Inter-racial Dating

[DKT3]

I've had negative experiences with women of most races. At no point did I think: "Alright, I've never dating women of X race again." If you say this line of thinking is normal, I'll take your word for it. It just doesn't make sense to me, but I know my thinking is far from normal.

 

Yep been there, had a black woman mislead me into believing I fathered her child, and my white wife cheated on me....never stopped me from being a hound after both black and white women after my divorce.....but its still very human to shy away.

[Gloria25]

I'm Black by race, Hispanic by ethnicity, and have a dash of Caucasian (my grandmother from Mum's side literally had blue eyes).

 

I only am attracted to/date white men. I have dated and would have no issue with dating Hispanic guys, but very rare and of the ones I've dated, they have European/white guy features.

 

I agree that our preferences comes from environment. My dad was blacker than black. He abused of us physically and emotionally (thank God not sexually). He also had nasty things to say about white people. I mean, one day my sister brought home a Hispanic guy she was dating and dad told her 'never to bring a "half-breed" to his house again. Uh, hello, all your kids are "half-breeds" dummy!!!

 

And yes, I really like white guys who are blonde, blue eyed. Too....

 

Now, culturally, meh - there's things about white, black and/or hispanics that I don't like so it makes it hard for me to adjust. I mean, I have combined likes/experiences. I like rock, pop, hip-hop, rap, hispanic stuff, some country, techno. People don't "get" me. They really don't. I hate it cuz it's like I'm not "black" enough for black people, and very hard to find a white guy who is open to dating outside of his race. I mean, I don't know for white guys if it's a simple preference, or blinders put on as to what they "think" a black woman is (attitude, hoop earrings, and wacky hair).

 

My 6 yr guy was a perfect match for me cuz he "got" me. He also was "mixed". His dad was a white soldier and mum was a black hispanic woman. So, he had beautiful green/gray eyes, reddish brown curly hair, light skinned, and spoke English/Spanish. He grew up like me in the same country overseas and the same state here in the US, so culturally we were exposed to similar/same things.

 

I'm sorry, but I just don't get excited for black men. Gosh, but a white guy - especially with blue eyes, I'm all flushed and gooey. My 26 yr old guy, I try hard to not let him catch me staring at him. I love the eyes and hair and skin. That's what I like...I like what I like. Is it a "preference" I guess. Like others have discussed, I guess the question is where my preference came from - which I believe is my childhood.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

I've had negative experiences with women of most races. At no point did I think: "Alright, I've never dating women of X race again." If you say this line of thinking is normal, I'll take your word for it. It just doesn't make sense to me, but I know my thinking is far from normal.

 

It makes sense to me because I am less likely to date a white woman. I'm not opposed to dating a white woman but my interactions and experiences with white women haven't always been great. In contrast I have had far better interactions with women of other races, particularly Indian women and they seem more attracted to me than any other group of women.

[DKT3]

It makes sense to me because I am less likely to date a white woman. I'm not opposed to dating a white woman but my interactions and experiences with white women haven't always been great. In contrast I have had far better interactions with women of other races, particularly Indian women and they seem more attracted to me than any other group of women.

 

Indian women are absolutely beautiful....wow

[Shanex]

I'm Black by race, Hispanic by ethnicity, and have a dash of Caucasian (my grandmother from Mum's side literally had blue eyes).

 

I only am attracted to/date white men. I have dated and would have no issue with dating Hispanic guys, but very rare and of the ones I've dated, they have European/white guy features.

 

I agree that our preferences comes from environment. My dad was blacker than black. He abused of us physically and emotionally (thank God not sexually). He also had nasty things to say about white people. I mean, one day my sister brought home a Hispanic guy she was dating and dad told her 'never to bring a "half-breed" to his house again. Uh, hello, all your kids are "half-breeds" dummy!!!

 

And yes, I really like white guys who are blonde, blue eyed. Too....

