Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Here's my story. I met this girl a year ago through my sister and my friend's girlfriend who both work with her. The get together was awkward as she had recently became single and I was going through my own breakup after being single for a year. After that night I ran into this girl a handful of times through outings that involved my sister. She ended up getting back with her ex and just recently they had broken up in June and he moved out of her house. She's single and happy she finally got out of the relationship for good, and trust me when I say I am positive that it is over haha! So we met up mid August at my friends house at a party. She gave me a hard time about the time we first met, but we buried it and ended up hanging out all night and even crashing on my friends couch. Btw I'm 33 and she's 25. After that night we texted nonstop for 3 weeks and eventually met up again. She was literally out of town for almost all of the 3 weeks. Ever since she got back we've been together every weekend and once to twice on a weekday since 9/17. So things have been going quite well. We both annoy each other, and get on one another's nerves... But in a good way. She's stayed at my place around 7 times and me at her place once. We talk, go out on dates (mostly but not entirely at my expense). We aren't sexual but do sleep in the same bed when we have dates, she lives about 30 minutes away so it's easier. We kiss frequently and in public a few times. Hold hands and all the typical bf gf stuff. So the last few weeks and outings we've had people and our friends have said "congrats man" and act as tho we are together. Which we are, just not official. She has met my parents several times but I obviously can't introduce her as my girl haha! So I've been super sweet and nice to her, and last Saturday she was busy and heading out of town for the weekend. So I wanted to ask her if she'd be my gf and it's going to sound lame but I snuck over to her place and left a gift for her (simple more cute than expensive things but thoughtful) and a card telling her how I feel and ending in basically asking her to be my girl. I did this Saturday because Friday we met up with my sister and our friends and my sister informed me she didn't think I was interested in her and that I need to be more confident and aggressive and that I should make a move. So she received my gift Saturday and Sunday night she said she hadn't opened it yet. Which I believe because she was very busy with her parents that came in town for the weekend. Well Monday she thanked me for the gift, she liked what I had written in the card but she's not ready to date yet. She also assured me that she's not talking to anyone else and wants to see where it goes. So what's the opinions?? I've thought it over every possible way and am confused.
LD1990 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 What the hell have you been waiting for? She's turned off because you haven't made a move. Your sister was right, you have to be confident and aggressive if you want to get anywhere, not just with this girl but with women in general. If you sleep with a girl and don't try anything, she's gonna think you're either gay or you don't have the balls to make a move. Next time you see her you have to step up if you want to have any chance with her. That means initiating a kiss, making out, fooling around, showing her you're not just some scared chump. 1
Author Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 I hear ya! I just don't get the vibe she's a chick that wants to have sex and that's it, and if so that would be par for the course... Mine anyway. I'm looking for a relationship, not just a bang buddy. That gets old. It's just so damn hard to figure women out. The first two weeks I'm wondering if she's even interested, then the next two if I should make a move either physical or to see if we could possibly be an official couple. **** drives me nuts. No one is straight forward anymore and I've lost my senses ha!
Author Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 And as for not trying anything that's not entirely true. I did the usual kiss, then back rub and then nothing happened. Didn't get any touch back from her other than when we kiss
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Ya that's ridiculous. She hangs out with you and acts like she's dating you but when you ask her to make if official she claims you haven't made a move yet?! Nonsense! She's still not over the ex and can't commit to you. Hanging out carefree suits her to fill the void but that's it and she doesn't want to ruin friendship with your sister so she feeds here silly excuses too. 1
Author Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Has to be over the ex. He was a total loser. He abused her and didn't let her do anything on her own. The sister thing is huge ha! But I did tell her when she said she wasn't ready that if she wanted me to not talk to her and disappear that's totally fine. And I'd rather have that than the unknown honestly. At first I was concerned I was just a rebound. But she hasn't shown me a reason. Always text and talk. And hangout every chance we can. I honestly want to believe she's just really enjoying her freedom from a control freak, and really does need time... if that's truly possible haha! I know the "well if Brad Pitt or some other famous attractive rich dude walked she wouldn't need time" thing sort of squashes the whole yeah there's a chance with time hope! But I truly think that's it. I just don't know what I should do from here. We have plans to spend this Saturday together and spend the night. Just don't know what I should do, just have fun I guess!
redbaron007 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 You have won a one-way ticket to the dreaded Friend Zone with this girl...the chemistry is gone forever, perhaps was never there....but no harm done. You already know what you need to do with the next girl..,forget cheesy cards, say whatever you have to say boldly by looking into her eyes...and having sex should be an integral part of any sleepovers. Good luck!
Author Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Not seeing a FZ honestly. Would've happened by now. Do I see it working out? I'm not seeing that either haha! And as far as the sex thing, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I'm quite certain this girl isn't into meeting a guy and banging him within a month. An average girl for sure, but considering she works with my sister and best friend's girl there's no way she'd give it up that easy cause everyone knows I have a loud mouth lol I truly think this is the one in a million situation where things moved along too quick for her (due in large part because of me) and she isn't ready to be in a relationship given her past one. I think honestly I was slightly used for attention/affection. That's all that's out there lately, attention grabbers and one night stands! Unfortunately I got the lamer one of the two!
