Kaiten Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 There is this girl that I work with. Ever since I can remember seeing her for the first time, we keep making eye contact. It's always a held glance too. We just stare at each other for a second, and most of the time look away slowly at the same time. Our jobs don't overlap at all though. So it's really hard for me to see her. The few times I do see her, I feel this unnecessary pressure to get it right. But then, she also makes me kinda nervous. That's weird to me because I am completely comfortable talking to women. But this girl makes me nervous because when I look at her it feels like she somehow knows what I'm thinking. I thought for a full weekend what I was going to say the next time I saw her, and then when I finally did see her, I ended up asking her name and then asked her a really dumb question: "What she did in the company?" At the time she was kind of busy and didn't all that interested in talking to me. So today I saw her again. When our eyes met, she broke out into a smile which made me do the same. And we just stared and smiled at each other for a second. I'd love to get your input on this, especially women, because I've never known if eye contact is any kind of indicator of anything. At times, I feel like I should approach her and that she might be interested. My self-confidence is higher than most guys, but this is an unreasonably beautiful girl we are talking about here.
Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I've heard eye contact is superb for body language. I've also read if a woman turns and faces you while talking it's good. The hair flip is good. The real question is why is dating and finding that person you're attracted to so difficult now a days haha! It's all a huge game, and if you can't play it well you'll never "win"
ZA Dater Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 There is this girl that I work with. Ever since I can remember seeing her for the first time, we keep making eye contact. It's always a held glance too. We just stare at each other for a second, and most of the time look away slowly at the same time. Our jobs don't overlap at all though. So it's really hard for me to see her. The few times I do see her, I feel this unnecessary pressure to get it right. But then, she also makes me kinda nervous. That's weird to me because I am completely comfortable talking to women. But this girl makes me nervous because when I look at her it feels like she somehow knows what I'm thinking. I thought for a full weekend what I was going to say the next time I saw her, and then when I finally did see her, I ended up asking her name and then asked her a really dumb question: "What she did in the company?" At the time she was kind of busy and didn't all that interested in talking to me. So today I saw her again. When our eyes met, she broke out into a smile which made me do the same. And we just stared and smiled at each other for a second. I'd love to get your input on this, especially women, because I've never known if eye contact is any kind of indicator of anything. At times, I feel like I should approach her and that she might be interested. My self-confidence is higher than most guys, but this is an unreasonably beautiful girl we are talking about here. I'd say that's very positive. Ordinarily I would say never date someone from the workplace but if there is no job overlap then why not. I would approach here because the signs seem good. A few years back I had a similar thing and while I never actually dated her we enjoyed each others attention. I say go for it and good luck!
Zippy2000 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Eye contact can be an indicator of interest but it isnt all the time. I ve had girls who made eye contact with me and I thought the wee interested. Asked them out and they said "No". If you think she likes you and are getting that vibe. Then ask her out! There only a small perioed of time or an open window before a person looses interest. 2
babylonsfire Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 workplace romance is scary territory, even when it ends well with the relationship, it doesnt always end well in the job. So as long as you're not concerned about either of them long term, go for it?
IfonlyIknew Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 First of all I don't think that was a dumb question at all. Personally I think the eye contact is a good sign but it can only take you so far. Throw in some small talk even if you're just passing by "anything exciting planned this weekend?" It's a good sign If she doesn't swerve you but rather let you in.
mortensorchid Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Sounds like she likes you, but don't get involved in a workplace relationship. You both have too much to loose and coworkers will always be in your business. I'm saying this for your protection. 1
kendahke Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I'd love to get your input on this, especially women, because I've never known if eye contact is any kind of indicator of anything. IMO, it's cute up to a point, but if you're not going to follow it up with coming over and verbally making your interest in me known, then it's irritating and you just crossed over into "wasting my time" mode, which will shut down any avenue to getting my attention again. I wouldn't take you seriously once that psychological moment is gone. If you're interested, say something to her. If she rejects you, then she rejects you--you don't forfeit your life. You find someone else who is amenable.
