HopelessOne Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Hello all... I am a 26 yo guy and I am trying to change some things in my life. One of the biggest issues I am facing in my life right now is that I am having a hard time letting go of my ex g/f. Now that may sound really simple. Some would say just give it some time. Well she and I broke up 5 years ago. I have not been interested in anyone since then and part of me is starting to think that this might be a serious issue. Have I become romantically emotionless over this period of time? Don't get me wrong, I have had "encounters" with 2 women since then but I have not felt the urge of being interested to persue someone. It probably doesn't help that I don't have a lot of self confidence stemming from the break up but essentially I am asking what should I do?
markraine Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 wow, you should really talk to somebody, a religious figure, a therapist, a psychiatrist, something. I'm not saying you are nuts or something, but its unhealthy to hang on to someone for THAT long. Somehow I'm thinking your ex has moved on and forgotten about you and is out there living your life. You can't do this to yourself, you really need to talk to somebody to accept that it is over, find some closure and move on to bigger and better things. You can't live your life for yesterday, otherwise you'll never make to the future. I can tell this has you distraught and heartbroken, but that is way too long to hold on to somebody for.....you need to accept what has happened and do your best to remove all memories of her from your mind and the area around you. Put away the pictures, block her out of your mind, and for goodness sakes man, start living your life again. Its downright unhealthy to be that hung up on someone. "I'm a believer in destiny, and destiny says if it was meant to be, then no matter what happens, where you go, or where you maybe be, someday she'll come back to thee." Get on with your life, you'll find there is much more than just holding on in desperation to one person.
markraine Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 We all have self-confidence issues from a breakup, best is to go take on some stuff that you're good at, get yourself pumped up, motivated. I've been working out like a fiend since my ex dumped me, now I have a Mens Health-coverboy body and basically, being in great shape makes me feel good all the time, energetic and helps avoid the emotional roller-coaster that a breakup can bring on. You gotta move on, pick a date, a firm date, and tell yourself that will be the last time you will waste your time regretting what obviously wasn't meant to be. You can do it, I'm sure some people we'll respond with some smart-aleck or jerk comments, but don't take it personally, we have a nice little community here, and we all want to help each other, but nobody can help you unless you start helping yourself first and you need to just start letting GO.
Author HopelessOne Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 To answer your question, yes she has moved on... as a matter of fact she moved on so quickly that she was pregnant six months after our breakup (not mine!!!). I know I need to move but she just left and never spoke to me again. I mean I remember it like it was just this morning. How can someone just not talk to you anymore? I mean, to her, I literally did not exist anymore. I did so much for her and to this day I have no idea why it ended. I still cannot understand this.
markraine Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 LOL, man, I've thought the same things. I really helped my ex get out of a bad situation, was there for her, and still she left me, and acts as if I don't even exist, you just have to, as someone said on here before, file it away in the what-the-f%^k-ever drawer and forget about it. Plenty of women that will love you, appreciate you and not leave you. Trust me, it isn't worth it trying to figure out WHY. Who is to know, we can never be sure, I know the lack of closure is killing you, but these are questions that are best shelved, left behind, you just have to take on the shrug-your-shoulders-and-say-"F%^k-It" attitude and get on with your life. Things happens, peoples feelings change, the only thing you can control is YOU, so make the best of your life that you can
Author HopelessOne Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 I don't want to control anyone's feelings. But I do want to know what it was that went wrong. How can go into another relationship and not make the same mistake I made before, if I don't know what that maistake was. Aside from that, how am I supposed to just file it away as you said? How do I do that? I can admit also that I am still skeptical of women. Obviously me my ex left a very bitter taste in my mouth and it be up to me to get it out. I just don't know how...
westernxer Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by HopelessOne I don't want to control anyone's feelings. But I do want to know what it was that went wrong. How can go into another relationship and not make the same mistake I made before, if I don't know what that maistake was. Aside from that, how am I supposed to just file it away as you said? How do I do that? I can admit also that I am still skeptical of women. Obviously me my ex left a very bitter taste in my mouth and it be up to me to get it out. I just don't know how... Love's a bitch. You're gonna have to learn to take it on the chin, otherwise you won't survive. Loving someone is a risk; that's why it hurts so much when you lose it, because you've left yourself unguarded. But you have to learn to let go. Sounds like you don't want to. What went wrong? She didn't like you, that's what. So get over it already. It happens to all of us. By the way, few of us end up with the first person we fell for. I'm so glad I didn't.
ChuckDee33 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Hey man, 5 years is a LONG ass time. It's been nearly one year for me and both her and I haven't let go off each other yet. But it doesn't look like we are getting back together anytime soon. It definitely hits you hard with your self esteem though when someone who was such a huge part of your life for a long period of time suddenly just isn't anymore. It pops our little bubble of safety and contentment and we're left feeling naked to all the horrible feelings of lonliness, desperation, depression, regret, resentment, anger, etc. You may have to warm up to the fact that the only closure you are going to receive from this will come from yourself. Sometimes I guess all the questions burning in our heads can't be answered like we want them to. I feel for you since she just up and left without really saying goodbye ever again, then went and got pregnant so soon. She obviously wasn't worth your time then and certainly not 5 years later. Man, I heard this weird thing somewhere on here you can try. Put a big rubber band on your wrist and every time you start to think about her and feel crappy just pull back really hard on the rubber band and let it snap you on the wrist. Then throw away any and all reminders of her; pictures, emails, gifts, etc. I'm sure putting this thing behind you will get one of the big obstacles that is keeping you from changing your life out of the way.
Author HopelessOne Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 Funny you mention that...I have nothing of hers just the memories which are proving difficult to get rid of. I gave her everything of hers weeks after it was over. I would like to get her out of my head but for some reason, I get this thought in my head about her every damn day... I am getting sick of it...
Kat Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by HopelessOne Funny you mention that...I have nothing of hers just the memories which are proving difficult to get rid of. I gave her everything of hers weeks after it was over. I would like to get her out of my head but for some reason, I get this thought in my head about her every damn day... I am getting sick of it... Have you spoken to her about why you two broke up? Have you had the door slammed in your face or are you still holding onto something because you parted ways amicably(sp?)
Jeannie Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 You're living in a fantasy world - making your ex out to be this larger than life person. You're wasting alot of time my friend. Sit down and have a talk with yourself and bury the dead. She ain't as great as you have her conjured up in your mind to be - and is she sitting around thinking about you? Probably not. Give it a proper burial and get on with your life. YOU have to accept it's over. Breaking up is easy - actually doing it is hard. I broke up with my ex two weeks ago (we were together for 2 years on and off). I gave myself a day or two to cry and go into a broken heart coma. Then I said "enough" - life is too short and it's over - no going back. I started a new job and it's a whole new world out there! I got rid of all the toxic things in my life in one week - a toxic ex and a toxic job. Started a new job and a new life and wow - what a difference. I dumped all that baggage and negativity. Accept it's over - you're dragging around that baggage way too long.
JAyJAy Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 What to say about your situation??? Sweety you need a hot blooded sexy mamma to take you on a detour to lovers lane. Your not letting yourself adventure or explore new worlds. Thats not healthy and thats where your sorrow begins. Yeah "time heals".... But right about now, your into over time and the fans are leaving the game because its getting boring.. Lets go, get out have fun, once you begin to explore new things and learn new interest you will be fine. Wish her the best of luck and move on...Dude, your 26, cut it out... Have fun.. Live life..
JAyJAy Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Take these words and go happy>>>>>> Open hearted I walked into this relationship, open hearted I will depart. I will be stronger and she will be forgotten!!!
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