 

Now, culturally, meh - there's things about white, black and/or hispanics that I don't like so it makes it hard for me to adjust. I mean, I have combined likes/experiences. I like rock, pop, hip-hop, rap, hispanic stuff, some country, techno. People don't "get" me. They really don't. I hate it cuz it's like I'm not "black" enough for black people, and very hard to find a white guy who is open to dating outside of his race. I mean, I don't know for white guys if it's a simple preference, or blinders put on as to what they "think" a black woman is (attitude, hoop earrings, and wacky hair).

 

My 6 yr guy was a perfect match for me cuz he "got" me. He also was "mixed". His dad was a white soldier and mum was a black hispanic woman. So, he had beautiful green/gray eyes, reddish brown curly hair, light skinned, and spoke English/Spanish. He grew up like me in the same country overseas and the same state here in the US, so culturally we were exposed to similar/same things.

 

I'm sorry, but I just don't get excited for black men. Gosh, but a white guy - especially with blue eyes, I'm all flushed and gooey. My 26 yr old guy, I try hard to not let him catch me staring at him. I love the eyes and hair and skin. That's what I like...I like what I like. Is it a "preference" I guess. Like others have discussed, I guess the question is where my preference came from - which I believe is my childhood.

 

Eh, we could get along, Gloria, if you don't mind green eyes instead of blue, and light brown instead of blonde.

 

Actually, I always thought like you it was more about environment and the personality of the person you are dating than anything else.

 

No need to veer off into further stereotype but my close black friend plays guitar and love Satch and Metallica, which can make him unpopular with other fellow black people. So all black people should listen to hip/hop and drink kool-aid while collecting welfare checks from their five children? Oh and smoke pot, too.

 

I'm interested in individual, rather than group. Either for friends or dates.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Indian women are absolutely beautiful....wow

 

Yes they are and I am fortunate to have met some amazing women. The Indian women I have met and interacted with have been amazing people, humble, intelligent, kind, generous, selfless and family orientated. Those women have inspired me to become a better person.

[DKT3]

When we live in absolute there is usually some deep seeded issues that would be best addressed. Gloria touched on it, in my opinion her dating field is limited for fear of dating a man like her dad...but he didn't do those things because he was black, it's because it's who he was not his race. By not dating black you've likely convinced yourself it won't repeat, you've gone as anti your father as you could, but that's only in appearance. More dangerous is you may still be attracted to his personality traits which actually makes it more likely you will date someone like your dad

[SammySammy]

Explain it, then. If we have some agency over what we're attracted to, I'd like to know about it as I'm sure many, many others would.

 

I'm not saying I seek out people of one race "because" I'm only attracted to that race. However, most of the women I am attracted to coincidentally are that race. I can't help being attracted to people I find attractive, even if it's someone of a different race. Coincidentally (or not?) they usually have a lot in common, including race -- but race isn't a deliberate decision made.

 

It's simple.

 

Attraction is not genetically encoded into you. You have been conditioned - whether by environment or upbringing - to find certain people attractive. And you've just accepted it.

 

But, that doesn't mean you cannot find another type of woman beautiful and even have an outstanding relationship with her. Have some beautiful kids and a wonderful family. You can.

 

You've chosen to stay in the box you've been assigned.

 

I'm curious. I like to explore. Challenge my perceptions. And I've been fortunate to find beauty in a wide array of women.

 

I've not only climbed out of my box. I've ripped it up and discarded it. Realizing it was only a social construct all along.

[Gloria25]

Eh, we could get along, Gloria, if you don't mind green eyes instead of blue, and light brown instead of blonde.

 

Actually, I always thought like you it was more about environment and the personality of the person you are dating than anything else.

 

No need to veer off into further stereotype but my close black friend plays guitar and love Satch and Metallica, which can make him unpopular with other fellow black people. So all black people should listen to hip/hop and drink kool-aid while collecting welfare checks from their five children? Oh and smoke pot, too.

 

I'm interested in individual, rather than group. Either for friends or dates.

 

My first year in the military, I was singing a song in Spanish and a black co-worker told/asked me, 'So you don't listen to "our" kind of music?' And, really what is "our" kind of music?

