A month later- Meeting my ex boyfriend

[sj8991]

My boyfriend of just over 2 years broke up with me a month ago, we are both 18 and have been together since we were 15/16 and were extremely close, it feels like a piece of me is missing without him now. The breakup was hard for me as I wanted him to give me another chance and I really with all my heart did not want things to be over. Towards the end of our relationship I had become kind of jealous as he started a new college and was hanging out with this girl a lot and always talking about her and it made me feel uncomfortable, we argued quite a bit in those last few weeks as we were both stressed out about things and even though he knew I was uncomfortable with him being so close to this girl he didn't make any effort to understand how I was feeling and just kept telling me I was mental and making me feel even worse about it.

 

In an argument he broke up with me, but when we broke up he said he was sick of us arguing over something he didn't feel was an issue, but more than that he kept saying he couldnt be a good boyfriend to me, he didnt have time for me anymore etc. After he broke up with me he continued talking to me for a day or 2 and seemed to sound unsure about his decision to break up with me but then went no contact and deleted me everywhere, so I did the same even though it was very hard.

 

Now a month on, a lot has happened for me, my family have split up and its been extra hard because I haven't been able to talk to him and he was the person closest to me. Earlier this week I was in a really low place and I emailed him, I said I'm not having a great time and it would be really good to hear from him. I hate that things ended so abruptly and it felt quite bitter, I said to him that id like us to be on better terms but that if he didn't want to talk to me or see me I completely understood. After the way our breakup went and the way he ignored me I did not expect him to reply at all, but he later replied "Do you want to go for a drink after work on Sunday? I finish at half six, don't know if you are busy, I want us to be on good terms". So we agreed to meet for a drink.

 

So tonight we are supposed to meet, Im feeling really nervous about it, Its so strange having not seen him or spoken to him for a month at all. I still have feelings for him, If he showed interest in me and wanted to get back together I know I would in a heartbeat. With time I have realised that although I had the right to feel uncomfortable about the situation with his friend, the way I acted on it was wrong and I made him feel like I didnt trust him. I have been working on being more comfortable in my own skin, going out more, working out, doing more hobbies, focusing on my work, and Im feeling a lot better. If he has no interest in me anymore and simply wants to have a friendly catchup then I am okay with that and I can accept it, Ive accepted that he didn't want a relationship with me anymore already. But I do worry that I am going to make a fool of myself tonight, what if i say something stupid or that sounds desperate. Would it be a bad idea to act a little flirty to see if I get a response from him? Any other advice about how I should conduct myself is very welcome also! Im really not sure how this is going to go...

[ExpatInItaly]

Be careful here, OP.

 

The meet-up wasn't initiated by him, and though he responded positively, approach this as drink between friends and nothing more. Don't be flirty. Unless and until he initiates a reconciliation, that could lead you down a very painful path. A lot of people will take affections/sex from an ex if it's offered up, but then continue to assert their singlehood thereafter.

 

The break-up didn't happen only because you didn't feel good about his new female friend, it seems. It sounds like there were other issues and that he wasn't really interested in working on them anymore. So as much as you may feel the break-up was your fault, it's also very likely that he was checking out on his own too.

 

Understand going into this that they might well just be viewing this as a way to put bad blood behind you, especially if he knows you're having a hard time in your personal life. I'm sure he still cares and doesn't want to have bitter memories of the breakup, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's looking to get back together. If he is interested in working things out with you, he will have to make that move.

[sj8991]

Thanks 'ExpatInItaly', I agree that I should see this as a drink with a friend, I don't expect anything from him and I assume he just wants to put all the bitterness behind us. I mean, I miss him, but the way he treated me at the end of our relationship and the person he was is not somebody I want to be with, but I know that he was so harsh to me because his way of dealing with difficult things is just shutting them out, and so I dont hate him because I understand A. why he broke up with me and B. why he acted the way he did during our breakup. If there is no chance of a relationship between us now I can accept that but I dont know where that leaves us- I have read time and time again that exes cant be friends, which would mean that I probably wouldn't see/talk to him after this meet up, and the reason I want to see him is because I'm having a tough time and I miss talking to him and having his support, and so is it better that I dont meet up with him at all?

[ExpatInItaly]

Personally, I wouldn't meet up with him. It would ultimately be better for you to look for other means of support than trying to get that from him. You need to break the habit of leaning on him, so to speak.

[stillafool]

This is why I tell young women to not make their bfs their best friend. When a break up happens you have no one to lean on because you have made the wrong person your best friend. Do not flirt with him as I imagine he already knows you want him back. I hope you get the questions answered that you seek from him. Closure will have to come from you not him. After you get all of your questions answered are you willing to walk away, go NC and heal?