Author Kaiten Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 A couple people brought up that I may lose out because of the way workplace romance goes. That is true, and I've seen it not end well with my own eyes. However, my particular situation is: I've already begun looking around at prospective jobs in a neighboring city that I'd prefer to live/work in. So if this girl doesn't like me ... I really have nothing to lose. I have no idea why I was so scared. I actually think I might be scared because I feel like there is a chance she does like me. If that makes sense.
Survivor12 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 A couple people brought up that I may lose out because of the way workplace romance goes. That is true, and I've seen it not end well with my own eyes. However, my particular situation is: I've already begun looking around at prospective jobs in a neighboring city that I'd prefer to live/work in. So if this girl doesn't like me ... I really have nothing to lose. I have no idea why I was so scared. I actually think I might be scared because I feel like there is a chance she does like me. If that makes sense. Didn't you leave your last job in January after being rejected by a co-worker (Hannah)? Is this a different co-worker?
kmack513 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Walk up and introduce yourself to her. have a convo. Maybe ask around to see if she has a SO.
Author Kaiten Posted October 22, 2016 Author Posted October 22, 2016 I didn't leave that job because of hannah. It was to pursue something different.
Author Kaiten Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 So the other day I posted about a girl at work who I kind of think may like me. I think she's really pretty and I love the vibe she gives off when I see her interacting with others. Really ... tranquil. In any case, I'm basing all of this off of very little: - Whenever we walk past each other, we always look at each other and hold our glance until we completely pass ( I actually just realized that the reason I know this is because we keep looking ) - There was a time she went out of her way to catch a look at me. In fact, there was one time she was walking way in front of me, and she turned right around looking at me. I don't know if she did that on purpose though. - The most recent time I saw her, we locked eyes (and I do mean "locked") and she just breaks out into this gorgeous smile. I couldn't help but smile back. So now I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to make my move. And I'm going to make my move as characteristic of me as possible. While I am highly interested in you guys' input, predictions, and feedback, I want to make it clear that, so as to honor my word, I'm going to stick by what I say I'm going to do in the original post. So may your predictions dismal and grim as you like (if you like) or whatever, but know that I'm going to do this anyway. When the time comes, I'll update this and tell you all exactly what happened. If applicable, I'll give a transcript-like recap. Here's what I will do: When I see her, as she walks by I'll stop her. Me: "Hey, Mikayla." Mikayla: "Hey ..." (smiles) Me: (smiling back) "So *scratches head* I'm actually glad to see you ..." Mikayla:*tilts head to the side* "Really? why?" Me: (lowers hand from head) "Well you've caught me staring at you a lot ... I'm sure you've been wondering 'what the heck is that guy staring at?'" Now here is where I'm hoping to god she'll laugh, because if she doesn't then I'll have to trudge on without any sort of clue Me: (looks down at the floor, then immediately back up at her) "I don't mean any offense by it. The truth is: I just can't get over how beautiful you are. I hope you don't mind my honesty ..." That's as much as I feel I need to plan. If she behaves in a reciprocal way, then I should be able to wing it from there. If not, then it's no big deal. I don't want to weird her out, but I prefer to be direct about this. How do you think she'll react, and what do you think will come of this?
Author Kaiten Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 One reason I'm doing this is because when it comes to dating and relationships, we (people in general) tend to go to others searching for an answer. Most of the time, we are trying to gain assurance that our perspective is correct, and other times we're trying to get someone to tell us some sort of path that offers the least resistance. I always wonder what life looks like if we chose not to take certain advice. Who would be "right" and who would be "wrong"? I'll be honest with everyone and say that I doubt my approach will turn out favorably.
