He dumped me. Going crazy.

October 23, 2016

Let me start by saying that my boyfriend was married and got divorced. This has caused a lot of issues for us because that messed him up pretty badly. 4 months into dating we got into a fight and he wanted to break up. Him and his ex fought a lot and it reminded him of that. We talked and mended it. Fast forward to September 2015. We went to a wedding and he freaked out saying he doesn't think he can ever marry again and he broke up with me. I begged and pleaded for him to reconsider but he wouldnt. I didn't contact him for a week. After a week, he called me. He was getting choked up apologizing telling me he needs me and he made a mistake. I made him work for it a little but like an idiot I gave in. Love is a crazy thing.

Everything was amazing when we got back together. April 2016 I moved in with him into his house with our two dogs. Everything was going great. We had arguments but every couple does. He's going through a lot with work and is scared for his job which has put stress on our relationship. Last night we went to a party at his friends. He was worried about me coming with him because I wouldn't know anyone and he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. It was a fight because I stupidly took that as him saying he didn't want me there. It made me feel bad. I know I shouldn't have thought of it that way. So we went and had a great time. He asked if I wanted to go home and we did. Halfway home we started arguing about something I can't even remember. He dropped me off and went back to the party. I was so mad he went back. Like I said, also pretty drunk. He wouldn't answer his cell phone and I called over and over. In my rage I kicked and broke our dog gate. I went to sleep. He came home and saw what I had done and yelled at me to leave. And he broke up with me. He said the arguing was too much and he wanted to break up and there was no convincing him otherwise. I left and came back in the morning. He's still pretty set in breaking up. I took most of my things out of the house today. I texted him saying I was sorry and I was sad it was ending like this. I asked if we could talk in a few days and he said yes.

I realize my faults and I want to work on them. I know I've been insecure and I should also mention I have anxiety. I don't know what to do. I want to be with him and want our life back. I know I can't contact him. But this with my anxiety I feel like I'm dying. My heart won't stop pounding and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do. Is it silly of me to hold onto seeing him in a few days? Is it even salvageable? I can't make someone be with me who doesn't want to be, nor would I want to be with someone who isn't sure of me. Anyone who's going through something similar I'd love to talk and help each other.

Edited October 23, 2016 by TaylorM

October 23, 2016

Were you seeing him while he was married?

You're making a lot of excuses for him and he has convinced you that the problem is you when it's really him. How many times are you going to let him break up with you? He'll keep doing it until he finds someone else, then he'll break up with you for good.

October 23, 2016

Were you seeing him while he was married?

You're making a lot of excuses for him and he has convinced you that the problem is you when it's really him. How many times are you going to let him break up with you? He'll keep doing it until he finds someone else, then he'll break up with you for good.

No we started dating a year after his divorce. I know, you're right. I just wish I could stop loving him.

October 23, 2016

Hi Taylor ,

I am sorry you are going through this ..

Stay there,stay in the hurt ,do you have good friends you can see and express your pain to ?If so go see them and let your heart just break ,don't withhold ,cry because it's really painful and I can certainly not advise you to numb it .

The truth is when someone makes up their mind,sometimes there is nothing we can do about it ,the ego may trick us into thinking we're powerless and all those thoughts will drive us insane ,angry but the fact of the matter is we cannot change people's minds and it's rather gut wrenching but it is part of the human experience and there is a bigger purpose to suffering :the ultimate life lesson that will save us in the future

I don't even wanna go deeper because I know in the heat of the moment it's hard to get but right now,feel it ,take it in and it's important to have friends who could listen to you ,hear the sound of your palpable pain or write what you feel in a journal as well.

Since he agreed to talk,then have a heart to heart with him and If this is the end ,well you will have to accept reality and focus on you and your well being .

Feeel free to rant or vent here anyway .Hope you get better

Edited October 23, 2016 by noski

October 23, 2016

No we started dating a year after his divorce. I know, you're right. I just wish I could stop loving him.

Sounds like he probably wasn't ready to enter a relationship. Although it's no excuse for toying with your emotions.

Your feelings will start to wane after some time has passed if you cut all communication with him. But if you try to work it out or get back with him, you'll be repeating the same pattern.

My ex did the same thing to me for our entire relationship. I would get mad at him over something and he would turn it around on me and break up with me because I was 'stressing' him out. It happened at least 3-5 times. and he was doing it in purpose, using it as a tool to get me to behave in a way he wanted.

That's what your ex is doing. He probably didn't want you to go to the party in the first place, which explains why he went back. Did he get angry out of nowhere? He may have done it on purpose so he'd have an excuse to go back without you.

By breaking up with you, he is possibly hoping that you will stop asking questions about his ****ty behavior and allow him to act like a single man with the benefits of having you as a gf. Without having to really treat you like you're in a committed relationship that's going somewhere.

Take your power back and let him go. He may come around again, but he's already shown you what he is about. Believe him.

