Depressed after sex

[Sallyx3]

So I met this guy. He goes to my college. We went on four dates and he really was and still may be interested in me. He is 25 and I'm 20. He said he really wants a committed relationship because every girl he has been with didn't work out. He said he lived with someone for 3 years and the relationship ended due to her going back to her ex. He said he used to be a player, but he changed after his ex cheated.

 

So i had a good time with him. I just got out of an abusive relationship and wanted to get out and meet new people. So he would always text me first or call me. He wanted to spend all day with me almost every day, it's been a week since we met, and he wanted me to do simple things with him like go return his jackets or go out to eat or study. He is so attractive I wanted to have sex with him even though I knew to wait. We almost had sex but we stopped. He said i need to wait.

 

So yesterday we hung out all day and went back to his place and hung out. We ended up having sex and after I felt really depressed immediately. He seemed really worried and asked me if I'm okay several times. I said I'm fine I just want to leave. The other times I went to his place we never had sex and he always said i could spend the night and leave after he went to work. I declined.

 

He always asked to be in a relationship with me because he said we have a good vibe. I was always hesitant and he would get frustrated and say I'm not sure about the relationship. Well I do like him, but after having sex i feel so depressed. I never do things like this, but i really wanted to have sex with him.

 

He texted me the same night after I left and said goodnight. Then texted me the next morning and said good morning how are you. I texted him and said I am sure I want to be in a relationship with him and try it out and he said it doesn't seem like I'm ready because of all the other times he asked and I would say "ummmmmmm".

 

He told me he would delete the dating app we met on before we even met in person because i saw he was online all the time and it seemed weird to me. So he did delete it and hasn't been on it since we meet in person.

 

Well he hasn't texted or called me back it has only been a couple hours, but I feel like complete **** like he used me for sex even though it doesn't really seem like that. I must just be thinking stuff in my head. What do you guys think? .. also i never got eaten out before because I was self conscious and he said its fine and he did that. So i really felt vulnerable even though it was very casual. I don't know what to think and its freaking me out! I really don't want to be someone that he used and he will move one from me.

Edited October 20, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[RecentChange]

So he wants to hang out with you. Has asked to have a relationship with you. Didn't pressure you into sex, in fact told you to wait the first time. Then seemed concerned about you, asked if you were okay.

 

You said you were "fine" and left.

 

Now you think he used you for sex?

 

What do I think? I think you aren't ready for a relationship. Have some personal issues.

 

Have you been to any counseling? I think you need some insight as to how to cope with your abusive relationship (and how you got there in the first place), and need to learn some self acceptance etc.

 

Editing to add... you changed your post while I was responding. But I still think you need counseling not a BF. You aren't in a good head space.

Edited October 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MrMeh]

You still seem sexually and emotionally insecure with yourself (slut-shaming yourself). You're on a dating app, but it just seems you aren't looking for anything else, but dating, while this guy is looking for something more.

 

Do him a favor and let him go so he can stop wasting his time. Maybe in a few years you can give it another try when you have more experience with dating.

[Redhead14]

If a woman really likes a man and wants to have sex with him, she can do that. This man has been treating you with respect, seeing you enough and not pressuring for sex so I don't think he "used" you for sex.

 

I always tell a woman that anytime she has sex with a man, even if she's seen him a number of times, she should assume it will be a one-night stand unless he shows her otherwise by maintaining contact and continuing to see her and not pressuring for sex all the time.

 

This man seemed to have been concerned about you and your reaction and I think he's right that you are not ready for a relationship. He realized that you kinda were in over your head.

 

You are young. Sit back and relax. Focus on your studies. Enjoy your time in college and be patient with yourself. You had sex with a nice man that you liked, there's nothing wrong with that.