LD1990 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 She didn't use you, you've just blown every opportunity so far. For the love of god, 25-year-old girls don't have sleepovers with guys. Forget the back rubs and take things to the next level.
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Has to be over the ex. He was a total loser. He abused her and didn't let her do anything on her own. The sister thing is huge ha! But I did tell her when she said she wasn't ready that if she wanted me to not talk to her and disappear that's totally fine. And I'd rather have that than the unknown honestly. At first I was concerned I was just a rebound. But she hasn't shown me a reason. Always text and talk. And hangout every chance we can. I honestly want to believe she's just really enjoying her freedom from a control freak, and really does need time... if that's truly possible haha! I know the "well if Brad Pitt or some other famous attractive rich dude walked she wouldn't need time" thing sort of squashes the whole yeah there's a chance with time hope! But I truly think that's it. I just don't know what I should do from here. We have plans to spend this Saturday together and spend the night. Just don't know what I should do, just have fun I guess! You would think but it does't work that way. Love isn't rational. Just because he abused her doesn't mean she stops loving/pining over him. On the contrary. It just means she had enough strength to get away from that relationship but it doesn't necessarily mean her heart shuts down to him. She hasn't shown the signs she is rebounding? How about doing all the things you do when you are in a relationship with someone but when it comes to labeling it she bails? That's a pretty strong sign. When people rebound they want to instantly replace what they lost in their relationship- the emotional intimacy, the daily talks, the texting, the routine interaction, holding and kissing is what we miss the most and she was totally open to having that with you. She just buckled when you wanted to make it official. Think about it. What you should do is ask her point blank, why she wants to hang out with you and do all these "couply" things but not label it. If you go out with her Saturday feeling as you are right now, already falling for her, you are just going to make it harder for yourself and get sucked in deeper. If she isn't rebounding and waiting for "Brad Pitt" then she isn't into you, either way she is using you to fill some time. If you can handle it without getting emotionally attached I'd say enjoy! But it sounds like it's too late for that since you are already more invested than she is. 2
stillafool Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Has to be over the ex. He was a total loser. He abused her and didn't let her do anything on her own. The sister thing is huge ha! But I did tell her when she said she wasn't ready that if she wanted me to not talk to her and disappear that's totally fine. And I'd rather have that than the unknown honestly. At first I was concerned I was just a rebound. But she hasn't shown me a reason. Always text and talk. And hangout every chance we can. I honestly want to believe she's just really enjoying her freedom from a control freak, and really does need time... if that's truly possible haha! I know the "well if Brad Pitt or some other famous attractive rich dude walked she wouldn't need time" thing sort of squashes the whole yeah there's a chance with time hope! But I truly think that's it. I just don't know what I should do from here. We have plans to spend this Saturday together and spend the night. Just don't know what I should do, just have fun I guess! Believe it or not, it is usually the loser, abusive bf that they have the hardest time getting over or going back to. The girl is simply not interested. You should start looking for other girls. 3
Toodaloo Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Don't think you did anything wrong per say. Just chalk it up and move on. If she thinks about it later then she can speak up later. But I don't think she will so don't waste your time being hung up on her. Rejection happens. Its just life. Move on and find another girl. There are loads out there.
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 What the hell have you been waiting for? She's turned off because you haven't made a move. You must not have read the whole post, they've kissed and had done so multiple times. Ya that's ridiculous. She hangs out with you and acts like she's dating you but when you ask her to make if official she claims you haven't made a move yet?! Apparently, KISSING isn't "Making a move"?
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Oh, wait....you have to have sex with her in order for it to count? Yes? Anyways, since she isn't over her ex, it wouldn't have mattered because if you DID have sex, it would have been a rebound and the same end result would have happened. 1
mortensorchid Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I'm sorry. I was in a situation like yours two years ago. I had a thing for a co-worker, I left a gift in his mailbox anonymously. He rejected me when I asked if he wanted to hang out. I texted back "Well love makes you fat doesn't it?". No contact since. I spy on him on Facebook still because... Because I do. But I won't bother him. When I see him again someday (which I will because we know a lot of the same people) I will be someone else. Move on.
HillValley Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Believe it or not, it is usually the loser, abusive bf that they have the hardest time getting over or going back to. The girl is simply not interested. You should start looking for other girls. Yeah. I get the sense her view of her next boyfriend is being colored by her abusive ex. You and she have done all the steps of getting to know each other and kissing but once you outwardly state being gf/bf she cools off. She just wants to keep kissing and staying at each other's house?
