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So I'm trying something new and dating a man with a child but he has no time for me?

1Jessie86

By 1Jessie86
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1Jessie86 Established Member

1Jessie86

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I went out on one date with this man a month or so ago. It's my first time dating a single dad. We text off and on, some days more than others. We've been off and on trying to plan to meet up again but it's difficult because he has his son full time and rotating weekends. I usually work weekends which makes it more difficult. I'm running out of patience. Is this something that comes with the package when dating someone with a child? Should I let this play itself out or move on?

JewelD Established Member

JewelD

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Yes. I think it's fairly normal that he wouldn't have as much time for you as a Man Without a child would. If you were to get serious with him, I imagine you would meet his child eventually and the three of you would be able to hang out together. Although that doesn't replace one-on-one dates. You can still have them, they just might be a bit more difficult to plan since you work and he would need to get a babysitter.

 

It's up to you if you want to try to make it work but you have to understand that you come second to him taking care of his child.

 

Personally, it's not something I would consider unless I had a child as well or I was prepared to one day be a step parent.

  • Like 1
Raena Established Member

Raena

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I'd say if you want to see him again, you'll have to be patient. The fact that you work on the only times he is free to see you without his child will make it very difficult to get to know each other.

 

One date in a month.... normally I'd say he just isn't interested in you. But the fact that he's taking care of his child every day means that he just won't be able to see you that much. At least not until you get to know each other well enough to introduce you to his child.

 

Do you talk on the phone? Perhaps you could make that happen after his child is in bed. It isn't the same as spending time face to face but it's a way of getting to know each other a little more with limited face to face time.

 

What were your impressions though? On that one date did you find yourself feeling like he was a good match for you?

Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

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Yes, it's part of the package but if you work weekends and he works the week your schedules will never align. So move on.

  • Like 1
tilby Member

tilby

Posted
Posted
I went out on one date with this man a month or so ago. It's my first time dating a single dad. We text off and on, some days more than others. We've been off and on trying to plan to meet up again but it's difficult because he has his son full time and rotating weekends. I usually work weekends which makes it more difficult. I'm running out of patience. Is this something that comes with the package when dating someone with a child? Should I let this play itself out or move on?

 

Yes, it is very very difficult. I'm a single mum with full custody and it is hard finding the time to date. I'm sure the guy is trying his best to see you but he still has obligations to his son.

 

You need a lot of patience to date a single parent. There will be cancellations of dates when babysitters cancel. The best thing to do is keep your social life active to minimize the frustration.

 

The process of courting as a single parent is also longer than those without children. You are not only looking for someone that is compatible with you but also your child. Therefore you might be waiting a very long time to meet his son.

 

Have you tried seeing him on lunch breaks or before he picks up his son from school (assuming his son is school age)?

 

You should think long and hard about what you decide to do. His situation is life long, so if you don't have the patience its probably best to move on.

tilby Member

tilby

Posted
Posted
I went out on one date with this man a month or so ago. It's my first time dating a single dad. We text off and on, some days more than others. We've been off and on trying to plan to meet up again but it's difficult because he has his son full time and rotating weekends. I usually work weekends which makes it more difficult. I'm running out of patience. Is this something that comes with the package when dating someone with a child? Should I let this play itself out or move on?

 

Also, are you 100% certain he is in fact single?. Some married men lie to snag unsuspecting women.

  • Like 1
Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

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I get that he has a kid to look after, but I wouldn't settle for just one date a month. Also doesn't help that your schedules don't match up. I say move on.

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Omei Established Member

Omei

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I'm a single parent if I like someone enough I can 100% find the time.

  • Like 2
Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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I'm a single parent if I like someone enough I can 100% find the time.

 

Absolutely. I am a single father, sole custody and if I like you I will find at least once a week to get together.

  • Like 3
kmack513 Established Member

kmack513

Posted
Posted
I went out on one date with this man a month or so ago. It's my first time dating a single dad. We text off and on, some days more than others. We've been off and on trying to plan to meet up again but it's difficult because he has his son full time and rotating weekends. I usually work weekends which makes it more difficult. I'm running out of patience. Is this something that comes with the package when dating someone with a child? Should I let this play itself out or move on?

 

It probably won't work. Timing and availability is critical for a serious relationship. I am a M-F 8-6 guy, dated a girl who works at higher end restaurants, she works often 5pm to 10 or on weekend to 1AM.

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Whenever I see on a dating profile a man say "I have a kid, and my kid always comes first" I take a pass.

 

Not because they have kids or because I don't understand the concept of prioritizing your kids (it really goes without say you will do whatever it takes for your kids - duhhh!) but because to me it means they either cannot handle the workload to have a balance between a rel and looking after their kid or they are emotionally unavailable and use the "kids come first" excuse as a red herring for their commitment issues.

 

I suspect it isn't the kid that's in the way of you two seeing each other. It's his own issues.

  • Like 3
phineas Established Member

phineas

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Yes, it's part of the package but if you work weekends and he works the week your schedules will never align. So move on.

 

yep.

Most people work m-f days.

I have my kids every weekend but can get a sitter.

If a woman cant see me during the week at all it just won't work because i really can only do every other weekend when it comes to the kids.

