MonicaSans Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 that he's still active on a dating app I'm beside myself right now. We've been seeing each other pretty much every day for over 6 months (except when I did some traveling for 2 weeks and just recently returned). deleted our online profiles months ago, supposedly monogamous, were making future plans. after he left this morning I had a terrible feeling, don't know why, but I had a nagging feeling something was off so I took a look by creating a fake profile, and sure enough, he's not only been active, but has 2 profiles, one with a picture I took on an exceptional day we had together I can't believe it. I'm in shock right now. wth? As I'm writing this, I'm communicating with him from a fake profile and omg, the BS lines he's using! i'm crushed, I went from completely ecstatic to utterly destroyed. it's gonna take some time to renew my faith in love again. I fell hard and I feel like such a fool
JewelD Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 This relationship was over before it even started. Six months is kind of quick to be moving in with a guy but you don't even trust him. Granted you discovered there's a reason not to trust him, but you shouldn't have been moving in with him if the trust already wasn't there. And what's the point of talking to him via the fake profile? You already know what's going on, stop dragging it out. Tell him that you know he's been active on the dating website and that the relationship is over. 21
longjohn Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Sorry to hear this, the guy isn't worth your attention anymore. Dump him hard and fast. There's actual men to be met out there that won't treat you like this. 4
ackuric Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I'd count my blessings that I went with my gut, and don't second guess yourself whatsoever or even give him a chance to explain. I'm appalled that hes active! Here's to strength! Good luck. 8
Satu Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Sorry for your pain. Don't trust with anything after this. If you do, you'll be sorry. End it. Quick and clean. Take care. 5
BaileyB Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Best you learn this sooner than later... And, six months is too early to move in with someone. Next time, give it a little more time. 2
Zapbasket Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine how that must have felt, especially when you have undeniable proof, having chatted with him and everything. You must be gutted. :mad:I'm angry on your behalf. I mean, what is WRONG with people? Maybe I read LS too much, but this kind of thing seems to happen with increasing frequency. I really wonder whether all the dating apps and time people spend on their phones, chatting and texting rather than enjoying face-to-face interactions with people in their lives is eroding our bonds, and our sense of compassion. Seriously I think the next relationship I get into I'm going to hire a private investigator to make SURE he's not hiding anything, and is who he says he is. Seems you just can't be too careful these days. Have you confronted him yet? Or killed him (I don't think anyone would blame you )? 4
Bialy Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 RUN! This guy is BAD news. Move out tonight. Don't stay or work through it - he lied to you this entire time. 4
kmack513 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 At least you found out before you moved in with him. 5
newheart Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 I am really sorry to hear this. I know that it does little to console you now, but be so grateful that you trusted your instinct and found this out before making that move. You are very lucky to have had that happen. If you have anything at his place, remove it now and be done. Good luck! 1
Author MonicaSans Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 hello all thanks so much for your replies. i'm in a fog, slept restlessly, the reality is kicking in and I'm still in shock. So, for shi*s & giggles, I'll give you the update on the fake profile saga. He replied to her, right when he would normally be calling me. they chat a bit back and forth, and she tries to set up a meet up. he says he's busy, she pushes for tomorrow (now today) meanwhile, while he's chatting with her, he calls me! and the weirdest thing is, his name, pic ringtone did not show up on my phone, so I didnt even know it was him calling...it was as though he had already been deleted from my contact list so, he's talking with me, and the conversation is weird. He's saying how he needs to talk to me about something, and it feels like a kid who's doing something bad and announcing it to his mom while in the act. I push him to tell me what, that it sounds important and he says he will talk about it tomorrow (now today). I tried to play this cool and not give any indication I know, and mostly am curious to see how he really operates-- I started to cross reference certain behavior over the course of the last 6 months, and how in some instances of illusive/distant behavior corresponded to when he last visited his other profile. So in other words, there were a couple of times I felt something 'off', and sure enough those were the times that he was trolling for chicks. Now, before you all say get on and over with it, I'm reporting this and am doing this to understand and validate that there were subtle signs that I overlooked because I chose to trust him-- unequivocally. Getting that intuitive validation is important for me.... After our phone conversation I'm thinking, ok, he's done with this, he's gonna tell me and "Maybe" we could salvage this (not really, but hey a girl can wish...). and what does he do? He goes right back to the chat with the fake profile and confirms a meet up for tonight! the time he first suggested also corresponds to some instances where he got home from work late, not too late, but enough for me to note it, but again, I trusted him unequivocally now, i'm starting to play this. the fake profile says, 'naw, that's too early, how about 7". he responds, 'sure'. so, he has made plans to see me and her today. this will be interesting to see how it goes. to be honest, I'm thinking of being at the meet up place with a bag of his stuff, see him come in, and saunter up to the bar and dump it on his lap and say "Fake profile" sends her regards. Ya, a bit dramatic, but also a nice ending to a very sad story. I was, we are! in love. and sorry to sound cliche' but we felt like soul mates 9
