PersonaPersona Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Hello everyone! I met this guy back in April, we've been talking since. I had just gotten out of a relationship before I met him where this guy I thought I'd last with left me for someone else and turned into someone I didn't know at all. So, I had a couple of walls up around my heart. I didn't take anything I had with this new guy too seriously because I just didn't wanna get attached too fast. I wanted to take it nice and slow. Just to see where it went. Now, this guy is good to me. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he gives me the butterflies, takes me out to dinner, takes me out to spend a weekend with him in special places, etc. And while these gifts are great, I just always enjoy his company more than anything. I really like this guy! (and maybe more) About his past: He's never been in a LTR before me. He has been the type who has always looked for one, but never had any luck. He's gone down the hookup route and has had a handful of sexual experiences (I'll talk more about this later on in this post), and has had his heart broken sometimes, numbing him up as a result. All of this intimidates me to a certain extent. I am no where near as experienced and have no had as many sexual encounters as he has. Along with how I have certain fears from my previous relationship arising in this one, I feel like I'm not letting myself connect with him. I just don't wanna be hurt again. I don't wanna be cheated on or left alone because I'm boring him or something absurd like that. A couple of weeks ago, I met his friends because he introduced me to them (something he's never done before) and we were all drunk from having a good time. When we were alone, he told me he loves me and it stunned me a bit. I immediately got that paranoid feeling of "What if he doesn't? Does he even know what the word means?" Whenever he tells me that he cares about me or actually feels something deep for me, and I hint that I doubt it a bit, I can tell from his expressions that he gets hurt by it because I don't believe him. I don't want to mess this up and I definitely don't wanna lose this guy!
Buddhist Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Why don't you want to lose this guy? Out of fear of never finding anyone else? The bottom line is you just don't trust him. You can argue all you want but if you did you wouldn't have walls up. Maybe you don't trust him for a valid reason or maybe you just aren't in a space to be in a relationship. You can't force yourself to trust someone and he already knows that you don't.
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