 

Another time, fast forward in the military, a white co-worker (strictly professional - no romantic interest/attraction between us) was giving me a ride and he had NPR on the radio and quickly changed it to a R&B radio station . That's why I think on it's face, when I try to chat up white guys they think that I'm not down with certain music and stuff that white people do and they have no clue that there's so many parts to "me". I mean, my dad had a bunch of African stuff around the house. My house has no ethnic feel to it. I just have furniture. It doesn't resemble black, white, or hispanic in general....same thing about everything else in my life, how I dress, drive, etc. No "cocoa butter" in my beauty cabinet. But, I do wear wigs at times. I don't eat "chitterlings", but I eat stuff like Yucca and hamburgers. Go figure.

[Gloria25]

It's simple.

 

Attraction is not genetically encoded into you. You have been conditioned - whether by environment or upbringing - to find certain people attractive. And you've just accepted it.

 

But, that doesn't mean you cannot find another type of woman beautiful and even have an outstanding relationship with her. Have some beautiful kids and a wonderful family. You can.

 

You've chosen to stay in the box you've been assigned.

 

I'm curious. I like to explore. Challenge my perceptions. And I've been fortunate to find beauty in a wide array of women.

 

I've not only climbed out of my box. I've ripped it up and discarded it. Realizing it was only a social construct all along.

 

No offense, but I just cannot relate to certain races. They also just make me angry with how they see/do things. I think that's one reason why I also am in FWB type things cuz, with me being so multi-whatever, it's hard for me to fit in with a white guy in the long run. I mean, I don't even like men from my own religious preference - regardless of their race.

[Shining One]

It makes sense to me because I am less likely to date a white woman. I'm not opposed to dating a white woman but my interactions and experiences with white women haven't always been great.

This is different. You have a sample size of more than one. If you have multiple negative experiences, it makes logical sense to search for a common factor.

 

I look at it this way: If I have one negative experience with a white woman, I stop dating white women. I then have one negative experience with a black woman, so I stop dating black women. Odds are that I'll run out of races of women fairly quickly if I continue with this reasoning.

[Mind-Chants]

This is different. You have a sample size of more than one. If you have multiple negative experiences, it makes logical sense to search for a common factor.

 

It's more than a common factor. When we experience something negative, we assign a reason for it. Then if it happens again, our belief becomes strong. In the end multiple negative experiences reinforces our (logical/illogical) beliefs. At some point, we lose the attraction altogether.

[SammySammy]

No offense, but I just cannot relate to certain races. They also just make me angry with how they see/do things. I think that's one reason why I also am in FWB type things cuz, with me being so multi-whatever, it's hard for me to fit in with a white guy in the long run. I mean, I don't even like men from my own religious preference - regardless of their race.

 

That might be true if races were monolithic. Fortunately, there are many different types of people within each race. We might not click with some of them, but it can't possibly be true that all people of a certain race are a certain way. Whether we think of them negatively or positively.

 

If you think about it, there are white people you don't vibe with. Which, by your logic, should mean white men are off the table for you.

 

I don't date races. I date individuals.

[kmack513]

I'm Black by race, Hispanic by ethnicity, and have a dash of Caucasian (my grandmother from Mum's side literally had blue eyes).

 

I only am attracted to/date white men. I have dated and would have no issue with dating Hispanic guys, but very rare and of the ones I've dated, they have European/white guy features.

 

I agree that our preferences comes from environment. My dad was blacker than black. He abused of us physically and emotionally (thank God not sexually). He also had nasty things to say about white people. I mean, one day my sister brought home a Hispanic guy she was dating and dad told her 'never to bring a "half-breed" to his house again. Uh, hello, all your kids are "half-breeds" dummy!!!

 

And yes, I really like white guys who are blonde, blue eyed. Too....

 

Now, culturally, meh - there's things about white, black and/or hispanics that I don't like so it makes it hard for me to adjust. I mean, I have combined likes/experiences. I like rock, pop, hip-hop, rap, hispanic stuff, some country, techno. People don't "get" me. They really don't. I hate it cuz it's like I'm not "black" enough for black people, and very hard to find a white guy who is open to dating outside of his race. I mean, I don't know for white guys if it's a simple preference, or blinders put on as to what they "think" a black woman is (attitude, hoop earrings, and wacky hair).

