others on a subconscious level. Of course I am not suggesting "you stink" and therefore guys don't wish to continue but combined with some things that you might be saying or doing perhaps the idea that you haven't had serious relationships is always present with you in your mind and when you are dating men and it comes out in the form of fear they can perceive.
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