What makes someone seek out affairs as their preferred relationship type

[wmacbride]

Not wanting to tj my own thread, I have a question to ask.

 

If you know any serial other women or other men who actively seek out A as their preferred relationship type- serial, not just a one off- or of you are one yourself,what reasons do you feel account for this behavior?

[aileD]

Hmm. This could be answered several ways depending on how much weight you put on "seek out". That seems to show that it's a conscious plan to find a married man. I'm. It sure most serial OW do this consciously.

 

If it is conscious:

-they get off feeling like they can "take" what they want

-they choose money power and status but don't want the boring parts

-they have cold/hurt hearts and avoid commitment and refuse to engage in a real relationship

- loves drama

 

Subconscious may be a little of the same but not knowing why

- hurt in past, afraid of real commitment because might get hurt again

- low self esteem (attention makes them feel good)

- family history....maybe a parent had an affair and it was seen as normal

- attracted because the MM, by virtue of being married, has a proven record of commitment.

 

It is kind of wierd that people would seek out or always seek to end up with MM. My H's AP was with town MM prior to him....I don't really know why. Her dad had an affair and she wanted her mom to leave him but she didn't......so maybe she's modeling somehow what she wishes her mom would have done...by getting MM to leave their wives she's proving that you should not reconcile..

 

Wow. Maybe. Subconscious is a weird thing.

[Popsicle]

Right?! For a single person to SEEK this out...I don't understand this either.

 

I figure that they are commitment-phobes or are just addicted to drama

 

Or, do you mean married people who seek out affairs? In that case, it's just simple cake-eating.

[carhill]

IME with serials, it's early programming, either personally during peer integration, or parental example.

 

The most long lasting serial I knew personally, one which detailed many affairs to me, also, surprisingly, outlined her mother's affairs. She had five sisters, only a few of whom I met and I didn't see any commonalities of behavior and her mother and father were still married, last time I saw them, I think some 50 years at that point. That was an example of the parental influence. She was married at 18 and was already having PA's by the time I first met her at 22. I can't read minds so can only relate what she told me directly and observing her family when I interacted with them.

 

One commonality among all the serials I've known is sexual power. All were powerful in that regard, meaning men approached them all the time, regardless of circumstances. This continued into the 30's and 40's. Hence, opportunities abounded and patterns of behavior were easy to establish if desired. One powerful attractant, much more than sex might have been, was attention. If things were going through a rough patch at home, easy to secure attention elsewhere. Just put the vibe out and let things happen. Easy peasy.

 

I don't know too much about OW's, though I guess some of the married women I've known could be considered that, in that some of their affairs while married, IME most, were with married men. Married men were generally considered to be more powerful socially and less trouble since they got the affair demarcation thing better. Back when I was single guys like me were used more for spontaneous attention grabs, filler material, and the married guys were more the steady stuff since they knew the game better.

 

I guess that sounds a bit cynical but IDK, it's just how things have gone. I make no judgments. Life on the planet is brief. As we see every day, people hurt people, kill people, and perform other heinous acts against humanity and, still, life goes on. Wanna live a perfect life? OK, I'm with ya. It'll be a nice smile when it's over. Never wavered, always the straight and narrow. It's been a good life. The end.

[Wade Lamare]

Well for the single guy (and for the married guy I suppose too).

 

Relatively easy, relatively cheap, no strings attached sex.

 

Almost no need to wine and dine her.

 

Unlikely to make a fuss if you don't see her regularly.

 

Experienced.

 

If you get her pregnant there is a ready made patsy to take the blame.

 

And as mentioned there sometimes is an arrogance involved, you've usurped the husband, rubbed his nose in it even if he doesn't know. All the more exciting if you know the guy.

[Wade Lamare]

There are numerous websites on how to pick up married women and how easy it is.

 

Lots of wannabee playas circle jerking about how awesome they are for banging a married woman.

[wmacbride]

Right?! For a single person to SEEK this out...I don't understand this either.

 

I figure that they are commitment-phobes or are just addicted to drama

 

Or, do you mean married people who seek out affairs? In that case, it's just simple cake-eating.

 

I meant a single person.

For example, the ow my H had gotten involved with was a serial ow. I never understood that. She was attractive, bright and from what I could tell,quite social.Many single guys would have been happy to be with her.

 

Why would she seek out married men? Why would any woman choose to invite that drama into her life?

( we lived in a very small community at the time, and everyone knew everyone. She hit on the husband of a friend of mine,whom she knew was married and had several affairs before being posted to the base we were living on. There were plenty of single guys who would have been happy to have her as their gf,so why pick married men?

[aileD]

I meant a single person.

For example, the ow my H had gotten involved with was a serial ow. I never understood that. She was attractive, bright and from what I could tell,quite social.Many single guys would have been happy to be with her.

 

Why would she seek out married men? Why would any woman choose to invite that drama into her life?

( we lived in a very small community at the time, and everyone knew everyone. She hit on the husband of a friend of mine,whom she knew was married and had several affairs before being posted to the base we were living on. There were plenty of single guys who would have been happy to have her as their gf,so why pick married men?

 

I know. It's weird. Three married men for my HS's OW ..... she's young and talkative and bright and could get a ton of single guys.

 

Personally I think she has other problems because it's not just MM ...it's MM that are also 20 years older and positions of power (two teachers and My H- her boss). Maybe she gets off on that. Maybe she's desperate for independence and it's easier to get it from someone already established .

[Popsicle]

I meant a single person.

For example, the ow my H had gotten involved with was a serial ow. I never understood that. She was attractive, bright and from what I could tell,quite social.Many single guys would have been happy to be with her.

 

Why would she seek out married men? Why would any woman choose to invite that drama into her life?

( we lived in a very small community at the time, and everyone knew everyone. She hit on the husband of a friend of mine,whom she knew was married and had several affairs before being posted to the base we were living on. There were plenty of single guys who would have been happy to have her as their gf,so why pick married men?

 

Did the OW come onto your H first? Some women just get a kick out of the high drama level from stealing a man. All of the feelings are heightened and they think everything means more because of the taboo situation. (it doesn't) That includes getting attention.

[SammySammy]

I don't know anyone who has chosen affairs as a preferred relationship type, but if I were me I would do it for the excitement, the challenge of getting away with it, and not having to fully commit. Excitement, challenge, and freedom (somewhat).

 

Not that I want to have anything to do with an affair.

[burnt]

I'd say a more meaningful question would be "roughly what percent of the OWs are the types that intentionally seek out married men to have a relationship with?"

 

Based on what I have read on this site and elsewhere, I'd say about less than 1% of the OW actually fall into the category you are describing.

 

[]

So, it's rather hard to speculate about such a small fraction of the population that we know almost nothing about.

Edited October 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[wmacbride]

I'd say a more meaningful question would be "roughly what percent of the OWs are the types that intentionally seek out married men to have a relationship with?"

 

Based on what I have read on this site and elsewhere, I'd say about less than 1% of the OW actually fall into the category you are describing.

 

[]

So, it's rather hard to speculate about such a small fraction of the population that we know almost nothing about.

 

Why is that question more meaningful?

 

Just on this thread alone, there are at least two people ( granted one of them was me:laugh:) who know of someone who does this.

 

If you have been affected by the behavior of someone like that, it's natural to want to understand it a bit better. If someone doesn't have any opinion or insight, they then don't need to participate.