October 23, 2016

Sounds like he probably wasn't ready to enter a relationship. Although it's no excuse for toying with your emotions.

Your feelings will start to wane after some time has passed if you cut all communication with him. But if you try to work it out or get back with him, you'll be repeating the same pattern.

My ex did the same thing to me for our entire relationship. I would get mad at him over something and he would turn it around on me and break up with me because I was 'stressing' him out. It happened at least 3-5 times. and he was doing it in purpose, using it as a tool to get me to behave in a way he wanted.

That's what your ex is doing. He probably didn't want you to go to the party in the first place, which explains why he went back. Did he get angry out of nowhere? He may have done it on purpose so he'd have an excuse to go back without you.

By breaking up with you, he is possibly hoping that you will stop asking questions about his ****ty behavior and allow him to act like a single man with the benefits of having you as a gf. Without having to really treat you like you're in a committed relationship that's going somewhere.

Take your power back and let him go. He may come around again, but he's already shown you what he is about. Believe him.

This is so unbelievably helpful. Thank you.

October 23, 2016

I know in your other thread he didn't really want you to go to the party because he was going to hang out with some of his guy friends who weren't bringing their gfs. You yourself were hesitant to go because of your anxiety and not knowing anyone. I think this guy was tired of dealing with your anxiety and wants to move on to a more stable relationship. Getting upset to the point of breaking the dog crate is over the top. I don't think it was a good idea for you to go to the party.

October 23, 2016

I know in your other thread he didn't really want you to go to the party because he was going to hang out with some of his guy friends who weren't bringing their gfs. You yourself were hesitant to go because of your anxiety and not knowing anyone. I think this guy was tired of dealing with your anxiety and wants to move on to a more stable relationship. Getting upset to the point of breaking the dog crate is over the top. I don't think it was a good idea for you to go to the party.

All of this.

Based on your other thread, I would say he did try to be understanding of your anxiety and has had enough.

October 24, 2016

Taylor, you say that all couples fight. But it's not true. All couples disagree from time to time, but many couples can solve their issues without it becoming a fight. If a relationship has many fights, then it's a bad relationship.

The pre-party fight was a ridiculous fight which came about because you are making him responsible for your anxieties. Then on the way home, the two of you had a fight about something you can't even remember!! Then you broke the gate in your anger.

The whole things sounds awful. He's gotten tired of it all - and I don't blame him.

October 24, 2016

I realize that I messed up. And that he got tired of it. I get that. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still deeply hurting from this. And looking for any advice. Given the chance I would show him I can be different. I'm just lost and don't know what to do.

October 24, 2016

I think you should let him go and get help for your anxiety before you enter another relationship or this is going to happen again. If he took you back this will just keep happening again and again. I can't blame him for not wanting to deal with this. Are you on meds to help your anxiety?

October 24, 2016

I was on them and I'm currently off due to bad side effects. I started seeing a counselor and am hoping she can prescribe me something different. He agreed to talk in a few days. I'm hoping that means he isn't 100% done and that there's a chance to work on it. I know I have things to fix. And I truly think I can be much better. And I want to be. Whether it's for him or someone else but especially for myself. But I really want him.

October 24, 2016

Let me start by saying that my boyfriend was married and got divorced. This has caused a lot of issues for us because that messed him up pretty badly. 4 months into dating we got into a fight and he wanted to break up. Him and his ex fought a lot and it reminded him of that. We talked and mended it. Fast forward to September 2015. We went to a wedding and he freaked out saying he doesn't think he can ever marry again and he broke up with me. I begged and pleaded for him to reconsider but he wouldnt. I didn't contact him for a week. After a week, he called me. He was getting choked up apologizing telling me he needs me and he made a mistake. I made him work for it a little but like an idiot I gave in. Love is a crazy thing.

Everything was amazing when we got back together. April 2016 I moved in with him into his house with our two dogs. Everything was going great. We had arguments but every couple does. He's going through a lot with work and is scared for his job which has put stress on our relationship. Last night we went to a party at his friends. He was worried about me coming with him because I wouldn't know anyone and he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. It was a fight because I stupidly took that as him saying he didn't want me there. It made me feel bad. I know I shouldn't have thought of it that way. So we went and had a great time. He asked if I wanted to go home and we did. Halfway home we started arguing about something I can't even remember. He dropped me off and went back to the party. I was so mad he went back. Like I said, also pretty drunk. He wouldn't answer his cell phone and I called over and over. In my rage I kicked and broke our dog gate. I went to sleep. He came home and saw what I had done and yelled at me to leave. And he broke up with me. He said the arguing was too much and he wanted to break up and there was no convincing him otherwise. I left and came back in the morning. He's still pretty set in breaking up. I took most of my things out of the house today. I texted him saying I was sorry and I was sad it was ending like this. I asked if we could talk in a few days and he said yes.