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Has to be over the ex. He was a total loser. He abused her and didn't let her do anything on her own. People like that are very hard to get over, why do you think the forum is full of guys going on about their crazy, mad, party girl exes or women crying over their unstable, abusive cheating bfs? Very few are that upset when their genuine nice guy bf or their lovely homebody gf dumps them, because such breakups are usually done in a rational and reasonable way - nice, stable people tend to do break ups well. Unstable, irrational, unreasonable people do break ups badly so there is often a maelstrom of emotions associated, hence why some on here are vainly trying to make sense of it all. Off and on, push and pull, hot and cold relationships are highly addictive too, the lows are so low but the highs are phenomenal and that is what gets people hooked. Losing that adrenaline is difficult and whilst I am sure she loves all this buddy buddy time with you, it is not I am sure giving her the "rush" she had with him. So whilst that is no doubt an unhealthy way to feel, and in time she may process that properly, she is right when she says she is not ready to date anyone seriously yet. He is not yet out of her system. Unfortunately such is the emotional damage those sort of guys do, that she may in fact be seeking another similar guy... 1
ChatroomHero Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Just my guess- A lot of times women want a man, not a gf with a penis. Nice, respectful, caring, writing sweet notes is all fine and dandy after you seal the deal, but before you do it makes you a gf with a penis. A couple of things, you mentioned: you gave her a back rub and it didn't go anywhere else...so, let me guess, you 'felt' like she didn't want it to? I mean you took off her shirt, tried to undo her bra, rub down past the small of her back and she stopped you, right? Otherwise she wanted it to go further but YOU didn't, that's what it sounds like. You read her wrong. She was waiting for your hands to go places that surprised her. You are coming across as vanilla. She told your sister or whatever she thinks you are not interested. Love notes and candy and sensitivity and feelings are not always romantic gestures like in the movies. Some girls like a back rub that starts as a simple shoulder rub and ends up in rough sex. My bet is she is turned off by your gf-like mannerisms and wants more of a man...hence her last bf was an a*hole according to you, yet she was with him and not you. It's not an a*hole thing, it's being a strong male thing and her viewing you in a sexual or non-sexual way. Have you done anything to make her think of you in a sexual way? I think contrary to what you would think: Buy her a beautiful butterfly broach she saw in a store and mentioned 6 months ago, she cries when she sees it- Won't view you in a sexual way. Send her a pick of your junk- Thinks of you in a sexual way. Basically I think you likely would be doing better with her if you just sent a picture of your junk compared to what you are doing now. (I am not recommending sending any pictures of your junk by the way! lol) 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Just my guess- A lot of times women want a man, not a gf with a penis. Nice, respectful, caring, writing sweet notes is all fine and dandy after you seal the deal, but before you do it makes you a gf with a penis. A couple of things, you mentioned: you gave her a back rub and it didn't go anywhere else...so, let me guess, you 'felt' like she didn't want it to? I mean you took off her shirt, tried to undo her bra, rub down past the small of her back and she stopped you, right? Otherwise she wanted it to go further but YOU didn't, that's what it sounds like. You read her wrong. She was waiting for your hands to go places that surprised her. You are coming across as vanilla. She told your sister or whatever she thinks you are not interested. Love notes and candy and sensitivity and feelings are not always romantic gestures like in the movies. Some girls like a back rub that starts as a simple shoulder rub and ends up in rough sex. My bet is she is turned off by your gf-like mannerisms and wants more of a man...hence her last bf was an a*hole according to you, yet she was with him and not you. It's not an a*hole thing, it's being a strong male thing and her viewing you in a sexual or non-sexual way. Have you done anything to make her think of you in a sexual way? I think contrary to what you would think: Buy her a beautiful butterfly broach she saw in a store and mentioned 6 months ago, she cries when she sees it- Won't view you in a sexual way. Send her a pick of your junk- Thinks of you in a sexual way. Basically I think you likely would be doing better with her if you just sent a picture of your junk compared to what you are doing now. (I am not recommending sending any pictures of your junk by the way! lol) He made the mistake of bothering with her to begin with based on her crappy choice in boyfriends alone. They were obviously incompatible from the beginning, but he wasted time trying to make something work with someone he wouldn't be compatible with. He needs to find a woman that appreciates the nice gifts and whatever's he's done with this woman, but...do it with the woman that finds those kinds of things romantic. 1
elaine567 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Could those "kisses", be seen as sexual in any way, or are they just peck on the lips/cheeks or mwah-mwah air-type kisses? 2
Author Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Both. And before everyone else goes up in arms that I didn't bang thins girl, understand she lives in the next town over from me and she's not staying the night for sex lol
Author Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Not pecks. We kiss often, and I get little physical feedback. I.e. Her putting an arm around me.
Author Jamesa1019 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 thsnks for all of the replies. She's asking me what time to come over Saturday right now. So if she stays again, I'll be sure to grab her by the pussy and nail her to my headboard for all you ones that think she wants banged. I'll let you know how it goes
LookAtThisPOst Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 thsnks for all of the replies. She's asking me what time to come over Saturday right now. So if she stays again, I'll be sure to grab her by the pussy and nail her to my headboard for all you ones that think she wants banged. I'll let you know how it goes Yeah, maybe you can amuse the chest bumping sexual conquesters behind the keyboard.
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