Jump to content

Yesterday, we agreed to move in together, today I discover...

MonicaSans

By MonicaSans
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Why did you say he knew it was you?

 

during his visit, he kept making references to his conversation with MFP. He kept baiting me to get me to fess up.

 

then in the text messages from today he said he knew it was me or a friend playing him. he totally lost face. and he was a liar who got exposed.

 

the best part was him saying that he never talked with anyone, only MFP, er who he said the thought was me or a friend

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted

Same question what makes you think he knew?

 

Exact same reaction mine had. Jekyl to Hyde in a split second as soon as the "big reveal" happened and he also bolted the conversation! :rolleyes:

 

Beyond cowardly! Yes it hurts but let me tell you this will close off your heart to him instantly. Way way better than wondering what ifs and downplaying the severity of what he did by allowing your mind to play "justification" tricks on you. This leaves no chance of hope. You saw it with your own eyes. Let the healing begin.

 

Glad you had a friend there for support. Be strong it will get better. Hugs...

  • Like 2
  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted
He did not know it was you. If you read up, it was predicted he would say that.

 

If he knew it was you, there would be no reason to cancel with your fake profile.

 

 

i don't think he was 100% sure, but he did say things in the conversation before he was exposed that referred to MFP and his conversation and about going to the bar he was to meet her.

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted
during his visit, he kept making references to his conversation with MFP. He kept baiting me to get me to fess up.

 

then in the text messages from today he said he knew it was me or a friend playing him. he totally lost face. and he was a liar who got exposed.

 

the best part was him saying that he never talked with anyone, only MFP, er who he said the thought was me or a friend

 

An alternative explanation is that he was paranoid that your FP MIGHT be you or a friend of yours. His intentions of being on the site were to find another woman, not to see if his current gf would trap him.

  • Like 6
VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

Posted
Posted
i don't think he was 100% sure, but he did say things in the conversation before he was exposed that referred to MFP and his conversation and about going to the bar he was to meet her.

 

He might have been paranoid but he had no idea...

 

Regardless he was on there...and if he made the account just to "trap you trapping him", he is a messed up individual.

  • Like 5
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted

 

he told me that he knew MFP was me or a friend of mine. he said his heart is broken too that I would trick him like that. and the only reason he was even on was to see if I would try and trick him! :lmao:

 

 

give the man a prize. that's truly creative manipulation of cheating. he is not taking any position of apology or acknowledment that what he did was deceptive and wrong. he's blaming me for what happened and says HE cannot trust ME. :sick:

 

Typical, so typical! Flip the script to make you doubt yourself. Mine did the exact same as well.

Sadly, I am seeing it is pretty textbook how they react.

Like others said, while the decision is made to move on the minute you catch them in the deceit there is still that hope that you can salvage at least how you see them in terms of them not being an entirely despicable human being. But even that gets taken away. They are that despicable.

  • Like 1
  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Typical, so typical! Flip the script to make you doubt yourself. Mine did the exact same as well.

Sadly, I am seeing it is pretty textbook how they react.

Like others said, while the decision is made to move on the minute you catch them in the deceit there is still that hope that you can salvage at least how you see them in terms of them not being an entirely despicable human being. But even that gets taken away. They are that despicable.

 

you are so right. i really wanted to see the good and 'honest' side of him. i'm not sure how I would've responded if he had copped up to it and begged forgiveness or asked for another try

 

at least the way he's denying any culpability is making it easier for me to go no contact

 

my stomach hurts :(

BlueIris Established Member

BlueIris

Posted
Posted
He might have been paranoid but he had no idea...

 

Regardless he was on there...and if he made the account just to "trap you trapping him", he is a messed up individual.

 

That's right.

 

And I agree that he didn’t know. If he had known he would have said to the other person, “sweetie you can trust me, you don’t have to do this.” But wait... he couldn’t say that since he was prowling on a dating site! :sick:

 

I'm so sorry, OP. It's such a punch in the gut to find out someone you'd begun investing your heart and future in turns out to be utterly unworthy and not at all the person he presented himself to be. There's such a creepy ick to people like him. You're fine-tuning your picker and it will be better than ever as a result. Hugs.

  • Like 1
  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That's right.