 

My 6 yr guy was a perfect match for me cuz he "got" me. He also was "mixed". His dad was a white soldier and mum was a black hispanic woman. So, he had beautiful green/gray eyes, reddish brown curly hair, light skinned, and spoke English/Spanish. He grew up like me in the same country overseas and the same state here in the US, so culturally we were exposed to similar/same things.

 

I'm sorry, but I just don't get excited for black men. Gosh, but a white guy - especially with blue eyes, I'm all flushed and gooey. My 26 yr old guy, I try hard to not let him catch me staring at him. I love the eyes and hair and skin. That's what I like...I like what I like. Is it a "preference" I guess. Like others have discussed, I guess the question is where my preference came from - which I believe is my childhood.

 

Gloria what is your or your parents country of origin? I have dated both Colombian and a Dominican girl, I am a big fan of hispanic/latino women.

[Gaeta]

You are attracted to what you are attracted to...it's biological...something you don't have any control over. No one wakes up one day and say I will only be attracted to______.

 

Still that's what happened to me.

 

I am a white female. All of my life I only dated and married white men. Then 5 years ago I dated a black man for the first time. I never thought I'd be attracted, but how could I know I had never tried it before, like I am pretty you never tried it. Since I dated that black man I have ONLY dated black men ever since.

 

YEP, at 45 I unexpectedly was hit with a bad case of once you go black you never go back.

 

Attraction is not set in stone. It changes when you give it a chance.

[DKT3]

Still that's what happened to me.

 

I am a white female. All of my life I only dated and married white men. Then 5 years ago I dated a black man for the first time. I never thought I'd be attracted, but how could I know I had never tried it before, like I am pretty you never tried it. Since I dated that black man I have ONLY dated black men ever since.

 

YEP, at 45 I unexpectedly was hit with a bad case of once you go black you never go back.

 

Attraction is not set in stone. It changes when you give it a chance.

 

This is my point, when a person is so absolute then there is usually an underlying issues. Not to say that they are wrong, no one is obligated to date who they are uncomfortable with. But there needs to be a sense of awareness and understanding the difference between preferences and prejudices. As I've mentioned before I simply don't like meek timid women, it's not a preference because I was always unwilling to even consider them, it's a prejudice. What's my underlying issues? My mother was a very aggressive domineering woman, She was also the parent that I had a rougher relationship with, so my dating history is full of aggressive domineering women. I've been told it's my subconscious attempt to fix my relationship with my mother.

 

It's not a race thing because we have always been told Asian women are meek timid and subservient, yet the most aggressive wioman I've ever met was Asian, go figure.

[MrBojangles]

To each, his own.

 

But as a BM, the best move I've ever made in dating, was opening up to dating women of other races. Over the past 16 years, I've had the pleasure of meeting and seeing beautiful women of many races and ethnicities. However, when I was a young man, I was culturally conditioned to ONLY date within my own race, and never imagined dating women of other races, though I did find them attractive.

 

Today, I find myself in a great relationship with a beautiful Latina woman. Previous to our relationship, she ONLY dated WM. She has told me that she never once considered dating a BM, until she met me. Her children, family and friends are very accepting of our relationship, but we still get odd looks when out shopping, or dining in restaurants at times. It would seem that some people still harbor negative feelings towards interracial relationships, but that does not affect us in the least. My solution for people like this usually involves a big sloppy public kiss with my GF.

 

For me, beauty is beauty, no matter the race or ethnicity.

[DKT3]

To each, his own.

 

But as a BM, the best move I've ever made in dating, was opening up to dating women of other races. Over the past 16 years, I've had the pleasure of meeting and seeing beautiful women of many races and ethnicities. However, when I was a young man, I was culturally conditioned to ONLY date within my own race, and never imagined dating women of other races, though I did find them attractive.

