Author Joga_31 Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 Yeah, I would not bet on that....maybe just not in front of you. What's the appeal here? She doesn't sound like much of a catch. A drunken immature girl with poor boundaries and no respect..i don't get it. She must be hella hot she is hot, and I do like spending time with her when she is not partying. I used to be a party head too, but realized when entering a relationship I need to cut down on somethings, like not going to clubs as often and grinding on other woman. she also does not grind on other men and says she respects that boundary as well.
Darren Steez Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 I mean I know it's horrible and something you shouldn't, but anyone ever think it is justified? I mean for myself I am very upset, frustrated and angry that my girlfriend does not listen to my requests when I tell her to not go out with guy friends and her roommate and to cut down on the partying lifestyle. It's like there is no respect, and I think I may hit the point where I need to do what she does so she feels what I feel. As unhealthy as it sounds and in terms of cheating I think it happens when a person can be frustrated emotionally with their partner. What do you people think? If she's not listening then you break up. Very simple. You can't control her, that much is true. She should want to be hanging out/talking to you. She should want to be with you..but she prefers going out to clubs with other guys and girls...while you stew at home wondering what she's up to. If you don't trust her then end it. If you don't like something, never threaten to break up because as it already seems she's losing respect for you. Now you've got to not only contend with her going out with other dudes but a dude living with her as well. Not good for your jealousy is it? Let her go. Find a chick closer to you. 2
introverted1 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 she kissed another woman in front of my face while drunk. She thought I would be turned on, but I spoke to her about it and said I don't like this one bit. so we set that boundary and she has not done it since. So is that all of it? Is there more to the "stupid things" she does whilst drunk? Has she actually gone clubbing with her male roommate or is that theoretical at this point? You mention that she says you are welcome to join her at any time, so is the issue that you don't believe she should go out if you are not up for it? 1
LargoLagg Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 she kissed another woman in front of my face while drunk. She thought I would be turned on, but I spoke to her about it and said I don't like this one bit. so we set that boundary and she has not done it since. There you are, with what could possibly be the best girlfriend you'll ever have, and it seems like you don't really like her. You need someone with a little less spunk, if you know what I'm saying. Is the boundary that she can't kiss girls, or she shouldn't do it in front of you?
LD1990 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 she kissed another woman in front of my face while drunk. She thought I would be turned on, but I spoke to her about it and said I don't like this one bit. so we set that boundary and she has not done it since. Holy **** you complained at her about that? I was understanding of your position until this, because words like "controlling" and "abusive" are very rarely used accurately. Most of the time women just throw them out there if their boyfriends raise a concern about anything they do. But come on, man, discouraging women from kissing each other is a crime against humanity. You should've joined the party instead of sitting on the sidelines.
phineas Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 OP, you don't tell a woman what she can't do. You tell her if she continues to do it you are gone. Then you go. and never speak to her again. would never date a woman who insisted she hung out alone with a guy friend or multiple guy friends.
Space Ritual Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I mean I know it's horrible and something you shouldn't, but anyone ever think it is justified? No, you have plenty of other options including walking away if you are not satisfied in a relationship. Relationships are about compromise, not about dictation. Cheating is a bell you can't unring. Lots of people do it, but I don't think I have found a lot of success stories form posters in the last seven years yelling form the rooftops how uncomplicated and wonderful their life became when they cheated. If you find any please ask to hear their story. I'd like to hear it too. Your GF does not sound like someone you want to build a long lasting relationship with, or can, for that matter. I have read the thread in it's entirety, but wanted to comment on this portion because of your wondering aloud about it. But hey, don't take anyone's word for it. Go right ahead and do it, let us know how it works out for you. Seriously, just break up. You two have reached the summit of your relationship. when it starts going with the way you describe, it's a fairly steep downhill slide. Don't break your ankle when you land at the bottom.
Noideanow Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 There you are, with what could possibly be the best girlfriend you'll ever have, and it seems like you don't really like her. You need someone with a little less spunk, if you know what I'm saying. Is the boundary that she can't kiss girls, or she shouldn't do it in front of you? Sounds like an (old) man married a lesbian here and now wants this Young man to follow the foodsteps:( sorry but thought you were the One having an affair in another thread, and now coming with "sound" advice here/ I think this young man needs to follow his own insticts to not end up like so many other people:(sorry largo;) 2
Author Joga_31 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 My girlfriend on top of all of this does call me like times a day, something I don't ask her to do. I am good with once a day lol. and she does make time to spend with me I see her very often, it's that she once or twice during the week will also go out to the night club. lately though she has been seeing me 3-4 times a week, I sleepover and I try to date her. Like doing things outside of the bedroom, like dinners, science world, walks, haunted mansion for haloween, and she has introduced me to most if not all her friends, which makes this all the more confusing.