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

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Having a kid in the picture is a big somethin somethin, but if the man/woman wanted to see another man/woman for a date no matter how casual, they would make time to see him/her. This party is not very interested if they are always using the kid as their excuse as to why they can't see you. If the kid was suddenly not in the picture, they would use another excuse. Move on.

Omei Established Member

Omei

Posted
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Having a kid in the picture is a big somethin somethin, but if the man/woman wanted to see another man/woman for a date no matter how casual, they would make time to see him/her. This party is not very interested if they are always using the kid as their excuse as to why they can't see you. If the kid was suddenly not in the picture, they would use another excuse. (End quote) lol

 

 

 

This is fairly true any parent who's had kids for a while has now surely learned how to manage or set some kind of schedule, if it's always "but my kids" they're not planning to tell you when they have free time just why they don't haha classic parent excuse, Def used once or twice to get out of work.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted (edited)
Whenever I see on a dating profile a man say "I have a kid, and my kid always comes first" I take a pass.

 

Not because they have kids or because I don't understand the concept of prioritizing your kids (it really goes without say you will do whatever it takes for your kids - duhhh!) but because to me it means they either cannot handle the workload to have a balance between a rel and looking after their kid or they are emotionally unavailable and use the "kids come first" excuse as a red herring for their commitment issues.

 

I suspect it isn't the kid that's in the way of you two seeing each other. It's his own issues.

 

Same here and I HAVE kids.

 

Why not just date a man without kids? This is what I would advise childless people under 35 to do.

Edited by Popsicle
  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

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Yes. It's very hard to date when you have children. But I'm sure he will find time to have sex. What I've seen is single fathers want sex and a babysitter. And that's about all they will make time for.

  • Like 1
TheBladeRunner Established Member

TheBladeRunner

Posted
Posted
Whenever I see on a dating profile a man say "I have a kid, and my kid always comes first" I take a pass.

 

I am a single father and I cannot agree more! I will always pass on profiles that have that dreaded sentence. My child is a priority, but I feel that if I am going to date I need to make time for the person I am dating because they could wind up being a priority as well. I've dated a few woman that have had "my kids come first" line and it was very difficult. I have a friend who lives in my complex and she has her boy 100% of the time. I asked if she dated at all and she said she does not because she simply does not have time and feels it wouldn't be fair to the other person. Besides....if a person has kids wouldn't they already be a priority? Stating this in a dating profile shows there's an underlying issue IMO.

  • Like 1
Sara1989 Established Member

Sara1989

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I am a single father and I cannot agree more! I will always pass on profiles that have that dreaded sentence. My child is a priority, but I feel that if I am going to date I need to make time for the person I am dating because they could wind up being a priority as well. I've dated a few woman that have had "my kids come first" line and it was very difficult. I have a friend who lives in my complex and she has her boy 100% of the time. I asked if she dated at all and she said she does not because she simply does not have time and feels it wouldn't be fair to the other person. Besides....if a person has kids wouldn't they already be a priority? Stating this in a dating profile shows there's an underlying issue IMO.

 

I have a child and yes I roll my eyes when I read that on a man profile and SO MANY say it. It is not endearing or cute...

 

OP yes it is very hard to date, I barely have time to date and I know I lost quite few guys because of our schedules never meshing. But the single parent should make effort least once a week, for example I got a second date with a guy and am hiring a sitter. The fact he only bothered to see you once in a month is a baad sign

  • Like 2
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Posted

Move on.

 

If he were that keen he would find a way to find time for you regardless of children being in the picture.

 

In his mind you are all right but not all that so he can't be bothered.

 

Go find someone else.

Blackened Heart Established Member

Blackened Heart

Posted
Posted

I agree with the others that say that if a parent wanted to make time for someone, they could.

 

I am a single father with 50/50 custody with my son. The last woman that I dated lived in an country that was a three and half hour flight away. I made time and arrangements to see her where she lived four times (each time for three to five days) and took a 10 day vacation with her, in a period of four months.

 

On top of this, while I was home (my country :p ) I do jiu jitsu four to five times a week, go shooting at the archery range several times a week, hit a bar with friends occasionally, and do my full time work. All around the time when I don't have my child. And of course when I do have him, my time is with him.

 

Case in point, that when I decide to start dating again, there definitely would not be any issue in making time to see them, because I would make the time, and not use my son as an excuse for not having time.

Miss Peach Established Member

Miss Peach

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Posted (edited)

I'm a single parent. This answer really varies IMO. If she/he has 50/50 custody it's going to be a different situation than someone who is the parent 100% with an absent co-parent (where you are likely to need baby sitters).

 

I'm in a 50/50 situation and I have about half the week free which I have found to be enough for dating and a relationship. I've been dating 2 men now about twice per week. I dated my ex bf about 3-4 times per week.

 

The one thing I'll mention is I've run into a few men who work opposite schedules to me. I don't even bother with them as there's no way we would be able to spend enough time for me. This may be your issue if he's free during the only time you're working. I definitely see the hesitation on cancelling parenting time for a person you barely know. I also don't bring anyone around my kiddo until things are established - the last two men it was around 6 months of regular dating. I know there is some backlash against the my kids are a priority thing but I do see it that way until things are established. I don't say I won't make time. I just work around my parenting schedule. I don't see my kid every day and have half the week free, from my perspective if the person is a fit, we should be able to find enough time to date in that period of time before it gets serious enough to bring the kids into the picture.

Edited by Miss Peach
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