 

Today, I find myself in a great relationship with a beautiful Latina woman. Previous to our relationship, she ONLY dated WM. She has told me that she never once considered dating a BM, until she met me. Her children, family and friends are very accepting of our relationship, but we still get odd looks when out shopping, or dining in restaurants at times. It would seem that some people still harbor negative feelings towards interracial relationships, but that does not affect us in the least. My solution for people like this usually involves a big sloppy public kiss with my GF.

 

For me, beauty is beauty, no matter the race or ethnicity.

 

Yep, I'm a BM from South Central Los Angeles, the son of a homicide detective and nurse very much working class. My wife is a Welch born Italian beauty from a very wealthy family....how did our paths cross? Through all our trouble I honestly believe I found the best match for me.

[stillafool]

When we were dating 30 years ago it was not imaginable dating outside of our race.

 

Gaeta, 30 years ago interracial dating was very popular. Maybe because I was in Los Angeles back then but it was everywhere. I'm from Virginia and it was popular in my high school. There were quite a few interracial couples at my prom. I don't know what part of the country you live in but this wasn't the case where I lived.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, 30 years ago interracial dating was very popular. Maybe because I was in Los Angeles back then but it was everywhere. I'm from Virginia and it was popular in my high school. There were quite a few interracial couples at my prom. I don't know what part of the country you live in but this wasn't the case where I lived.

 

I was born and raised on a farm way up north of Canada. First time I saw a black person I was 20 years old. I am from the whitest lalaland you can imagine. At 45 I had my first black boyfriend and it created a big wave in the family imagine how it would have been in 1980.

[jen1447]

Still that's what happened to me.

 

I am a white female. All of my life I only dated and married white men. Then 5 years ago I dated a black man for the first time. I never thought I'd be attracted, but how could I know I had never tried it before, like I am pretty you never tried it. Since I dated that black man I have ONLY dated black men ever since.

 

YEP, at 45 I unexpectedly was hit with a bad case of once you go black you never go back.

 

Attraction is not set in stone. It changes when you give it a chance.

 

I'd suspect it was more a case of having that unconscious desire from the beginning and you just repressed it for w/e cultural and social reasons.

 

Really tho I don't think the two notions are mutually exclusive - it's entirely possible to have not found other races sexually attractive until later in life w/out it being some dubious sociological conditioning at the heart of it, and it could still be 'instinct' or biology or w/e you want to call it. Those sorts of impulses tend to vacillate anyway, and there's often no real intellectual rhyme or reason behind them.

 

But it could also be an intellectual process whereby you consciously chose to date other races for the reasons you stated. Or maybe a mixture - maybe some subconscious desire opened up your intellect to the possibility.

[AnnieRose]

WW who is open to dating anyone and everyone. Totally agree with those who say attraction is culturally influenced among other things (media, etc).

 

I can understand people saying something like "I would date so and so but I just haven't found one I like yet," but ruling out an entire group of people like "I am only attracted to one group" really gives me pause.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Easy for white men, not so much for men of color.

 

Multi-ethnic, 'colored' person here...I love women of all races. I have dated across color all my life with ease. It comes down to more than race....culture is monumental in the decision process.

[Fishfingersareyummy]

Multi-ethnic, 'colored' person here...I love women of all races. I have dated across color all my life with ease. It comes down to more than race....culture is monumental in the decision process.

 

Even then culture doesn't necessarily get in the way. I had no problems dating a woman that had a different culture to mine. It wasn't an issue and need not be an issue at all.

[Gr8fuln2020]

WW who is open to dating anyone and everyone. Totally agree with those who say attraction is culturally influenced among other things (media, etc).

 

I can understand people saying something like "I would date so and so but I just haven't found one I like yet," but ruling out an entire group of people like "I am only attracted to one group" really gives me pause.

 

Agreed. People are greatly influenced by their up-bringing, cultural regularities. I have found that some women who don't date outside of their 'race' don't know why. I have had some women tell me that they find me attractive, but that they don't date outside of their race. Hmmmmm...how much of their resistance has more to do with what the people around them would think, or prevailing culture would think, I wonder.

 

I was raised with all kinds of people from all over the world around me and my family. Beautiful is Beautiful....not about the color of ones skin.