Author Joga_31 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 So is that all of it? Is there more to the "stupid things" she does whilst drunk? Has she actually gone clubbing with her male roommate or is that theoretical at this point? You mention that she says you are welcome to join her at any time, so is the issue that you don't believe she should go out if you are not up for it? Theoritical at this point and yes she said I am totally welcome to come, and the issue is I do believe that she should not go out with him if I am not present. Since they would be walking home together after drinking.
phineas Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Theoritical at this point and yes she said I am totally welcome to come, and the issue is I do believe that she should not go out with him if I am not present. Since they would be walking home together after drinking. walking home? Thier gonna be cuddling up in the same bed since they do live together. and some guy was her only option for a roommate? Really? REALLY? this is not the woman for you. Just end it. 1
introverted1 Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Theoritical at this point and yes she said I am totally welcome to come, and the issue is I do believe that she should not go out with him if I am not present. Since they would be walking home together after drinking. So let me make sure I have this right. The entire catalog of "stupid things" she's done while drunk is to kiss another woman in front of you, thinking you'd be turned on. She has yet to actually go clubbing without you and you are in fact welcome to accompany her, but she reserves the right to go out without you if you choose not to join her. You've contemplated cheating on her to get her to understand how terrible the above two issues make you feel. OP, I am sorry to say that, even considering the immaturity of #1 above (which seems to be a misguided attempt to titillate you), there's really nothing to this situation. If anything, your "cheating" response is far more alarming than anything she's done (or not done, more accurately). 4
kgcolonel Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 Theoritical at this point and yes she said I am totally welcome to come, and the issue is I do believe that she should not go out with him if I am not present. Since they would be walking home together after drinking. Joga...I was to some extent with you up to this point. The fact that she is walking home with him should be some comfort to you as she is less likely (not knowing the area she lives and how safe it is) as she will have an escort. There is no additional concern over the fact that if they weren't walking home together, she'd be returning home to where he lives....bottom line here, either you trust your girl or you don't. That is what dating is about. You are going to ruin the relationship by appearing needy and insecure on this topic. You should loosen up and go out with her as often as you can. You don't have to party it up but go and have a good time. Prioritize your life a bit around her interests if you're able to stay in this relationship. Dating is like a test drive to determine is this a good fit. So far, by your own admission, you're not sold on the car. 1
ASG Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 walking home? Thier gonna be cuddling up in the same bed since they do live together. and some guy was her only option for a roommate? Really? REALLY? this is not the woman for you. Just end it. I have male roommates and we've been out drunk many times and then walked home together. Never has there ever been any cuddling. They have never been to my room, nor I to theirs. I know it is a novel concept, but both men and women don't jump into bed with each other at every opportunity just because there is someone of the opposite sex around. 4
NuevoYorko Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I think I may hit the point where I need to do what she does so she feels what I feel. As unhealthy as it sounds and in terms of cheating I think it happens when a person can be frustrated emotionally with their partner. What do you people think? I think it's time to break up. 2
Author Joga_31 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 So let me make sure I have this right. The entire catalog of "stupid things" she's done while drunk is to kiss another woman in front of you, thinking you'd be turned on. She has yet to actually go clubbing without you and you are in fact welcome to accompany her, but she reserves the right to go out without you if you choose not to join her. You've contemplated cheating on her to get her to understand how terrible the above two issues make you feel. OP, I am sorry to say that, even considering the immaturity of #1 above (which seems to be a misguided attempt to titillate you), there's really nothing to this situation. If anything, your "cheating" response is far more alarming than anything she's done (or not done, more accurately). After reading most of these posts, and actually trying to be more mature about this. I think that I might need to change the way I think, maybe I have taken this a little too far and need to control myself. Not just for this relationship, but for any others. I am going to admit, I am a fairly stubborn and a protective person. 1
Author Joga_31 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Joga...I was to some extent with you up to this point. The fact that she is walking home with him should be some comfort to you as she is less likely (not knowing the area she lives and how safe it is) as she will have an escort. There is no additional concern over the fact that if they weren't walking home together, she'd be returning home to where he lives....bottom line here, either you trust your girl or you don't. That is what dating is about. You are going to ruin the relationship by appearing needy and insecure on this topic. You should loosen up and go out with her as often as you can. You don't have to party it up but go and have a good time. Prioritize your life a bit around her interests if you're able to stay in this relationship. Dating is like a test drive to determine is this a good fit. So far, by your own admission, you're not sold on the car. Yeah she gets quite agitated with me complaining about the roommate, many times we have been in bed snuggled together and comfy watching a movie or show and then this topic comes up. I have prioritized my life a lot to match her life,I have been clubbing with her often too, but will now ease a little on seeing her 4-5 times a week since I need to take care of myself too ex- career goals, but I will always make time for her. I love spending my time off with her, it's so nice!! when we are not in conflict. I am considering challenging my jealousy and insecurity. But I don't know how to start or what to say to those thoughts I have in my head.
