Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 My ex contacted me asking if I wanted to meet up with him so he could return my stuff to me. He still has some of my personal belongings in his apartment but it's nothing of value - just some underwear, make-up and other cosmetics. I don't have any of his stuff because I was always the one staying over at his place. He wants an amicable breakup but I haven't been very responsive to him in the days after the breakup. Should I go meet up with him? Or is this an excuse to see me and talk to me?
Frozensushi Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Should I go meet up with him? Or is this an excuse to see me and talk to me? If you do, you should bring a friend with you. Take your belongings and leave. No lengthy hellos/goodbyes, just grab and go. Having a friend there will make sure there's no dramatic scene (hopefully).
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 It wasn't a bad breakup. No screaming matches. Everything was very calm. He wants to meet up with me (his suggestion) to return that stuff to me. Knowing him, he will probably suggest a public place like a train station. I thought that was odd since he knows where I work which is quite close to where he lives. It would be much easier for him to just drop off my stuff at work. I don't know why he would want to go through so much trouble to see me in person.
Frozensushi Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 If you think it will be an amicable meeting, then I'd just go and get it over with. I wouldn't be surprised if he used the opportunity to try and discuss the relationship. The ball is in your court, if you don't want to see him, you could ask a friend to go in your place. You could also have him leave it outside his residence at a specific day/time.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 If you think it will be an amicable meeting, then I'd just go and get it over with. I wouldn't be surprised if he used the opportunity to try and discuss the relationship. The ball is in your court, if you don't want to see him, you could ask a friend to go in your place. You could also have him leave it outside his residence at a specific day/time. I know but it was his suggestion to meet up for this. Unfortunately, I'm unable to go to his apartment to pick up the stuff as he lives in a remote spot and I currently don't have a car anymore. The easier option would have been for him to just drop it off at my work place. That's why his suggestion for meeting up in person is so confusing to me.
PegNosePete Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 No don't "meet up" as such, which I'm sure to him means a meeting over a coffee with a long chat. If you do "meet up" then just make it a box exchange meeting at a bus stop or whatever.
Toodaloo Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Tell him to just drop it at your work place and be done with it. No need to meet up or anything. Stay quiet. Do not engage.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 No don't "meet up" as such, which I'm sure to him means a meeting over a coffee with a long chat. If you do "meet up" then just make it a box exchange meeting at a bus stop or whatever. I think it does mean something like that. Not sure though. It could also come from guilt since he broke up on the phone... Why else would he want to meet up in person to return stuff?
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 Tell him to just drop it at your work place and be done with it. No need to meet up or anything. Stay quiet. Do not engage. I have been quiet but I do want my stuff back so I replied. I didn't want him to throw it away.
Formerfiveo Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I think it does mean something like that. Not sure though. It could also come from guilt since he broke up on the phone... Why else would he want to meet up in person to return stuff? So he was too much of a coward to break up with you in person, and yet, he can't just drop off your stuff at your work or your place when you're not home and HAS to meet with you? I want to say "who cares" what it means that he wants to do it in person, but it's clear that YOU care. If your stuff really is "nothing of value" as you say, why don't you just replace it? Are you hoping to reconcile? Or settle for breadcrumbs in hopes of reconciliation? Good luck.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 So he was too much of a coward to break up with you in person, and yet, he can't just drop off your stuff at your work or your place when you're not home and HAS to meet with you? I want to say "who cares" what it means that he wants to do it in person, but it's clear that YOU care. If your stuff really is "nothing of value" as you say, why don't you just replace it? Are you hoping to reconcile? Or settle for breadcrumbs in hopes of reconciliation? Good luck. Well yes, because this screams conflict in a way. He can't break up with me in person, yet he is adamant about returning my stuff to me personally. What is that about? Isn't it logical to start wondering about that? 1
Formerfiveo Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Of course it's not illogical to think that because he's sending mixed messages. He dumps you (over the phone) and now insists on meeting you in person. I guess now it's up to you to figure out what you can handle. Do you want to reconcile, and if so, is seeing him going to set you back from healing? Because unless he is at your door begging you for another chance, I seriously doubt that this is a prelude to reconciliation. I think this is all about him and his ego. You said that you haven't been very responsive to him since the breakup, so that's got him confused as to why you aren't falling apart. I'm concerned that wanting to see you in person is just so he can see for himself if you really are ok and thriving without him. Whatever you decide to do, your emotional well being is the most important thing here...not undies or makeup. Be strong!
