zep52 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Hi After 10 weeks total NC she called me on Fri night, made things hard for me for a few hours on the phone, but then on Saturday she phoned and asked if i would meet her that night and walk her home, i did and we ended up back at my place where we had a really good talk about where we had gone wrong, and how we could make this work, we then ended up in bed and spent all day yesterday planning for the future and just generally being happy to be back together, She told me she loved me and always had and i told her the same, however she was worried about telling her family and friends about our reconciliation, I told her to just bite the bullet and so she phoned them one by one, they were a little negative about it but i told her that they were just worried about her getting hurt again and that they would come round after a couple of days, which they would, she then left because she had arranged to go out for a drink with her best friend that evening, Later that evening she sent me a txt saying that there was no need for me to pick her up because her friend would drop her of so i carried on watching the TV, but a midnight she phoned me and said that after talking to her friend she didn't think it was going to work and that i was to leave her alone, my heart so recently repaired was again broken, My question mainly to the girls is this, i now for the first time believe she truly loves me as much as i love her and that our future is together, but can she ignore those feelings and act on the advice of a friend? Her friends concern is for her two children, and that me coming in and out of their lives will affect them, but im 100% sure that the kids (20 and 14) will accept me back happily, the boy who is 20 has concerns over his mother being hurt again, but all but once she has inflicted the hurt on herself, along with me and he knows i am a decent man, can she just stop loving me ? Please help me Dave
Merin Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Dang Dave.. thats hard Did she give you the reasons she had for changing her mind? Did she tell you it was about her Kiddo's? Have you spoke to her Kids about what had happend between the 2 of you or has she?
Author zep52 Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 The reason she is giving me is that she cant risk the kids having to accept i have gone again should we ever split again, i can understand this totally, but we covered all that yesterday when she was here, we addressed issues with our relationship that we had previously chosen not to for fear of upsetting each other, i feel that what is really behind her turnaround is the pressure she is getting from her friend, and family, We have split before twice and its always the same thing, she internalizes her problems and lashes out at people, and more than often me, i try to weather the storm, but after 3 or 4 days i ussualy snap and shout at her and ussualy in anger she ends it, although the last time i ended it (not that it matters who ended it) I managed this time to keep up the no contact for 10 weeks, my reasoning being that i always have pursued her in the past, this time i thought that if i did total NC and she came back it would be for ever, that she really did love me and need me, so when what happened over the weekend came about and she came to me and said she loved me, i felt we had turned the corner, yesterday was beautiful for both of us, if she could only weather the storm of negativity from those close to her we were set for life, but she is not very emotionally strong, and its that pressure that has caused her to run again, Can she in your opinion do that, can she let other people decide her future when it isn't what she wants, i don't think she can, im hoping she cant, but today my head is swimming, i just need someone who is detached to tell me what they think, i feel about as low as i ever have, whereas Friday i was moving on with my life, HELP Dave
Merin Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Well IMO when you allow other people to drive you in your decisions you may have regret as it is YOU who in the end has to live with the decisions and choices that are made.. Honestly I cannot imagine that she changed her mind in less than 24 hours over how she feels about you, but yeah it seems she is willing to allow her friends to influence her decision on this.. do I think she will regret it.. yes I do. It is true that coming in and out of Kids life isn't a good thing, no more than it's good for the 2 of you and your well being emotionally.. her kid's are older as well (especially the 20 year old) I guess I would wonder if this is something she is willing or wanting to discuss with you again... you said the 2 of you had come up with some ways to make this workable so what of that? Did she mention that at all, or just shut down and say no?
blue16 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm calling bs on the "my kids would be devastated if we ever split up again." Granted, part of that is true...but IMO I think it is mostly an excuse to blow you off so you don't feel bad. Of course I haven't heard every detail of the entire story, but that is the impression I'm getting at this point. I think the main issue is whether she wants you or not, not whether it will affect her children (who are already grown up anyways.) I mean if she truly loved you that much, wouldn't she be able to look past this?
Sal Paradise Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Yeah sounds like a bs excuse to me as well. I say issue no contact and do it for good this time. Once she realized she could have you back she dropped you. Sounds like a ego thing to me.
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