surferchic Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Hey LS. I recently had two encounters with men who seemed tobe cool at first, but only about a month into going out I started noticing how they would act around people they know. It's as if they was desperate for attention at any cost. After a few drinks I had to leave one guy at the gathering he took me to. Prior to his behavior,he got upset with me and told me that I was one of those females that acted like they didn't appreciate him spending money on them and that an ex of mine must still me chasing me...(wtf...?) I'm wondering what causes some guys/people to be so needy(thirsty) for attention that they look like @sses. Was I wrong for leaving the gathering? Maybe, but whatever... I refuse to sit back and watch a grown man (40 yr old) act like a 16 year old but then sound like a hypocrit when sober. What does one do when in these type of situations? Out of all the guys I've dated, 2 of them were "thirsty" for attention and i realized I couldn't be with a man who feels the need to get attention by being the loudest, most ignorant, desperate looking idiot in the room. Where does that dumb stuff come from???
kmack513 Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 (edited) at 40 being an attention [seeker] is problematic. IDK were it comes from. Edited October 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Some people, men and women, will grow physically and mentally but will never grow emotionally. At 40 you are suppose to have figured out a few things in life, not the case of this man. A look over his past relationships probably would have indicated his lack of emotional maturity. Yes you did well. 4
Nowty V Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 Where does that dumb stuff come from??? Insecurity and fear. You made the right choice.
mikeylo Posted October 23, 2016 Posted October 23, 2016 (edited) Attention seeking people are bad news. One person can never fulfill their ' need'. They need plenty of people to give them false security. It is very short lived security. What they do need is security of one person but it's a lost cause. The one person who can and will give security will not accept the crowd along with. No one has the guts to call them on their behavior because AW put the blame back. So people choose to dump them and find someone better. I've seen plenty of attention w..re women , well into their 50s. It doesn't go away with age. Edited October 23, 2016 by mikeylo 3
Author surferchic Posted October 23, 2016 Author Posted October 23, 2016 I agree with the posts here. It's probably true that it ultimately comes from fear. Fear of being alone or disapproval. Made me think of times we were together and we could buying groceries, clothes, household big ticket items, etc. He valued my opinion I guess, but he could go from 0-101 in a second just based on me not agreeing with his decision to buy a certain item or take a certain action... He'd mistaking blow up or go on a tirade no matter where we were. (Yes he had serious anger issues) Emotional immaturity ... fear...control, etc. In retrospect, he was all these things. Wouldn't it be nice if b.s. detectors were for sale... I guess discernment is the next best thing. 1
muse08 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 I've seen this a few times in men I've dated . Posters are pretty spot on. It's typically due to insecurity, immaturity, ignorance and the desire to control others since they feel out of control in areas of their life. I broke up with a guy because of this. I wish more people would take heed to threads like this,in order to help them realize just how idiotic people view them as. Before they go to another party,gathering, etc and make an @ss out of themselves again hopefully they'll realize how their SO and lots of others are looking at him/her (i.e. the village idiot) sideways... Huge turnoff and so unattractive.
muse08 Posted October 24, 2016 Posted October 24, 2016 Some people, men and women, will grow physically and mentally but will never grow emotionally. At 40 you are suppose to have figured out a few things in life, not the case of this man. A look over his past relationships probably would have indicated his lack of emotional maturity. Yes you did well. Love your signature.
Author surferchic Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 Some people, men and women, will grow physically and mentally but will never grow emotionally. At 40 you are suppose to have figured out a few things in life, not the case of this man. A look over his past relationships probably would have indicated his lack of emotional maturity. Yes you did well. Thanks. Funny you said this. When we first met, he would complain that his sister would call him "petty". Then his sister told me that when he's mad he gets really upset. After these comments i paid attention. Soon his anger, insecurities amd immaturity reared its ugly head.
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Can you give and example of what being desperate for attention at any cost means? so does it mean they are kissing butts or trying to be the life of the party but failing miserably at it or making you, their date the butt of their jokes? Sorry just trying to gauge the situation.
Author surferchic Posted October 26, 2016 Author Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) ... trying to be the life of the party but failing miserably... Yep, thats it. If he felt like I wasn't giving him enough attn, he'd stare at me from afar whenever i started talking to someone else and/or he'd be passive aggressive and do something later seemingless senseless. In retrospect I figured out someof his motivation. Edited October 26, 2016 by surferchic
tolduso05 Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 (edited) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/599406-ex-requested-my-friend-fb/post-7100385.html Interesting thread. It's also an issue to the point where it causes lots of folk to use social media to increase their attention...exponentially. The link above was posted a while ago, but I think it's relevant to this thread. "Thirsty"people can ruin their own relationships/lives, all because of their immature ability to deal with their own fears. Then they use social media to expose every detail of their life to everyone...I've never understood that. Edited November 6, 2016 by tolduso05
Author surferchic Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 Yep... this stuff is very unpredictable, can disguise itself as other behaviors,e.g. just being very confident, assertive, etc. So I started paying attention to how I was feeling. When I felt super annoyed or embarrassed by my ex, that told me that something was clearly wrong with the whole situation.