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 I think this is all about him and his ego. You said that you haven't been very responsive to him since the breakup, so that's got him confused as to why you aren't falling apart. I'm concerned that wanting to see you in person is just so he can see for himself if you really are ok and thriving without him. Whatever you decide to do, your emotional well being is the most important thing here...not undies or makeup. Be strong! I think this is the answer I was looking for. From what I can tell, his past relationships were always on and off. I guess that's a pattern for him. I assume that he did most of the breakups with his exes going crazy to get him back. Maybe he got confused by my cool reaction. Yes, I did get a little emotional on the phone but I have kept my distance ever since. He reached out to me first. It took me a couple of days to respond. If we were to meet up, I would make it very short. I would just take the stuff and be done with it. Oh, and I would probably laugh the whole time. 1
Toodaloo Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I think this is the answer I was looking for. From what I can tell, his past relationships were always on and off. I guess that's a pattern for him. I assume that he did most of the breakups with his exes going crazy to get him back. Maybe he got confused by my cool reaction. Yes, I did get a little emotional on the phone but I have kept my distance ever since. He reached out to me first. It took me a couple of days to respond. If we were to meet up, I would make it very short. I would just take the stuff and be done with it. Oh, and I would probably laugh the whole time. Keep your distance from him. I don't see why he has to give to you in person but if he will not drop at work... How about telling him what time you finish and tell him he can drop it on that day and you will meet him in the car park then just grab the box say "thanks for that, see ya" and go home. This one is just no good.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 Keep your distance from him. I don't see why he has to give to you in person but if he will not drop at work... How about telling him what time you finish and tell him he can drop it on that day and you will meet him in the car park then just grab the box say "thanks for that, see ya" and go home. This one is just no good. Thanks! Yes, I think he is definitely bad news. As for meeting up after work, that may be a little difficult because he always works until 6 or 7pm, whereas I get off at 5. However, he does start late, like at 11. If anything, he could just make a detour to my work place before he is off to his. I also don't see why he has to give me this in person. Probably just his ego.
Toodaloo Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 Thanks! Yes, I think he is definitely bad news. As for meeting up after work, that may be a little difficult because he always works until 6 or 7pm, whereas I get off at 5. However, he does start late, like at 11. If anything, he could just make a detour to my work place before he is off to his. I also don't see why he has to give me this in person. Probably just his ego. He probably wants to see if you miss him or not. Great news is that if you keep it short and snappy you can make it look like you are not!
aloneinaz Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I'd absolutely not meet up with him. It's all on his agenda here. If it's really nothing of any value, I'd simply reply back to him "not meeting up, feel free to pitch those items in the garbage". Then, block his number and vanish. You owe him nothing now. Not any further communication or "meet ups". If he was the dumper, any contact or engagement with him will only stroke his ego. I personally would never want to do that. Dead silence from you will speak volumes. He kicked you to the curb, said he didn't want you in his life. Give him his wish. This will piss him off, knock the chip off his shoulder and most importantly, make YOU feel great that you have the power, self esteem and personal pride to say "your loss" and move on. NC, out of sight, out of mind will get you over this the fastest. Start dating again when you're ready.
