Jilly-bean Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 So this weekend I did something that is completely out of character for me. Trust me, I'm usually pretty boring as 20 somethings go and whilst many of my friends have been enjoying the sexual freedoms of a modern young woman, I have always been a faithful relationship girl. Anyway, being a little drunk and having not had certain "needs" attended to since I split with my ex a couple of months ago, I invited a guy I met on a night out the other week to my house at around 11pm to watch a film. It was a Blatant booty call which he was of course happy to answer. We watched a film and spent a lot of time laughing and talking before anything happened. In the end it was a very satisfying night and there were lots of cuddles and kisses after all was done. There were numerous references to going on a proper date etc (After sex). When he left the next day he couldn't stop kissing me and he said he would drop me a text. I did get a very brief text last night, which I replied to, but nothing since. I had not intended for this to lead to anything (I would usually make someone I was interested in wait a good while before sex), but after spending time with him I found that I quite liked him. Now I feel weird about it all - not the sexual liberation I expected to feel. Any way to turn this around?
stillafool Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Nope! You can't undo history. Just wait it out and if he doesn't ask you out at least you had a great experience with a one night stand. 2
doyathinkso Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 And the next time you have a one night stand it will be a little less out of character. And so it begins.
Space Ritual Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 He got what he wanted, which was a piece of ass. I would not hold my breath that he will contact you again until he wants another piece of ass. I doubt he sees you as anything other than that. 1
smackie9 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Tho the others are probably right, if you want to put yourself out there, just tell him what you told us and see if anything sticks. If he declines or doesn't respond at least you know you can move on. 1
losangelena Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 So this weekend I did something that is completely out of character for me. Trust me, I'm usually pretty boring as 20 somethings go and whilst many of my friends have been enjoying the sexual freedoms of a modern young woman, I have always been a faithful relationship girl. Anyway, being a little drunk and having not had certain "needs" attended to since I split with my ex a couple of months ago, I invited a guy I met on a night out the other week to my house at around 11pm to watch a film. It was a Blatant booty call which he was of course happy to answer. We watched a film and spent a lot of time laughing and talking before anything happened. In the end it was a very satisfying night and there were lots of cuddles and kisses after all was done. There were numerous references to going on a proper date etc (After sex). When he left the next day he couldn't stop kissing me and he said he would drop me a text. I did get a very brief text last night, which I replied to, but nothing since. I had not intended for this to lead to anything (I would usually make someone I was interested in wait a good while before sex), but after spending time with him I found that I quite liked him. Now I feel weird about it all - not the sexual liberation I expected to feel. Any way to turn this around? So ... you invited a guy over for a booty call, and are now hoping it will turn into something more than a booty call? Honestly, if you are feeling this way, I think it's safe to say that you are not a booty call kind of person. Take what happened at face value, and in the future, if you can't see yourself being satisfied with a ONS situation, then DON'T invite the guy over. 2
Author Jilly-bean Posted October 24, 2016 Author Posted October 24, 2016 Tho the others are probably right, if you want to put yourself out there, just tell him what you told us and see if anything sticks. If he declines or doesn't respond at least you know you can move on. You are all probably right It is tempting to just say to him, but I'm too scared and proud
Author Jilly-bean Posted October 24, 2016 Author Posted October 24, 2016 So ... you invited a guy over for a booty call, and are now hoping it will turn into something more than a booty call? Honestly, if you are feeling this way, I think it's safe to say that you are not a booty call kind of person. Take what happened at face value, and in the future, if you can't see yourself being satisfied with a ONS situation, then DON'T invite the guy over. I think you are right. I had never really tried it, but always liked the idea. Now I know I cannot keep myself from feeling anything.
losangelena Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 I think you are right. I had never really tried it, but always liked the idea. Now I know I cannot keep myself from feeling anything. FWIW, having done this before myself, I don't think the goal is to feel NOTHING. I mean, if you like/feel comfortable with/are attracted to someone enough to sleep with them, some degree of affection is inevitable. I think what's more important is to have realistic expectations of the situation and to learn how to manage your emotions. You're not dating this guy, you never discussed the intent or meaning behind your actions towards one another, he never really pursued you—so have sex with him if you want, but also don't expect it to "go anywhere." Besides, just because maybe you "like" this guy now that you've gotten intimate, doesn't mean you really like HIM. Those feelings may just be because of the attention, or all the hormones that are released with orgasm, etc.
