What happened here?

[Anastasia66]

Hi everyone! I am Anastasia and I am new to the board. I just experienced a very strange break up and can't wrap my head around it. I am hoping someone can offer some insight that maybe I am not seeing.

 

I been seeing a guy for several months, since March. We talked all the time, and went out a couple times a week. We never did discuss our relationship. I did find some things to be off such as him turning his phone upside down while we were having dinner. He did tell me that he was on dating sites before we met and the he never met anyone off of them. Also sometimes on weekends he would take long to answer texts. He said he was out with his family, sleeping, etc. But besides some little things (which may have been red flags) everything was beyond perfect. We connected on a level that I have never connected with anyone else.

 

We did end up discussing our relationship and he said he wanted to be with me for the long run. The only negative thing he ever said to me was that he felt I needed to lose weight, and I do. Granted he still shouldn't have said that but it also did not bother me.

 

We had so many plans for places to go and things to do then out of nowhere he said he is not ready for a relationship and he should not have let us go on this long. I am crushed! I never expected that to come from him at all. Usually I would tell someone to go to hell but I just can't wrap my head around this one. From my point of view things were perfect!

 

I don't know what happened!

Edited October 23, 2016 by Anastasia66

[MsJayne]

That's sad, I feel for you, but it sounds like he may have met someone else. He may have said he was in it for the long haul, but the fact that he said you need to lose weight would be a red flag for me, because when you're really into someone physicality doesn't come into it. It also sounds as though he may have been shopping around for someone else on date sites whilst seeing you, the excuses for not answering your texts sound like it happened a lot, and the turning upside down of the phone is a bit of a giveaway that he didn't want you to see any texts that might appear. It's a sad fact that a lot of people use others as a convenience, they temporarily settle for someone they secretly think doesn't measure up to their expectations whilst they shop around for someone who does tick all their expectation boxes, then when they do meet someone they think is "better" they are pretty quick to dump their unsuspecting partner. Just in the small amount that you wrote I get the feeling that your guy actually might not be the nicest person, and even though you are blindsided, hurt, and confused by what he's done, you will move past it and are probably better off for it. If he comes back, and he may well do that if he's met someone and things don't work out, no matter how much you want to, you should protect yourself and try to see his behaviour as the slyness and selfishness that it is.

[ExpatInItaly]

My initial thought was the same as the above poster - there is someone else.