mac25 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 I started sleeping with a guy from work early in the summer. We had flirted a bit around the office, and drunkenly hooked up one night after a work thing that was at a bar. Although the chemistry was really good, I assumed it was a one time thing. I was surprised and happy when he reached out and scheduled a date afterwards. We continued seeing each other very casually for just a few weeks. He was always kind and texted me in between. Overall it felt casual but fun, which I am totally ok with. Side note: We didn't talk about our intentions. Then things started to change. He would text me, but the texts came later and later. The effort level seemed to be dropping. It came to a point where he was still reaching out consistently (still about once a week) but only late at night, when he had been drinking. Since it was the summer, and I was out partying in the same neighbourhoods, I gave into my impulse for fun sex, and we met up a couple times. It was nice and different for me at first, but then it's like fast food, you can't have too much. After a few encounters like this, i just started to feel ****ty. I actually liked this guy. I was happy when we were just having casual fun at his place. I realized only having drunken hook-ups was not my thing. But i felt like i put myself in this situation I couldn't get out of. And my gut told me that if I tried to talk to him about it he would not be receptive at all. Also, I dont like to put myself out there unless I feel invested in someone, and I wasn't crazy invested in him. Big picture we really had only hooked up a handful of times. Anyways, The last straw was when he texted me a 'sup' at 12 am on a wednesday. I was actually at home sleeping and he told me "ok goodnight xo". Then I didn't hear from him for over a week, which was unusual. I pretty much thought he was ghosting me. The prospect of putting myself out there and asking for real dates again was a big no. I had to end it. I was bummed out to lose good chemistry, but this wasn't what I wanted. I texted him saying that I wanted to go back to being co-workers, no hard feelings. He responded along the lines of "oh ok that makes sense". Despite this really crappy and surprising end, I was still attracted to him. I think he was with me, because we would still keep flirting at work. Fast forward 4 months, and the flirting has led us to be back in touch and we slept together last weekend. (side note we no longer work in the same office) He initiated the hookup, yes it was late, but the tension had been building for months, and I really wanted to see him. When we met up, he drunkenly confessed that he did not expect my "breakup" text. He found it awkward at the office afterwards. He said, if I was mad at him or upset I should have said something. He did have a point, but I struggle with being emotionally open. I come from family issues and have been hurt a lot. At that point I was also a little intoxicated, so it was difficult for me to have a real conversation with him. Also in the back of a cab. BUT just the fact that he brought it up was sweet, and we ended up having a really fun night. A couple days after the hookup, I texted him to let him know I had fun, and that we should do it again. It was hard for me to put myself out there, I usually let guys come to me, but his drunken confession gave me confidence. I also figured since I ended it, I should be the one to open the lines of communication again. But sadly, his response was pretty neutral. I just feel like if we put our cards out on the table and have adult (sober) conversation we could have a really good time together. We could go back to having those few fun hangs we had in the start, which may I remind you - he initiated! Do you guys think this is possible? We really had a fun thing going at first. I realize that I wasn't helping by going to meet up with him late at night. But i'm young, I go out, and it was hard to control my impulses at that time. (so go easy on me ) Is there any way to salvage this? or should I just back-off again and forget about him...