Author MonicaSans Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine how that must have felt, especially when you have undeniable proof, having chatted with him and everything. You must be gutted. :mad:I'm angry on your behalf. I mean, what is WRONG with people? Maybe I read LS too much, but this kind of thing seems to happen with increasing frequency. I really wonder whether all the dating apps and time people spend on their phones, chatting and texting rather than enjoying face-to-face interactions with people in their lives is eroding our bonds, and our sense of compassion. Seriously I think the next relationship I get into I'm going to hire a private investigator to make SURE he's not hiding anything, and is who he says he is. Seems you just can't be too careful these days. Have you confronted him yet? Or killed him (I don't think anyone would blame you )? I haven't gotten to anger yet, i'm in shock and on the verge of grief, and it's starting to affect my body...I have to say, the casual and breezy way he could go from texting/talking to me to responding to 'her' was mind boggling. really, I think it's just who he is. no matter how sweet, loving, devoted he was to me, he still needs/needed validation from other women, that's who he is. the question is: can I live with this? clearly NO. I would never be able to look myself in the mirror again. I would be selling myself out, no matter how badly I wanted a life together with him. no matter all the perks and experiences that were in store. he will always need to have a side piece and would NEVER allow it to go both ways, meaning me too having other boyfriends. besides, that's not the kind of relationship I want. he talked about the purity of our sex life, blah, fake! i felt so dirty when I saw him amongst the throngs of thirsty dudes panting on the website for miss fake profile. no amount of baths or showers is gonna wash this feeling away 2
Toodaloo Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 You are not in love you are being used. Print off a copy of his messages to fake profile girl and his active profile. Pack up his things. All of it so he has no excuse to contact you again. Go to his and remove all of your belongings. Do not leave a thing behind. Then take his things and his fake profile round to his mother. Send a text telling him you will meet him at his mothers. Meet him there and get your key back. give him his things and give his mother the fake profile conversation. Walk away. Never speak to him again. Cry lots and heal. Finally remember not all men are tossers. 12
VeveCakes Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 You are not in love you are being used. Print off a copy of his messages to fake profile girl and his active profile. Pack up his things. All of it so he has no excuse to contact you again. Go to his and remove all of your belongings. Do not leave a thing behind. Then take his things and his fake profile round to his mother. Send a text telling him you will meet him at his mothers. Meet him there and get your key back. give him his things and give his mother the fake profile conversation. Walk away. Never speak to him again. Cry lots and heal. Finally remember not all men are tossers. Best advice. 4
Author MonicaSans Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 he doesn't have a key--he was going to move in in Dec--, and I don't have anything at his, he has stuff at mine. funny you mention his mom. i was going to be meeting her next weekend. it was a really big next step for us. i've already met his siblings and had dinners, which was also a big step in the relationship. i'm gonna miss them too, I liked being with them 2
Miss Peach Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Hugs OP. The good news you have is undeniable proof of that is going on. I know it still sucks because you are losing the illusion of what you thought you had with him. But at least you know for sure his true colors instead of questioning if you were wrong or made a mistake. It's also much easier to leave him now than when you were more committed. I agree with the others to send him packing. 2
Zapbasket Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Toodaloo has given you really good advice. Also I like your idea of meeting him as "Fake Profile" and dumping his sh*t in his lap. But honestly, I like Toodaloo's advice more. Why? I don't think you should make it possible for him to give you excuses. You know once he's confronted with this he's going to try to explain. And I promise you those explanations, the sheer lame-ness of them, will hurt far more than what has already transpired. Spare yourself having to hear his crap. And yes, humiliate him by dropping his stuff at his mom's, with a print-out of the profile and conversation. Because I'll bet you anything he has practiced deceit most of his life, beginning with his family and now, his love interest. His ease at speaking to you and Fake Profile at the same time shows he has been purged of any qualms about his behavior. What a d*ck. I just feel terribly for you. If his toothbrush is among his things, dip it in clorox or something, or take a crap and dunk it in the toilet bowl before flushing, or take a Sharpie and write "liar" on one of his favorite shirts. He really deserves it. Hang in there. 7
