Toodaloo Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 he doesn't have a key--he was going to move in in Dec--, and I don't have anything at his, he has stuff at mine. funny you mention his mom. i was going to be meeting her next weekend. it was a really big next step for us. i've already met his siblings and had dinners, which was also a big step in the relationship. i'm gonna miss them too, I liked being with them Oh Monica this is too good to miss... The evil in me says wait until then. Take his box of stuff and then smile and bring up the subject at the dinner table. Just ask why he thinks it is acceptable and how rude it is to all his family to be introducing a woman to them while actively sleeping and seeking others. Be calm. Give his mother the print out messages, thank her for her hospitality and apologise that this is the first and last time that you will meet due to his terrible behaviour and that you wish her luck and happiness in the future but for obvious reasons you have to leave now... Also agree - keep this as your safe haven because you may need it when all the hurt comes out later. You don't want him secretly checking up on you. 2
guest569 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Don't send him your thread...this should be your safe haven. Once he knows it's not the same feeling of anonymity here. Hope tonight goes ok for you. He would throw away the toothbrush. Personally i don't think 6 months is too soon if you have built a strong connection and it feels right. But obviously it didn't feel quite right. Glad you found out. That is horrible though. Hope you're doing ok. I would keep the breakup very short and to the point and exchange things right away and get a clean break from this awful person 1
guest569 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I would just skip the games regarding the fake dating profile etc. Just say you know what he is doing and it is over. Not worth your time and you dont need to hear his BS. it is unforgivable 3
Buddhist Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Avoid the drama, that will just come back to haunt you at some later time. If it were me I'd send a text saying it's over and go NC. 4
Haydn Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Sorry you had to find out like this OP. But a lot of humour in this thread and i am sure you will move on fast. When i was 14 and had a peanut for a brain, i once dated 3 girls....(Horror) No sex involved etc.. Obviously i got caught and was confronted by all 3 of them outside Wimpy (Burger bar) Where i`d agreed to meet all of them.......(During a teenage bout of amnesia) My only defence was being a teenage sack of ..... this and assuming i was some kind of cool boy. (How wrong i was) The fecklessness of youth... But your story.... You are talking to him on the phone whilst online at the same time.... I really need to hear his excuse.... Because it`s going to have to be out of this world.... 5
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 7h15 am here and no update...hhhmmmm. I hope we're not gonna get one of those ' I will give him the benefit of the doubt ' update that will ruin my day! 1
Miss Spider Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Really hoping for the best possible plot twist here that he knew fake profile was OP and that is why he arranged for date at same time he's going to see OP?
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Really hoping for the best possible plot twist here that he knew fake profile was OP and that is why he arranged for date at same time he's going to see OP? You would not fall for that right? 2
Zapbasket Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Arrrgh! I eagerly awoke and first thing I did was check this thread in hopes of an update. OP, I hope you are okay and did what you needed to do--only you know what that is. And I hope you were surrounded by the concern of IRL friends; you have a bunch of us here who have your back, too 2
Popsicle Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 What if he tells you the fake you meant nothing to him, but the real you is who he loves? Don't forgive him and sign up for a life of this. 4
joseb Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Really hoping for the best possible plot twist here that he knew fake profile was OP and that is why he arranged for date at same time he's going to see OP? Yeah that's exactly what I expect him to use as his line. I mean it's almost believable. Hopefully the fact I pointed it out to OP means she won't fall for it if he does try to pull that one. 2
Popsicle Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Yeah that's exactly what I expect him to use as his line. I mean it's almost believable. Hopefully the fact I pointed it out to OP means she won't fall for it if he does try to pull that one. He's going to come up with SOMETHING. That's what liars and cheaters do, and they always have some woman that buys their BS. I hope the OP won't be one of those. 3
Kelley Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I have just read the whole thread! Maybe he will come back with 'I like attention and validation from other women but I still love you, they mean nothing' line? I hope you are OK OP and you have done what is best for you. I think we all know what we would have done in that situation, but it's always easier looking in when your heart is not involved. But sometimes it's good to get that point of view, rose coloured glasses and all that! 3
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) [] I agree it is easier to advise from the outside. I remember when I discovered mine I contemplated working through things in my head(always had a 0 tolerance for cheating, major dealbreaker)....mind you I was in a state of delirium due to the grief of the split etc. I snapped out of that one fairly quickly. So not worth it! Life's too short to be with a liar. Edited October 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off topic ~6 8
Toodaloo Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) [] I agree it is easier to advise from the outside. I remember when I discovered mine I contemplated working through things in my head(always had a 0 tolerance for cheating, major dealbreaker)....mind you I was in a state of delirium due to the grief of the split etc. I snapped out of that one fairly quickly. So not worth it! Life's too short to be with a liar. Its always easier on the outside looking in. When its you in the trenches though its a heck of a lot harder to see what is going on around you and your emotions get in a real fuddle. [] Edited October 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off topic ~6 3
kendahke Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I would put the brakes on any talk of moving in together. Don't move in with someone who is already disrespecting you like this. You will never have peace in your heart, mind or home and that is no way to live. Living with a liar will age you faster than anything else.