duncsvoice Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Being completely honest, I think you're over thinking it. There is absolutely no way to predict how she'll react, how she'll tilt her head, if she ruined her breakfast in the morning so if she's in a bad mood... Don't over think it, just talk to her. 2
IfonlyIknew Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Throw all that out the window and let your words come out natural 3
joseb Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Honestly, it sounds pretty cheesy. I never lead with a comment about physical beauty. If she is pretty she has probably heard it so often it will just sound fake. Definitely do talk to her though. All that staring if left at that can go from sexual tension to pretty uncomfortable after a while. 5
Redhead14 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 If your encounter seems rehearsed, she's not going to feel comfortable. I think she will be skeptical at least . . . be natural and spontaneous. Get out of her head by trying to anticipate her responses/reactions. Be in the moment. Just start with "Hi, Mikaela" and go from there . . . what will you do if she says something that isn't in your "script"? Are you going to freeze because it's not according to script? You need to be able to think on your feet.
RecentChange Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Yeah - dont rehearse lines, resist the urge to play the scenarios out in your head. You really just need to take a bug gulp and be courageous. Hey Mikayla, what are you doing later? I would love to take you out for a cupnof coffee. I envision something more like that. And I agree with the others. Don't lead in with a "beautiful" compliment. Have you ever interacted with her much before? Do you know if she is smart, witty, or some other INNER quality you can tell her you admire? I gotta say, let's say I am at a bar - if a guy says "you're beautiful" I think, ugh, cheese ball player guy.... If a guy says, damn, you're smart, and laughs at my jokes, I am going to be way more interested. 2
smackie9 Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Save the romantic gooy stuff for much much later.....you want to come off as a confidence man, not a little lost puppy. "Hey Mikayla, how are you, blah blah blah. Hey maybe later would you want to go out for _________ with me?" 1
GravityMan Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Being completely honest, I think you're over thinking it. Concur, big time. And it's likely that this will cause the OP to stumble and fail. OP, you need to get out of her head, and more importantly get out of your own head. You will fare far better in all sorts of social situations (romantic or not) when you just spontaneously and confidently talk to women like a normal, socially aware human being. 1
Author Kaiten Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 I'm probably totally screwed then ... Also, just so that it's clear: Only 6 lines are written. This is a pretty basic human interaction. I've predicted her mannerisms based on how she's behaved thus far, it's not really "getting into her head". She will at some point walk past me. That will definitely happen. I will say hello. that will definitely happen. And she will most likely respond with a hello. So the first 3 lines of this are basically inevitable. How I state I will act above is not me sticking to a screenplay. It's just based on how I typically behave, if that makes any sense? The next line is like me opening with a joke and hoping she'll laugh. People do that all the time. I don't really have to worry about her not "sticking to the script" because her main "line" is "hey". The point of my prediction is really about how you think she'll respond positively or negatively to the overall premise of me calling her beautiful, not how accurately I can predict her (and my) behavior. I think some of you already got that.
Author Kaiten Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Save the romantic gooy stuff for much much later.....you want to come off as a confidence man, not a little lost puppy. Dammit. I was hoping to come across as confident by being straightforward to her. At the very least brave.
Author Kaiten Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 Yeah - dont rehearse lines, resist the urge to play the scenarios out in your head. You really just need to take a bug gulp and be courageous. Have you ever interacted with her much before? Do you know if she is smart, witty, or some other INNER quality you can tell her you admire? I gotta say, let's say I am at a bar - if a guy says "you're beautiful" I think, ugh, cheese ball player guy.... If a guy says, damn, you're smart, and laughs at my jokes, I am going to be way more interested. I agree with you. I don't go to bars, but if this were a bar setting, I would think that just about every guy was a cheese ball player guy. The context does matter.
RecentChange Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Okay, well if I was on the train, or at ball game, or out on a jog, or walking my dog, or reading at a park..... and someone said "hey, I just have to tell you, you're beautiful" I would still think he was a cheese ball. Look, if you are attracted to someone, it's kinda a given you enjoy the way they look - what ELSE do you like / value about her? Go with that, something that isn't skin deep, something that shows you have taken a real interest in HER, not just the way she looks.
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