Satu Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Re 'Casual sex.' You can strike a casual pose whilst leaning on a wall, or put your feet up on the desk, but you can't have 'casual sex,' because no such thing exists. Take care. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 In general if he was into you, having sex with you wouldn't change it... undoing it, wouldn't fix the situation.
jen1447 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Too much forensics going on here .... Just make your date move on the guy and ask him out. You already did the sex version so a date should be easy. 7
Sunlight72 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 You are all probably right It is tempting to just say to him, but I'm too scared and proud Well it seems to me this is the perfect, perfect situation to practice being more direct about what you want in life. As it is, you don't know him well, he isn't in your close circle of friends. If he says 'no thanks' to dating, you won't have to hear about it in the future. You like him, he says he likes you and he said he would like to go on a date with you. If he says yes, how much fun will that be? It will be fun I would suggest calling him (not texting). Make it short. Call him with the idea he's going to say no, and who cares? You're a busy woman with things to do. If he says yes, it will be a nice surprise. If he says no, you did a good thing for yourself and made a move to get what you want in life. Good job. The goal is to make the call. That is the end of your goal, and once you do it, you've succeeded. Best Wishes, Sunlight 1
basil67 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 You are all probably right It is tempting to just say to him, but I'm too scared and proud Don't let fear and pride stop you from attempting life. 3
Sunlight72 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Aw geez, Jen beat me to it again... Nice one Jen
Author Jilly-bean Posted October 24, 2016 Author Posted October 24, 2016 Aw geez, Jen beat me to it again... Nice one Jen Thanks everyone for your advice! You are all lovely non judgemental people :-) I will leave it another day or two to see if he come forward, afterall it's only been a day! If nothing I will be brave and take your advice - nothing to lose eh? I will let you know how it goes 2
jen1447 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Aw geez, Jen beat me to it again... Nice one Jen Always one step ahead of ya. Don't let fear and pride stop you from attempting life. Quote of the day!
joseb Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 You are all probably right It is tempting to just say to him, but I'm too scared and proud So you can keep you pride intact, or you can be brave and make something happen. Which way do you think is the more satisfying way to live? There seems to be a common perception that you should feel nothing when having sex for the first time if you have only recently met. I've never believed in this idea. You should feel something. Doesn't mean you are going to fall in love necessarily, but that can happen later too. All of my relationships started out with sex pretty early. Or it might just be a nice experience that you may or may not repeat. I've had amazing first night stands that became lame enough second night trysts and ended there.
hestheone66 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Good things can come from booty calls, but let him make first move.. I met my guy on a sex hookup site (pre tinder)..we only exchangers few messages and when we met for coffee I was very clear that I had no intention of a relationship at this stage and also didn't believe that fwbs should see each other more frequently than every 6-8 weeks, specifically to maintain the boundaries of not catching feelings.. We went out for dinner and he turned out to be a great lover and he thought the same in me... He messaged me the next night just to let me know something sweet... For the next few times we only did booty calls, very matter of factly... the romance started creeping in. But it wasn't until nearly 2 years later we broached the fact that we were probably exclusive and in fact in a relationship... the compatibly was too strong and both of us had been scared to have 'the talk' for fear the other one would perceive it as needy and bail. It is the best most fulfilling relationship I've ever had and the hot booty call sex hasn't diminished... It could be the same with you..in some ways, not loading a relationship with feelings and future talking can allow honesty to just be accepted for who you are in the moment..
mortensorchid Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 You had your first round of what was/is known as casual sex. You were breaking out of your former self and trying something new. Guess what? You're going to have more of these encounters as time goes on. Not a lot of them, if you are traditionally a relationship type of girl (which I think of myself as, or try to be). But sometimes we have needs and ... 2 ships pass in the night. And if you're thinking you're a bad person or a Bad Girl because of it? Not necessarily. After all, you don't know this person that well, you are not right for each other in an actual relationship should you have one. I've known a few people who have married the person they were having fantastic sex with, but they were not right as husband/wife. Proves to be a mistake, and you don't want to make a mistake like that one. It's part of growing up. You learned. And now you're moving on.
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