WishingHeart Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Hey everybody! I'm new to posting here, even though I've been browsing around for a while to see if I could find any help for my current situation. My boyfriend and I of nearly nine months broke up about 2 weeks ago. We had a discussion the night it happened, and we've had some since. Basically what we determined the problem to be, was that we were starting to feel more like friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. That the "spark" we used to have wasn't there like it used to be. At least, this is how he says HE feels. I still have that same feeling when I'm with him as I always have. But I did start to notice something didn't seem right. Over the course of our relationship, we did grow to be really great friends, but I always thought that was a great thing to have when you're dating someone. We've both been through some bad past relationships, dealing with lies, cheating, a**holes, etc. For once, we were relieved to find someone we didn't have to go through that with. We have so much in common, same sense of humor, a lot of the same goals. We never had big fights, but we had our share of disagreements, as all people do. We just seemed to always fit so well together, and we both agreed with that. Since the breakup, we do still see each other. We still hang out. It'd be too weird for us not to. The reason we had our talk and broke it off when we did was to avoid any big problems that would cause us to not want to remain friends. But we DO love each other, and have both said that we don't know how we'd go on without each other in our lives. So I guess my question is... what do I do now? We agreed that if something happens down the line, we'd give it another shot. So do I just wait it out and let things go on as they are? I think a big part of the reason that things may just seem like we're more of friends than anything, is the fact that we don't really do much other than sit around and hang out, play video games, and the like. Our lives have been kinda crazy lately, so that's part of the reason we'd choose a night on the couch instead of going out and dealing with too much else. I'm so tired of thinking. *lol* Anyways, anyone have any comments, suggestions, etc? And feel free to go ahead and 'let me have it' if you so desire. Oh, and if it matters, we're both 24.. I'm sure someone would ask. =)
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 So do I just wait it out and let things go on as they are? It depends on what you place a greater value on: the potential relationship you want, or the one you already have. If you are enjoying the relationship and benefiting from it in every way (except the romance/sex part) then maybe over time you can allow yourself to let those feelings go and move on in your heart, while still having a great friendship with this guy. Sometimes, there are things of value in a relationship outside of sex and romance - and when you have a relationship like that, in which you truly value each other for reasons other than that, there's little sense in throwing that away in lieu of a different type of relationship that may never happen again between you two. Its when the relationship had NOTHING outside of sex and romance, and "friends" is an insecure crutch just to hang on to the ghost of a dead relationship that you want to consider breaking your ties. It doesn't sound like this is the case here. It sounds like your relationship has evolved past a dating one, and you two are forming bonds that while not romantic or sexual, are no less strong. That's pretty rare. Will it turn back to romance one day? Maybe, maybe not. I guess your happiness in this friendship depends largely on your ability to let go of what it is not (and let go of your hopes that it will one day be more), and embrace it for what it is. To add something here: are you two still having sex? If you are, that would change things somewhat ...
WishingHeart Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 First off, thanks for the reply. To be honest, at the moment I'm extremely torn between wanting to keep the friendship we have, and also knowing that I love this guy so much, and want nothing more than to be with him the way we used to be. I have no doubt that given time, I can move on and eventually find someone else, but I obviously don't WANT to do that. To answer you question, yes we have had sex since the breakup. I've already scolded myself pretty good about it, since I wasn't planning to do it, knowing it would probably only complicate things in my head. But alas, I have no willpower sometimes. *lol*
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