I fear rejection ... Nevertheless

[Vado]

Okay, well if I was on the train, or at ball game, or out on a jog, or walking my dog, or reading at a park..... and someone said "hey, I just have to tell you, you're beautiful" I would still think he was a cheese ball.

 

Look, if you are attracted to someone, it's kinda a given you enjoy the way they look - what ELSE do you like / value about her? Go with that, something that isn't skin deep, something that shows you have taken a real interest in HER, not just the way she looks.

 

Yeah, but how deep should you go? The deepest conversations often create a friendzoned platonic relationship. So... Is the answer a balance between superficial and very deep, like somewhere in between?

 

Robert Glover said; woman don't want to have sex with a guy they know; they want to know a guy they had sex with.

[RecentChange]

I am just saying flatter her about something beyond her looks - I can tell you it's the quickest way into my panties - ha!

 

I am just coming from my perspective - show that you respect me, that you think I am a special little snowflake, and yes, that you are attracted to me.

 

Tell me I am pretty? Any cat caller on the street can do that. Tell me I am beautiful after we have sex, then I night believe you mean it.

[Kaiten]

Well I'm not really looking to have sex with her. Honestly I prefer to lose my virginity to a girl I've been with/will be with for a while, if not marry.

 

My hope is that she'll admire my honesty above all else, but I understand that's actually worth very little to most people, despite what they say.

 

Also, I didn't see her today. I am starting to think I was mistaken in thinking she's attracted to me. I tried to follow her page on Instagram. She hasn't let me or perhaps she declined it. But her follower and following count has increased (I couldn't help but notice).

 

Not that I needed her to let me follow her. I was actually hoping to see her before she even realized I found her page. But I haven't.

[smackie9]

My hope is that she'll admire my honesty above all else, but I understand that's actually worth very little to most people, despite what they say.

 

it's not about honesty nor does it have to do with worth......it's all about the approach.Girls like a man that shows little emotion, is tough/masculine, mysterious, aloof, cool, a little distant. The less you reveal about your feelings the better or you will look weak, turning her off and making her run.

 

Sappy romance must come much later when you are in a relationship. Girls like a tough/bad boyish persona.....to be desirable is to be less available/ be a challenge. It releases dopamine in their brain.....it's biological.....that's why players/bad boy always seem to get the girls.

 

professing your love, being all sheepish is submissive....makes them go ick.

 

 

Girls want to be sexually desired!!!!!!

Edited October 26, 2016 by smackie9

[Kaiten]

You're making me want to change my mind. But I've already committed to this path with this girl. I'll keep that in mind for next time though, for sure.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Ok sorry but your tactic to bring attention to her noticing you staring at her and the explaining why you stare is a big no-no, especially at work.

 

Here's the deal, we women flirt with our eyes, we say it all with our eyes smiles and flirty walk and playing with our hair and doing the "little drive by" your desk or playful joking etc. But we don't want to discuss it we want you to notice and act on it nor do we want to hear first thing that you are doing the same. It's the unspoken game. Later on once you start dating we love to hear what you would do to get our attention etc. Not as an icebreaker though.

 

The point is you are at work, she doesn't know what your deal is and vice versa talking about "I know you saw me checking you out a lot" can be an uncomfortable situation she might just deny it and that closes that discussion.

 

So instead break the ice by talking about something that happened around the office that she would have experienced or make a joke about something going on that everyone relates to in current events. And just start to talk to her.

 

The guys around my work usually have broken the ice by making some joke about the photocopier we are about to use, or have asked me to leave "some water for them too" if I'm at the water cooler, or told me to be careful my lunch looked good if i left it in the fridge they might snatch it etc. you get the picture...something to break the ice and get the two of you talking on a light note. Or if I am getting a coffee from the kitchen said something like "are you going to really drink that?" I can show you a much better place to get great coffee...etc

 

I used to have this one coworker at my last job (I ended up having a bit of a crush on him) who used to walk by my office and if my phone happened to be ringing would gesture his hand waving under chin "I'm not here..." as if my phone was ringing for him. I thought it was hilarious! that's how we started talking.

 

From there you proceed to ask her hey know any place I can get some good sushi around here? Or any decent places to grab a drink after work around here? then that's your segue into what she likes to do and if she wants to go with to get whatever you are looking for.