 

And I agree that he didn’t know. If he had known he would have said to the other person, “sweetie you can trust me, you don’t have to do this.” But wait... he couldn’t say that since he was prowling on a dating site! :sick:

 

I'm so sorry, OP. It's such a punch in the gut to find out someone you'd begun investing your heart and future in turns out to be utterly unworthy and not at all the person he presented himself to be. There's such a creepy ick to people like him. You're fine-tuning your picker and it will be better than ever as a result. Hugs.

 

thanks :love:

 

i fell really hard for him. I haven't been in love like this for many many years. and he told me that he felt the same. in one of his texts today he said: "you broke my heart too bc I really loved you" :sick:

angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted
Typical, so typical! Flip the script to make you doubt yourself. Mine did the exact same as well.

Sadly, I am seeing it is pretty textbook how they react.

That's why it's best to just dump their stuff at their doorstep, block them, and carry on with your life. As soon as you engage them about their deceit, they'll find a way to have you second-guessing your intuition and good judgment.

 

He did not know it was you. If you read up, it was predicted he would say that.

 

If he knew it was you, there would be no reason to cancel with your fake profile.

 

Precisely! Excuses 101 when a cheater gets caught red handed! If he knew it was you all along, why was he messaging Ms. Fake Profile with excuses that he had lost his keys and that's why he wouldn't be able to make it to meet her? Why on earth would he bolt the minute you mentioned that you knew he was trying to cheat?

 

Sorry, but he's beyond full of it! Then in true cheater fashion, he has the unremorseful nerve to stick a cherry on top of his self-made fiasco by claiming he can't trust you! Be glad you found out relatively early in the relationship that he's a cheating, lying, untrustworthy douche bag. Yes, it's painful to discover who he truly is when everything was so promising, but good riddance.

  • Like 2
olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted
thanks :love:

 

i fell really hard for him. I haven't been in love like this for many many years. and he told me that he felt the same. in one of his texts today he said: "you broke my heart too bc I really loved you" :sick:

 

Pfft. BS. He did not love you.

He does not know how to love.

He knows how to charm and lie and play victim.

He uses "loved" (past tense), as though you did something for him to fall out of love.

You did not love him too.

You loved who you thought he was.

  • Like 4
  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted

oh dio here's his latest text (yes, I will block him...)

 

"Oh n what is the big crime that I just had a profile there, you are talking like I slept with a lot of girls"

 

:lmao:

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

Posted
Posted
oh dio here's his latest text (yes, I will block him...)

 

"Oh n what is the big crime that I just had a profile there, you are talking like I slept with a lot of girls"

 

:lmao:

 

yeah so trickle truth starts.

 

Whats the problem? More like whats the point...what a douchenozzle

  • Like 3
  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted

oh, and here's one part I forgot, he bolted so fast he didn't take his stuff with him that I had already neatly packed in a bag for him.

 

i'm not sure how to get it to him now :mad:

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

Posted
Posted
oh, and here's one part I forgot, he bolted so fast he didn't take his stuff with him that I had already neatly packed in a bag for him.

 

i'm not sure how to get it to him now :mad:

 

Donate it.

  • Like 1
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

Posted
Posted

Nope, no flaming whatsoever. I would only flame someone who fell for the bullcrap he was trying to feed you.

 

For what it's worth Monica, I think you're awesome and, I hope this doesn't sound condescending, but I am really effing proud of you for standing your ground here! A lot of women in your position sadly would have pretended to swallow whatever nonsense he was feeding them and then sweep it all under the rug.

 

Go you! You'll find yourself a better guy in no time. :)

 

Don't worry about getting his stuff to him. Burn it, toss it, or donate it.

  • Like 12
Zapbasket Established Member

Zapbasket

Posted
Posted (edited)

Wow is he ever a piece of work! Work as in a steaming cow pie that a vulture landed upon and took a big sloppy sh*t on top of before a tractor rolled through it and smeared it all over the place!!!

 

I am so sorry. And I'm really inspired by your strength in not buying any of his BS. Gosh. I had no idea anyone when caught red-handed like that could work so hard to twist things around in an attempt to make YOU look like the wrongdoer. Just unbelievable.

 

Put out the rest of his stuff in the trash. If it's just clothes and such, do that. Do block him, and prevent him from being able to access you in any way. You're going to go through the gamut of feelings over the next days and weeks--hating him, wishing, loving him, rage, hating the reality, feeling wildly sad and crazy, here there and everywhere....DON'T let him get in there in a vulnerable moment and make you question yourself. It's hard enough to see straight after something like this without input from him.

