eeriemusic Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 My exbf and I had been dating for 9 months before he had broken up with me. He said that he broke up with me because I do not understand him and that I am too prideful to sacrifice something of equal value or something of less value. And that he does not want to be with someone like that...someone like me. RECAP: Basically for a month before the break up we had alot of arguments and they came about when I expressed to him that I feel like he's putting his friends before me. And whenever I told him how I felt, which was lonely, hurt, even jealous, he would get upset and speak to me coldly and tell me that those are his friends. I felt like I was competing for his attention. He would see his friends everyday, because of college and during the evenings playing basketball or he would go out for lunch with them during the weekends. I asked him is it hard to spare an hour or 2 through out the week so that we can spend time together? And in turn he told me why don't I catch a bus to his college or plan something (And I planned dates but he would blow me off for his friends). And bare in mind before the semester started we talked about this and he told me it wouldn't make sense to catch bus to his college because security is strict and he normally isn't on his phone to see my calls if I told him to meet me outside. And also catching bus takes about 1hr to 2 hours so as soon as I reached I have to turn back because I would have to get to class. I tried it a few times and through that I realized public transport is unreliable when there's tons of traffic! Also I made up in my mind not to skip classes to see him, because last semester I did that and got the lowest GPA I have ever gotten in my life. I got a 2.56 for that semester failing 1 class with a F simply because I didn't attend a specific class where the prof. was collecting the HW assignment folder; even though I had completed them all thoroughly. Basically I would be lucky to see him atleast once a week. I'd call to check up and see how his day is going and of course I wouldn't get a response not even an acknowledgement later that day or the next that he saw my messages. I'd leave text messages and he wouldn't reply. So the night he actually came for me, he wanted to play some card game he liked. I don't like YuGioh or know anything about it but I said for his sake I'll play and try to learn it and have fun since its rare for him to pick me up to hang out these days. (Oh yeah he has a car, but wants me to catch bus to him when a car ride is only 15-20mins and if he needed gas money I would always give it to him even if it was my last for the week and I'd end up going without lunch.) I was also sick that night and didn't have the energy and was extremely tired so I told him don't read it as me being disinterested but rather unwell. Despite me being sick, he wanted to come onto me for sex and I had to tell him hey I'm not feeling good can we just relax together and watch something. He didn't take that too well and by the end of the night he said "I tried being friends with you, and for a while I thought something was wrong with me, but no it's not me, it's you...I can't be with you." Needless to say I was hurt because all I wanted was time to spend with him and he painted me as the criminal. He said he wanted to work on being friends before anything or take a break. Of course I objected but sadly accepted it. And worse of all about a week after he broke up with me he started talking to me like how we use to as a couple but before that he was cold and detached. So I was confused with the sudden change. He asked me why am I still happy to talk to him, and I said shouldn't I be asking you that? I told him that he knew I didn't want to break up, I wanted him to understand that he wasn't setting time for me at all and putting his friends first and I felt like an idiot when I would use my free time and ask for dates or just to hang out. But to him imposing on his guy time is a no no and I should wait until he is ready to see me or talk to me. When I was extremely busy one day and wasnt able to text or call him but I sent him a good morning message. He called me late that night and said that he felt like how I felt, so I just laughed it off and asked him about his day. Needless to saying me brushing it off was an issue. The reason I was so nonchalant was because for weeks I was spelling it to him that I feel like I'm competing for his attention and he didn't make time for me so I just stressing about it and accepted it. But what really hurt is that I gave up so much to him...my body, my time, my money and most importantly, my heart and love. And he would in turn tell me I don't sacrifice anything. I got him gifts and he told me he loved them. And now after breaking up, he told me he doesnt like gifts and that I dont sacrifice anything. It made me feel terrible because his gifts were expensive especially since I don't work so I went without lunch just to see a smile on his face, so that he'd know I love him and appreciate him. And he even told me that no one would get him gifts or show appreciation and that his other gfs never did what I did for him, so why spit in my face by saying I do not do anything nothing for him? But also since he wanted to be on break so that I can see the error of my ways. How can I fix what I don't understand? Should I move on? He broke up with me and still wants to hook up...is that a warning signal if he says he just wanted a seperation to shake me up? Is he trying to be FWB? IDK what to do. PLEASE HELP! N.B. We are in the Caribbean attending local colleges in our home island. I'm 19 and he's 21. My father gives me an allowance for lunch so that's how I acquire monies. Also my schedule is too hectic for a job since I'm a full time student and athlete.
Kelley Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 You are young and there are a lot more fish in the sea that would really appreciate a girlfriend like you. You have to realise your self worth and move on. He doesn't appreciate anything you have done for him, and now you have broken up he is trying to blame you, and get you to see it was all your fault! Be strong he asked to break up, give it to him. Make him realise what he had in you, don't contact him anymore, don't even give him the time of day. Meet someone else that is a better fit, and does those nice things you did for him to you. A relationship goes both ways remember that, you deserve better. Some guys just take advantage of our good nature, it's time you say no more to him! 2
LastAcorn99 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Aww…I’m sorry about your situation. But you know what, you are still so young, and you have the promise of a wonderful life ahead of you. I would strongly suggest that you don’t settle for someone who has no respect for you. Most importantly, for now, focus on completing your studies well and getting into a good career. Take care, okay?
basil67 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Oh sweetie, you should have dumped him long ago. Don't ever sacrifice yourself if a person isn't meeting you half way. As much as this hurts now, he's done you a favour by ending things. You're now free to go and find out what a good relationship with someone who respects you feels like. 1
Buddhist Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 (edited) No. Don't wait for him or do anything else. Wait on what? A boyfriend who couldn't care less about you and dumps you anytime something doesn't go exactly his way? A break is a break up. Treat it like one and count yourself lucky he was stupid enough to end it. Edited October 20, 2016 by Buddhist
Fatty23 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 He sounds like such a selfish jerk! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Trust me, you'll never have to question when a man truly likes you. He'll make it known and he would never have you take a 2 hour bus ride when he can pick you up. He was so inconsiderate of your time and feelings. It sounds like he only wanted sex. dont accept that kind of behavior and you will find a good guy. You need to love yourself enough to know you deserve better. You seem like a sweet and loving girl you have a lot to offer and should expect the same in return. Don't settle on this a**hole.
Author eeriemusic Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement! It's going to be hard but I can get past this and move on. But I agree that I need to know myself worth. I'm too forgiving and optomistic in a way that I don't give up and it leaves me hurt. Thanks again, I appreciate all the responses. 1
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