LargoLagg Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 (edited) Sounds like an (old) man married a lesbian here and now wants this Young man to follow the foodsteps:( sorry but thought you were the One having an affair in another thread, and now coming with "sound" advice here/ I think this young man needs to follow his own insticts to not end up like so many other people:(sorry largo;)That's pretty good, but never forget that old people were young once. It doesn't last forever, and so let me share with you a few horrible ways to waste your time: 1) Trying to change things in people you don't like 2) Trying to change yourself to like things that you really don't 3) Staying with people that you're fundamentally incompatible with 4) Not paying attention to how people respond to you 5) Building lists of how you disapprove of what people do My point was that some men (most, I would think) would truly appreciate a girl who went to such lengths to give her man some pleasure. He does not. That's fine, but he needs to pay attention to these things that he doesn't like. Instead, he's creating boundaries and rules like he's issuing fatwahs to infidels in his congregation. Please! He doesn't need to change! There's a great big world out there, with an astounding variety of people. There are probably millions of women who would love for a guy like this to take charge of them and lay down the law. They'd be happy and he'd be happy. And GF could find a boy that would make her happy, and would appreciate her extraordinary efforts to please him. It's all about compatibility, and judging what's right for you. There's two ways to go about finding them. One at a time, or many at a time. Let them weed themselves out, instead of trying to change them. I guess the humor was that I've probably read 20 posts that say that same thing in one way or another, and he just wasn't getting it, so I thought I'd try something different. If it helps you see my point of view, think of my affair as evidence that I practice what I preach. Edited October 21, 2016 by LargoLagg 1
Author Joga_31 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 I have male roommates and we've been out drunk many times and then walked home together. Never has there ever been any cuddling. They have never been to my room, nor I to theirs. I know it is a novel concept, but both men and women don't jump into bed with each other at every opportunity just because there is someone of the opposite sex around. This kind of gives me some relief. She also said something similar to me as well. When I saw her yesterday she was really happy, that I was able to talk to her about this topic on the phone and compromised with her that I would not be telling her what to do and instead say I am not comfortable with something. She also was happy to see that I was in a playful mood, by joking around with her before going to sleep when I met up with her last night. She said that me and her have reached a higher level in the relationship. I still don't feel great about the situation, but for this period of time I decided to keep my mouth shut not complain about the insecurity and enjoy her and the moment. She seemed super happy and comfortable and at home. She looked like she was in peace. It was really nice to see, but it took effort from my part. It helped that the roommate had his friend a (female) over at his house and room to keep him busy.
Author Joga_31 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 walking home? Thier gonna be cuddling up in the same bed since they do live together. and some guy was her only option for a roommate? Really? REALLY? this is not the woman for you. Just end it. You don't have proof of this, nor do I up to this point so..
phineas Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 I have male roommates and we've been out drunk many times and then walked home together. Never has there ever been any cuddling. They have never been to my room, nor I to theirs. I know it is a novel concept, but both men and women don't jump into bed with each other at every opportunity just because there is someone of the opposite sex around. Yeah, I NEVER hit on my female friends either. Then I lost weight and lifted weights. And I STILL didn't hit on them. THEY hit on me. sorry but you are an exception to the rule.
fromheart Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 she kissed another woman in front of my face while drunk. She thought I would be turned on, but I spoke to her about it and said I don't like this one bit. so we set that boundary and she has not done it since. Well, that's pretty much a party girl. Someone looking for a relationship doesn't do things like that. Very possibly she was trying to get a threesome going. Bear in mind this happened in front of you, what's happening behind your back? In your shoes I'd take one of two options. 1) Join the party so to speak, with no emotional attachment. OR 2) Get the hell out of there when she starts kissing girls in nightclubs. This has been said on the thread, but you need to hear it. You can state what it is your looking for to someone, but never try to change them if they are not doing what it is you're looking for.
Miss Spider Posted October 22, 2016 Posted October 22, 2016 Yeah u do seem needy and insecure (coming from an insecure person) she hasn't done anything wrong here so trust her or leave her
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