elaine567 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Probably because abusive partners are amazing some of the time, and downright nasty the rest of the time. Yet we make excuses for them, because we love their good side so much. So true, the good side is what gets everyone hooked. Abusers do not usually abuse 24/7, if they did, then it would be a lot easier for all to just walk away. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Given that mental illness is not that common Really? I don't think so! WHO | Mental disorders affect one in four people
basil67 Posted October 26, 2016 Posted October 26, 2016 Really? I don't think so! WHO | Mental disorders affect one in four people Fair enough. Let me rephrase: It's not that common for people to have mental illness to such a degree that it effects their relationship in an ongoing manner.
Author Frivolous Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 Thanks for all of the replies. So yeah I guess it won't surprise anyone when I say have also suffered with depression. Ionically it bought me and my partner together whilst at uni. It's quite probable that it the reason I have found love with two two partners who have mental issues. I did have great concern about getting into this relationship but I thought I could handle after learning a lot from my previous experience. As some of you mentioned it's also easy at the beginning to be blinded by a person's good side so I thought this girl on the whole was great. For those of you who commented i'm not being over judgemental and diagnosing her myself! She has suffered with mental illness from a young age and has been on the strongest medication after trying to commit suicide in her first year of uni. Some of her behaviour includes crying when under stress even with things like getting a puncture or losing something. She talks a lot in baby voice which can get very annoying but she says she can't help it yet she is able to as she says put an act on when working. I no longer think she is beyond her years now I know her better but I used to think it because she has had a very privileged upbringing so is very well educated. She was able to give a pitch perfect presentation at uni but would cry and get depressed when she got less that top marks. She doesn't throw tantrums as such but if she doesn't get things her own way then she behaves terribly like life is rubbish and its all my fault even when we were on holiday! She got very annoyed at me for not having a plan for every moment of the day. Now we're living together she complains and argues with everything I do/say. We also haven't had sex in two months because she has had a bad stomach and the other day I went to cuddle her and she shyed away because she said she is feeling claustrophobic around people at the moment!! Really the list goes on! :/
Author Frivolous Posted November 6, 2016 Author Posted November 6, 2016 I guess there's not much advice for my obviously losing situation but I'm a bit lost now. It's all most like she has realised that life isn't all going to be perfect and go her way so she has given up. A month of living together and I just want to run away. I just don't know how it has gotten so weird and I don't even know how I can make it better. 9 months left of our contract but unless she suddenly becomes normal I really don't know how I'm going to make it that long :/ Any advice would be appreciated!
Omei Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 This is only my 2nd long term relationship and there were similar issues in my first one so i'm now wondering if these types of issues are ingernet in a large percentage of the efemale population and if i ever want to be happily married i just have to suck it up and feel like a punch bag for the rest of my life??? Surely you don't really think that and are making a dramatic statement because of course there are plenty of mentally stable woman. 1
Author Frivolous Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 Maybe I'm over sensitive but yeah I do believe that because besides my relationship experience I have observed a fair amount of mentally unstable women around me. I think this is heightened by the fact that women are generally more emotional led and I am abnormally logical so I think naturally I'm not very suited to being a bf or husband. Even my mother said that the other day when I explained how I feel :/
Author Frivolous Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 I feel terribly sad right now knowing that I am facing another failed relationship. It doesn't help that I have been treated extremely well by my gfs family. I just really don't know how I'm going to survive the next coming months in a one bedroom flat
BaileyB Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 There are many mentally stable women, available to date. You just need to find one... Good luck to you. Sorry you are feeling sad right now.
Buddhist Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 None of what you describe sounds like mental instability, it sounds like immaturity. Given her age this is hardly surprising. She's not long out in the world being an adult and is having the usual moments of life being trying and her lashing out because of it instead of taking responsibility for her part in it. I think you have a pattern of dating immature women, that is all. Given you are also depressed none of this is surprising. Relationships don't fix depression they just bring other depressed or otherwise challenging people in our lives. Your best bet is to let this one go and work on your own depression. Then you will be in a clearer state of mind to make better choices in the future.
Author Frivolous Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 Thank you baileyb, i'm gonna hold out hope because its not really nice to be in a failing relationship just after turnig 30. I would quite liked to of settled down but guess i'm going to be playing the field for some time yet. Thank you buddhist, i do believe that her immaturity is playing a big part in the problmes but it is too extreme to be written of as immaturity (like no longer being affectionate towards me) I have been watching my own mood as well but actually i am not actually depressed and feel fairly content in myself. I have has a few down days but only stress and sadness because of the situation rather than depressed. I will however try to be patient and give it time to change because if we do break up i'm only going to stay single for a while anyway because i don't feel the need to jump straight into another relationship so might as give this one a full chance to recover. Now i'm 30, I'm not liking the idea of living in a shared ouse anymore and doing online dating :/
BluesPower Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 I mean you are 30, dude, I would kill for 30 again. If I knew at 30 what I know now, I could just about rule the world if I wanted to. Look, you are just so young, don't be so hard on yourself. Live life and enjoy yourself. Here is the deal, from now on, if a woman has issues that she is not dealing with, no matter how hot, it is not worth it. So now you know, take your time and find a new one and see how it goes.
slowloris44 Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Not to say that I have PBD, depression, anxiety or anything like that . But I will admit I am/was immature at my age (22) . But I learned this from a past and first relationship and now I am bettering myself to become a more mature person. A lot of my immaturity came from insecurities and I think that's where most of her issues stem from. I know now that I am not ready for a relationship right now, I get counseling for my emotions from my past relationship and each day I hope to improve myself. I think it would be best to let her go and let her grow maybe find someone closer to your age and not look for someone who has years of catching up. Just my input .
KPontherise Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Tbh if youre having doubts, you're probably making her worse so you probably should just cut it off now.
Author Frivolous Posted November 11, 2016 Author Posted November 11, 2016 Thank you all So last night it only took a small talk to break us up. It was frustratingly confusing as she didn't get where I was coming from and was defensive about everything. After hearing her logic I quickly realised that trying to talk it it would be a waste of time, we may have as well been talking too different languages. So onwards and upwards, i'm moving out as soon as i've found somewhere. @bluespower I love to here more of your wisdom about how to rule the world I know I have everyting going for me with and endless world of possibilites but I just don't get why I struggle so much to find a nice happy women that loves me. I seem to find love but it just doesn't come from 'normal' nice happy people. @slowloris44 Thank you for sharing that. I think what you've said really applies to my now ex. She has a lot of grwong to do and its really not a journey I want to do again as I feel quite comfortbale with myself these days. I really do hope that she can find someone who can be a part of that with her because id be devastated if she wastes her life. @KPontherise You've said wise words and think that sums this situation up. I suppose its back to the online dating game for me!
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