JewelD Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 If you just want to keep having sex with him, just ask him. If you're expecting anything more than that,. Don't bother. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 I started sleeping with a guy from work early in the summer. We had flirted a bit around the office, and drunkenly hooked up one night after a work thing that was at a bar. Although the chemistry was really good, I assumed it was a one time thing. I was surprised and happy when he reached out and scheduled a date afterwards. We continued seeing each other very casually for just a few weeks. He was always kind and texted me in between. Overall it felt casual but fun, which I am totally ok with. Side note: We didn't talk about our intentions. Then things started to change. He would text me, but the texts came later and later. The effort level seemed to be dropping. It came to a point where he was still reaching out consistently (still about once a week) but only late at night, when he had been drinking. Since it was the summer, and I was out partying in the same neighbourhoods, I gave into my impulse for fun sex, and we met up a couple times. It was nice and different for me at first, but then it's like fast food, you can't have too much. After a few encounters like this, i just started to feel ****ty. I actually liked this guy. I was happy when we were just having casual fun at his place. I realized only having drunken hook-ups was not my thing. But i felt like i put myself in this situation I couldn't get out of. And my gut told me that if I tried to talk to him about it he would not be receptive at all. Also, I dont like to put myself out there unless I feel invested in someone, and I wasn't crazy invested in him. Big picture we really had only hooked up a handful of times. Anyways, The last straw was when he texted me a 'sup' at 12 am on a wednesday. I was actually at home sleeping and he told me "ok goodnight xo". Then I didn't hear from him for over a week, which was unusual. I pretty much thought he was ghosting me. The prospect of putting myself out there and asking for real dates again was a big no. I had to end it. I was bummed out to lose good chemistry, but this wasn't what I wanted. I texted him saying that I wanted to go back to being co-workers, no hard feelings. He responded along the lines of "oh ok that makes sense". Despite this really crappy and surprising end, I was still attracted to him. I think he was with me, because we would still keep flirting at work. Fast forward 4 months, and the flirting has led us to be back in touch and we slept together last weekend. (side note we no longer work in the same office) He initiated the hookup, yes it was late, but the tension had been building for months, and I really wanted to see him. When we met up, he drunkenly confessed that he did not expect my "breakup" text. He found it awkward at the office afterwards. He said, if I was mad at him or upset I should have said something. He did have a point, but I struggle with being emotionally open. I come from family issues and have been hurt a lot. At that point I was also a little intoxicated, so it was difficult for me to have a real conversation with him. Also in the back of a cab. BUT just the fact that he brought it up was sweet, and we ended up having a really fun night. A couple days after the hookup, I texted him to let him know I had fun, and that we should do it again. It was hard for me to put myself out there, I usually let guys come to me, but his drunken confession gave me confidence. I also figured since I ended it, I should be the one to open the lines of communication again. But sadly, his response was pretty neutral. I just feel like if we put our cards out on the table and have adult (sober) conversation we could have a really good time together. We could go back to having those few fun hangs we had in the start, which may I remind you - he initiated! Do you guys think this is possible? We really had a fun thing going at first. I realize that I wasn't helping by going to meet up with him late at night. But i'm young, I go out, and it was hard to control my impulses at that time. (so go easy on me ) Is there any way to salvage this? or should I just back-off again and forget about him... But i'm young, I go out, and it was hard to control my impulses at that time -- The very minute that a person can identify something like this, they cannot use it as an excuse. That being said, given the drunkenness, and lack of impulse control has made this situation confused to a spectacular degree. I realized only having drunken hook-ups was not my thing -- You did it a number of times apparently, so that blows that façade. Leave this alone and get focused on you and what it is you really want with a clear head. And, stop drinking if you can't take ownership for your actions.
gorf Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Although the chemistry was really good, I assumed it was a one time thing. I was surprised and happy when he reached out and... Then things started to change. He would text me, but the texts came later and later. The effort level seemed to be dropping. It came to a point where he was still reaching out consistently (still about once a week) but only late at night, when he had been drinking. I had to end it. I was bummed out to lose good chemistry, but this wasn't what I wanted. ...ended it, I should be the one to open the lines of communication again. But sadly, his response was pretty neutral. We really had a fun thing going at first. ...But i'm young, I go out, and it was hard to control my impulses at that time. (so go easy on me ) Is there any way to salvage this? or should I just back-off again and forget about him... This guy is a fun thing. I dont see the chemistry, especially given you two become distant so early on.. week goes by, more than a week hardly talking. Where is that chemistry you were talking about and why didnt it fill the gaps?? This guy is an impulse, a time filler, and maybe not in your eyes, but in his eyes, its an ego boosting FWB situation. So what exactly do you want to salvage here? Its up to you, cause you see what he is about. If that's what you want, then keep the ball rolling. Wont be hard, just text him "hey" around midnight some night and you will have him back.
Joga_31 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 I think that if you just want sex then you should keep seeing him, but don't expect a relationship out of this.
Recommended Posts