SpiralOut Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Maybe in the past they were often ignored and overlooked and they got sick of it.... so now they overcompensate by making sure everyone notices them. I know a couple of people like that.
Popsicle Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Hey LS. I recently had two encounters with men who seemed tobe cool at first, but only about a month into going out I started noticing how they would act around people they know. It's as if they was desperate for attention at any cost. After a few drinks I had to leave one guy at the gathering he took me to. Prior to his behavior,he got upset with me and told me that I was one of those females that acted like they didn't appreciate him spending money on them and that an ex of mine must still me chasing me...(wtf...?) I'm wondering what causes some guys/people to be so needy(thirsty) for attention that they look like @sses. Was I wrong for leaving the gathering? Maybe, but whatever... I refuse to sit back and watch a grown man (40 yr old) act like a 16 year old but then sound like a hypocrit when sober. What does one do when in these type of situations? Out of all the guys I've dated, 2 of them were "thirsty" for attention and i realized I couldn't be with a man who feels the need to get attention by being the loudest, most ignorant, desperate looking idiot in the room. Where does that dumb stuff come from??? There are a lot of guys who are convinced that women love arseholes so they act like that to get women. The guys you mentioned are just of the variety that think that being an arsehole means being loud and obnoxious. You did the right thing in leaving him. 1
Author surferchic Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 There are a lot of guys who are convinced that women love arseholes so they act like that to get women. The guys you mentioned are just of the variety that think that being an arsehole means being loud and obnoxious. You did the right thing in leaving him. Thanks, you're definitely on to something. I think it's that, coupled with some guys just acting out as a means of coping with disappointment (from their S.O.) that they may be too ashamed to acknowledge.
Toodaloo Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 I don't know. I think some guys just get themselves all worked up and into a tizzy. Then they have to get some sort of validation from somewhere... Its all ego, attention seeking, neediness and feeling insecure. Problem is they seek out other people to rectify these problems rather than accepting and dealing with them themselves... Very strange behavior but also not uncommon in either sex... The life and soul of the party is always the one who gives others the limelight and is confident to sit back and let others shine... Guys who are needy can't do that so instead they "compete" and invariably lose... 1
Author surferchic Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 I don't know. I think some guys just get themselves all worked up and into a tizzy. Then they have to get some sort of validation from somewhere... Its all ego, attention seeking, neediness and feeling insecure. Problem is they seek out other people to rectify these problems rather than accepting and dealing with them themselves... Very strange behavior but also not uncommon in either sex... The life and soul of the party is always the one who gives others the limelight and is confident to sit back and let others shine... Guys who are needy can't do that so instead they "compete" and invariably lose... I think that's it! Spot on.
Toodaloo Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 I think that's it! Spot on. Problem is they are their own worst enemies as they make the situation worse for themselves and then get needier and obsessed with Alpha/ Beta Males stuff and PUA tactics etc... They never seem to just stop, look in the mirror and actually like who they are... Its always a frenzy of must have must have that never ends and is just utterly exhausting. For them and anyone around them... 1
Author surferchic Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 Problem is they are their own worst enemies as they make the situation worse for themselves and then get needier and obsessed with Alpha/ Beta Males stuff and PUA tactics etc... They never seem to just stop, look in the mirror and actually like who they are... Its always a frenzy of must have must have that never ends and is just utterly exhausting. For them and anyone around them... Yep! What is PUA...? sorry
Toodaloo Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Yep! What is PUA...? sorry Pick Up Artistry... That way is for complete pillocks. Some of the stuff they come out with just makes great guys who were struggling into complete and utter tools that will never get a girl... If you google it you will find a whole load of forums, books and demo videos... Its good to know in some ways because then you can avoid the guys that use them. But be warned. Its all about treating women like objects not human beings and taking rather than sharing or giving... Its just plain nasty and not constructive if guys are looking for a real and meaningful relationship. All it does is help them further abuse already abused women or those with low self esteem... Just plain nasty... Avoid it as much as possible. Its sick.
Author surferchic Posted November 13, 2016 Author Posted November 13, 2016 Thanks@ Toodaloo for the acronym meaning. I giggled it and learned that, sadly enough I've been familiar with PUAs for since time now. They do like attention...indeed.
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