Gaeta Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I am leaning toward she bought his excuses. If it had been me, under the same circumstances, he would have come in at 7h, out at 7h10 and my thread updated at 7h15. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Is it to get into the psychology or to see just how low a person you trusted and thought you'd spend a lot more time together will go to keep up the facade that they are? I think it's pretty natural to want to do the confrontation in a revelatory manner. Well as much as it might feel like we are in an episode of Black Mirror right now, I don't think this was a catfish. 1
IfonlyIknew Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 OP hope you're OK and sorting things out. You guys are GOOD Lol. A predicted scenario was my reality. I once texted a guy I was newly dating from another # just having fun with it, it went like this hey its me who is me ME! Who else would me be? Krista! (my name is NOT Krista) YES!!!! Awe baby Of course i knew it was you. (we have a date this sunday for the Chicago bears) (im now Krista) - Any plans this weekend? No, would you want to go see the Bears Sunday? (omfg is he serious) I'd love to!!!!!!! I now text him on my # - have fun with Krista this weekend! Hindsight i should have played along up until the game, let him go solo, JERK. That was that. Anyway OP thinkin of you.
Zapbasket Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 I have to say I'd be crazy-impressed if anyone in OP's situation could cut it off without, as Sunkissedpatio said, seeing just how far the person is willing to go to maintain the facade, AND seeing if the person offers any inkling of a rational explanation for their deceit. I think it's natural to hold onto hope when you're invested in someone, even when the hopelessness of it all is smacking you clean in the face. I just hope the OP doesn't get suckered into giving this guy a second chance. Hope you are okay, OP.
Author MonicaSans Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 Hello all I'm pretty foggy this morning so I'll just give the cliff notes. He knew it was me. That doesn't change anything because he was still online for most of the relationship even though we both had deleted our profiles months ago. From the moment he arrived it was a cat and mouse game, and quite frankly, my acting skills sucked, lol At some point he said, "do you want to go to XYZ?" (bar he was to meet MFP). I stammered a bit and said, "oh, you want to go out?" things quickly shifted and 7 pm was approaching and I was wondering wth is he gonna do about MFP. then he pulls out his phone and started texting (he never does this). I was "oh, you're texting someone?". He looked me in the face and said it was his sister! Well, I had the site up hidden on my computer and saw he messaged her to cancel, 2 minutes before he was to be there. said he lost his keys! wow, he's such a fast liar. FInally I just got fed up with him not fessing up to whatever it was he said he wanted to talk to me about and asked him if he's doing online dating. A quick "no" reply. and I repeated, "DO YOU HAVE ANY PROFILES UP ON DATING WEBSITES?" NO I finally jumped to the chase and said I know you are on [name of site] He jumped up, grabbed his bag and bolted. pffttttt he was discovered and he just ran! omg I was pretty stupefied. Thankfully, my friend took me out afterwards and was a true friend letting me cry and slobbered 2
Author MonicaSans Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 ok, so there's more. my friend made sure I got home and tucked in bed. I woke up with the crushing reality of what's gone down. and I did what I know y'all will flame me for. I texted him. I needed to say somethings, mostly how unbelievable it was that he didn't even have the decency to talk to me about what went down, some kind of explanation, and instead just bolted. (I"ve never seen him move so quickly) his responses belong at the top of the list tomf*ckery tardoms he told me that he knew MFP was me or a friend of mine. he said his heart is broken too that I would trick him like that. and the only reason he was even on was to see if I would try and trick him! give the man a prize. that's truly creative manipulation of cheating. he is not taking any position of apology or acknowledment that what he did was deceptive and wrong. he's blaming me for what happened and says HE cannot trust ME.
IfonlyIknew Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Wow what a loser!!!!!!!!!!! The lies are just hilarious. It sucks now yes and I'm sorry you are dealing with the emotional side but you are saving yourself a heck lot of hell down the road. Kudos to you for standing your ground. 1
olivetree Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) ok, so there's more. my friend made sure I got home and tucked in bed. I woke up with the crushing reality of what's gone down. and I did what I know y'all will flame me for. I texted him. I needed to say somethings, mostly how unbelievable it was that he didn't even have the decency to talk to me about what went down, some kind of explanation, and instead just bolted. (I"ve never seen him move so quickly) his responses belong at the top of the list tomf*ckery tardoms he told me that he knew MFP was me or a friend of mine. he said his heart is broken too that I would trick him like that. and the only reason he was even on was to see if I would try and trick him! give the man a prize. that's truly creative manipulation of cheating. he is not taking any position of apology or acknowledment that what he did was deceptive and wrong. he's blaming me for what happened and says HE cannot trust ME. He did not know it was you. If you read up, it was predicted he would say that. If he knew it was you, there would be no reason to cancel with your fake profile. Edited October 26, 2016 by olivetree 5
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