Edited October 26, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[smackie9]

You're making me want to change my mind. But I've already committed to this path with this girl. I'll keep that in mind for next time though, for sure.

No you haven't.......it's only in your head, you haven't taken action yet......please just keep it simple and casual......making it into a romance movie screenplay is too creepy. It's too over the top.

 

Sunkissedpatio has it right. She is telling you her experience what approach is more acceptable from a guy. Please take her advice.

[Kaiten]

Sunkissedpatio you made some great points, and thinking back, I was reminded of the successes I have had with women. They all went like that. The guy you describe acts very much like I do when I've got my wits about me.

 

You know guys, this entire scenario is borne of me believing that I have borrowed time with this girl. I mean I see her maybe 2 days out of the week. And we work so far from one another that even when we're there on the same day, we'll usually only see each other once. This is probably why I'm rushing it.

 

In any case, I have actually been thinking about this, and I may decide not to approach her at all. I'm sure she's seen the request to follow her on instagram, so she may be creeped out that "that guy from work I spoke to once" tried to follow her. I don't like to creep people out.

[Kaiten]

So you guys were right. I should not have done what I said I was going to do in the original post.

 

But I didn't. Actually, I didn't do anything.

 

The very next time I saw her, we locked eyes as usual, and we looked at each other for what is like the longest I've ever stared at anyone. Truthfully, she seemed comfortable with it at this point.

 

I asked her where she was going and she told me she was getting ready to clock out and go home. So after she did that, she was coming back out, and then she saw me, and immediately turns away to walk the long way around the workplace. I could only assume that this was to avoid me.

 

That was very surprising. I honestly can't imagine why you'd stare at someone the way she stared at me, and smile at them if you didn't at least consider them likable enough to talk to.

 

So then the next day, I see her again. This time I'm on my way into work. She's in the break area, but I'm kinda thinking to myself, "if she doesn't want to talk to me, then it's no big deal to me, I don't have a problem with staying away from her."

 

Anyway, she just happened to be in there. All I'm going to do is put up my coat, and then head out of the room. While my back was turned to her as I took off my coat, I overhear her say to the person she was sitting with "I have to go", and then she bolts out of the room.

 

I didn't really care though, because I wasn't going to talk to her anyway. It's just super strange to me. If someone had explained this girl's behavior before, I would have told the guy for sure to approach her. But I couldn't have been more wrong about this.

 

I'm trying to think though, is there some sign I should have been picking up on in the past that would have made it clear she didn't want me near her?

[transform yourself]

Hi Kaiten,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with the girl you like at your work place.

 

I see you have been putting a lot of thought into this and thats okay.

 

My suggestion is to focus on some chit chat so she is familiar with who you are when you see each other and establish some light-hearted flirting.

 

After you feel youve done that focus on getting her out on a date maybe something like coffee and cake after work, and take it from there.

 

Another thing which I feel is also important is the mindset you take on as this projects through your body language and voice tonality and having the incorrect mindset can make you come across as creepy and sleazy and this will lead to her repelling from you.

 

The more you want this girl internally in your mind, the more needy you will come across so i suggest taking a step back and chilling, because I feel (please correct me if I'm wrong) you are planning each and every step to ensure she likes you and you may come across a bit too try hard which will creep her out.

 

Whilst trying to get her out on a date and when you see her, just chill, speak to her normally and be the first one to say you have to go or are busy.

 

When you feel its the right moment, when she is along pull her to one side and say "Hey I want to tell you something, its a little surpise" and then be honest and say something along the lines, I would like to you think she is cool and want to take her out for a drink and spend time with her outside of work. Again, you have to have the mindset that she may reject you, so expect rejection. i.e hope for the best but expect the worst.

 

I know of article that will support you in asking women out and getting the most out of it. If you want me to share it with you, please let me know.

 

Good luck and I hope it goes well.

[transform yourself]

Here is another mindset you can take, imagine you had a fear of speaking to strangers, and were given a task to speak to random strangers in your town on the street, but you knew that one of them will give you an envelope of £1000000/$1000000 and the reward increases everytime you get rejected.

 

So view every rejection will get you one step closer to getting a beautiful woman in your life and the more rejections you experience, the better the woman will be compared to the previous one(s) you pursued.