PegNosePete Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I also don't see why he has to give me this in person. Probably just his ego. Every post you make, you're talking about him, him him. Who cares about HIM? It is time to forget about HIM and start thinking about YOU. What do YOU want? Who cares what he wants or why he wants to meet up or why he is playing hot and cold or what he had for dinner? Who gives a flying monkeys what he is thinking or whether he is acting irrationally or not? If you want your stuff back then tell him how to deliver it to you. In the car park or drop it off at your work or at the bus stop or whatever. You just tell him what you want. And who cares what he wants. He is your EX. You don't have to think about what he wants or what he's thinking or why he's acting like this or that any more! 1
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 I understand the reasoning but you should remember that this is a fresh breakup. Things still make me a little emotional. It's part of the grievance process. It may be a waste of time to wonder why an ex wants to meet up but at the same time this also opens a door to reconciliation since the initiative comes from them. Although the answer to whether I am open to that or not is irrelevant right now. Seeing his body language will clarify his intentions. I'm trying to heal. Everyone has their own way of doing that. What works for me today may not work for me tomorrow. The meeting hasn't been set yet. For all I know, I may cancel on him, stand him up or tell him to hand over my stuff to our receptionist. I can't say what I'll do then but for now it feels good that he does want to see me. Ego stroke for me.
Toodaloo Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I understand the reasoning but you should remember that this is a fresh breakup. Things still make me a little emotional. It's part of the grievance process. It may be a waste of time to wonder why an ex wants to meet up but at the same time this also opens a door to reconciliation since the initiative comes from them. Although the answer to whether I am open to that or not is irrelevant right now. Seeing his body language will clarify his intentions. I'm trying to heal. Everyone has their own way of doing that. What works for me today may not work for me tomorrow. The meeting hasn't been set yet. For all I know, I may cancel on him, stand him up or tell him to hand over my stuff to our receptionist. I can't say what I'll do then but for now it feels good that he does want to see me. Ego stroke for me. Its OK to be emotional and hurt. But not in front of a big old bozo like him! Like Pete says. Its about you now and getting you to a happier place. Who gives a damn about him and what he is doing. He is not in the picture any more.
eightytwenty Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I understand the reasoning but you should remember that this is a fresh breakup. Doesn't matter. It shows you're strong without him and you'll be fine. Things still make me a little emotional. It's part of the grievance process. Yes but pull yourself together in front of him. Crying and being depressed shows him that he has the power in the relationship It may be a waste of time to wonder why an ex wants to meet up but at the same time this also opens a door to reconciliation since the initiative comes from them. Although the answer to whether I am open to that or not is irrelevant right now. Seeing his body language will clarify his intentions. Ex wants to make sure you're still under his control and will do what he asks. I wouldn't even think of reconciliation, what you need to do is process and get over it. If he comes back you'll be a stronger person for it For all I know, I may cancel on him, stand him up or tell him to hand over my stuff to our receptionist. I can't say what I'll do then but for now it feels good that he does want to see me. Ego stroke for me. Get your stuff... If he wants to eat lunch, eat lunch, make it short. Get your stuff from him and walk right out the door. Being quiet and direct will get you a lot further in this, instead of crying and being the mouse with him.
keiji Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 It seems you're asking for encouragement to go and meet him. In your first post you say it's nothing of value; a few messages later you "do want" that stuff. Do you really need some underwear and cosmetics? No, you don't. If he wants to try again or simply talk about you two or the end of the relationship, there are ways. This is all a game, and games rarely or never end well. 1
aloneinaz Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 I agree. I think she is looking for validation on her decision to want to meet up. I get it. She's still at that stage where "hope" kicks in and irrationally tells her they'll reconcile and live happily ever after this time. We've all been there and have the participation trophy. We've also all figured out that once a R/S ends, it should stay that way. Long term, healthy, loving, mutually rewarding relationship rarely sustain a break up. Op, good luck w/whatever decision you make. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Well some of the knickers I used to wear cost over £75 a pair (what can I say I have good taste) and I can tell you now I would not want to leave those with an ex... and they were the knickers I would have been wearing in his presence for obvious reasons when we were together. Sweet, just get your stuff back tell him good bye and then get on with your life. Organise the meet and keep it as short as possible so you can move on and get on with your life.
Author Sweetgirl28 Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 It's not so much validation, it's just a double feeling. Yes, I do want to see him but I don't. Yes, the stuff isn't worth anything but there is some emotional value to the clothes he still has. Why would an ex suggest and go out of their way to get you your stuff back? In my experience, I feel like you have to beg for it or arrange these scenarios where you won't see each other. It's this logic that makes me doubt his intentions. Maybe I'm just wrong...
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