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Firstly just wanted to say I felt the dagger in the stomach when I read the words "I found he has an active profile online" I can imagine how dissapointing and painful that must felt for you. Especially since you were making serious plans. I'm sorry you had to find this out. I think it's brilliant how you caught him and the fact you felt something was off that made you dig deeper, we can just call it woman's intuition. What especially resonated with me was that you later came to find out that on times where he seemed off with you he was actually trolling for women online. My experience with deception has been the same, I've found after the fact all those times you are made out to be crazy for feeling something changes in him and of course he denies anything is wrong, actually coincide to their sketchy dealings. Follow through with meeting him and show up with his things, confront the dirt bag and walk away from this with your head high. Dogs like him need a wake up call. It won't change a thing because he'll continue to be a dog but you'll get the satisfaction that he didn't get away with fooling YOU. I can relate. As per his number showing up as if you deleted his contact, he could be using an app that feeds him new numbers to use or that it hides his # and he forgot the filter was in his phone. I use those apps for online dating so that I don't have to call a stranger with my own phone number. I wish you strength and hope you walk away and don't fall for any excuses. 6
Hopeful30 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 This relationship was over before it even started. Six months is kind of quick to be moving in with a guy but you don't even trust him. Granted you discovered there's a reason not to trust him, but you shouldn't have been moving in with him if the trust already wasn't there. And what's the point of talking to him via the fake profile? You already know what's going on, stop dragging it out. Tell him that you know he's been active on the dating website and that the relationship is over. Girl, you don't even need to explain yourself. Cut him off right away. The way he will behave afterwards will only confirm that you've made the right decision. Trust me. 2
elaine567 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Just make sure you are are safe, when you confront him, take someone with you, even if they just hang about outside. Yes, he may get all apologetic and promise you the world, or he may just skulk away, but some guys will go on the attack if their ego is wounded or they are humiliated, so be careful. 7
Zapbasket Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Just make sure you are are safe, when you confront him, take someone with you, even if they just hang about outside. Yes, he may get all apologetic and promise you the world, or he may just skulk away, but some guys will go on the attack if their ego is wounded or they are humiliated, so be careful. Yes. And if you do confront him, don't buy it if he tries to make you out as "crazy" for "stalking" or "snooping on" him. Maybe tell him that Fake Profile turned out to be an old girlfriend of yours who recently moved back to town, recognized his profile picture from one of the photos you sent her, and got in touch with you about the online contact. Elaine567 is right, that often people try to make YOU out to be the bad one for checking up on them. I like the idea of having a friend, preferably a male one, waiting outside to offer support if needed. 5
joseb Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Also don't fall for a possible excuse like "Oh I knew it was you all alone, I was just playing along" 6
Author MonicaSans Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 thank you so much everyone, it's giving me strength and feelings of support as I begin to peel myself of road kill body sensations. so, he's all over me today, (haven't let on at all...), texted me good night, good morning text--complete with him expressing how he 'coudn't feel me last night ), phone call at lunch. you see, we have a pretty good psychic connection so he's vaguely aware something is off, or his guilt meter is going off (but I don't think he really has one). so, we have a plan as of now for him to come over after work--rememver how he said that he has to tell me something? and it's quite normal for us to see each other pretty much every night anyways. --but, but but, he has a plan with miss fake profile? i just checked and lo and behold there's his ugly mug plastered with the online-green light pronouncing he's open for bizness I really see no point in seeing him, to hear whatever the f he has to say. there is nothing i have to say. what is there left? I have a friend who is more than happy to drop into the bar where he's set to meet Miss Fake Profile, and drop the goods and say "regards from Miss Fake Profile" and she walks out without saying another word. Then I will block him. not exactly the happy ending I was hoping for when we became attached 5
VeveCakes Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Im sorry this happened....but please have your friend video his reaction for us. Could go viral and make you some money in the process... 6
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