[gorf]

So I met this guy. He goes to my college. We went on four dates and he really was and still may be interested in me. He is 25 and im 20. He said he really wants a committed relationship because every girl he has been with didn't work out. He said he lived with someone for 3 years and the relationship ended due to her going back to her ex. He said he used to be a player, but he changed after his ex cheated. So i had a good time with him. I just got out of an abusive relationship and wanted to get out and meet new people. So he would always text me first or call me. He wanted to spend all day with me almost every day, it's been a week since we met, and he wanted me to do simple things with him like go return his jackets or go out to eat or study. He is so attractive I wanted to have sex with him even though I knew to wait. We almost had sex but we stopped. He said i need to wait. So yesterday we hung out all day and went back to his place and hung out. We ended up having sex and after I felt really depressed immediately. He seemed really worried and asked me if i'm okay several times. I said im fine I just want to leave. The other times I went to his place we never had sex and he always said i could spend the night and leave after he went to work. I declined. He akways asked to be in a relationship with me because he said we have a good vibe. I was always hesitant and he would get frusterated and say i'm not sure about the relationship. Well I do like him, but after having sex i feel so depressed. I never do things like this, but i really wanted to have sex with him. He texted me the same night after I left and said goodnight. Then texted me the next morning and said good morning how are you. I texted him and said i am sure i want to be in a relationship with him and try it outand he said it doesn't seem like i'm ready because of all the other times he asked and I would say "ummmmmmm". He told me he would delete the dating app we met on before we even met in person because i saw he was online all the time and it seemed weird to me. So he did delete it and hasnt been on it since we meet in person...Well he hasnt texted or called me back it has only been a couole hours, but I feel like complete **** like he used me for sex even though it doesn't really seem like that i must just be thinking stuff in my head. What do you guys think? .. also i never got eaten out before because inwas self conscious and he said its fine and he did that. So i really felt vulnerable even though it was very casual. I dont know what to think and its freaking me out! I really dont want to be a hoe to him that he used and he will move one from me.(

 

Slow down. Slowwwww downnn. Haha. Ok look at what is going on. Its way too early to tell exactly if he is 'after sex' as you mentioned. I dunno. Sounds more like he is confused to me. You could understand that, right? The sex is playing with your mind. I get it, the sex happened. But maybe put it aside for a while, see if he sticks around. That will tell you what you need to know. As for the comunication: A few hours? a day? dont worry so much about that at this point, your mind is going a mile a minute right now and thinking of everyyything. He seems confused and concerned. When I hear "good vibe" I would always investigate a bit more, dig a little deeper ans see if you are a woman he is actually interested in dating vs a passtime 'feel good' if you know what I mean. Thats also why I suggest holding off on the sex. Dont worry about the first time or how many times since then, you control it. I know you can.

 

But honestly it doesnt sound like you are sure, or ready. To say you want to 'try out' a relationship. Thats the same as saying you are not ready. Cause if someone is ready for a relationship, then they get into one expecting it to work. There is no try-outs. Its a yes or no. So I would really think about first what you want, what you are ready for, and if you decide to continue, hold off on the sex until you see what he is about. If he is legit interested, then you will not need sex to keep him around. He told you he is not a player right? He changed. So... hold him to that. Good luck!

Edited October 22, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LastAcorn99]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Unfortunately, I believe that this tends to be the case when one rush into casual sex. Also, you mentioned that you just got out of an abusive relationship -- it looks like you may have issues from your past relationship that you need to deal with. I would suggest that you bring yourself back to a good place before jumping into another relationship. Please take care!

[fromheart]

From a mans point of view, if I expressed an interest in having a relationship and the woman said 'ummmmmm,' I'd disappear very quickly.

 

From what you said, he's treated you well and the sex for him was an indication of wanting to enter a relationship with you.

 

I sympathize that you are experiencing depression after sex. It might be best that you abstain from all relationships for a little while and take time to heal.

[elaine567]

This seems to a perfectly nice man who wants a relationship with you.

Maybe those horrible thoughts about you being used for sex and disparaging yourself over healthy sexual appetites is more about your abusive ex than about you.

 

Do you still hear his voice criticising you and giving you a commentary about what HE thinks. Are you still checking yourself and changing your behavoiur or feeling guilty as you know HE wouldn't like it?

Getting rid of that voice in your head can be difficult for abused people.

[William]

Since it looks like the OP hasn't been back to offer an update we'll close this one up for now. SallyX3 you may request the thread reopened via the "ALERT US" button ~T