magicallydelicious Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 i met a man on a dating app, and we went out for our second date on friday. we went to dinner, a game and then to the bar afterward. we ended up going back to his place and hanging out, which eventually led to us having sex. So, that night was a bit awkward because: 1. he told me that he's on the tail end of getting a divorce, explained that she cheated on him, he went to counseling, etc. 2. after sex, he told me that he has a hard time reading me and couldn't really gauge my interest in him. i reaffirmed that i am interested. 3. i asked if i was the first person he's slept with since the divorce and he said yes. 4. he told me that i'm way smarter than him, which i told him that i think he's smart and he shouldn't say things like that. he told me that he thinks it's sexy. the next morning, we cuddled for a few hours and then went to get our cars. He kissed me goodbye twice, but didn't make mention of seeing each other again. i texted him last night and he responded this morning, which i sent a reply back that didn't necessarily garner a response, but i haven't heard anything else. he does sometimes go days at a time without contacting me, but i think i just expected more of a response after we hooked up. does this seem pretty typical? or is he giving me the brush off after sex? i don't really have much experience dating divorced dudes.
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 The sex was just sex, not an invitation for something more serious. You have a 50/50 chance he will ask you out again. It's a crapshoot.....you never know what you are going to get when you just roll the dice.
Toodaloo Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Its the tail end so he is not divorced yet and those papers are not signed. He is about to go through emotional hell. My advice is back off. If he wants you he will chase you. If not he will not. Wait until the papers are signed in the future... A lot can change before that happens including going back to the wife and trust me you do not then want the knowledge that you slept with a married man... 1
kmack513 Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Normally if a guy is pretty interested he will be responsive with the texts and calls. If the ball is in his court wait for him to respond.
elaine567 Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 i met a man on a dating app, and we went out for our second date on friday. we went to dinner, a game and then to the bar afterward. we ended up going back to his place and hanging out, which eventually led to us having sex. So, that night was a bit awkward because: 1. he told me that he's on the tail end of getting a divorce, explained that she cheated on him, he went to counseling, etc. 2. after sex, he told me that he has a hard time reading me and couldn't really gauge my interest in him. i reaffirmed that i am interested. 3. i asked if i was the first person he's slept with since the divorce and he said yes. 4. he told me that i'm way smarter than him, which i told him that i think he's smart and he shouldn't say things like that. he told me that he thinks it's sexy. the next morning, we cuddled for a few hours and then went to get our cars. He kissed me goodbye twice, but didn't make mention of seeing each other again. i texted him last night and he responded this morning, which i sent a reply back that didn't necessarily garner a response, but i haven't heard anything else. he does sometimes go days at a time without contacting me, but i think i just expected more of a response after we hooked up. does this seem pretty typical? or is he giving me the brush off after sex? i don't really have much experience dating divorced dudes. Be careful, his wife may not even know she is getting a divorce... 6
Author magicallydelicious Posted October 23, 2016 Author Posted October 23, 2016 thanks for the responses, everyone. i'm pretty sure he's not going back to her. from what he's told me, it's over. they don't talk, he thinks she's awful for what she did, etc.
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 thanks for the responses, everyone. i'm pretty sure he's not going back to her. from what he's told me, it's over. they don't talk, he thinks she's awful for what she did, etc. Please don't be this naive. You have met him twice why would you believe 1 word coming out of his mouth? It's a well known song from cheaters OH my wife is so cruel to me, she doesn't love me, she does not appreciate me, I will never go back again blahblahblah, repeat chorus. Huge common sense: Do not date men recently out of relationships. 3
imaginarium Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 I hooked up with my boyfriend before his divorce was over. I honestly figured it would be a ONS, we had history from a long time ago but hadn't talked in 15 years. I was the first person he had slept with since leaving his wife, I basically kicked him out in the morning, I assumed he was fun for me and I was rebound for him. Today is our one year anniversary. The divorce finalizing sucked. I have to be willing to accept there are hang ups from the marriage that he has to work through. I had to deal with the fall outs from fights with his ex for awhile until the details of the divorce were hammered out. But I don't regret a second of it, I've learned a lot and we are super close becaue of it. That's probably more the exception than the rule, but I guess I'm saying don't totally count it out. Just be cautious and honest about how much of the burden of a divorce do you want to shoulder for basically a stranger. Because if you get involved, you're involved. I've never had to deal with the ex or any of the drama firsthand, but it did sometimes suck to have a great day and then come home to him angry because they got into a fight about who gets which phone charger... food for thought.
Redhead14 Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 thanks for the responses, everyone. i'm pretty sure he's not going back to her. from what he's told me, it's over. they don't talk, he thinks she's awful for what she did, etc. After 2 dates, you have no idea what's what with him. I always tell women that the first time they have sex with a man, especially if it's early, she should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he shows you otherwise by maintaining contact and setting up proper dates from that point on. Stop reaching out to him and observe . . . 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 thanks for the responses, everyone. i'm pretty sure he's not going back to her. from what he's told me, it's over. they don't talk, he thinks she's awful for what she did, etc. He has not completed his divorce. The last thing he wants is for anyone to find out that he is having extra-marital affair, sex. He, potentially, has more to lose in the 'divorce' if anyone finds out. I would let go. So, to be clear, he told you he was on the tail end of the divorce BEFORE you had sex, right?
Shining One Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 It's always wise to be wary of someone recently divorced. I specifically date about-to-be/recently divorced women when I'm looking for sex and little else. I've yet to be disappointed in those expectations.
Author magicallydelicious Posted October 23, 2016 Author Posted October 23, 2016 yes, he told me he was in the process of finalizing the divorce before we had sex. i don't think he's the player type at all--he's actually kind of awkward when it comes to making moves. but yeah, it's obviously very new and i don't know the full extent of what he's going through. i've never been in this situation before, but i understand what you guys are saying.
carhill Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 That guy's good. You can verify the divorce part. Everything else is unverifiable. If the case file shows they've filed an agreement or are on the docket for a hearing, that's a good sign. How does his place look? Lived in awhile by a bachelor? Since you became sexual fairly rapidly, that's on the table now. Guys usually don't backpeddle on that kind of intimacy. If he doesn't ask you out on another date or contact you in an intimate-type manner in the next day or so, it is what it is. Up to you how you handle next contact, if there is one. Experiment - if he texts you, respond 'call me, honey' or similar. See what happens. I tend to align with those who advise caution dating divorcing or recently divorced men and I've been one. Good advice, IMO.
selinaluv Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 (edited) I have been right where you are and the stories are very similar. Really pay attention to what he says and does, because most likely he is not really ready to commit to anyone at all. My guy made it very clear in his actions after we had sex. Luckily i was also divorcing and was in a similar place. His wife cheated and left and they were in the process of divorcing. He was very angry with her and they had an extremely tumultuous relationship. I was convinced they hated each other, but she never completely left the picture. Turns out he and I actually became great friends and he never was able to settle with anyone. After five years and a divorce that never became final, he reconciled with his ex and they are very happy now. Anything can happen, but I would stay away from a man who is not fully divorced yet if you want more. And if you were the first woman since his split, odds are he will want to experience more. Edited October 23, 2016 by selinaluv 1
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