Stangnuts Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 We have been together for 10 years, high school sweethearts. Married for 5 years with a 5 year old son. My wife lied to me about money and I blew up. She hadn't been paying the bills with the money I gave her. And had opened credit cards in my name without me knowing about it. She said she had to lie to me because she was scared of me. I have a bad temper and yes I did take her for granted I never really went anywhere with her and we didn't talk much. Her father came to my house and threatened me in front of my wife, son, my father, my sister, and my best friend. After that incident we tried to make it work, It worked for 2 weeks when we got into it and said that if she didn't like to be married she could leave. So you got her stuff together and asked me about 5 times if I was going to stop her. I said no I am not going to beg you to stay you can go if you do not want to be with me. So I drove off to go cool off. On my way home I call her and she was on her way to her mom and dads house wnd that she is leaving me and that she is so hurt I turned my bacj on her when I didn't stop her from leaving. This has been a month ago. After a week and a half she comes and gets all the furniture in the house, it was hers. But when she left she said she might come back but now she says she will never come back. I told her that everything wouls be different and that I WILL do better and she says I am just blowing smoke to get her back. I have sent her 2 dozen roses and she says to quite wasting my money because nothing I can do will make her come back. She hasn't called me in 4 days now and I guess reality of her never coming back in setting in. I told her I would do anthing if she would come back, I love this woman more than life itself and she is right it took her leaving for me to see that. I want to show her how good a husband I can be for her. I have never been good at showing my love but I know I could do it if she would just give me a chance. She keeps telling me that I will never change and that if she came back I would be good for a couple of months then be the same old person again. The last time she left was about 7 years ago, she left me for 2 months and we got back together. She just called me up one day after not talking to me for about a month and said she wanted to see me. And we got back together got married and had a son. I am a christian as is my wife, but I haven't been the husband I should have I have praying that she will give me another chance. I know I sound desperate but I see now what I have done. But I fear it is too late. She doesn't call and when we talk it is business and if I try ti bring us up she always says she can't come back that I will not change. Please tell me what to do I have stopped calling her in fear that I am just pushing her farther away. She says she still loves me but I don't see it.
CHAZ87 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I agree with the not calling to push her away. You and I sound like we could be twins. I have an anger problem as well. I too have trouble showing my feelings, then I got the biggest wake-uo call of my life. My wife had an affair with a man because I was not there emotionally for her. We have a 4 year old boy. We had a rocky marriage to say the least, we fought, argued in front of my son, and It did lead to a physical incident.(I never hit her with my hands) I threw a cup at her. She has just ended the affair and now I am lost. She says she may never love me again. Sorry for the rant. But good luck to you. She fell in love with you for a reason. Look for it, hold on to it, and never let go. My advice is to start seeing a counsler and possibly a psychologist to see if there is something up stairs previously undiagnosed.
Author Stangnuts Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 yeah i think most men are all alike in that we always think they will be there when we get home, but basically we have been together for a long time and I just can't accept that she just can walk away from me and our family just like that and not look back. That is hard for me to gather. I have changed not by myself but with the help of God he has showed me what kind of person to be in order to carry a healthy relationship on with anyone. He has forgive me for what I have done but my wife is still hurt and upset because I let her leave that day that I didn't stop her. Well I told her to come home but now she says that she can't that all my chances are gone. I am so devasted I love being married and my son. Does she not see what it is going to do to him. No one will ever love her as much as I will, She give birth to my only son, I met her when I was 18 now I am 27 how am I going to live without her. It is going to kill me to see her with someone else, some other guy raising my child, I am so sorry for what I have done why don't she see that. I have changed and will do better. Am I not worth another chance. I love her so much I always have I wish I would have showed it more, what do you have to do to get another chance, I will do ANYTHING for another at lifw with her. I have changed not just for her but gor myself and everyone around me. I have learned alot by this seperation and thankfull it happened but now I just don't know why I don't deserve another chance to make it right. I know I can treat her good. All this pain has taught me how to cope with my anger. I just wish she knew it. My hands are tied and now I sit alone waiting for her to call me. I know I am pathetic but my love for her is unconditional never fading. No matter what she has done or will do will never change how I feel about her. How could she just walk away. Please pray for me and my family that I let slip away.
VirginiaBob Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 As much as one can argue that she is right to leave you because of your behavior, at the same time, she seems like she is pulling a cowardly "cut and run", without trying to go through the normal avenues such as counseling. As far as advice, I really don't know what to tell you. Some people are willing to take the more difficult path and work though problems while others just make a cowardly bail. If she is not willing to work it out, then she is not willing to work it out.
Author Stangnuts Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 I know that is exactly it, last week we did not talk for 3 days she called me made small talk and was nice to me, I asked her if she made the right decision to leave and if she was happy with her life as it is now. She said that she wasn't doing anything and that she didn't have any money to go anywhere. She is staying with her parents. Yes I know she should have left but the cut and run is killing me. Like I said I tried the no contact a week ago then she called me I was so excited I got her to start thinking about me she loved me in the first place and she got silent then I heard her crying, I asked her why she was crying and she said that she missed me and wanted me really bad and that it isn't easy for her to do this. I asked her how she could just up and leave and act like you don't care about me. She said I don't know how bad she is hurt and I hurt her to bad this time. Then after all the crying and saying she loved and wanted me bad in the same breathe says I am still not coming back. Wow what am I supposed to feel here. The next day I send her another dozen roses to her work. She calls me and ask me why am I wasting my money on her and that sending the roses doesn't help her to come back. She said that I knew the deal that I told you I wasn't coming back so just save my money. But thanks for the flowers and I am so hurt this time. She goes from being nice one day to being mean the next day. She tells her friends at work that I love him to death but I am never going back. Is she just trying to convince herself because she really doesn't have anything to be mad about. Because I am treating her good now she wants to believe me one day but always throws up that I will never come home. I haven't talked to her since the roses, that has been 4 days ago. I am so confused on what to do next, I am not crazy I know she has the ball in her court. It may be that she thinks she can come back anytime she wants, and that is why she is pulling my strings and keeps me hoping along. She says that she isn't just trying to hurt me by giving me hope of her coming backthat is why she said she would never come back. Should I take her calls or just let her leave a voice mail? What should I say? What should I not say? I know I can't make her come home but I don't need to give her any more reasons to NOT come home. What are some thing s I can say to let her know I have changed?
Devildog Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Sending flowers doesn't prove anything. Saying you are going to change doesn't prove anything. If you want to prove something to her you have to put your money where your mouth is and really change. That will require counseling, that will require soul searching. You need to listen when she does talk to you, understand where she feels you failed, what her issues are. And then you need to decide if this is something you are willing to change about yourself. And then you need to determine what it is going to take for you to change these things.
Author Stangnuts Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 exactly I am willing to change and I have changed but she will not give me the chance I need to show her, I am just waiting on her to change her mind, then again she may never change her mind, after all she did say she would never come back, should I just give up and move on I am so lost and confused I don't want ti give up on our 10 year relationship we have a kid together, I feel like she just threw me away, why don't I deserve another chance?
Recommended Posts