what is the truth when everyone tells me that he is no good for me?

[justitia]

Not only do my family and friends say he is bad for me, they fear that he is capable of ruining my life. He has serious mental illness and on top of that, still baggage from his past divorce.

 

After being together for nine months, I find myself struggling between the decisions to whether stay or go almost every minute. I feel that he is emotionally abusive, but then I keep telling myself that he's got illness, he needs time and my support. Then I resent the fact that he allowed himself to become a victim of depression (due to the divorce).

 

I'm lost, I'm unhappy either way. While I know that I will get my peace back if I broke up with him, I feel the pain of letting him go every time I think of leaving.

 

Does love have to be this tough? What would you do if you were in my situation? How do I go about the break up if I eventually decided to do so?

 

your advises are greatly appreciated.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I feel that he is emotionally abusive, but then I keep telling myself that he's got illness, he needs time and my support.

 

The time and support he needs, are not the kind you can give him right now. That's why people say that he is wrong for you. Not because he's some horrible guy - but because you aren't the person who can 'fix' him and help him be a better guy. Only he can do that. If he refuses to get help on his own, then the only thing you will be for him is a crutch to avoid having to deal with and fix his own problems. You will never be happy as a crutch. Trust me. What this guy needs is to get to a mental and emotional place where he wants to deal with his problems, and work on them - entirely of his own volition. If he can't or won't get there, and chooses to stay depressed and wallow in his self-pity and take it out on you - then caveat emptor: you can expect no better than you are getting now, and will probably get worse.

[Zaira]

Originally posted by justitia

He has serious mental illness and on top of that, still baggage from his past divorce.

 

I feel that he is emotionally abusive, but then I keep telling myself that he's got illness, he needs time and my support.

 

I'm lost, I'm unhappy either way. While I know that I will get my peace back if I broke up with him, I feel the pain of letting him go every time I think of leaving.

 

 

I don't think you are in love with him, I think you feel sorry for him. You really need to concentrate on your own happiness. Surely he has family/friends/professional people that can help him with his illness. He'll just drag you down. Let go now before it becomes to hard, and get on with your own life.

[justitia]

Thank you! Isn't it amazing how EVERY SINGLE PERSON, tells me pretty much the same thing! I've never dated a guy that nobody would vote for in my entire dating history. Love him or not, I don't know anymore. All I know is that I'm tired, and I need to refresh myself before I become depressed like him.