 

Please, do something kind for yourself. Spend time with the people you trust the most, close your eyes for a moment in their presence and remind yourself what merited trust feels like. Fill yourself with that feeling. Buy a plant or paint a wall in your apartment to affirm to yourself that it's YOURS, all yours, and rejoice in the fact that you didn't have to find out what a sh*t he was AFTER he'd moved in.

 

Very glad to hear from you on here, and so very sorry for what you must be going through.

 

(Side-note: When I went through a breakup with a piece of work years ago, I was horrified by the intensity of my fantasies of kicking his arse. I found Bikram yoga extremely helpful in dissipating those feelings.)

Edited by GreenCove
  • Like 6
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted

For what it's worth Monica, I think you're awesome and, I hope this doesn't sound condescending, but I am really effing proud of you for standing your ground here! A lot of women in your position sadly would have pretended to swallow whatever nonsense he was feeding them and then sweep it all under the rug.

 

Go you! You'll find yourself a better guy in no time. :)

 

Don't worry about getting his stuff to him. Burn it, toss it, or donate it.

 

This ^^^ come back and read it when/if you are feeling weak. What you did took a lot of ballz! It's SO hard when you are in love...

 

If he's like this now what would have been left down the line when life and the rel. get tough?

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

 

i'm not sure how to get it to him now :mad:

 

I am sure there is a garbage container not far from your place.

 

He is disgusting.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. There was no clue at all in the past 5 months? what prompt you to go online and check?

  • Like 2
aileD Established Member

aileD

Posted
Posted

Wow. Disaster averted!

 

You and you're future husband are going to have a good laugh at this story someday.

 

You're a class act. Handled it perfect.

 

Don't let him draw you in with all these excuses that try to blame it on you.

 

Go out and get drunk with your girlfriends and give a toast that you found this out before committing further to him!

Raena Established Member

Raena

Posted
Posted

Throw his crap in the trash and cut him off. Don't listen to another thing he has to say. It's all meant to make you feel bad for his poor choices.

  • Like 2
BlueIris Established Member

BlueIris

Posted
Posted
thanks :love:

 

i fell really hard for him. I haven't been in love like this for many many years. and he told me that he felt the same. in one of his texts today he said: "you broke my heart too bc I really loved you" :sick:

 

I'm so sorry. Many of us understand and empathize. We've felt the same way. Be glad you have a loving heart even if it hurts.

 

And that "you broke my heart too"? There is just no explanation that makes him look anything but sociopathic. ?My heart is broken because you won't let me lie and cheat on you? God, universe or whatever powers that be, bless and protect the next woman in his path.

  • Like 6
  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Wow is he ever a piece of work! Work as in a steaming cow pie that a vulture landed upon and took a big sloppy sh*t on top of before a tractor rolled through it and smeared it all over the place!!!

...

...

 

 

:laugh::laugh::lmao::lmao::laugh::laugh:

  • Author
MonicaSans Member

MonicaSans

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Nope, no flaming whatsoever. I would only flame someone who fell for the bullcrap he was trying to feed you.

 

For what it's worth Monica, I think you're awesome and, I hope this doesn't sound condescending, but I am really effing proud of you for standing your ground here! A lot of women in your position sadly would have pretended to swallow whatever nonsense he was feeding them and then sweep it all under the rug.

 

Go you! You'll find yourself a better guy in no time. :)

 

Don't worry about getting his stuff to him. Burn it, toss it, or donate it.

 

thanks for the kind and inspiring words.

believe me, in the very first hours upon discovery i put myself through the gamut of emotions and scenarios. in the end, i just knew that i would be selling myself out if i let this behavior slide and pretended I didn't know. i would also be signaling to him that i would condone this behavior to continue. my life would become hell in no time. and I'd never be able to trust him, no matter what.

 

the ease with which he lied was astonishing

 

coincidentally, I came across this article around the time i discovered his deception

 

The More We Lie, The Easier It Gets, Says Study

 

 

 

The More We Lie, The Easier It Gets, Says Study

  • Like 3
joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

I hate to say I told you so, but...

 

Anyway, this is the reason that people were recommending you pack up his stuff at dump it as his place

No messing about and giving him a chance to lie his way out.

 

But kudos to you for not falling for his BS!!

  • Like 3
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...