I realize my faults and I want to work on them. I know I've been insecure and I should also mention I have anxiety. I don't know what to do. I want to be with him and want our life back. I know I can't contact him. But this with my anxiety I feel like I'm dying. My heart won't stop pounding and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do. Is it silly of me to hold onto seeing him in a few days? Is it even salvageable? I can't make someone be with me who doesn't want to be, nor would I want to be with someone who isn't sure of me. Anyone who's going through something similar I'd love to talk and help each other.

4 months into dating we got into a fight and he wanted to break up.

We went to a wedding and he freaked out saying he doesn't think he can ever marry again and he broke up with me.

He came home and saw what I had done and yelled at me to leave. And he broke up with me.

Three break ups? This relationship is a train-wreck. You have significant anxiety issues (and why wouldn't you -- he dumped you twice before. It's no wonder you are walking on eggshells with him and second-guessing, etc.) Every time you break up and get back together, you are compounding your anxiety. Doing this to yourself is like hitting yourself with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop . . .

The guy doesn't want to get married or deal with anything that reminds him of being married.

Love is a crazy thing. -- Do you know what's crazier? -- Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Forget about seeing/talking to him again. Go no contact. Take some time for yourself to become strong and secure and independent in your own right and away from things that cause and add to your anxiety.

October 24, 2016

I realize that I messed up. And that he got tired of it. I get that. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still deeply hurting from this. And looking for any advice. Given the chance I would show him I can be different. I'm just lost and don't know what to do.

In order for him to see that you can be different, you have to actually be different. That would start right now by accepting the break up gracefully and with dignity. And, then working to stand on your own two feet, think clearly, manage your emotions and balancing them with logic and maturity.

But don't do all this with the thought of "getting him to come back". Do it for yourself and give yourself the best opportunity to be "better" for someone in the future. There is no way you could be different with him. The damage of all this will only fuel your anxieties going forward. You'll never be able to feel "comfortable" and trust in this relationship. The history is too unstable.

October 28, 2016

I am going through something very very similar to you, at this very moment. We broke up yesterday after dating the second time around and believe me I am having all the same feelings as you. Reading through your post made me feel like I was reading about myself, I too let little things get a reaction out of me and although they are never large things we may have had a few little scuffles, mostly from me being insecure. But at the end of the day, neither of us have done anything wrong. Believe me. I don't know whats going on in their heads... but its not us.

Anyhow, you did say you'd like to talk to someone going through the same thing and maybe we could help eachother out. Keep us in NC, etc. If you'd like to, you're more than welcome to send me a message.

October 28, 2016

I am going through something very very similar to you, at this very moment. We broke up yesterday after dating the second time around and believe me I am having all the same feelings as you. Reading through your post made me feel like I was reading about myself, I too let little things get a reaction out of me and although they are never large things we may have had a few little scuffles, mostly from me being insecure. But at the end of the day, neither of us have done anything wrong. Believe me. I don't know whats going on in their heads... but its not us.

Anyhow, you did say you'd like to talk to someone going through the same thing and maybe we could help eachother out. Keep us in NC, etc. If you'd like to, you're more than welcome to send me a message.

Thank you so much. I'd rather empower each other than make us feel worse. I appreciate it

October 28, 2016

Thank you so much. I'd rather empower each other than make us feel worse. I appreciate it

Of course, everybody needs someone there. And as much as we can tell our friends they don't really get just how we feel at this time. I tried to PM you but I'm not sure how but if you'd like to stay in touch we can. Im in my early 20s, female.

October 28, 2016

I would love to talk to you about my experience as well! I am going through something very, very similar and it'll be great to connect to you, regarding it.

I'll send you a PM!

October 28, 2016

I'm not sure how to PM?? I'm 27

October 28, 2016

Yeah I didn't get anything and I tried PMing you guys but there's no option too... Hmmmm

October 30, 2016

TaylorM, how are you? How have you been holding up? I hope you're doing well and staying strong.

October 30, 2016

Hi love bug,

Not so great. He yanked me around this last week making me think there was a chance of reconciliation and that today we would talk things out. Last minute he said it was no use and we would never get back together. I know he isn't right for me but I feel like I'm dying all over again. My anxiety is at an all time high and I have no idea how to heal or how I'll ever get over this

October 30, 2016

I'm sorry this happened. Now at least you know this isnt the guy for you. His yanking you around was more than likely for his own ego and knowing you're still there. If he really cared for you but knew it wasn't going anywhere he could've at least taken the time to analyze his feelings before reaching out and making it seem like he wanted to work it out and then taking it back.

*Hugs* Hope you begin the healing process soon.

October 30, 2016

Love bug thank you. I'd like to connect on social media or something so we can talk and help each other through!

October 31, 2016

Well I have Facebook or snapchat, or both. I don't know how I could send you my name to look up without putting it here publicly on the forum...

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He dumped me. Going crazy.

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